...5 pages. I had a few lose thoughts but they're unraveling now.
I've seen the usual back-and-forth, bullying is unacceptable, bullying is a part of life, violence can change everything, violence doesn't work, etc, etc...
But there's something that doesn't ever really pop up. Sure, it's mostly a "what if", but most if not everything stated in this thread is a "what if", mostly based off personal experiences, but I still have to ask: If a parent knows there child is being bullied and they know at least one of the children doing the bullying, why not speak to the parent's of the bully?
Yes I know this just adds another layer of shit to the whole thing, but it's another option. That's all we really have to fall back on this issue, options. And this is one that doesn't get utilized enough. The OP and many others are right in some sense, we can't keep putting responsibility on the schools. I think a lot of parents know this too. So why doesn't it happen? Maybe because it would be too personal, meeting face-to-face with the people feeding and clothing the supposed tormentor of the their child. Maybe it's because, as history has shone, the bullies have problems of their own, and all problems start at home. But I think there's another part to this, it's a 2 part thing.
Bullying isn't something that can just be fixed and it never will be. The only thing we can really tell kids is to try not too pointlessly inflict physical or mental pain on others and you know the rest. Hope that parents raise their kids to...I'm about to type "act normal" but that isn't really 'correct' now, is it? You can't teach a kid how to not get bullied, but you can teach them how to deal with criticism and general teasing, whether it's caused by their actions or appearance. Because that may not be bullying, just...kids being the usual loudmouthed, opinionated jerks they are. Things like cyberbullying are pretty much the same thing. Their reaction to these little things may cause the bullying.
But as we all know, what I said above may not be the case.
Maybe some kids are just assholes.
Maybe some kids are just pussies.
I've seen the usual back-and-forth, bullying is unacceptable, bullying is a part of life, violence can change everything, violence doesn't work, etc, etc...
But there's something that doesn't ever really pop up. Sure, it's mostly a "what if", but most if not everything stated in this thread is a "what if", mostly based off personal experiences, but I still have to ask: If a parent knows there child is being bullied and they know at least one of the children doing the bullying, why not speak to the parent's of the bully?
Yes I know this just adds another layer of shit to the whole thing, but it's another option. That's all we really have to fall back on this issue, options. And this is one that doesn't get utilized enough. The OP and many others are right in some sense, we can't keep putting responsibility on the schools. I think a lot of parents know this too. So why doesn't it happen? Maybe because it would be too personal, meeting face-to-face with the people feeding and clothing the supposed tormentor of the their child. Maybe it's because, as history has shone, the bullies have problems of their own, and all problems start at home. But I think there's another part to this, it's a 2 part thing.
1. Some parents can't really come to terms with the fact their kid might be an asshole.
Every parent wants to believe their child is an alright person. That their child looks relatively decent, knows at least as much as they should, and won't get into too much trouble without some form of probable cause. But some kids just...do. If they're bullying a child, something is up. Some part of them, may want to do this. Some part of them may not understand what they're doing, but the point is this, they're causing another child, another person pain. Physically or mentally. And how the parent reacts to this information, may alter how the child thinks and grows up thinking. If the parent lashes out, claiming their child's innocence with no intent of talking...well, that get's us fucking nowhere, now does it? The child goes on doing whatever it is they do, perhaps now motivated by what appears to be approval or simply the idea that the parent doesn't know they're bullying someone. Perhaps the parent approves of it or simply doesn't cares. Kids will be kids.
But if the parent stops to at least listen to the other parent and consider what they're saying...well, it's a start. And at the end of the day a parent with a child bullying needs to tell them that they probably shouldn't be doing it. Simple. They don't need to like the people they bully or have anything to do with them. Just don't bother them if they're not bothering you. The child can take the words or simply do whatever they want to do. After that, there's not much else that can be done. Maybe punishment, maybe whatever. But it's a step in a direction to say the least.
And I'm sad to say that part 2 is this:
2. Some parents can't really come to terms with the fact their kid might be a pussy.
Every parent wants to believe their child is an alright person. That their child looks relatively decent, knows at least as much as they should, and won't get into too much trouble without some form of probable cause. But some kids just...do. If they're being bullied by a child, something is up. Yes, we have to take into account appearance and other petty things, but some part of them may be causing this. Some part of them may not understand what they're doing, but the point is this, they're letting another child, another person, inflict pain on them. Physically or mentally. Perhaps there isn't a bully at all, just weak minded child. And how a parent reacts to this information may alter how the child thinks and grows up thinking. A parent may no react, afraid to admit their child is being pushed around. This...may not get us anywhere. And history has shown that merely having the parent talk to the child about being bullied does little to change anything. Maybe the parent will tell them to fight back, or tell a teacher or something but it's all typical.
If they lash out, thirsty for blood...this may make things worse. As I said above, some parents may end up punishing their kids for bullying or forcing them to deal with some kid's angry parent, and this may anger the bully, intensifying the bullying. And this would cause more problems...though, depending on how the parents interacted, perhaps the child could learn to handle the bully. Seems like a bit of a stretch, but it's something.
However, if a parent were to react angrily, the anger could cause something else. It could put an option on the table, perhaps needed, violence. Yeah, yeah, in today's school systems it's not the best idea but sometimes...you just have to do. Hell, if the child being bullied can make some form of effort against the bully it might at least make them feel good, even if there are consequences later on. But some children can't fight back, against bully either because of how they were raised and their own moral high ground. Maybe they don't want to fight or can't come up with good comebacks. Some bullies may not give a shit.
