Did the beating make you a good person, if you weren't beaten would you have no respect for people?racrevel said:
Corporal Punishment: Have we let othe kid's down on discipline?
- Thread starter ApeShapeDeity
- Start date
Recommended Videos
I would say there is a line.. I've seen kids over abused that end up worse.. and the majority that have no boundaries nor punishment tend to be on drugs by 15 (I can name quite a few)Rationalization said:
but for me personally the 3 - 6 whacks across the legs for breaking a window or what not got me down the right path
There's always a better way than violence against children. It'll never be a solution to strive for, but whether it's always a greater evil than other forms of emotional neglect could be discussed.
Some parents might not be able to deal with a child any other way, while still loving enough that removing the child from their care would hurt it far more. In these cases, it might be a lesser evil than letting the child run the line.
Any semi-decent parent would only use it sparingly, and as a last resort to avoid greater future harms to come to the child. And in my opinion they'd be far from ideal parents.
Some parents might not be able to deal with a child any other way, while still loving enough that removing the child from their care would hurt it far more. In these cases, it might be a lesser evil than letting the child run the line.
Any semi-decent parent would only use it sparingly, and as a last resort to avoid greater future harms to come to the child. And in my opinion they'd be far from ideal parents.
Ok, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, you're not trolling.Lieju said:
Read what I said. I DO NOT, EVER hit my kid. I teach her about mutual respect and debate to make her point.
If she choses to be disrespectful/selfish/a bastard in general, I make sure the small treats, she knows ARE treats, are removed from availability. I won't EVER shut her mouth with my hand like what was done to me.
I think it needs to come back but not to like catholic school nun type (or what you hear from those crazy stories). Though there most definitely need to be stricter punishment in schools other than some guy saying no no and sending them on there way to do it again.
Man.. This is case-by-case it isn't funny.
I was spanked as a child when I did stuff wrong, and I think I turned out fine, but I know a couple of dudes who were also spanked and are kinda messed up.
When it comes to schools dishing out this kind of punishment though, no fucking way.
I was spanked as a child when I did stuff wrong, and I think I turned out fine, but I know a couple of dudes who were also spanked and are kinda messed up.
When it comes to schools dishing out this kind of punishment though, no fucking way.
I was asking you what you meant, exactly, as you did say that "Kids these days are seriously out of control because they know that can't be touched.", and yet, you say you manage just fine without corporal punishment? Which is why I asked if the threat of that was still there, as you yourself stated that it's necessary.ApeShapeDeity said:
Which you never said in your opening post. You just said that you make sure she knows who is in charge, without physically hitting her.ApeShapeDeity said:
Part of the problem is that people seem to think that no corporal punishment automatically means children won't respect their parents, and thus no other elders. I have not been hit once in my life but I respected my parents. When you're that young, simply being shouted at makes you feel bad enough as a punishment, which translates into the right amount of pain and respect for your parents, especially if they are nice unless you do something wrong, so you know where the borders are.
This does of course mean less bringing up with nannies, babysitters etc and more bringing up by the actual parents, but then again people seem to think that's a good idea corporal punishment or no.
Physically beating children leads to one of two outcomes in my experience and opinion, the first is a view in which might makes right, and whoever is the most dominant is automatically the better and more right, and that view cannot lead anywhere good for the rest of your life, the second is someone with so little self-esteem that they can never assert themselves. If the rules aren't made clear to children, so they never know whether they're going to be beaten or not they can end up seriously messed up, because confusing children in quite that way can literally lead to manic depression and schizophrenia and all sorts of charming conditions.
You have to remember that you're beating a child, who has no knowledge that what they've done is wrong, and also has no way to fight back against you. If you can honestly say that hitting anyone who can't fight back, while you're supposed to be in a position of love and trust, then you have a fucked up view of life and I seriously pity you.
In my overall opinion, if you have to hit a child, you have failed as a parent, if your first instinct is to hit your child, you have failed as a person.
Also, one of the people I knew who was beaten as a child learned the might makes right lesson, and the minute he was strong enough, he beat his father back.
And put him in hospital.
