Dating Outside your Religion (or lack thereof)

[tenlong]

As long you can respect each beliefs i don't see the harm in it. On a side note if any girl friend wants me to give up r rated movies and m rated games she is sadly mistaken. It isn't going to happen. Lets say if my girlfriend and 1 wanted to go the movies and both wanted to watch 2 different movies. For example i wanted to watch gore fest 3000 and she wanted to watch chick flick 259. I be happy to watch both with her even the worst chick flick.

 

[Ladie Au Pair]

When I was younger I was fine with dating people with different beliefs. I did it a few times. Now, as someone who is more dating for marriage, I could never date someone who was religious (because I am an atheist.) The issue becomes confusing when you have children. What are you to teach them? Are you supposed to send them mix signals? Watch Richard Dawkins videos with Mommy on Saturday and then go to church with Daddy on Sunday? Then when the child picks which view they follow it's almost like you are making them choose between the parents. I know, my parents did it to me. My father was an atheist and my mother a Baptist. I don't want to do that to my kids, or myself. For me I need to be with someone who has similar views (not necessary the exact same, but similar) so that we can grow together in the same direction, and then eventually allow our children to grow with us.

 

[red the fister]

When I was younger I was fine with dating people with different beliefs. I did it a few times. Now, as someone who is more dating for marriage, I could never date someone who was religious (because I am an atheist.) The issue becomes confusing when you have children. What are you to teach them? Are you supposed to send them mix signals? Watch Richard Dawkins videos with Mommy on Saturday and then go to church with Daddy on Sunday? Then when the child picks which view they follow it's almost like you are making them choose between the parents. I know, my parents did it to me. My father was an atheist and my mother a Baptist. I don't want to do that to my kids, or myself. For me I need to be with someone who has similar views (not necessary the exact same, but similar) so that we can grow together in the same direction, and then eventually allow our children to grow with us.

i applaud your reason and logic, best of luck finding a spouse.(no sarcasm... this time)

 

[Golden Gryphon]

I dated a devout christian once. The biggest problem was that he would occasionally freak out about wether or not he still believed and wanted me to comfort him. I couldn't bring myself to care enough (apart from wanting him to be happy) to help him in the way he wanted and the whole thing was unbelievably stressful.

I might date someone who was very religious again but they'd have to have thought it through for themselves and be secure enough in their beliefs to let me ask them questions and have discussions about it. Obviously they also couldn't care that I'm atheist.

 

[Artemis923]

I don't have any problems with "religious" girls...so long as they can stomach Dissection and Deicide. I'll be damned if I change who I am based on another person's beliefs.

 

[Sebenko]

Well I'm an apatheist dating an... I'm not quite sure, actually. Never been a problem.
I doubt I could stay with anyone religious for more than five minutes. Because I have the capacity to piss most people off if they talk constantly about stuff I don't care about. It would probably escalate into a small nuclear war.

 

[EeveeElectro]

IMO it doesn't matter about age or religion or skin colour or gender.
You can't pick who you fall in love with, I've always stood by that.

 

[dwightsteel]

I'm an agnostic, and I've dated lots of girls from many different faiths. For most of them, it was usually a non-issue. I respected her faith, and she usually respected my lack thereof and we rarely ever had to but heads on the topic. Then I tried out some girls from the LDS faith, and....well that really rocked the boat. Not a one of them would ever shut up about the church. We'd have some fun, have some really great insightful conversations, and then she'd bring up the church, and it would often times end up in a fight over why I couldn't join the church for her. Suffice to say, I've sworn off LDS girls. It all ends in heartache and blue balls.

 

[L4hlborg]

I don't see any problem here. As long as they both aren't fundamentalists of different religions, there probably is no problem.

 

[Ben Legend]

Dating outside of religion does work.

I'm a Christian, and my girlfriend is a Catholic.
I don't believe in God, and my Girlfriend does.

And yet despite this, it works, and each others views don't bother us.

By the way, I mean i'm a Christian in the sense that I was christened.

 

[Valiance]

It depends on the person, obviously.

Part of most religions is to spread your religion. So if the people involved are really, really devoted, it will be a problem. I've been with a girl who broke down crying sometimes because she felt that I would go to hell because I didn't believe in God or something.

