Best Way To Make A Telemarketer Rage Quit

[Laft Kranz]

We?ve all been there, we sit down to dinner, we just set up our console, we get into a boss fight then, we hear the phone ring. With the remote possibility of the call being important we have the urge to answer it, our anticipation is subsequently removed after we hear it click over followed by a ?Hello Sir is XXX here? or something along those lines.

We can either take the polite route and say: ?No thank you, not interested?, take the impolite route and just hang up or we can go down the ~[expletively deleted]~ route where your imaginations set the boundaries (like my moral choice system there?)

So far I?ve pretended to be a Holiday salesman and try to sell them a cruise, I?ve been a very uncooperative bank manager trying to convince them that someone hacked their bank account and took all their money, I?ve been a sufferer of turrets syndrome (I don?t mean to offend anyone, as it is a serious mental illness), I?ve been a mimic and just repeated everything they said, my last telemarketer got a ?please wait your call is now in a que? in which I subsequently loaded up the opening theme of Romeo x Juliet until he hung up (phone was near my computer and I put the receiver near the head phones).

I?m not the only one getting into it at my home, as my mother told me that she tells telemarketers that she is robbing the place and doesn?t know the names of the people that live there.

Anyone else have fun/viable suggestions?

 

[CheesusCrust]

They call me count dracula...Because I like to COUNT!

1..ah ah ah
2..ah ah ah
3..ah ah ah etc..

Do this for a while and they hang up

 

[Harold Donchee]

Just say hold on and set the phone down until they hang up. Its not difficult. They'll hang up once they realize they're wasting their time.

 

[grimsprice]

Hahahaha. Your mom is awesome.

OT: I don't bother with them. We have a comcast Tv/internet/tele bundle. So whenever we're watching TV we see who's calling in a little box on the tv. We just avoid anybody we don't know. Unless they call twice.

"don't know ya, wouldn't call you if i did" sort of thing.

 

[Psychophante]

I like to talk as if the phone signal keeps cutting out, missing out words and such. It's fun when they ask you to repeat something and you keep saying random shit they can't understand, usually about their mother or something. Once had a guy who kept trying to decipher what i was saying for about half hour. It is not possible to repeat the horrible things I was saying to him. What a douche.

 

[zen5887]

I'm happy to say that I take the moral high ground on this one. I always listen to what they have to say then tell them that I'm not interested at the end.

These people are just doing their job.

 

[PrimoThePro]

My favourite thing to do, is if my little cousin is over, I just give the phone to him. Telemarketers ask, is this Mr. Leonard? Bababaglooblglooble!
Priceless.

 

[MrSnugglesworth]

I usually repeat what they say.


"Hello, my name is _______ and I'm here to tell you about"
"Hello, my name is _______ and I'm here to tell you about"

 

[Seven Bottles Of Gin On The Wall]

I just take the phone to the toilet, hold it over the bowl and flush the chain

 

[GundamSentinel]

Usually, they have quotas to reach, or else they get fired. So I just piss them off by being genuinely interested for a loooooong time. And then just starting to chitchat. Just keep them busy. I once got one on the phone on a free afternoon and kept him talking for an hour. And then hang up. Got to be careful though. Conversations usually get recorded and before you know it you're stuck with something.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

... 'nuff said.

 

[legion431]

Just place the phone near a tumble drier. I put my headset near a tumble drier when there are annoying ten year old kids playing halo 3.
That or just tell them you actually want to buy something, they won't expect that.

 

[GuideBot]

Dear god, it's so hard!

I had this one guy, who was determined to sell me life insurance. For once I decided not to be flat out rude/ bizarre, and hang up politely. However, after about a minute, I couldn't take anymore, so I just flat out said, sorry mate, I'm invulnerable. I'm impervious to death. I literally cannot die. Thanks anyway.

After which, to his credit, he was not dissuaded. He started saying that life insurance can give benefits to my family or something, so then I said, look, mate, sorry, but we're loaded. If my family have anymore money, they'll drown. It's just not necessary, thanks. We own mineral deposits and oil fields. Seriously, there's a point where additional wealth has no meaning, and we're way past that already.

After that, he hesitated a second, and conceded. Amazingly, he genuinely seemed to believe both of my impossible claims. Fantastic.

 

[bew11]

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my fish just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
13. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
14. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some groceries......
15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
16. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke."Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder... louder... louder...
19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down..........
Saved the best for last:
20. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the Telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.

 

[iLikeHippos]

I'd copy that move. Or Seinfeld.
Yeah...

 

[Laft Kranz]

I'm happy to say that I take the moral high ground on this one. I always listen to what they have to say then tell them that I'm not interested at the end.

These people are just doing their job.

I use to do the "moral" thing for years, but then you just reach a breaking point. The first time I did it was on the 3rd call of the day, it was my day off work and I wanted to sleep in as I had a night of gaming but the 1st call woke me up at ~8:30, so that was a bad start to the day. From the 3rd call of the day I forgot that they were just doing their job and started to see the heartless corperation that hired them, so my anger was directed at the company, not the indivdual.

 

[direkiller]

sound interested for more then 2 min
start to panic and say your wife's water broke and keep saying OMG you need to help me deliver this babby

 

[Lord Beautiful]

"So, um... what are you wearing?"

 

[Slash Dementia]

I have 'Never Gonna Give You Up' bookmarked, and when I'm on the computer and a telemarketer calls, I load up the page.
I know that's pretty stupid but it works and makes them hang up.

Once, my brothers, my mom's boyfriend, and I were playing around with a telemarketer; she would ask "is this the oldest person in the household?" and we'd each say "no, this is not the older person in the household. Hold on..." and pass the phone around. She would keep asking until she knew we were joking and started laughing.

 

[Tartarga]

I usually just pretend someone came in the room and shot me. I'll put the phone near my computer and play a gunshot then i'll make a bunch of noises like i'm in pain. They usually hang up but one guy actualy thought I got shot. It was hilarious.