majora13 said:
1) girls love stringing guys along for the attention, and 2) guys are never going to be totally satisfied with friendship if the friend is even moderately attractive.
Yay for generalising! I've already posted about my personal experience with this, and while I guess I might just be hideously unattractive and not realise it, ALL of my closest friends happen to be male (I have good female friends too, it just so happens that the ones I see most are guys) and I'm pretty sure they're not all secretly unsatisfied with our relationship because I'm not banging them. Some of them have girlfriends. Most have confided in me at some point when they've liked someone and are working up the nerve to ask them out. They tell me if I look good, just as I do to them, but I honestly don't think that means they want to screw me. Likewise, I have never once strung one of them along for "attention," nor have I assumed that most of them would ever (seriously) be even remotely interested in me. That may be how you see it, and it may be true of the people you know too, but please don't assume that you know everyone better than they know themselves.
OT: I do think it's important that we all give both sides a chance. There's a world of difference between a guy venting his frustration and disappointment after having been turned down by a girl he liked and thought he had a chance with and him assuming he has some inherent right to be with her. Let's be honest, we've all (male and female) most likely thought these sorts of things after a disappointment, especially if the object of your affections has eyes for someone else. I know I have. Now, some men certainly are the sorts of "nice" guy described in the OP, just as some women certainly do string people along, but that doesn't mean that everyone who starts a forum thread soon after being turned down is like that. They're often just upset, a bit embarrassed and not necessarily thinking straight.
With regards to the whole "women dating assholes" thing, I do feel that that's not always a fair comment. Of course some women do end up with complete bastards, but you have to give them some credit. Most don't go out looking for someone like that (those who are into "bad boys" excepted) and probably didn't realise the guy was a dick when she got with him. Also, I do firmly believe there's a tendency among "nice" guys to label anyone "their" girl ends up with as an ass, simply because of human jealousy. Just as an example, I've seen male nerd friends of mine ***** about how much of an ass their crush's boyfriend is simply because he's into sports or something. He's different to them, and they feel like they're the perfect guy for this girl, so when she chooses someone so radically different he must be completely wrong for her. (Pro tip- girls do this too, talking about how much of a ***** some guy's girlfriend is even if they don't know her). Finally, if she sees you as a friend she's bound to come to you with the worst aspects of her boyfriend- you might be a shoulder to cry on after they've had an argument, or when they break up for whatever reason. You're only getting one side of the story, and many times you'll probably only be hearing about the bad bits, because you don't exactly need to turn to your friends for support when everything's going great.
On the flip side of the "nice guy" equation, you do have to see the woman's point of view as well. If a guy is being nice to you and you come to think of him as a friend but later discover he was hoping to get in your pants the whole time, it can make you wary of that sort of behaviour, even when it's meant sincerely. Seriously, it's not nice to have people see you as purely a potential mate (in the biological sense). The "nice guy" thing is often not meant maliciously at all, and is often the result of someone who just desperately wants a partner (I don't mean "desperate" to be insulting, again I can relate to that feeling. But desperation is inherently unattractive in both genders), but from the woman's perspective it feels like the guy was never interested in you as a person at all, you were just the most recent in a string of women a guy was hoping to get with. I tried to explain this line of thought to my boyfriend recently, and he got a bit upset because he's been genuinely nice to many girls (some of whom he's now friends with) in the hopes of finding a girlfriend in the past, and had never realised how he may have come across to some of them, and why some of them may have acted defensively towards him. I'll admit it's a bit of a no-win situation, but maybe something to consider before getting too mad at someone.
