Bullying: Stop the complaining.

[Ishal]

snip.

somtimes when people use thease issues to start spewing darwinist bullshit it makes me want to punch somthing

Right?

It's not even Darwinism. It's that ugly pseudo-scientific insult "social darwinism" and it's absolutely revolting.

I've found the best way to deal with bullying in the experiences i've had in my life (worst kind of bullying in my life was physical) is with fear. That is to say, scaring the absolute eff out of the bully. Perhaps I'll say what I did later in this thread after I fully read through it. But I would advise finding a more diplomatic solution. Telling a Teacher or talking to a councilor if you have a good one (good luck with that). Best way to do it is with as little harm to you as possible.

 

[EHKOS]

Yeah, it would be fine if you could settle things with fisticuffs, but you can't nowadays. Teachers intervene and you get suspended. Also, I've been bullied very hard before and no matter what I did, it still hurt. So excuse me, but fuck you.

 

[Rewdalf]

There's far too much to this for anyone to just generalize it in one post.

[HEADING=2]Here's what I keep getting, though...[/HEADING]

The bullying we keep hearing about, to me, isn't bullying. It's usually harassment, assault, malicious intentions, and things like that.
That is a problem, and that is when you need to seek additional help.

The bulling we keep seeing, like in commercials and ads, isn't bullying either. It's people being people. You're going to get singled out a few times in your life. True, some will experience it far more than others, but telling yourself there's no way to stop it won't help. Obviously, giving up that quickly is going to lead to you being targeted far more often.

With basic schoolyard bullying, standing up for yourself is sometimes the best option. Notice how I'm saying sometimes though. It isn't always the option, but you need to grow up and learn the time and place to hold firm. That's what children are doing right now anyway, growing up.

The malicious bullying we keep hearing about in the news is where the line is crossed. Physical violence, malicious name calling, harassing, stalking, spreading rumors, lies, and making one's life hell. That's where third parties need to be involved to either stop or control this.

Lets face it, there are plenty of "old school" people out there who are going to tell their kids to fight. I tell my brother that sometimes too. But remember, these days with things like Facebook and picture phones, and whatnot, it's far easier to make someone feel like complete shit than it used to be. Widespread hate targeted at one person is dangerous and it is a problem.

That's what we should be fighting. Not schoolyard bullies. You can't stop that. Kids are kids. It's a learning experience. And don't quote me out of context, because I've made myself clear with what I think the real issue is.

 

[ShaqLevick]

Well, this world is a bit over populated so I'm all for bullies weeding out the weak, not to mention if a bully gets what's coming to them then that's a double bonus...

Listen I'm not all that vile, but I have to agree with the OP because telling someone usually just shirks responsibility and certainly wouldn't be a permanent solution. However, if you wish to get into the habit of this I advise staying in familiar areas and keeping within shrieking distance of police officers for the rest of your adult life. Honestly I'm all for talking about the issue of bullying, or venting your feelings if you are being subjected to abuse. It's just that if your only action is to tell somebody about the problem at hand, I'm guessing people will only see your weakness. I know this isn't the humanitarian take on the issue, but it is a dog eat dog world and if you're not even willing to fight back, then you're probably going to get eaten.

I guess I kind of am a jerk, but I'm just going back to the over population thing... and I guess my overall stance is Fuck a single solitary human life.

 

[VanTesla]

I believe bullying will always exist when humans are invloved for it's a flaw in us like everything else... I do believe bullying can be culled by family, teachers, and friends. Family and friends are the two main things I believe that can stop people from becoming bullies or create bully. If you have a bad family and or friends you will have a higher chance of being a bully and in most cases I know one of these always seems to be the case for the average bully.

I believe we must prevent bullying by teaching people of all ages not just the possible harm to the bullied, but to the bully and all affected by it. It is destructive behavior that needs to be taken care of without needing to add more flame to the fuel. I must admit my view comes from when I was bullied in school for more than a decade and running away did not help me, telling the teachers did not help me, and my parent could do nothing... The bully that got in trouble with me would just retaliate more in descretely and thus the teachers could do nothing they said and just made my parent pissed at the teachers and etc...

I finally had enough and beat the living shit out of one of them and they never bullied me again, became friends with one after learning and helping him with his family issues, beat the heck out of another for no way of reasoning with him, and the last time I was bullied I nearly choked the guy to death... All of my instances came out well for me in the end, but they could have turned drasticly for the worse for me and the bully. How I rid myself of bullying will not work in every case and it could backfire horribly... Please don't do any of the things I did except for helping one stop being a bully. I know a person like me that was kicked out of school for fighting back and his life has gone nowhere since...

