Best Way To Make A Telemarketer Rage Quit

[DarkRyter]

Try to fool them into thinking they actually called another telemarketer.

 

[Dublin Solo]

Well, since they always start the conversation with "May I speak to Mr. or Mrs. X", I say "They're not here at the moment. You want to leave a message?". It works pretty well. And if it's not a telemarketer, no harm's done, the guy will leave a message!

If the telemarketer asks when Mr. or Mrs. X will be back, I say they're gonoe on vacation and will be home in two weeks.

 

[DarkxReaper56]

Telemarketer: Hello this is XXXX from XXXX. Is this James ----?
My gf at the time: (makes suggestive moaning and such in the background)
Me: Yes it is. What can I do for you? Oh Uh hold up a second.(Lets out a loud groan)
Telemarketer: Ummm oh is this a bad time?
Me: What? No you probably caught me at the best time possible.(stiffled laughter in the background)
Telemarketer: *hangs up*

 

[SangRahl]

I've had a friend turn evening calls into a drinking game... and if he was alone, and not currently pickling himself, he still kept a few shotglasses on his desk to keep up appearances.

*ring* 'Sup?

Hi, I'm calling from...

Marketer! Drink up, guys! Sorry, say again?

Yes, um, I'm calling from the Police Benevolent Society...

It's a cop drive, take two! You state smokey, or local?

Umm, we work directly with the Florida Police...

Is. This. For. State. Police. Or. Local?
(Talking slowly to overcome a slight slur, and to force the guy to give a straight answer... Doesn't work every time, but more often then not.)

Um, statewide local depar...

Local fuzz, take one!

Uh. I'm calling to see if we can count on...

Hold on... Gotta pour...

Um, if we can count on your support for the current drive. This is to benefit the families of...

Are actually calling FROM Florida? (have caller-id, so can tell 50% of the time if they're lying.)

Actually, um, I'm calling from Georgia...

Out-of-state and fessed up... That's one more!

Sir, I'd like to send you out a...

Listen, man... I'm already down by almost a dozen; we had a call from an insurance company in the last hour. Heheheh... If I actually gave you anything, I'd have to consider it to have happened under coersion. You have a nice night, man.

-----

Another favorite is to make sure to get telemarketers to update their info with the number of a local auto-pickup fax machine, and have them call you right back... Works great if you BS them until you're talking to a manager/supervisor who's working for the hard sale (Vehicle extended warranty brokers are PERFECT for this... They will drive HARD to get that sale, sometime to their detriment and my own amusement.), as they tend to skip past the autodialer and get the modempuke static right in their ear. (Repeat as needed, they will likely call your landline again to confirm the number again.)

I'm sorry, I've got to get off this line... Can you call me right back at ***-***-****? Thanks.
(wait 2-10 seconds...)
*ring*
*beep*
*squawk-Kshhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Sometimes they just hang up, but the fax machine's internal speaker will overlay any incoming signal, so the rare stream of profanity is especially entertaining. Heheheheh....

 

[7moreDead_v1legacy]

Go along with the deal...Then when it goes to the details. Go ah, I like the deal but this isn't my house...Im in the process of looting it but if you could call me back at home that would be great.

Hours of fun can be had.

 

[James Hueick]

I put the phone right next to the washing machine.

 

[Jennacide]

Just say hold on and set the phone down until they hang up. Its not difficult. They'll hang up once they realize they're wasting their time.

I do this, except I tell them first something "oh, yes, I had my long distance! Tell me all about it." Then set it aside and let them ramble and waste time. If I'm feeling less amusing I do the simple thing and hang up when the first "Hello?" isn't answered.

 

[ioxles]

I wasn't a telemarketer, but did a similar thing (no unsolicited calls). It was mostly calling rich guys in yachts or that owned their own islands.

I had a few interesting calls but the one that I remember most was from this guy calling us trying to sell us this investment scheme, who, after a while of talking to politely, turned out was an inventor.

We talked and discussed things for a few hours, he told me of his inventions and the best ways to patent them (in German through Munich - the most direct language) and gave me advice on my own ideas. I kept calling and talking to him whilst at work whenever I was bored.

 

[the_lollipop_dragon]

Start breathing very heavily and moaning.

 

[Jimmyjames]

They call me count dracula...Because I like to COUNT!

1..ah ah ah
2..ah ah ah
3..ah ah ah etc..

Do this for a while and they hang up

That one is pretty damned funny. I always think it's lame to rage at telemarketers. After all, theyre just doing their job, however much it may bother us.

The one I always do:

I like to just keep saying "hello? Hello? Hellllooooooo!" like I can't hear them. Hilarity ensues because lots of times they think their mic isnt working and they start blowing in it, tapping it, swearing at it, etc.

 

[Valkyira]

I?ve been a sufferer of turrets syndrome (I don?t mean to offend anyone, as it is a serious mental illness)

"ArE YoU sTilL tHeRe?"
"ShuTiNg DoWn..."

Haha! Oh, this made my day...

 

[zHellas]

Go to Distortedview.com and choose an episode that's on a Tuesday, and then just play them that story.

(Tuesdays on Distorted View are called 'Sextastic Tuesday', where Tim reads a REALLY REALLY BAD sex story that was written to actually get someone off, or written by his friend to just gross out.)

 

[Canadamus Prime]

One thing I've always wanted to do is put on a fake Chinese accent (no offence intended) and say
"Sorry you got the wong number, this is the Wong residence."

 

[Wintermoot]

brag about what you achieved they would never even dream about and make some stuff up

 

[MurderousToaster]

"Hello, are you the owner of the house?"

"No, are you?"

 

[Tanto-chan]

Personally i use the caller ID and either ignore them, or if i'm feeling spiteful i pick up and say in a very perky voice, 'Hi there, XXX county morge, you kill'em we chill'em, Ruby speaking how can I help you?' they usually hang up after that.

 

[Harbinger_]

My solution:
Me to the telemarketer: I have a question, do you believe in the afterlife?

If that doesn't get them off the phone I have a nice long religious debate with them, per most company code of conduct they can't touch that with a 9 and a half foot pole. Quickest way to get them off the phone.

 

[Pipotchi]

I just immediatly lapse into speaking Cantonese, nothing says i have to speak English

 

[Koganesaga]

If I don't take the polite approach, I like what Seinfeld did, and lead it around to how they wouldn't want to be bothered at home, and then hang up on them.