And then there's something else...something I hate. And that's that at the end of the day it's the idea that the kids is a pussy, a coward, easily offended, whatever. It doesn't piss me off because it's insulting to the victim, it pisses me off because there's a good chance it might be true, in a sense. To be honest, real honest to goodness bullying isn't something that exist as much as it used to, nowadays. It still does, there can be a significant amount of teasing, name calling, etc but in a lot of cases it really isn't bullying. Sometimes kids just spiral things out of control in their heads and make the minor teasing by a few people more than it is. But sometimes, their reaction to minor teasing can lead to real bullying. That they're own...stupidity and fear has brought this pain to them. Does this mean they deserve to be ridiculed and humiliated? HELL NO. But is it a surprise that people don't react too kindly to someone who lashes out at tiny musings and that more join in?
Perhaps the child being bullied will figure out what they're doing wrong and change it. Problem is, kids won't just stop bullying and then the usual things happen, fighting, etc. Point is, kids, teenagers, whatever, will never let someone live down their ineptitude. A few may forget or ignore them, even to a point where the bullies are capable of being friends with their victim, but someone will always dangle it over their head and it will always hurt just a bit.
Every parent wants to believe their child is an alright person. That their child looks relatively decent, knows at least as much as they should, and won't get into too much trouble without some form of probable cause. But some kids just...do. If they're bullying a child, something is up. Some part of them, may want to do this. Some part of them may not understand what they're doing, but the point is this, they're causing another child, another person pain. Physically or mentally. And how the parent reacts to this information, may alter how the child thinks and grows up thinking. If the parent lashes out, claiming their child's innocence with no intent of talking...well, that get's us fucking nowhere, now does it? The child goes on doing whatever it is they do, perhaps now motivated by what appears to be approval or simply the idea that the parent doesn't know they're bullying someone. Perhaps the parent approves of it or simply doesn't cares. Kids will be kids.
But if the parent stops to at least listen to the other parent and consider what they're saying...well, it's a start. And at the end of the day a parent with a child bullying needs to tell them that they probably shouldn't be doing it. Simple. They don't need to like the people they bully or have anything to do with them. Just don't bother them if they're not bothering you. The child can take the words or simply do whatever they want to do. After that, there's not much else that can be done. Maybe punishment, maybe whatever. But it's a step in a direction to say the least.
And I'm sad to say that part 2 is this:
2. Some parents can't really come to terms with the fact their kid might be a pussy.
Every parent wants to believe their child is an alright person. That their child looks relatively decent, knows at least as much as they should, and won't get into too much trouble without some form of probable cause. But some kids just...do. If they're being bullied by a child, something is up. Yes, we have to take into account appearance and other petty things, but some part of them may be causing this. Some part of them may not understand what they're doing, but the point is this, they're letting another child, another person, inflict pain on them. Physically or mentally. Perhaps there isn't a bully at all, just weak minded child. And how a parent reacts to this information may alter how the child thinks and grows up thinking. A parent may no react, afraid to admit their child is being pushed around. This...may not get us anywhere. And history has shown that merely having the parent talk to the child about being bullied does little to change anything. Maybe the parent will tell them to fight back, or tell a teacher or something but it's all typical.
If they lash out, thirsty for blood...this may make things worse. As I said above, some parents may end up punishing their kids for bullying or forcing them to deal with some kid's angry parent, and this may anger the bully, intensifying the bullying. And this would cause more problems...though, depending on how the parents interacted, perhaps the child could learn to handle the bully. Seems like a bit of a stretch, but it's something.
However, if a parent were to react angrily, the anger could cause something else. It could put an option on the table, perhaps needed, violence. Yeah, yeah, in today's school systems it's not the best idea but sometimes...you just have to do. Hell, if the child being bullied can make some form of effort against the bully it might at least make them feel good, even if there are consequences later on. But some children can't fight back, against bully either because of how they were raised and their own moral high ground. Maybe they don't want to fight or can't come up with good comebacks. Some bullies may not give a shit.
And then there's something else...something I hate. And that's that at the end of the day it's the idea that the kids is a pussy, a coward, easily offended, whatever. It doesn't piss me off because it's insulting to the victim, it pisses me off because there's a good chance it might be true, in a sense. To be honest, real honest to goodness bullying isn't something that exist as much as it used to, nowadays. It still does, there can be a significant amount of teasing, name calling, etc but in a lot of cases it really isn't bullying. Sometimes kids just spiral things out of control in their heads and make the minor teasing by a few people more than it is. But sometimes, their reaction to minor teasing can lead to real bullying. That they're own...stupidity and fear has brought this pain to them. Does this mean they deserve to be ridiculed and humiliated? HELL NO. But is it a surprise that people don't react too kindly to someone who lashes out at tiny musings and that more join in?
Perhaps the child being bullied will figure out what they're doing wrong and change it. Problem is, kids won't just stop bullying and then the usual things happen, fighting, etc. Point is, kids, teenagers, whatever, will never let someone live down their ineptitude. A few may forget or ignore them, even to a point where the bullies are capable of being friends with their victim, but someone will always dangle it over their head and it will always hurt just a bit.
Bullying isn't something that can just be fixed and it never will be. The only thing we can really tell kids is to try not too pointlessly inflict physical or mental pain on others and you know the rest. Hope that parents raise their kids to...I'm about to type "act normal" but that isn't really 'correct' now, is it? You can't teach a kid how to not get bullied, but you can teach them how to deal with criticism and general teasing, whether it's caused by their actions or appearance. Because that may not be bullying, just...kids being the usual loudmouthed, opinionated jerks they are. Things like cyberbullying are pretty much the same thing. Their reaction to these little things may cause the bullying.
But as we all know, what I said above may not be the case.
Maybe some kids are just assholes.
Maybe some kids are just pussies.
