Ho-wow this is a tricky subject. Coincidentally, I actually wrote a paper on this for English - not on the "friend-zone" specifically, but on why girls don't go for nice guys. Considering this thread is already 11 pages long and nearly every possible angle has been identified - posting this is probably pretty useless and unnecessary, and if so then you should ignore it an go about your merry way. However, if you have a response I'd be happy to hear it. I've thought about this kind of thing for far too long. My assessment is as follows:
I hate women.
That?s not true. I love women, but they?ve caused me the most frustration out of probably anything else in my 19 years of living. You ever hear the phrase ?nice guys finish last?? Well unfortunately, it?s entirely true. As it turns out, most girls will use almost any excuse they can come up with to avoid dating a nice guy: ?He?s too nice,? ?all the good guys are taken,? ?we?re just good friends, dating would make things weird,? ?yadda, yadda, yadda.? Please ladies, spare me, I?ve heard them all before.
Now at this point in time you?re probably wondering: ?Christopher, you bitter old woman-hater, if you know so well then what do you define as a nice guy?? Well I?m glad I?m assuming you?ve asked. Nice guys are the ones who respect women, and not in a ?wait on them hand and foot? kind of way. What I mean is that they don?t try and take advantage of anyone. They honestly care about the feelings and emotions of women, and not because they have to, because they are naturally genuine and sincere. They want to make a girl feel good, not because they?re trying to get rewarded for it, but because it?s what a good man does. So why is it that the majority of the time the careless jerk; we?ll refer to him as Chad McSexy, gets the girl over us sweet and caring guys? I?ve narrowed the answer down to three reasons:
Reason #1) Nice guys are generally not very confident. This sucks because girls eat up confidence like a box of chocolate unicorns covered in pixie dust sprinkles. Women love men who have a good sense of who they are, that?s a lot of what confidence is all about. They like it when a guy knows what he wants out of life, where he?s headed, and what values are important to him. But whether or not Chad McSexy knows any of these things isn?t really important, because he can sure as hell act like it. (And when you?re trying to get into a girl?s pants, what else really matters?)
Sadly, nice guys aren?t good actors. We may have that sense of who we are, but we don?t know how to express it or use it to our advantage. To many of us, even just walking up to a girl we?ve never talked to before and introducing ourselves is a terrifying notion. Yes, we understand that you?re people just like everyone else and will be polite if we approach you, but these things don?t change the fact that we find you incredibly intimidating. Sure, nice guys are more likely to be romantic and cutesy, but we don?t have the confidence to show it, not at first anyway. It takes us some time for us to become comfortable around you, time most women aren?t willing to waste.
Reason #2) Chad McSexy is a very good con man. Whether it?s intentional or not, it?s easy for him to make girls think he?s an actual nice guy. No really, he totally is. He?s vulnerable and insecure and he really cares about those special people in his life. And the way that he looks at you makes you- what?s that? He wants you to take your pants off? Well, maybe just this once, he?s been so sweet to you all night. He wouldn?t take advantage of you. He?s not that kind of guy. ?Can you hold on a second?? you say. ?I just need to strangle this last bit of common sense to its imminent death.? *sounds of a struggle* ?Oops, I accidently killed my self respect too. Oh well.?
My point is, Chad McSexy is a good deceiver because on the outside, he?s already all the things women like, so it?s easy for him to automatically appeal to them. He?s got a great smile and a charismatic personality, but nice guys don?t usually come in that neat of a package. We?re not outgoing, or have fun in the same ways you do, and are probably into things that only we find cool. But if given the chance, we?ll hop into our X-Wings and blow that Death Star to a million pieces, just for you.
Reason #3) Girls don?t understand that the rules of attraction don?t come naturally to nice guys. You ladies expect us to know when to make a move, what to say when we introduce ourselves, or how to know if you like us back; but these things have never been clear to us. I was talking to a girl today about this very subject and she said, ?Girls aren?t hard to read ? you can tell when we like you, we give you this look.? To which I immediately thought: ?There?s a look??? Some universal look that women give to men they?re attracted to? No I didn?t know this! How was I supposed to? Why wasn?t I informed of this earlier?? No ladies, there?s no look, you think there?s a look. You think we know these things about you, when really we have about as much of a clue as to why you guys get so much enjoyment out of reality television. (It puzzles me to this day.)
So ladies, cut the nice guys some slack. We?re truly sorry we reference so many dorky things, play a lot of video games, and don?t have Ryan Reynolds? abs, but this doesn?t mean we should be cast out and left bitter and alone because of it. I understand that you?re young and these are all things that you will probably grow out of once you stop craving drama, but after you?ve been hurt and manipulated so many times, wouldn?t you say it?s time for a little change? Give us a chance. Give us a chance to become the men you never thought we could be. Who knows? We may surprise you. Don?t immediately give up on us because we?re ?too nice? or ?too clingy,? we haven?t had much practice at this stuff after all. If something is bothering you about the relationship, then talk to us. Teach us how to be the kind of guys that girls want to date, while still keeping our morality and sweetness intact. And for the love of god, stop giving in to the Chad McSexys of the world. You?re better than that.