 

[Gormech]

I was bullied for years but luckily I was able to defend myself from the physical side of it due to my size. It was a pain and yea, I hated the system for making me choose between pain and expulsion. To anyone under something like that, let me tell you, lawsuits make things a lot easier, especially with all those cameras that the schools are starting to set up now days. Trust me.

 

[Luna]

The OP is right. lol at the strawman arguments in response to OP, 'no one deserves to be bullied'. Nice try.

 

[Gregory McMillan]

I was bullied... Was being keyword.
I learned, I stood up for myself.
I've been hung up on a dumpster, beaten near death, choked till I passed out once, and got knocked around so much that its not even funny

And I got punished because the school had a policy that I probably did something to deserved it.

My dad called a lawyer, It bought us a new car.
The bullies in question?
Well I kept up via the internet long into high school, and after.

They are all dead or in jail.
I've married with a new baby girl. I feel like I won.
I kind of agree with the OP in the sense that some kids are WWAAAAAYYYYY to sensitive and are in no way capable of handling the harsh reality that will befall them. Reality, the adult world, is full of bullies, you will be bullied so much by society in general that you'd wonder if humanity is even worth saving.

I don't think bullies, bullying are however you cut it, is fair, or good, or should happen.
But I have a hard time feeling for kids who choose to harm themselves instead of speaking out.
Yes I have attempted suicide, multiple times. And no amount of what happen to me can justify that crime.
I feel for their families, their friends, and maybe a tinge of pity for them too. but you just don't get to opt-out when the going gets tough. I'm glad I failed at it, I'm glad I had friends and family there to support me. But what I did to myself was fucking wrong. No matter what my reasons.




We coddle to much, and then expect people coming into adulthood to be able to fend for themselves. I don't blame the victim in that case, I blame this over-protective culture. It's about temperance and balance. Would I want my daughter to be bullied? No. Do I want her to be a bully? Hell no. Do I think she needs to learn to stand on her own when the time comes? Hell yes, because that's what made me the man I am today. Because I stopped crying tears of sorrow and started crying tears of anger and frustration. I trained my body on a punching bag for months, till my fists we're lighting fast and smacked with the force of an iron ball. I trained my mind to think of more clever insults and funny come backs that most the kids turned my side. I learned that life isn't easy and would never be. So I learn to grow a thick skin, a good attitude and a never say quit mentality. I'm not the most successful person, but coming back from suicide and mental illness hardened me, turned me into a more successful person. Do I blame victims? no, do I not care for those who are bullied, no I care deeply, but I'm not going to beat up the bully for them. I'm going teach that kid how survive.

Give a man a fish... well complete the rest. I think maybe the OP was little calloused in his posting, but some of the rest of the other posters are coming down a little too hard. You can't protect children always, life, nature itself is a cruel cruel *****, and its best to learn those lessons early on, so they can grow to be more successful. We as a culture are bullied every day, by rich bankers, corporate sociopaths, government bureaucracy, road rage drivers, and all manner of unsavory people in our society. No one's going to protect us always, protection comes when the bullied stand up and say "Enough". And only then.

The irony is that you say we coddle too much, but you're also thankful that you had friends and family that supported you. You are lucky by comparison to the ones who don't have that support.

 

[miketehmage]

So much bullying goes on because most students are under the impression that nobody cares, that it doesn't matter, or that they should "just deal with it" especially males which is why Irish males between 18-24 Have the highest suicide rate in the country

I think there is a similar statistic in the UK, though I'm reluctant to believe it is caused by bullying.

Being a 19 year old Scottish male, let me share with you some of the things that get me down.

I am and always have been single.

I can attract girls for one night stands but generally I find them to be overrated.

My course at university is alot of hard work, plus I have to work during my time off uni in order to pay rent.
This means I do not have a single "day off" during term time.

Outside of term time my menial part time job becomes full-time, and I am constantly reminded of where I could end up if I fail.

So currently, I'm not enjoying life.


My point from all this is that any negative emotion I have, certainly does not arise from bullying.

As for my response to the OP, I think alot of the time people blow stuff out of proportion.
People being mean to you? Thicken your skin. Learn to laugh at yourself. Learn to have banter.

Unless someone is actively kicking the shit out of you daily, man the fuck up.

 

[Gregory McMillan]

You're right. No one DESERVES to be bullied, but it's going to happen. Give me an example of where you can't just "deal with it." Also, give me some solutions to said bullying that works. Telling a teacher and ignoring it are two options (that in my life) have NEVER worked.