This does of course mean less bringing up with nannies, babysitters etc and more bringing up by the actual parents, but then again people seem to think that's a good idea corporal punishment or no.
Physically beating children leads to one of two outcomes in my experience and opinion, the first is a view in which might makes right, and whoever is the most dominant is automatically the better and more right, and that view cannot lead anywhere good for the rest of your life, the second is someone with so little self-esteem that they can never assert themselves. If the rules aren't made clear to children, so they never know whether they're going to be beaten or not they can end up seriously messed up, because confusing children in quite that way can literally lead to manic depression and schizophrenia and all sorts of charming conditions.
You have to remember that you're beating a child, who has no knowledge that what they've done is wrong, and also has no way to fight back against you. If you can honestly say that hitting anyone who can't fight back, while you're supposed to be in a position of love and trust, then you have a fucked up view of life and I seriously pity you.
In my overall opinion, if you have to hit a child, you have failed as a parent, if your first instinct is to hit your child, you have failed as a person.
Also, one of the people I knew who was beaten as a child learned the might makes right lesson, and the minute he was strong enough, he beat his father back.
And put him in hospital.
I have a 4 month old son, and I plan to slap him on the bum if the situation calls for it. I was slapped as a child, and it didn't do me any harm. Living in an area like I do, I see kids no older than 10 swearing at each other, being insulting to people they don't even know and just generally being terrible to live near. Their parents are blind to this fact, even though I'm willing to be the kid is just as bad at home.
Some parents just seem to let their perfect children get away with anything, which then causes them to grow up thinking they are owed something by every person they meet, and that hurting people they don't know is acceptable because no one ever told them to stop. Their parents want to be their friend, not their actual parent.
My little brother is a prime example of this. All the things he does, I'd have been punished for when I was a child. I'm 23, he's 12. He swears, answers back to my mother, calls my little sister fat, goofy and horrible names all the time. He doesn't do as he's told, and heaven forbid you ask him to get off the PS3 for 5 minutes to clean up the mess he made in the kitchen. And yet if I did any of those things as a child I'd have been punished for it.
And just to clarify, I'm not going to beat my child for the hell of it. 90% of the time I will want to talk to my child, explain to him why he's being punished, why what he did was wrong. Above all, I want him to understand the things he does. But their will be times when words just won't cut it.
I'm not my son's friend, I'm his parent. And it's my duty to ensure he doesn't grow up into some criminal because no one ever told him what's right or wrong.
Some parents just seem to let their perfect children get away with anything, which then causes them to grow up thinking they are owed something by every person they meet, and that hurting people they don't know is acceptable because no one ever told them to stop. Their parents want to be their friend, not their actual parent.
My little brother is a prime example of this. All the things he does, I'd have been punished for when I was a child. I'm 23, he's 12. He swears, answers back to my mother, calls my little sister fat, goofy and horrible names all the time. He doesn't do as he's told, and heaven forbid you ask him to get off the PS3 for 5 minutes to clean up the mess he made in the kitchen. And yet if I did any of those things as a child I'd have been punished for it.
And just to clarify, I'm not going to beat my child for the hell of it. 90% of the time I will want to talk to my child, explain to him why he's being punished, why what he did was wrong. Above all, I want him to understand the things he does. But their will be times when words just won't cut it.
I'm not my son's friend, I'm his parent. And it's my duty to ensure he doesn't grow up into some criminal because no one ever told him what's right or wrong.
I respect your opinion, but you've seriously misunderstood my stand point.Lieju said:
Discipline and respect IS seriously laking in modern children. I'm not advocating hitting them, OR, threatening to do so.
As a parent, NEVER make a threat you aren't willing to make a reality.
Childern, I belive thrive in a world of set rules. When they grow up, it's up to them to use thier intellect, morals and upringing as a basis for independent decision. I'd very much like for my child to make decisions that make me proud, though I know not all of them will...
You know, that little sentence has kinda made me want to re-think my plan. I suppose it would only teach someone who knew very little that.baker80 said:
I may just have to re-think my parenting plan! I don't want my son thinking violence if acceptable at any time. Hm. I'm a bad parent!
