"...but we're just friends"

[Direwolf750]

its due to a general sense that psychologically, women tend to be more attracted to people who they see as dangerous, or mysterious.

Not necessarily, they are attracted to men who are sexual threats, yeah, but who can also fulfill their needs of protection and support. They want men who can assure their safety and take care of their emotional needs.


"Nice guys" can only provide support, but generally fail to elicit sexual stimuli and feelings of protection and security, and so they make excellent providers to raise kids - and sometimes other guys' kids.

If you quote me, don't cut off my quote half way. I said that this is not always the case, merely that it has been observed that it is a trend.

In addition, there are other ways the women view men, not necessarily sexually. Where this trend was observed with was viewing pictures. Men that ranked high in sexual desirability tended to be ranked lower in long term relationship desirability. These men tended to be in darker lighting, more deviant clothing, and as a general rule, a more dangerous atmosphere in the picture.

Nicer looking men in nicer pictures tended to be ranked lower in sexual desirability, and higher in long term relationship desirability.

 

[WingedIncubus]

If you quote me, don't cut off my quote half way. I said that this is not always the case, merely that it has been observed that it is a trend.

I'll quote whatever I feel like quoting, when I feel it's relevant to the point I want to make.

 

[Direwolf750]

If you quote me, don't cut off my quote half way. I said that this is not always the case, merely that it has been observed that it is a trend.

I'll quote whatever I feel like quoting, when I feel it's relevant to the point I want to make.

Then your post has little to no validation. You cut what I said in half, then proceeded to say that I was wrong, where I explained what I was saying was not always the case later in the the post. Don't bother contradicting something already that has already been explained. You're just wasting time.

 

[WingedIncubus]

Then your post has little to no validation. You cut what I said in half, then proceeded to say that I was wrong, where I explained what I was saying was not always the case later in the the post. Don't bother contradicting something already that has already been explained. You're just wasting time.

Read above.

That you find it a waste of your time is the least of my concern, really. Don't like it, don't read it.

 

[WOPR]

I wonder if this thread is what caused the female rant next door...

I was just wondering the same thing.

The female rant next door came first

but I didn't see it until after I posted this

 

[Flare Phoenix]

Any girl who lists reasons why they would so obviously want you, and then follows it with a declaration that they don't want you even though you never asked them if they did want you is a presumptious *****.

I did tell them I like them
then they go into that long rant
and it has happened EVERY time
...friends or not
and if we weren't friends we become friends from it

so what have I learned?

Tell the girl you like here and you're friends for life

Well then maybe the problem is with you. I don't know, but bitching to a group of strangers on the internet isn't going to help matters. Why do people think there is some magical solution out there to get girls that they just were never taught... like there was a "How to get Girls 101" lesson in school they somehow missed?

Asking for advice can come from any median, and why not from a place where he feels he can speak to people of like mind? So calm the fuck down.

However, I do agree with you on one thing, it probably is him.

OP: You just need to stop being so buddy buddy with them. Women have a tendancy to categorize guys into two groups pretty quick... dudes they will be intimate with, and dudes they won't. And jumping from the won't category into the will category is a tough one. You just need to change the way you interact with them from the beginning, and there are tons and tons of places online you can get an example from, there are even quite a few threads on this site that discuss these things. Just do some research.

I got no problem with people asking for advice. It's just his general whining of "It's impossible for me to get a girlfriend because every girl will make me her friend the instant I tell her I like her". Unless he's actually asked out every girl on the planet, he really cannot say that.

 

[Blitzwarp]

Guys giving guys dating advice...I love how everyone says "don't be friends!"

I don't remember saying "don't be friends". I remember saying "don't be a wimp", assume your desires, and don't use friendship as a way to supplicate for a relationship from a girl or a woman.

So what you're saying is, you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to? Nonsense. Not in all cases of course, but in the majority. Attraction is what begins a relationship, friendship and camaraderie is what makes it last.

 

[MelziGurl]

I have plenty of male friends (nerds included) who I see having the best personalities, but nothing that attracts me to them past the point of being their friend. I can think about it, try to convince myself to see more but it just doesn't happen. Also, being that I have not long come out of a relationship with a gamer, I'm just not attracted to anyone who might value their console more than a relationship.

 

[KissofKetchup]

Too many fucking times....way too many times has that happened to me

 

[WingedIncubus]

So what you're saying is, you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to? Nonsense. Not in all cases of course, but in the majority. Attraction is what begins a relationship, friendship and camaraderie is what makes it last.

If I am attracted to a woman and I aim to date/sleep/have a relationship with her, then no I do not want to be her friend. I don't sex up my friends, unless she's a f-buddy or we are clear that we are friends with benefits. I'm direct that way.

 

[HellspawnCandy]

Snip

Listen, those women are different. They like the group of guys talking to them, once you find one that specifically talks to you(and I mean texts you late at night talking about stuff,wants to hang out with JUST you,etc) then it's legit. Atleast from my standpoint, being in a relationship rocks!

