Clever insults?

[Lt._nefarious]

Okay while I may have lifted this insult from a film it was still witty and well timed. I'll play out the conversation using me and the guy I insulted whom I will Fagballs...

Fagballs: "Lawl, your mum is crazy. That makes you crazy too, I bet you'll never be a doctor."
Me: "Uh-Huh..."
Fagballs: "And Minie'll never go out with you cause you're fat, ugly and have stupid hair!"
Me: "Hmmm...."
Fagballs: "You're so pathetic. You're gonna fail your exams. Lawl."
Me: "Please, do shut up..."
Fagballs: "Oooo feisty one! You shouldn't speak like that."
Me: "Listen hear sputum breath, I refuse to take this from someone who is no doubt going to clean toilets for the rest of his natural life. Now if you'd kindly hush-down as your voice sounds like a castrated Micheal Jackson's."
Fagballs: "..."
Me: "Thank you very much commander U-bend...."

I hate Fagballs...

 

[Rayne870]

"If I wanted any lip from you I'd wiggle my zipper" Whenever my fiance gets uppity I do just that and she knows exactly what I mean.

"Hmm it's too bad you aren't good looking because you really can't go far with your limited intelligence"

"Ok so my beard looks stupid, but you are fat, ugly, and too stupid to know when to keep your mouth shut" That girl on the elevator walked out crying. I have no idea why she had to comment on my beard when we don't know each-other and never met before then but it ruined her day.

"I hear ignorance is bliss, you must be well on your way to third nirvana"

 

[Shaved Apple]

You aren't half the man your mother is.

 

[Tallim]

I don't really bother most of the time, not much to be gained from it and more often than not simply ignoring something irritates them more.

Although when/if I do feel the need to use an insult I have to go the Dr Cox route and commit, commit, commit! Why trade blows with an opponent when you can metaphorically nuke them from orbit with a rant of great length.

The bonus thing about rants is that onlookers only normally remember the golden parts and none of the sub-par stream of conciousness stuff that might crop up.

 

[Weresquirrel]

One I'm rather fond of, but never used is from an old movie whose name I can't remember.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to the fertiliser plant? I hear they're doing a stock take and they might notice a sack of shit is missing."