But regardless of whether there is reason, they know that the thing they did was wrong becase they was a negative consequence. As a child (aged 5-10) there doesn't have to be insight to the wrongdoing, it's a simple matter of learning right from wrong. It isn't until later years when we begin to question the meanings of 'right' and 'wrong'; because from the ages of 5 to 10 a different set of rules apply.Cowabungaa said:
We can get away with more at such a young age and when entering the teenage years we'll be subject to an ever changing environment within high school. This is the time to employ an educational approach; when right and wrong stop being so black and white and are blurred by moral inclinations.
This is of course entirely my opinion and I don't mean to sound so pushy with it. Of course with corporal punishment being a very divided subject there are going to be varying opinions. This isn't of course accounting for the child's home life. A child that is punished at school and let off at home will grow up confused and that line between right and wrong won't be established.
I'm going off the point here, sorry
Allow me to be one of those people that would slap their child across the back of the legs or on the butt if they were misbehaving.
It worked for me when I was growing up, I learnt that doing wrong equals a quick smack and that was that.
It works the same when you get older, it's just not a smack any more it's a fine, a prison sentence, etc.
I do not think there is anything wrong with disciplining children like this, as long as you know when to stop and you're not just wailing away on them senselessly. Leaving a child bruised and/or broken is just wrong and shouldn't be done, you shouldn't hit them with objects and it shouldn't be about causing pain to the child.
It's about giving them a swift slap across the ass, yes it stings but a child will learn not to do it again because of the consequences of being bad.
My father went to school in what would be considered an abusive environment, teachers would throw board dusters at students, smack their knuckles with rulers. The standard nightmare scenario of the earlier school discipline system.
He says it did him some good one some level when we've talked about it, however he did try to avoid being caught and once had a fight with a teacher who tried to give him a beating in an empty corridor.
I don't agree with those methods and I'm glad that they have gone for good now.
For younger children it's more about understanding right from wrong, case in point this above post. The poster got a couple of whacks across the legs for breaking a window, fair trade off and clearly learnt not to do it again.
Being a good person is something you learn from interaction with other people in your environment.
In short, respect is something you should never make a child aware of via physical force.
It worked for me when I was growing up, I learnt that doing wrong equals a quick smack and that was that.
It works the same when you get older, it's just not a smack any more it's a fine, a prison sentence, etc.
I do not think there is anything wrong with disciplining children like this, as long as you know when to stop and you're not just wailing away on them senselessly. Leaving a child bruised and/or broken is just wrong and shouldn't be done, you shouldn't hit them with objects and it shouldn't be about causing pain to the child.
It's about giving them a swift slap across the ass, yes it stings but a child will learn not to do it again because of the consequences of being bad.
My father went to school in what would be considered an abusive environment, teachers would throw board dusters at students, smack their knuckles with rulers. The standard nightmare scenario of the earlier school discipline system.
He says it did him some good one some level when we've talked about it, however he did try to avoid being caught and once had a fight with a teacher who tried to give him a beating in an empty corridor.
I don't agree with those methods and I'm glad that they have gone for good now.
I tend to agree with this, however I don't feel that punishment such as this is about respecting other people.racrevel said:
For younger children it's more about understanding right from wrong, case in point this above post. The poster got a couple of whacks across the legs for breaking a window, fair trade off and clearly learnt not to do it again.
Being a good person is something you learn from interaction with other people in your environment.
In short, respect is something you should never make a child aware of via physical force.
I'm 6 feet 5 inch. I would use my body to show my children who is boss, but I try not to hit them. Like if they don't want to leave someone I would grabbed them and I would carry the child away.
I would have to agree. Corporal Punishment; when implored wisely(like any other technique) can honestly be one of the best ways to teach a kid what they just did is wrong. Though this only works if they know exactly what they did, and they should also be told why it is wrong. I do not advocate knocking the shit out of kids, but but whether its animals, little kids, or high schools(something I have to deal with) the best way to make a correction remembered is by making it hard and fast(zing), leaving know doubt.