 

[Ham_authority95]

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

They "pull the friend card" because they actually didn't like you.

Would YOU "give a chance" to anyone you didn't have feelings for in the first place? Of course not.

My advice to you: Whenever you find out a girl doesn't like you more than a friend, get to know her female friends and start hanging out with them. After a bit, ask one out to do something with just the two of you. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, you will find one that will like you in return.

 

[Azaraxzealot]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

EDIT: Crap... did this become a "Hot Thread" while I was asleep? because I had 12 quotes here when I woke up... *grumbles*

i understand EXACTLY how this feels, i went through this ALL throughout high school, luckily things changed in college, when girls stopped being immature fuck-heads and actually realized they needed someone who had their fucking priorities straight (and who actually was kind enough to tell them they were pretty once in awhile)

 

[Azaraxzealot]

If you quote me, don't cut off my quote half way. I said that this is not always the case, merely that it has been observed that it is a trend.

I'll quote whatever I feel like quoting, when I feel it's relevant to the point I want to make.

Then your post has little to no validation. You cut what I said in half, then proceeded to say that I was wrong, where I explained what I was saying was not always the case later in the the post. Don't bother contradicting something already that has already been explained. You're just wasting time.

plus, taking quotes out of context makes you as bad as FOX news

 

[The_Blue_Rider]

So in essence, yes, guys will go out with anyone that shows the slightest bit of interest in them?

Desperate guys will go out with anything that moves, yeah, because they can't know when it'll be the next time they'll be lucky and get pussy again. They have a scarcity mentality, so they take what passes by easy.

Those of us who aren't and have an abundance mentality will show a bit more selection than that, at least for longer-term relationship material, though we do not have lists in the back of our mind. I have a few traits that I know would make me attracted and interested for something more meaningful, and I screen out women according to my needs and preferences. Of course, if my aim is just to get laid, I screen way larger.

That said, we are instinctively and biologically wired to see, under three seconds, whether we want to get laid with a woman and render her pregnant or not. Attraction is that strong in us males.

You dont have to be desperate, for instance if a girl asked me out i would probably say yes, unless i had a problem with them, Its only fair really it takes courage usually to ask someone out and the least i could do is give them a chance.

 

[Garquille]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

EDIT: Crap... did this become a "Hot Thread" while I was asleep? because I had 12 quotes here when I woke up... *grumbles*

i understand EXACTLY how this feels, i went through this ALL throughout high school, luckily things changed in college, when girls stopped being immature fuck-heads and actually realized they needed someone who had their fucking priorities straight (and who actually was kind enough to tell them they were pretty once in awhile)

textbook example of where so many guys go wrong
I'M APPEALING
LIKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Some of you need a little heads up.
Don't assume you know why a girl does not like you. Perhaps unlike you, they may have a brain in their head where they feel and/or think what is desirable to them. Girls tend to focus around this a lot. Confidence, courage, and outgoingness tend to be one of the popular mixes that are attractive. Know who often have these characteristics? Girls don't like jerks, they like these qualities about them because they are commonly regarded as attractive qualities.

Know what isn't attractive? Thinking a girl should like you because you're a 'man', they're a girl, and you "act" nice.

Boys/men generally keep most girls they know "open" for potential tomfoolery or romantic progression or think that because the girl shares similar interests with them that they are compatible mates. The prior can be a problem because you seem to be more after a "girl" than a significant other that falls within your desires (much more specific than the possession of boobs). The latter is a problem because those qualities are what makes a friendship, not a romantic companionship. Just because they have a vagina doesn't mean you need to turn friendship into romance.

What makes a romantic companionship is the unique interaction between the two of you. The ability to push each others' buttons without going too far, to be both understanding allies and rivals to varying degrees to create a tug between the two of you instead of you just being super nice and expecting her to melt because it's still the 40's where eccentric personalities didn't exist and gentlemen in shining tuxedos roamed the land. If none of this is happening between the two of you, then all it is is a friendship, with you wishing for more. Similar interests are only bonuses to the unique connection that develops between the two of you, which usually starts immediately after meeting them.

In general, guys are way too broad with who they'd keep open for consideration, too shallow in what they define as a significant other, and too shortsighted to differentiate what type of relationship is ideal for any specific girl. On the other hand, girls can sometimes be too preconceiving as they actually follow various specific characteristics they find romantically attractive. This can go wrong when not weighting what is unnattractive and/or giving too much weight to certain characteristics they like or want.

Do you have a 3.8+ GPA in a 4 year degree college pursuing a respectable career with good pay, treat woman very nicely, avoid destructive tendencies, and want to start a family?
NONE
OF
THAT
MATTERS

If you want to stop gambling until you find a girl who starts off on the right foot with you, you need to step up your personality and realize that the quality of "nice guy with bright future" is boring as shit when there's no unique tug between the two of you. Romance isn't Cat & Mouse. It's war; exchanging blow for blow and getting into each others' groove.

