"...but we're just friends"
- Thread starter WOPR
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Act like a douchebag so she can't say "just friends" ('cause you're not) and you know that for every nice girl there is a douchebag that's going to be with her so it might as well be you.
*[sub][sub]Seriousness of post may wary.[/sub][/sub]
*[sub][sub]Seriousness of post may wary.[/sub][/sub]
Here's the thing: you need to be direct in relationships (especially if you're the man, it's a double standard, and it sucks, but that's just the way it is.)
Establish what your intentions are from the get-go: dating her. Don't try to play the stereotypical nice guy who uses their "good intentions" to achieve a selfish motivation.[footnote]Not pointing fingers at anyone[/footnote] It always ends badly, and more often than not, you'll look like a total tool. Rarely, if ever, do relationships evolve from friendships like in the movies. Don't dwell on it, try your best to avoid the friendzone like the plague, and find someone else.
Establish what your intentions are from the get-go: dating her. Don't try to play the stereotypical nice guy who uses their "good intentions" to achieve a selfish motivation.[footnote]Not pointing fingers at anyone[/footnote] It always ends badly, and more often than not, you'll look like a total tool. Rarely, if ever, do relationships evolve from friendships like in the movies. Don't dwell on it, try your best to avoid the friendzone like the plague, and find someone else.
"...but we're just friends" is translated into, "I don't find you attractive." Using the term "nice" to describe a person is translated into "boring".
If you want more but, they don't then move on. Life is to short to be wasted on lost cause relationships.
"(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")"
You can only do so much to help people. You probably offered something good over the long run but, they rejected it for something that feels good in the short run. If they continue to make bad decisions then let them live with the results. You warned them but, the did it anyway. Let them burn.
Sad thing is people like that almost never ever learn. They just keep cycling through it, every time they are confused on why it keeps happening. I have no tolerance for this kind of behavior. Although I know a number of people that, for whatever reasons, let themselves be the shoulder to cry on.
If you want more but, they don't then move on. Life is to short to be wasted on lost cause relationships.
"(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")"
You can only do so much to help people. You probably offered something good over the long run but, they rejected it for something that feels good in the short run. If they continue to make bad decisions then let them live with the results. You warned them but, the did it anyway. Let them burn.
Sad thing is people like that almost never ever learn. They just keep cycling through it, every time they are confused on why it keeps happening. I have no tolerance for this kind of behavior. Although I know a number of people that, for whatever reasons, let themselves be the shoulder to cry on.
Cause girls like to take pity on us nerds, assume we;ll do anything to get in their pants and do it since we dont, wait till just the last second, then saw but we're just friends as something like the ultimate cock block. Its a sick and twisted joke really (this coming from a guy who's experienced it).
or they dont wantto hurt us cause they think we're sensitive and would breka into depression by pursuing a relationship that just wont work or they think wouldnt, at least.
Or they dont want to be associated with dating "the nerd".
Then again, I dont seem nerdy to most girls beside my glasses, usually carrying a large (250+ pages) book of fiction (right now I'm on Stephen King, but I have to get the money up to by some more Sword of Truth books), and not being a dick to people. That and I'm one of the few people that seems to treat women like they're people and not objects at my university (at least that I've seen) and you know, makes eye contact. Not just stare down at their chest. So usually I'm the one saying we're just friends.
But off topic, if the girl says your like a brother, just smile and say "like and incestial brother?" while making it seem like a joke but your still kinda serious. If you get them laughing but keep the mood serious, it makes them reconsider and really think about it if they're on the fence.
or they dont wantto hurt us cause they think we're sensitive and would breka into depression by pursuing a relationship that just wont work or they think wouldnt, at least.
Or they dont want to be associated with dating "the nerd".
Then again, I dont seem nerdy to most girls beside my glasses, usually carrying a large (250+ pages) book of fiction (right now I'm on Stephen King, but I have to get the money up to by some more Sword of Truth books), and not being a dick to people. That and I'm one of the few people that seems to treat women like they're people and not objects at my university (at least that I've seen) and you know, makes eye contact. Not just stare down at their chest. So usually I'm the one saying we're just friends.
But off topic, if the girl says your like a brother, just smile and say "like and incestial brother?" while making it seem like a joke but your still kinda serious. If you get them laughing but keep the mood serious, it makes them reconsider and really think about it if they're on the fence.
well, its more sarcastic humour then anything, though its worked for me a twice. They thought it was cute and decided to give me the go ahead. So I would just say judge the reaction based on the girl and the relationship you have with her.Tin Man said:
Like I said, I've turned more girls down for friendship then they've turned me down, and I get the value of friendship. But it is a game to some (lets face it, we all know bitches in our lives or at least of girls we know would honestly do this), not many, but some.
And geez, god forbid someone have some dark off beat humour here.
Protip: "We're just friends" means she is not attracted to you. Whining about her not being attracted to you is going to make you even less attractive to her.WOPR said:
If you aren't already, I'd say to stop thinking it and start saying it. Follow up by claiming that it's become more of an insult at this point and that if you're being rejected that you want a straight and true reason as to why for once. Doesn't sound like you have anything to lose at this point. That's just what I'd do, though.WOPR said:
As for them telling you they can change the 'total dicks', I'd tell them "No, you won't. If you do apparently change them, it will almost certainly be a facade. People who are nice deep down will usually act nice unless given a reason to do otherwise. [name of dick here] is a jackass, and you won't change that. Simple as. Feeling you can change them is a common mistake people like you make that always ends in dissatisfaction and heartbreak. I'd rather not see that happen."
No such problem here... all *counts* three of the girls I've seriously considered as girlfriends already had boyfriends, so the relationship stayed Just Friends, even though they were aware I was fond of them (honesty people, it's REALLY underrated...).
Why yes, I am choosy about this kind of thing. Mainly because to me, 'girlfriend' means 'I'm seriously considering marrying this person'
Why yes, I am choosy about this kind of thing. Mainly because to me, 'girlfriend' means 'I'm seriously considering marrying this person'
in the exact same situation except im a girl and my gorgeous male geek friend is the 'your like a sister to me' person in my life. i feel ur pain
Sooo what's stopping you from being a dick?WOPR said:
Alcohol helps ( no I am not consenting the use of alcohol to minors or as a means of getting into someones pants), you can open up while drunk and see if said girl still goes for the friend card or for your lips.
It's not just you, this happens everywhere (but not to everyone). I for example, have never asked anyone out, because I act like I want a relationship but don't really realise it, and then they get bored of wait for me to ask and ask me. It's a perfect system.
Basically, you have to kind of act like you would rather be more than a friend. And if they then pull that excuse they're just trying to politely tell you 'no', so let them be.
Basically, you have to kind of act like you would rather be more than a friend. And if they then pull that excuse they're just trying to politely tell you 'no', so let them be.
It happens very often to me, but I generally pay it no mind. About as often as somebody saying that they like me in the sense of infatuation.