How about when you're being ganged up on by 4-5 boys in your class, and everyone else is pretty much okay with it or tells you to ignore them?

I told loads of different teachers, and the adults who represented the whole school year. They pretty much did nothing, and being the socially awkward person I am, I couldn't really deal with it on my own >.>.

Plus I was like the weakest girl in school, so I couldn't really fight them either.. :I

That's not bullying. That assault. ಠ_ಠ

The point is that bullying will happen, so people have to learn how to deal with it.

Bullying encompasses assault.

 

[miketehmage]

The best thing to do is get a teacher and let that asshole know that if he tries it again, he'll just end up with a detention.

You seriously think that the threat of detention is worse than the threat of getting your ass kicked?

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

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Spoiler

So basically; 'I stopped being sad and started being awesome.' Sure thing there tough guy. Say, you know what's even less fucking helpful then churning out the same old platitudes of 'tell a teacher/just ignore it'? Giving out condescending and victim blaming platitudes like 'jus stand up fur yurself HURR DURR' as if the concept of throwing a fucking punch back at them would never have dawned on them had you not imparted this slice of fucking genius. You can have all the confidence/gusto/perseverance/courage/heart of the cards you like and try to take them on; but at the end of the day, if you're outnumbered or the aggressor in question is simply bigger and stronger, then you're quite simply going to get your ass handed to you no matter how fervently you fight back. Some kids just aren't cut out to solve their problems with their fits and in this day and age they shouldn't fucking well need to and you're being extremely myopic or extremely disingenuous to think that merely putting up a fight in and of itself is somehow going to magically resolve the issue. As others have pointed out, even if you do come out on top in an altercation there's still the looming prospect of the bully coming back with more of his friends and possibly brandishing weapons or you could end up getting in trouble with the school just for acting in self defense. I'm talking solely about physical bullying here, the other side of things gets kind of complicated and I'll admit forthright I have no idea what to suggest there, but standing up for yourself in a fight is fairly fucking self evident; that advice is hardly a revelation for people and it isn't necessarily going to solve their problem, circumstances vary from person to person and the solution for your problem may not apply and could in fact only exacerbate matters. I'm not going to pretend that I have any decent answers for this either, I never really experienced any kind of routine physical abuse so I don't know what state of mind that would leave me in or how to surmount this kind of problem, but this line of self-aggrandising victim blaming bullshit isn't going to do anything to improve their confidence, it's just adding insult to injury. Literally.

 

[Henkie36]

snip.

When I write down the name Tim Ribberink, everyone in the Netherlands, Belgium and even parts of Germany will instantly know what I mean. So for those of you who don't, here's his story in a nutshell: Tim was a twenty-year student attending college, but he killed himself not too long ago. His parents decided to put up his farewell letter in the obituary notice in the paper and it said this:

''Dear mom and dad, I've been bullied, teased and excluded my entire life. You are the best. I hope you're not mad at me. See you around, Tim.''

That is the letter loosely translated, but it sent a shockwave through the entire country that this is a very real problem, and it continues to exist, on a much larger scale then anyone thought. It's easy for one to say ''you shouldn't make such a big deal out of this'' but the simple fact is that you are wrong. People are commiting suicide with bullying as the reason and it still happens.
Your solutions are still a part of this problem, sadly enough. The victims don't do what you so easily write down here because either threats have been made what will happen if they do, they're scared to begin with or don't want to tell their parents because they worry about leting them down.
My advice to you would be: Take a milder standpoint, and talk to the people who have really experienced it. You are not one of them, because otherwise, you wouldn't have talked so lightly about it.

 

[Full]

With the brittle bones I have there was no "solving it on the playground". Unless I wanted to die, I mean I guess I would've technically won.

 

[Kinguendo]

Yeah, its the way the bullying is presented that makes people kill themselves... not the bullying itself. Good job blaming the victims, and you chose good victims too because these ones are too dead to fight back(!)

 

[Myndnix]

Like...a lot of people here, as far as I can see, I was bullied a ton- most of my life through school. The best solution I found is to fight back. Physically, if you have to. Teachers won't do anything if you tell them you're being bullied, nobody will. You have to show bullies that you can stand up for yourself.
Sure, I'd get all kinds of punishments for constantly getting into fights, but I'd rather be detained and shouted at than get my ass kicked.
Bullying sorta stopped later in my school life because I quickly became one of the tallest people in the school (As an adult, I stand at almost 6'5). Though that's not exactly a solution for most people...