Clever insults?

[Shinsei-J]

I do this all the time, it's fun as hell.

Kid with a mullet who's being a dick to my friends: "Yer, well on my cricket team they call me Merlin."
Me: "Is that because you made your beard vanish and reappear on the back of your head?"

Same kid with a mullet: "You smell like perfume, what are you a girl?"
Me: "You smell like feces, what are you a chimp... Yes, yes you are, now why are you smelling me anyway you creep."

Random woman: "You need to cut your hair."
Me: "You're just jealous aren't you?"
Random woman: "...Well that's not the point"

 

[BNguyen]

well, this came to me in an email and I'll shorten it to just include the insult

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't
exist... What do you say to that, son?'

'To continue the
point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The
student looks around the room.. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?'
The class breaks out into laughter. 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain,
felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so...
So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that
you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.' 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust
your lectures, sir?'

 

[Fappy]

I've always been a fan of Rachel Alucard's insults:

- "I grow tired of your face."
- "Your stupidity truly boggles the mind. You belong on the ground, worm."
- "As ever, your face reminds me of nature's cruel sense of humor."

There are far better ones from the BlazBlue story modes, but quotes are hard to find online >.>

 

[Pinkamena]

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!

 

[opiwankenobi]

Call him "the tragic hero from Sophocles' opus". That ought to take a while to process.

 

[Pink Gregory]

. This frustrated the man and he said. " DO NOT USE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN". I replied " Vain means for no reason , jesus christ in this context was to express my frustration in this silly matter and my inability to comprehend how a grown man could be so childish . Learn the meaning to words before using them ".

I always thought that 'Vain' was pertaining to vanity, as in "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you."

Probably some poetry in combining vanity and lack of reason, but I'm not a poet and I know it.

 

[krazykidd]

. This frustrated the man and he said. " DO NOT USE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN". I replied " Vain means for no reason , jesus christ in this context was to express my frustration in this silly matter and my inability to comprehend how a grown man could be so childish . Learn the meaning to words before using them ".

I always thought that 'Vain' was pertaining to vanity, as in "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you."

Probably some poetry in combining vanity and lack of reason, but I'm not a poet and I know it.

If i say the sentence :" don't let his death be in vain" ( as we see in many films ) it basically means don't let his death be wasted, meaningless . Or " it was all in vain " meaning it was all pointless . It COULD also mean vanity , depending on the context , since words often have more than one meaning.

 

[King of Asgaard]

Random woman: "You need to cut your hair."
Me: "You're just jealous aren't you?"
Random woman: "...Well that's not the point"

As someone with long hair, I formally request your permission to use this.

 

[Shinsei-J]

Random woman: "You need to cut your hair."
Me: "You're just jealous aren't you?"
Random woman: "...Well that's not the point"

As someone with long hair, I formally request your permission to use this.

Request granted, you luscious beast.

 

[Coffeejack]

"Hey, how's my book? I poured my heart and soul into that thing."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0H7dKb7HvE&feature=related

 

[bluerocker]

My friend came up with a really fun one: godless fudgepacking dick weasel. However, given that it was only directed towards one of our friends, it has now become something of a nickname rather than an insult to him.

As for myself, I typically think of decent insults/quips long after the verbal dispute is done. *sigh* damn 'L'esprit de l'escalier'.

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

"You are possibly the most pillocky plebeian prick I have ever had the displeasure to slaughter mercilessly on an online FPS.
Go masturbate to pictures of a camel screwing your mother you utter bellsack."
I was grumpy that day.

 

[bauke67]

Not one I came up with myself, but I just love it.
Just let the other person rant for little while, wait till they're finished, and after just a second of silence to grab people's attention say:"Well that was quite mouthfull, but I guess you're used to that kind of thing."

 

[MiskWisk]

Managed to work a Shakespeare quote (okay, stole):

Jerk: God you're ugly
Me: Better than you, scratching would make your face look better.

 

[Nimzabaat]

I like to use this one when it's applicable (and it very often is);
"You have come to a battle of wits completely unarmed"

 

[sadiztix]

you must be the poster child for retroactive abortions
tell your mother it's not too late

 

[Tiger Sora]

Go back to the Peoples Judean Front, you were less annoying there.

I've seen dead guys do a better job at killing the enemy than you.

I wear a metaphorical top hat and monocle at all times. You wear that fucking NY ball cap like every other white bread wanabe. And probably to the side you fuck.

Go sit in a cardboard box, you probably won't get hurt there. Unless you drown in your own idiocy.

Sorry, I've come to the conclusion I don't like you. Good day.

 

[Shadowcreed]

Spoiler

Spoiler: Short, simple, and to the point

You cannot believe how many people I've done this to and I've been able to get away with it. I think only one person that I've done this to has actually come back to me (days later, mind you) and told me that they were offended by it. When I asked them why, they simply said that they felt like I was being rude to them. So feel free to use it as much as you like.

I still don't see it

fuuuuck

Spoiler: Short, simple, and to the point

You cannot believe how many people I've done this to and I've been able to get away with it. I think only one person that I've done this to has actually come back to me (days later, mind you) and told me that they were offended by it. When I asked them why, they simply said that they felt like I was being rude to them. So feel free to use it as much as you like.

I feel dumb but what am I supposed to feel from seeing that?

edit: Nevermind I see it now..

Enlight me because I can't see a damn thing here - are they all middle fingers or what's the deaL? xD