 

[Azaraxzealot]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

EDIT: Crap... did this become a "Hot Thread" while I was asleep? because I had 12 quotes here when I woke up... *grumbles*

i understand EXACTLY how this feels, i went through this ALL throughout high school, luckily things changed in college, when girls stopped being immature fuck-heads and actually realized they needed someone who had their fucking priorities straight (and who actually was kind enough to tell them they were pretty once in awhile)

textbook example of where so many guys go wrong
I'M APPEALING
LIKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Some of you need a little heads up.
Don't assume you know why a girl does not like you. Perhaps unlike you, they may have a brain in their head where they feel and/or think what is desirable to them. Girls tend to focus around this a lot. Confidence, courage, and outgoingness tend to be one of the popular mixes that are attractive. Know who often have these characteristics? Girls don't like jerks, they like these qualities about them because they are commonly regarded as attractive qualities.

Know what isn't attractive? Thinking a girl should like you because you're a 'man', they're a girl, and you "act" nice.

Boys/men generally keep most girls they know "open" for potential tomfoolery or romantic progression or think that because the girl shares similar interests with them that they are compatible mates. The prior can be a problem because you seem to be more after a "girl" than a significant other that falls within your desires (much more specific than the possession of boobs). The latter is a problem because those qualities are what makes a friendship, not a romantic companionship. Just because they have a vagina doesn't mean you need to turn friendship into romance.

What makes a romantic companionship is the unique interaction between the two of you. The ability to push each others' buttons without going too far, to be both understanding allies and rivals to varying degrees to create a tug between the two of you instead of you just being super nice and expecting her to melt because it's still the 40's where eccentric personalities didn't exist and gentlemen in shining tuxedos roamed the land. If none of this is happening between the two of you, then all it is is a friendship, with you wishing for more. Similar interests are only bonuses to the unique connection that develops between the two of you, which usually starts immediately after meeting them.

In general, guys are way too broad with who they'd keep open for consideration, too shallow in what they define as a significant other, and too shortsighted to differentiate what type of relationship is ideal for any specific girl. On the other hand, girls can sometimes be too preconceiving as they actually follow various specific characteristics they find romantically attractive. This can go wrong when not weighting what is unnattractive and/or giving too much weight to certain characteristics they like or want.

Do you have a 3.8+ GPA in a 4 year degree college pursuing a respectable career with good pay, treat woman very nicely, avoid destructive tendencies, and want to start a family?
NONE
OF
THAT
MATTERS

If you want to stop gambling until you find a girl who starts off on the right foot with you, you need to step up your personality and realize that the quality of "nice guy with bright future" is boring as shit when there's no unique tug between the two of you. Romance isn't Cat & Mouse. It's war; exchanging blow for blow and getting into each others' groove.

well i already am well on my way to being married... so i think im doing just fine and dont need to be preached to.

believe me, i HAVE the confidence, in the end i think it all comes down to "i want a guy with muscles", which caused me to go into a state of near-anorexic thinness because i just wanted to be fucking attractive in high school

the girls are just smarter in college (duh) because they actually fucking know what they want. high school girls dont know jack shit about their futures (most of them anyways), and no amount of charisma, charm, wit, and even decent level of attractiveness will get you anywhere because its more based on luck than on skill in that madhouse.

and yes. i believe i know about "love is war" since i stole my future wife from her current jerk for a boyfriend. (actually, how we got together is like something straight out of a romance book. pretty sweet with plenty of "AWW" factor, but i think ive already made my point)

 

[HyperionToASatyr]

I hate to sound like a misogynist here, but it is at least sometimes true what they say--girls kinda like douchebaggy guys. Not because they're sensitive or intelligent (obviously) but because, on some primal level, there's an urge towards dominant male figures that are viewed as better able to "protect the hearth," so to speak. It's kinda reason guys are generally attracted to curvy, voluptuous women--they're viewed as being more fertile.
Now, I'm not saying you completely change yourself and act super assertive and treat all women like dirt, but sometimes, in my experience, girls like to have the onus taken off of them to take the lead or even keep pace with a guy. So introduce yourself not as a friend, but as a would-be lover, maybe? Just a starting point.

 

[Azure Sky]

The things I am hearing here sound awfully familiar...
Kinda glad I have never really been overly interested in others.

I have plenty of male friends (nerds included) who I see having the best personalities, but nothing that attracts me to them past the point of being their friend. I can think about it, try to convince myself to see more but it just doesn't happen. Also, being that I have not long come out of a relationship with a gamer, I'm just not attracted to anyone who might value their console more than a relationship.

Agreed, through and through.
I suspect that the thought of coming second to an inanimate object, or anything else for that matter to be highly off-puting.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

Spoiler: quoted from Bash.org, no idea where it came from before landing on that site

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Christ I get this situation all the time. What is in the spoiler tag sums it up quite nicely.

Probably the only Bash quote that ever said anything true.