Can someone recommend me a good sex sim?
- Thread starter smearyllama
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My (female) friend randomly walked up to me and said "look at this". She breathed in really deeply, and her breasts, well, went from a D to an F. "Look at that!" she said. "How is that even possible?"
All I even managed was a sort of slurred "I don't know". It was fucking mesmerizing.
All I even managed was a sort of slurred "I don't know". It was fucking mesmerizing.
I was walking with my younger cousin (around 6 at the time) and she stopped, turned around and asked me bluntly with some sort of a sing song voice "Can cousins get married?" Thats when her parents walked by.
I died a little on the inside when they gave me 'the look'. o_o
I died a little on the inside when they gave me 'the look'. o_o
If you don't mind social interaction theirs Second Life. Wait thats not we're talking about, oh well. Most awkward conversation involved a friend bring up rule 34, me challenging the rule and then my friend trying to prove me wrong on her desktop. Didn't find Gitaroo Man or flow chart porn, for those of you who were wondering.
I've remembered another, here it is.
Years ago at secondary school a group of us, all boys, were sitting in the canteen at lunch debating on the various merits of the few attractive and young female members of staff. It was open forum in format, each just jumping in with their opinions.
I waded in and began to vigorously extol the physical virtues of my particular favourite and during this everyone began to go increasingly quiet. And they all began to look disinterested in what I was saying.
Yes indeed; I look behind me and there she was right at my shoulder, looking at me with a smile frozen in place on her face. What followed wasn't the most comfortable experience of my life.
Years ago at secondary school a group of us, all boys, were sitting in the canteen at lunch debating on the various merits of the few attractive and young female members of staff. It was open forum in format, each just jumping in with their opinions.
I waded in and began to vigorously extol the physical virtues of my particular favourite and during this everyone began to go increasingly quiet. And they all began to look disinterested in what I was saying.
Yes indeed; I look behind me and there she was right at my shoulder, looking at me with a smile frozen in place on her face. What followed wasn't the most comfortable experience of my life.
Right before I met my friend's new boyfriend for the first time, the only thing she felt was relevant to tell me was "***'s got a really big dick!"
...needless to say hanging out with him became a bit uncomfortable.
...needless to say hanging out with him became a bit uncomfortable.
Some guy that never speaks in secondary school asked me once the last time I masturbated, I had never spoke to him or anything.
Also, my English teacher in the same school was homosexual. I have nothing wrong with that, except he flirted with the students all the time, and it's an all boys school. I still remember the awkward silence when he, upon hearing a conversation 2 students were having, blurted out "I like to sleep naked, boxers restrict me". My German teacher too liked to flirt with boys, but she was like 50 something, and had possibly the most disgusting camel toe I've seen in my life. Every fucking day, it was pure camel toe, she liked to stand right the fuck in front of people to, so you got a face full of 50 year old camel toe. Also, it smelt like semen in that room, and the headmaster liked to come round every now and then during lesson to "check up", as if he was just passing by. So awkward.
Also, my English teacher in the same school was homosexual. I have nothing wrong with that, except he flirted with the students all the time, and it's an all boys school. I still remember the awkward silence when he, upon hearing a conversation 2 students were having, blurted out "I like to sleep naked, boxers restrict me". My German teacher too liked to flirt with boys, but she was like 50 something, and had possibly the most disgusting camel toe I've seen in my life. Every fucking day, it was pure camel toe, she liked to stand right the fuck in front of people to, so you got a face full of 50 year old camel toe. Also, it smelt like semen in that room, and the headmaster liked to come round every now and then during lesson to "check up", as if he was just passing by. So awkward.
Someone once walked up to me and asked what year it was.
Seriously. I was looking all over for a TARDIS or something.
Seriously. I was looking all over for a TARDIS or something.
It's quite hard to be sent reeling by conversation, but I do know of some awkward moments.
I have a certain bisexual male friend who enjoys startling my other male friends by acting far too intimately with them.
