"...but we're just friends"

[TOTL_UNIALAYSHUN]

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

I'm sorry dude. :/ Girls can be cruel sometimes, and they can give a lot of mixed signals. But my only advice to you would be not to give up! Keep going after girls, follow your heart! But remember to stay true to it, because sometimes loneliness and desperation can lead to false judgement. You might do something you'll regret later. So just keep a clear head about it, and never give up!

Soft cuddly nerds for the win!

 

[WOPR]

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

I'm sorry dude. :/ Girls can be cruel sometimes, and they can give a lot of mixed signals. But my only advice to you would be not to give up! Keep going after girls, follow your heart! But remember to stay true to it, because sometimes loneliness and desperation can lead to false judgement. You might do something you'll regret later. So just keep a clear head about it, and never give up!

Soft cuddly nerds for the win!

...My heart is telling me to go to the other end of the country after I get a job and enough money to get there...

I have a friend there who recently confessed her feelings for me and I've had a huge crush on her for well over a year now... but not the "she's so hot" kind of crush, the kind that as long as she's happy I'm happy...

jeeze I sound sappy

why must the girl I like who likes me back live 2267.3 miles away..?

 

[Grimsinger]

This might sound weird (really really weird) but being kinda erm, well as my friend put it, "sexually threatening". The whole "like a brother" thing is said for a reason. Family isn't threatening, its safe and comfy. At least that's what I think, it worked out for me.

Edit: Eh, screw it, be sexually threatening, its the way to go.

 

[TOTL_UNIALAYSHUN]

Well, that's a big commitment. Make sure you put a lot of thought into that. And preparation.

And as for that final question, there's always gonna be a struggle with romance! Any time. Whether it's distance, or separation because of job times, whatever the case, there's always gonna be something holding you back a little. But that's when you know you have true feelings for the person, because you'll want to stay with them, and maybe you get tempted to give up but the look in their eyes, the smile the flash at you, that changes everything.

If you truly like this girl, then go be with her. But just be ready for any struggles, because it's all worth it.

 

[nongentlegentleman]

Tsk I largely avoid it by being clear in intention from the start after we move on we can be friends. I stay on good terms with most of my exes (one cheated on me with a friend of mine I had a bit of revenge and was done with them both) also I dated a lot of my friends who were girls because they recognize what they need from a guy I have so I ended up with a lot of friends with benifits.

Whoa, tangent sorry. So yeah intentions make them clear and this issue is dodged.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I have to say, that's a pretty typical nerd situation.
"She doesn't like me and my stamp collection and painted warhammer figurines, then she goes out with this arsehole who I don't know, but he's an arse because he's with the girl I want..." is the sort of stuff I've heard from some men.

Women in general don't like "nerds" and don't want to be romantically linked. Sure, they're good friends, and maybe do their homework for them but they want to hunky, good looking sociable guy. The fact is, not every girl/guy you like will like you back. There will probably be a point where a girl/guy likes you, and you don't like them. They can't help their feelings, if they don't fancy you, then they don't fancy you.
You will find someone, you just have to broaden your horizons.
And geek chic is apparently in, so it may be soon.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I've had to use the "let's be friends" line on a few people but the only reason it's used is because there really is no nice way to reject someone. "We should be friends" sounds better than "I don't want to be with you because of *insert flaws here*".

If there's no sexual attraction then there's no point embarking on a doomed relationship to save someone's feeling because they're going to be hurt at some point anyway.

It's not a comforting phrase but if anyone knows a nicer way to do it than please let me know.

 

[RollForInitiative]

If you put yourself in the position to be a great friend, you will always be just a friend.

 

[Woodsey]

You need to keep most girls at a bit of a distance. I only have one who I'd count as a true mate and who'd I'd never do shit with.

Hide behind something with other girls or else you'll get too bogged down in knowing way too much shit about each other, and flirt even just a tad with any of them and all of them (that are fit).

 

[esperandote]

That's because they aren't physicaly atracted to you. Work out a little bit, clean yourself up, dress nice and sooner or later one will fall on the trap.

 

[Mr. Google]

Because you asked her out after you became friends with her... My friend does this all the time. He finds a girl he likes, and instead of asking her out while they're just acquaintances, he slowly becomes her friend. Five months later, he'll be sad that she's talking about other guys to him.

Show your feelings and intentions early.

Or perhaps the girl really isn't interested in you. Saying you want to stay friends is a nice way of saying she doesn't want to go out with you.

Seriously this is it just 100% there was a girl who said to me that if she was more my type than she would go out with me but really I met her when i already had a girlfriend and at the same time she just wasnt my type so she realized the friend boundary right away. But please believe me i have been a friend zone friend for about 6 years now and im 15...You just have to make sure the girl knows right away that you like her. You need to be better at flirting. With out certain signals the girl automatically selects you as a friend

 

[justnotcricket]

I've had to use the "let's be friends" line on a few people but the only reason it's used is because there really is no nice way to reject someone. "We should be friends" sounds better than "I don't want to be with you because of *insert flaws here*".

If there's no sexual attraction then there's no point embarking on a doomed relationship to save someone's feeling because they're going to be hurt at some point anyway.

It's not a comforting phrase but if anyone knows a nicer way to do it than please let me know.

Really, this.

You know, sometimes when girls tell you something that you don't want to hear, they're actually trying *not* to hurt you. Does that make sense?

Turning a friend down in the relationship area is one of the worst, hardest and most awkward things I've ever had to do in my life - you know that whatever you say, you will hurt them on some level, and they are your friend, so you don't want to.