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

I find it fine as long as:
1. The person doesn't try to convert me to their religion, cause it shows they have no respect for me and my beliefs(lack therof more accurately)and I wouldn't put up with that. If it became increasingl persistant and made it's way into most of our conversations then I would show her the door.
2. She doesn't make condescending remarks, like somehow she is "better" than me becase she believes in something and I don't.
3. The parents don't get involved with religious discussion, oh my god, that would just open up a bottle of worms, let alone a can of them.
4. She respects my choice and just leaves it at that, doesn't bring it up, doesn't rub it in my face nor sutbly hint at things to do with her religion.

Ultimately though I would want to date an Atheist like myself, cause I don't want to get married cause I don't see the point(but that's best left for another topic)and that would cause a huge mess if I were to say that to someone of faith.

Tbh I think religion just creates problems where they needn't be any. I love the person, that's all that should matter, but unfortunately(like someone said earlier in this thread)people are morons.

 

[Captain Blackout]

*snip*

Rather than read 4 pages of posts I just thought I'd hit you directly. I've got another thread to go start, and I'm so rarely here anymore.

There are basically two sides to dating outside religion.

1. Paul wrote in one of his letters to Christians "Do not be unequally yoked." There's a lot of wisdom in this statement. Paul was speaking about marriage but for many it would be just as appropriate for dating. For Paul, the prospect of a Christian being married to a pagan Roman would be potentially horrifying especially on the day when the Roman's spouse was pitted against a lion for fun. In today's world the challenges are different but the concept applies. The simplest rule of thumb is to find a partner with values as close as possible to your own. Given how much religion and personal values affect each other for many, dating or marrying too far outside your religion is simply asking for problems.

2. I'm a Taoist Christian who was baptized in a fundamentalist Christian church, although I have my misanthropic atheist days. My wife is a Pagan and practicing witch. My wife practices compassion so much that she does not seem to have even the slightest truly vindictive aspect to her spirit. She has her moments when she can be grim or even grudging but as a practicing pirate we can smell our own and she just doesn't have it in her. I practice piracy because, amongst other things, it provides me with rules of engagement when I can't keep from being a vindictive prick. Paul would shit retarded monkeys if he met us. We both value compassion as much as anything else and that's made all the difference in the world.

While religion can seriously affect a relationship if you have certain values in common religion won't matter. When dating enjoy yourself but if the relationship looks serious ask your partner openly what their values are. Pay attention to how they live out their values. While you're at it ask yourself what your values are and watch how you really act.

 

[Captain Blackout]

Well yeah, but even for this to be serious in regards to children is absurd.

Oh boy, this outta be fun.

The comic made sense to me and from the appropriate perspective even seemed like a good idea. Quite frankly young enough children should not be involved in serious witnessing in any religion.

More importantly, you didn't look at your own avatar and see the connection the comic is trying to make in the small children's young impressionable minds?

(for those paying attention to the whack job, yes I went back and read the thread, I forgot my topic while writing the previous post)

 

[Berethond]

I had a 2.5 year relationship end because her mormon family all disowned her because I was not a "brother." She was raised to be controlled by them and I guess the brainwashing payed off. I will never date people involved in cults ever again.

Achievement Unlocked: Became a Cultist

Epic win!
<color=red>SARCASM ALERT! <-- ha!

You have no clue my friend. The things they teach behind closed doors make the teachings of Scientology look like an elementary school "no girls allowed" club by comparison. That, and they've mastered group hypnosis beyond anyone else in the world.

You obviously missed the meaning of the word "became" in my previous posts.

I know exactly what goes on behind our closed doors, and it is nothing close to how you're portraying it.

 

[Sightless Wisdom]

Well yeah, but even for this to be serious in regards to children is absurd.

Oh boy, this outta be fun.

The comic made sense to me and from the appropriate perspective even seemed like a good idea. Quite frankly young enough children should not be involved in serious witnessing in any religion.

More importantly, you didn't look at your own avatar and see the connection the comic is trying to make in the small children's young impressionable minds?