I've fostered a protective preemptive glare to shield myself, but others are not so lucky, and many a laugh has been had at their expense.
I have a certain bisexual male friend who enjoys startling my other male friends by acting far too intimately with them.
I've fostered a protective preemptive glare to shield myself, but others are not so lucky, and many a laugh has been had at their expense.
- Mar 31, 2010
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Oh, this threads not about that. In that case, it would have to be the time that me and my Mum were talking about sex, and she told me my Dad was the only person she'd ever had sex with. I was just thinking "no... why? Why did you have to tell me that?"
Erm, most conversations my mum starts will generally be akward to me, her opinions and morals are just the opposite really.
One akward time was when 2 girls were talking about sex, one of them mentioning that her boyfriend can't get an errection or something, and the other on about oral. Anyway as it went on, one of them said "I think he's listening in." and both looked at me. I'm not "listening in", but I can hear you due to the fact I am sat at the same table as you.
One akward time was when 2 girls were talking about sex, one of them mentioning that her boyfriend can't get an errection or something, and the other on about oral. Anyway as it went on, one of them said "I think he's listening in." and both looked at me. I'm not "listening in", but I can hear you due to the fact I am sat at the same table as you.
Hmmm... lets see well there was this one time in history class I don't know if this counts as an awkward conversation but it was definatley and awkward experience well my friend andrew looked at me and told me to come closer so I did and he was supposed to whisper something in my ear but unfortunatley he Kissed my cheek and to say that i almost shit my pants would have been an understatement yeah I am not gay.
or this time with my friend thomas here is how the conversation went.
Me: Hey stop it jackass.
Thomas: shut up before I put my foot up your ass.
Me: yeah well I'll put my ass in your lap.
Thomas: 0 0
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another one was with me and my friends will, thomas, and jeff.
Me: Yeah man I can't wait till tonight its gonna be awesome.
Jeff: hey thomas what is there gonna be to eat.
thomas: my dad is getting pizza.
will: man pizza sounds good right now.
Me: yeah Penis does sound good right now.
Everyone else:........
yep that is about it.
or this time with my friend thomas here is how the conversation went.
Me: Hey stop it jackass.
Thomas: shut up before I put my foot up your ass.
Me: yeah well I'll put my ass in your lap.
Thomas: 0 0
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another one was with me and my friends will, thomas, and jeff.
Me: Yeah man I can't wait till tonight its gonna be awesome.
Jeff: hey thomas what is there gonna be to eat.
thomas: my dad is getting pizza.
will: man pizza sounds good right now.
Me: yeah Penis does sound good right now.
Everyone else:........
yep that is about it.
Here's mine, might be a bit too adult 
Hmm, probably when my girlfriend straight out asked me if I masturbated, causing me to ask her if she masturbated, before she eventually, shyly asked me if I'd fap forher.
Awkward part? Long distance relationship, over webcam. Not only was the initial questioning awkward, it was the first time we'd done something like this and I basically had to watch MYSELF. So to top off the awkwardness: My orgasm face...
Now I just need to get her to satisfy my voyeuristic urges at one stage...
Awkward part? Long distance relationship, over webcam. Not only was the initial questioning awkward, it was the first time we'd done something like this and I basically had to watch MYSELF. So to top off the awkwardness: My orgasm face...
Now I just need to get her to satisfy my voyeuristic urges at one stage...
Wolfram01 said:
No. Listening to women talking about vibrators and how to please themselves is actually far more disturbing then you would think.nunqual said:
Its even worse when, after hours of discussion, they turn to you and ask 'How do you do it?'
Egh.
AccursedTheory said:
Let's see... More than a couple incidents where I was directly involved with the conversation, and a couple where I was either JUST outside of the conversation's influence and was clued in by a friend, later.
Whilst living with my girlfriend in the home of my best friend, his wife, and another roommate...
Whilst living with my girlfriend in the home of my best friend, his wife, and another roommate...
