Breaking up face-to-face

[manic_depressive13]

This thread is a result of recent relationship threads, as well as advice I've received personally, where people have insisted that you should never break up with someone over the phone or via msn/text message because it is insensitive, and it should always be face to face. (yaaaay run-on sentences.)

My question is; why? I personally would prefer msn because it's quick and easy, and you can ask for a reason without the awkwardness of standing in a room with a person who just announced they don't really actually like you all that much. This obviously doesn't stand for long term relationships, namely when you've been living together (and would be rather impossible in this situation anyway), but I'm in high school and when I inquired as to how to go about dumping my boyfriend I was told "It has to be face to face!"

TL,DR: Wouldn't breaking up long-range, so to speak, be preferable for both parties? I'd really like clarification and, if you had to be dumped, how would you want it to happen?

Disclaimer- Search bar approved as far as anything I could find, mostly threads just ask for descriptions of previous break ups, and I'm pretty sure this doesn't qualify for Bonsaik's thread.

 

[Noo_Noo]

Probably just my opinion, but long-distance jilting just seems cowardly to me. If you genuinely feel that way about this person, then you should at least stand up to your convictions and say it face to face.

 

[Bat Vader]

Breaking up over the internet or over the phone kinda says to the person they aren't worth the time. If you break up face to face it shows them you cared enough to talk to them in person. I have never been in a relationship though so I am not an expert on stuff like this.

In my opinion I say break up how you want to break up.

 

[Brad Shepard]

i broke up with my ex over the phone, i was sick of the relactionship and just wanted it to end, but i wish i had done it face to face, its just hte right thing to do.

 

[Psychophante]

Doing it over the internet, texting, facebook, or whatever is just cowardice. Face to face every time.

 

[himemiya1650]

Depends if its a deep relationship, probably face to face to show that you're serious.

 

[DividedUnity]

People should have the decency to let them hear it from an actual person. Not over the phone or msn. Its kinda cowardly to be honest. You can say what you want about not hurting feelings but in the long run not doing it face to face is worse

 

[Icehearted]

Face to face, anything less means the relationship was obviously unimportant to the one breaking things up.

 

[Legion]

Breaking up over the internet or over the phone kinda says to the person they aren't worth the time. If you break up face to face it shows them you cared enough to talk to them in person.

Basically this.

It'd be like proposing over the phone to someone because you couldn't face the reaction if it isn't what or how you wanted it to be.

Not to mention that it is a little cowardly.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Face to face, anything less means the relationship was obviously unimportant to the one breaking things up.

But isn't that a given? If your relationship is so important to you, why are you choosing to end it? You're telling the person you don't want to be with them, so isn't the formality of meeting with them really just a gimmick?

 

[Bat Vader]

Face to face, anything less means the relationship was obviously unimportant to the one breaking things up.

But isn't that a given? If your relationship is so important to you, why are you choosing to end it? You're telling the person you don't want to be with them, so isn't the formality of meeting with them really just a gimmick?

Breaking up face to face is best because it shows them you care for them enough to talk to them in person. If you you break up over the internet or the phone it says to them that they aren't worth the time to talk to in person. That could cause them to become depressed.

 

[maninahat]

If you really have to break up over long distance (and you shouldn't), then I think you might be able to get away with a heart-felt letter posted via snailmail. Letters are generally more romantic, personal, and have the benefit of being kept and re-read over time. It shows that you have put time and thought into it, and you aren't being cowardly or insensitive.

 

[Legion]

Face to face, anything less means the relationship was obviously unimportant to the one breaking things up.

But isn't that a given? If your relationship is so important to you, why are you choosing to end it? You're telling the person you don't want to be with them, so isn't the formality of meeting with them really just a gimmick?

Just because a relationship has ended doesn't mean it meant/means nothing. There are many reasons for ending one, and having the courtesy so tell someone face to face that it's over is important.

The only possible exception could be if they have given you an extremely good reason for not wanting to see them again, for example if they cheated on you and showed no remorse.

 

[JEBWrench]

People should have the decency to let them hear it from an actual person. Not over the phone or msn. Its kinda cowardly to be honest. You can say what you want about not hurting feelings but in the long run not doing it face to face is worse

The truth has been spoken.

The whole "not hurting feelings" is a crock; you're going to hurt feelings regardless of how you choose to do it. It just makes it easier to "live with" the "hurt" you've caused.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

Do it face to face. It's more a show of respect than anything else.

 

[Booze Zombie]

If you don't say something to someone's face, they might just find it hard to believe.
Besides, you like coming off as lazy?
"Sorry, can't even be bothered to walk up to you and say something... dumping you, bye!"
"If this is how you treat people... I'm glad you're dumping me."

 

[MissPixxie]

Face to face is far better, it allows you to show respect for the other person and works with common decency. Anything else smacks of having no respect and no spine.

Breaking up by phone, text or online doesn't hurt any less either, for me it hurt even more. I meant so little to this guy that he couldn't even be bothered to take me to one side to say something, he just did it while he was signed in to msn.

It's not trying to save people's feelings either, they are going to get hurt no matter what you do.

 

[BonsaiK]

This thread is a result of recent relationship threads, as well as advice I've received personally, where people have insisted that you should never break up with someone over the phone or via msn/text message because it is insensitive, and it should always be face to face. (yaaaay run-on sentences.)

My question is; why? I personally would prefer msn because it's quick and easy, and you can ask for a reason without the awkwardness of standing in a room with a person who just announced they don't really actually like you all that much. This obviously doesn't stand for long term relationships, namely when you've been living together (and would be rather impossible in this situation anyway), but I'm in high school and when I inquired as to how to go about dumping my boyfriend I was told "It has to be face to face!"

TL,DR: Wouldn't breaking up long-range, so to speak, be preferable for both parties? I'd really like clarification and, if you had to be dumped, how would you want it to happen?

Disclaimer- Search bar approved as far as anything I could find, mostly threads just ask for descriptions of previous break ups, and I'm pretty sure this doesn't qualify for Bonsaik's thread.

Technically it doesn't, but I've addressed it there anyway for the benefit of regular readers of that thread. The link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=30#5762037

 

[manic_depressive13]

Breaking up face to face is best because it shows them you care for them enough to talk to them in person. If you you break up over the internet or the phone it says to them that they aren't worth the time to talk to in person. That could cause them to become depressed.

I guess I can see where you're coming from, but personally I wouldn't want someone to go through the trouble of meeting up with me if all they're going to say is that they don't really want to be here. I hadn't realised I was such a minority in thinking this way. I'll keep it in mind for the future, and I appreciate the responses.

Edit: And thank you BonsaiK, your responses are always comprehensive and clear for the emotionally retarded like myself.