Best lies to tell kids

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Fbuh

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Feb 3, 2009
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Monsters do really exist, and I'm pretty certain some of them live in our house.

My uncle actually used this on my cousin (not his child, but his sister's). She said something along the lines of "Monsters don't really exist" and my uncle, dead serious, looked her in the eyes and said "Yes they do." Now, the important thing to know in this situation was that it was night, around a campfire, in the middle of the Catskill mountains.
 

JaredXE

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Apr 1, 2009
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That Columbus proved the world was round, George Washington chopped down a cherry tree, God will punish you if you masterbate....but not if you fuck little kids, you were wanted, and that mushrooms make you bigger and weeds let you shoot fireballs.
 

hermes

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Mar 2, 2009
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Never tell kids what food is made of...

I would never have liked hot dogs if I know beforehand what I was eating.
 

coldshadow

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Mar 19, 2009
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tell them your theory on life and that if they ever faulter from that beleif then they are pwned by spikeman!
 

Supreme Unleaded

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Aug 3, 2009
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I have a great one, weather its a lie or not it works great.

So everyone knows when kids don't want to go to sleep, they want to stay up for as long as possible just to defy their parents. So you use reavers scycolagy (sp?), you say "The best way to stay awake is to be very quiet, because then your not using any energy and therefor don't get tired as fast." when they say no that won't work they be very quiet for whatever reason, it works every time. Trust me.
 

teutonicman

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Mar 30, 2009
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No we're not going to drop you off at an orphange...... we're going to.... uhhhh... disneyland yeah that's it.
 

Darkadder246

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Jun 12, 2009
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'Theres a elf who turns on and off the light in the fridge'

Never did find that damn elf.

p.s This has been done before-search bar is your friend.
 

Undercover

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Jul 19, 2009
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DukeBishop said:
"Daddy was showing Mommy some wrestling moves"
My latest reason for NOT drinking hot liquids in front of my computer while reading through escapist forums...

...well done.

You bastard.
 

Undercover

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Jul 19, 2009
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knight of some random number said:
crudus said:
My uncle told me that burned food is poisonous. Pretty sure this was to convince me to give him my burger that he cooked.

My parents told me if I wasn't in bed by 9 on school nights that the police would come and arrest me. I still follow this. I just interpret it as 9am now.

ColdStorage said:
"The reason elephants are scared of mice is because they run up their trunks and eat their brains"
That seems more fucked up than it should be.

VanityGirl said:
They told me that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy were real.
But the Easter Bunny is real. Isn't she?
(Puts hand on shoulder and looks at him sadly.) "I'm so sorry but your parents lied, the easter bunny isn't real".
(Puts hands on both your shoulders and smirks) "And neither are the both of you. Now go to your rooms and try not to think about not being real or you'll disappear forever"
 

SultanP

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Mar 15, 2009
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Well, no lies would be best. I'll understand why parents would make their children believe in Santa Claus and stuff like that.
 

crudus

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Oct 20, 2008
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knight of some random number said:
crudus said:
My uncle told me that burned food is poisonous. Pretty sure this was to convince me to give him my burger that he cooked.

My parents told me if I wasn't in bed by 9 on school nights that the police would come and arrest me. I still follow this. I just interpret it as 9am now.

ColdStorage said:
"The reason elephants are scared of mice is because they run up their trunks and eat their brains"
That seems more fucked up than it should be.

VanityGirl said:
They told me that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy were real.
But the Easter Bunny is real. Isn't she?
(Puts hand on shoulder and looks at him sadly.) "I'm so sorry but your parents lied, the easter bunny isn't real".
yes she is!! she is! you will see! I'll wait in the pumpkin patch all night if I have to until she comes! Then you'll see who was lying!
 

GodofDisaster

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Sep 10, 2009
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crudus said:
knight of some random number said:
crudus said:
My uncle told me that burned food is poisonous. Pretty sure this was to convince me to give him my burger that he cooked.

My parents told me if I wasn't in bed by 9 on school nights that the police would come and arrest me. I still follow this. I just interpret it as 9am now.

ColdStorage said:
"The reason elephants are scared of mice is because they run up their trunks and eat their brains"
That seems more fucked up than it should be.

VanityGirl said:
They told me that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy were real.
But the Easter Bunny is real. Isn't she?
(Puts hand on shoulder and looks at him sadly.) "I'm so sorry but your parents lied, the easter bunny isn't real".
yes she is!! she is! you will see! I'll wait in the pumpkin patch all night if I have to until she comes! Then you'll see who was lying!
Hah yeah right, I'll prove you wr... *See's an image of a giant rabbit outside my window* "What the hell was that"?