My girlfriend and I shared a tiny space that was once the utility room. (It housed the water heater, washer/dryer, and general storage in the original house plans... The appliences were moved to the exterior of the home to make room for a 3rd bedroom prior to our moving in.) As such, the walls were essentially bare cinderblock with a rather solid door leading to the main kitchen/livingroom space. What we DIDN'T know was that a ~9" space in one corner was nothing more than decorative wall sheeting (you know, that dark wood-like stuff that was mostly prevalent in the 70's/80's). This faux-wood "membrane" had a very particular effect on acoustics... especially for sound generated from INSIDE the room.
So, after a VERY enjoyable evening when we both didn't have a work shift to keep us separated, I sweatily emerged from the bedroom to a standing ovation by my best friend and his wife. (Bravo!'s and Encore! Encore!'s included) At first I figured i my disheveled appearance that tipped them off... only to find that they've been privy to the entire night's escapades, and until specific names were *ahem* yelled loudly and clearly, they figured that the two of us just had a porno playing on the PS2's DVD player.
So, after a VERY enjoyable evening when we both didn't have a work shift to keep us separated, I sweatily emerged from the bedroom to a standing ovation by my best friend and his wife. (Bravo!'s and Encore! Encore!'s included) At first I figured i my disheveled appearance that tipped them off... only to find that they've been privy to the entire night's escapades, and until specific names were *ahem* yelled loudly and clearly, they figured that the two of us just had a porno playing on the PS2's DVD player.
This actually happened while I was in the next room, and I was told about the incident by a very pale best friend, after the fact.
Same house as the first story... only I was playing on the house PS2 in the livingroom outside my bedroom. Across from the kitchen/livingroom is a large addition that was used as a half-familyroom/half-bedroom by the 5th roomie. The door in was actually a sliding glass door covered with a heavy curtain that was almost adjacent to the front door. My bud came home and heard the roomie having a conversation with a mutual friend from through a window. (Basic stuff about the day at work, supervisor was being a d*ckhead, etc.) So, he came in, tossed his jacket on the table by the door and headed in to the roomie's space without much thought... only to find the pair in the middle of the most lazy intercourse ever imagined, to which he immediatley stammered an apology and came and joined me in the livingroom, playing Diablo.
"SERIOUSLY... you DON'T have a conversation like THAT when you're... LIKE THAT."
(upon discussion with the female friend at a much later date, she was simply bored... both before and, sadly, during)
Same house as the first story... only I was playing on the house PS2 in the livingroom outside my bedroom. Across from the kitchen/livingroom is a large addition that was used as a half-familyroom/half-bedroom by the 5th roomie. The door in was actually a sliding glass door covered with a heavy curtain that was almost adjacent to the front door. My bud came home and heard the roomie having a conversation with a mutual friend from through a window. (Basic stuff about the day at work, supervisor was being a d*ckhead, etc.) So, he came in, tossed his jacket on the table by the door and headed in to the roomie's space without much thought... only to find the pair in the middle of the most lazy intercourse ever imagined, to which he immediatley stammered an apology and came and joined me in the livingroom, playing Diablo.
"SERIOUSLY... you DON'T have a conversation like THAT when you're... LIKE THAT."
(upon discussion with the female friend at a much later date, she was simply bored... both before and, sadly, during)
try that over the phone... or doing a strip tease on webcam (iam a guy so i was a bit like uh... maybe ?)JemothSkarii said:Here's mine, might be a bit too adult
Hmm, probably when my girlfriend straight out asked me if I masturbated, causing me to ask her if she masturbated, before she eventually, shyly asked me if I'd fap forher.
Awkward part? Long distance relationship, over webcam. Not only was the initial questioning awkward, it was the first time we'd done something like this and I basically had to watch MYSELF. So to top off the awkwardness: My orgasm face...
Now I just need to get her to satisfy my voyeuristic urges at one stage...