(for those paying attention to the whack job, yes I went back and read the thread, I forgot my topic while writing the previous post)

I'm not entirely sure what I avatar has to do with this, sure it is a Baphomet which is the sign of the church of Satan but it has nothing to do with the general absurdity of the above comic. My point was what the comic said, things like athiests are always sad, they are lost sould, and they "will lash out at children". If that's not Christians enforcing religious discrimination against athiests I don't know what is. Furthermore a talking goat saying the words "Coffe is the only thing that gives me solace" is completely unnecessary, not to mention what child would understand the word solace or what an athiest is for that matter?

(Edit: my bad my avatar has a goat and there's a goat in the comic, makes sense but the points in this post still apply)

 

[Captain Blackout]

I'm not entirely sure what I avatar has to do with this, sure it is a Baphomet which is the sign of the church of Satan but it has nothing to do with the general absurdity of the above comic. My point was what the comic said, things like athiests are always sad, they are lost sould, and they "will lash out at children". If that's not Christians enforcing religious discrimination against athiests I don't know what is. Furthermore a talking goat saying the words "Coffe is the only thing that gives me solace" is completely unnecessary, not to mention what child would understand the word solace or what an athiest is for that matter?

(Edit: my bad my avatar has a goat and there's a goat in the comic, makes sense but the points in this post still apply)

After having been a member of one strict Christian church after another let me tell you, these guys think of everything.

There is a stereotype of the post-modern. Goatee wearing, coffee drinking, generally depressed and often grumpy as hell. They are playing on a stereotype. The real irony is that the guy who posted the comic despite saying otherwise is grumpy. His grumpiness got him banned from here. Stereotypes, while usually retarded, often exist for a reason. God knows I used to look and sound almost exactly like the goat in the comic.

"Lashing out" was a bit over the top but there's something to be said for not telling Christian children "how it is." After years of witnessing to Christians I've found the best approach involves patience and compassion, tools best used when there's some form of relationship already present. A quick meeting between a young child and a mature atheist will result in confusion at best. If the particular atheist fits the above mentioned stereotype the meeting could have unnecessary and harmful results for the child. What purpose does that really serve?

I will admit a lot of children may not know what solace means. That's what a dictionary is for. Atheism for Christian children is another matter. My son declared his atheism before 10 with backup for his choice and an understanding to a significant degree of what he was talking about.

Finally, why a goat? Simple: To equate atheism with satanism. Get the symbols in their young minds early and they will carry those images with them, helping to ensure their belief in the faith.

 

[Sightless Wisdom]

Um...yes. Sorry for my poor wording on that one but I think I've exausted my vocabulary for the topic....well I suppose I'll try.

Yeah I get all the stereotypes and I suppose there are a few athiests like that. Then again that's like saying there are a few nice serial killers. There are always "bad" people. Honestly if I meet an athiest who tries to preach to a child or even bothers talking to the mabout any religious matters I think I may just punch them in the face before I preceed to explain their general lack of intelligence. I agree children should be smarter than they are today, in my opnion most seem to be on a steady intillectual decline. I realise these things because I myself am 15 years old, obviously I'm not the stereotypical teenager. One last thing: I really wish people would think and research before they condemned other religions(here I'm really talking about satanism). I don't know why it is that everyone seems to think Satanists are evil people...I mean not to repeat myself but...I'm a Satanist and a non-theistic one at that. ANYWAY to end my nonsensical ranting...people need to think more...and on the actual topic of the thread..............religion really shouldn't matter all all when in a relationship,which is why(and not to preach or anything) I think religions that condemn each other or stop two people who love each other from being together shouldn't exist.

(NOTE: I wrote all of this at 3 am. I was tired.Ignore the speeling and grammatical errors that are no doubt all over this post.)

 

[spiggy]

You can say 'it's not an issue' all you want. Not sharing a religion is not a negative, but if you do share a religion, that is a huge positive. You can have a physical, an emotional, an intellectual connection, but what about a spiritual connection. I'm a Christian and I'm dating a Christian girl and it's wonderful, we can share our opinions and thoughts on God, help each other figure out our respective faiths. My relationship with this girl has had a huge positive effect on my relationship with God.

Not all of us Christians are the monolithic, self assured nutbags who write things like the above book page. Some of us are actual humans, just trying to figure it all out for ourselves, and a person who shares your faith can help you do that. It's not that not sharing a faith is a detriment, it's that sharing a faith is a benefit.

why are you trying to figger it all out? doesn't that Book already do that?