Admittedly, I never went down the even more awkward 'Anyone would be lucky...' line, but I can see how some girls might add that as just another way to try and bolster the ego of the friend they have just, without wanting to, crushed.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Because you asked her out after you became friends with her... My friend does this all the time. He finds a girl he likes, and instead of asking her out while they're just acquaintances, he slowly becomes her friend. Five months later, he'll be sad that she's talking about other guys to him.

Show your feelings and intentions early.

See, I'm weird. I like dating my friends.

Although, now that I think about it, the OP's problem HAS happened to me too. Usually when I tried asking out other bisexual/lesbian girls I was friends with. Not always, but more than once. Of course, one of those girls I asked out was straight (so she REALLY wasn't interested, although she did still want to be friends - we've been friends for over 12 years now).

Huh. Sorry I can't be more helpful. Like I said, I'm weird - I'm way more likely to sleep with you if you're already my friend.

 

[SeriousSquirrel]

I'm starting to think it's karma for me. I've said it to a few girls, so now I have to wait until the same number of girls say it to me.

 

[VanillaBean]

Because you asked her out after you became friends with her... My friend does this all the time. He finds a girl he likes, and instead of asking her out while they're just acquaintances, he slowly becomes her friend. Five months later, he'll be sad that she's talking about other guys to him.

Show your feelings and intentions early.

Or perhaps the girl really isn't interested in you. Saying you want to stay friends is a nice way of saying she doesn't want to go out with you.

Not going to lie this seems pretty accurate.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Oh great. Judging by this topic, that's what's gonna happen to me...

I've been hanging out with a girl for the past couple weeks (during lunch breaks on wednesdays, that's the only common break we have), and while we are definitely on the same wavelength (seriously, we spent an hour discussing plans in case of a zombie outbreak), and while I would not mind something more coming from this...

...I honestly don't feel much of a physical attraction. At least I don't think so. Not really sure.

So I'm totally not sure where to go. Do I just take it slow (like several people I trust have suggested) and risk getting friendzoned when I'm sure of my feelings? Or do I just dive in, only to see that it's not gonna work, and risk losing a totally awesome friend because I just made everything awkward?

(*is 22, no experience*)

 

[Legion]

Yeah it's happened to most guys who try and be a friend first rather than asking a girl out off the bat.

I am not exactly a ladies man so dishing out advice would be somewhat ironic but from what I can see it helps to not try and be the stereotypical "Nice Guy" who is a shoulder to cry on, a guy who wants to be there for them with no string attached and whatnot, it tends to lead them to put you into the friends category every time.

Most "Nice guys" will always think that girls like bastards but it really isn't the case. While a lot of them do go out with them it isn't the "bastard" part of the personality but the confident part that is attractive.

A guy who is a dick isn't going to be wrapped up on trying to be the nicest guy possible, he wants a girl and he is going to try and get her (not saying all confident guys are dicks), this confidence is evident from a girls perspective and they see them as attractive because of it.
When you get the girls who seem to go for bastards over and over again it is simply a case of them being attracted to the confident guy, realising he is a bastard and breaking it off, and then finding someone else who is the same.

The problem of course isn't the girls, but the bastards who can put on the façade of being a nice but confident guy, when they aren't.

 

[FinalHeart95]

Well here are the two situations I've been in asking out girls I've talked to a lot for at least a couple of months:
1) Asked her out, she said she'd "think about it". I didn't get a legit answer until she started going out with someone else.
2) Asked her out, she said yes as long as her friends went with it. I'm pretty much friends with all of her friends, so I thought it would work. I asked her if she asked everyone four days later, and she said they seemed "angry". So I ask one of her friends about it and she says that no one was angry or against it. I talk to girl I asked out, and she suddenly pulls out some bullshit about how she still liked her ex.

So yeah, I'm not asking out girls that are my friends again. According to my experience (which is limited, admittedly), they act like total bitches about it.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Gah, so many times. Whats worse is that the last time this happened, she led me on by saying we would date for a bit, then dumped me a week later saying there might be difficulties since she was a Catholic and I was an Atheist. Seriously, what a horrible excuse. She did also use the "just friends" line though.

I swear, there is problem with me finding someone. I've never had a relationship.

 

[Deef]

Any girl who lists reasons why they would so obviously want you, and then follows it with a declaration that they don't want you even though you never asked them if they did want you is a presumptious *****.

I did tell them I like them
then they go into that long rant
and it has happened EVERY time
...friends or not
and if we weren't friends we become friends from it

so what have I learned?

Tell the girl you like here and you're friends for life

Well then maybe the problem is with you. I don't know, but bitching to a group of strangers on the internet isn't going to help matters. Why do people think there is some magical solution out there to get girls that they just were never taught... like there was a "How to get Girls 101" lesson in school they somehow missed?

Dude, chill. He's not looking for your eloquently labeled "magical solution". One of the best ways to deal with a situation that can be personally discouraging is by hearing from others that have experienced the same sort of thing. You don't feel quite so ostracized or weird when you know the experience isn't isolated.

What you said... I don't like feeling weird, I'm weird enough as it is (probably from 18+ years of being single *cough*)

anyways, yeah I'll be fine, I'm not crazy, I'm just wondering why this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME

but yeah, I'm okay- and yes this did just happen today (like 3 hours ago... from a girl I've been friends with for 4+ years) which is what brought it to my mind

>from a girl I've been friends with for 4+ years
>4+ years

Yeah theres your problem bro.