... i'll make an OT post after i finish the rest of the thread, i promise.

EDIT.

WoW, i was only 3 posts away...

fyi i'm now speaking to whoever is reading this post

fact. I'm Pagan to a fault. My Ex-Wife is an Ecclectic-Cun, errr... Wiccan.

fact. i have no need for the fanciful High or Low magic Rituals that your faith deems mandatory for proper Worship.

Truth. all Temple ceremonies are the same damn thing. High Magic. attempting to change the Universe through Prayer - even if all your praying for is personal, internal, spiritual strength. and that's no different from a coven of Witches casting their spells to make the crops fertile or the Global Recession end.

fact. this world will end in Flames. because one day Sol Will Explode. Or engulf Terra as it becomes a giant.

faith. in the grand scale of the cosmos we are less important to existence than the Salmonella in our intestines is to our lives. but you know what... fuck it. while i'm bound in flesh i'll strive to make my world a better place, for myself, for my loved ones and for teh kids i want to have. i don't need Abe, John, Muhammad or L. Ron telling me how to live. (i have no idea who's hand held the pen that wrote the old testament, and i didn't wanna do to much name dropping for the new one. and yes that's chronological order of publication.) i also don't need H. P. Lovecrafts "teachings". people suck by nature, if we met chances are good that we'd hate each other.

in case you can't tell - I HATE RELIGION. all of them. I see them as just another way to separate Our Race into Tribes within the myriad ethnicities. i don't see a need for them. they take the concepts by which we could pull Ourselves out of the Muck, twist them, and use them to Grind the Unbelievers into the Muck. Honor. Courage. Sacrifice. we should aspire to those virtues above all else... hell i'm not a hypocrite honor is easy to claim... but impossible to understand. look at what the muslim terrorists do for honor. ...damnit i depressed myself /cry

really, truly on topic this time.

Meh. religion can destroy relationships (my first serious GF was Irish Catholic and a pure blood at that), religion can make for awful relationships that never end (the Puffington Family of [as]s Moral Oral is the best example i can think of and yes it's a Satire) and i'm sure you know one couple that is Happy regardless of their faiths. and on this topic.... that is what we should aspire too... don't settle, don't do the "Right Thing", find your happiness wherever you can, just don't cause other to suffer for your own gain... for that is the Way of the Douche.

someday i'll learn what my gfs "religion" is. till then, i'm gonna seek the same thing Vash the Stamped sought. Love and Piece(of ass)!

later all, that was a hell of a rant...

i feel mod wrath coming... meh

Well, I'm impressed. In 15 words, you have managed to insult my intelligence, my girlfriend, and my faith. Way to go. One of the things she's helped me 'figger' out is that faith is a matter of personal choice, a choice made differently by different people, a choice that should be respected. If someone has a different faith than me or no faith at all, I will not try to convert them. As someone who, by his own admission, hates religion, can you say you have the same respect for other people's choices?

I choose Christianity because it sits well with me. It brings me joy. Is it an opiate of the masses? Yes, a little bit. As far as opiates go, my personal belief does little harm. I'm not talking about the bureaucracy of the Religion, the official stance of the Church or random fringe groups who do terrible things in the name of my religion. My singular, personal belief does little harm. I could be filling the void in my life with drugs, alcohol, or meaningless sex with strangers. And if you can find joy in those things, lasting, reliable joy in those things, more power to you. If Satanism brings you joy, go for it. Atheism, Wicca whatever. If those bring you joy and do no harm to others, go for it.

red the fister: I respect your choice to Paganism: can you respect my choice to Christianity?


Moral Orel is not a valid example of anything. It would be like me quoting Stephen Colbert to deride conservatives. Even then, there are people who actually take wedding vows seriously. You know, the bit that goes "for better or worse, till death do us part"? It's not a religious thing, it's a promise. It's saying that no matter how bad things get, you will stick together. What's that called? Honour? Sacrifice? Don't you claim to value those things?

My whole point is: if you can find someone who can make you happy, good for you. If you can find someone who can make you happy AND shares your faith - whatever that faith is - even better.