"Dear Customer, it is my pleasure to inform you..." (A Venting Thread)

[Bleidd Whitefalcon]

...Oh dear god, this one left me in stitches sir. I have this mental image in my head of a bouncer reading off each line and this one made me laugh.

I have to ask what experience this one is based off of.

That was incredibly insightful and amusing to boot. Thank you.

Do you have any funny stories c:?

Not at all thank you! In hope that this doesn't derail the thread, I'll tell you this one story. It's a bit long and I don't know if you'll find it funny but it's one of the reasons I vented about me not being Batman

Just as a bit of background I work in a student late bar in a big student town. The general demographic is a bit hipster so the dress code is VERY informal and the customer care attitude in this place is 'casual'. Less 'Good evening Sir' and more 'Hey man hows it goin'.

So I give you The Epic Tale Of Crazy Ronan and Stoner John:

Spoiler

So I was on the door on a fairly busy night. Lot of traffic outside on the street. I was just after refusing a guy (lets call him Ronan) and was explaining to him that he was never going to be welcome into the place for any reason, ever, because a month ago he had glassed his girlfriend inside the bar and cut her quite badly.

Now Ronan is a very quiet and charming guy, very softly spoken, and always very well dressed, but because of a lot of family, personal, and socio-economic reasons, he doesn't really get or understand a lot of the rules and laws of society that we would adhere to. He kinda sees them more like guidelines. Now I was being very polite to Ronan and was expressing my personal regret as to refusing him. Ronan to his credit was taking the refusal in his stride, claiming he understood my position and that he was getting anger management classes now and since he was back with his girlfriend would there be any chance in the future?

I was trying to delicately explain to him that he was never going to be let into the place because he was fucking terrifying when he lost his temper when a guy gets walked out by the security inside for smoking a joint inside the premises in the smoking area.

The guy is about medium height hair is in not-quite dreads, goatee, canvas shoes, and already I can see that this guy has an attitude problem. He's with his girlfriend who's now trying to pull him away from me. He walks up to me:

Him: 'Why the fuck was I put out?'
Me: You were smoking drugs on the premises.
Him: So fucking what?
Me: Well apparently that's against the law.
Him: Fuck you. And Yer man inside is a **** as well. Fucking bullies.
Me: Cool.
Girlfriend[pulling at his arm]: come on John lets go.
Him:[pushing her away] I'm only going to smoke it at home now anyway.
Me: Ok. Whatever. Man, I don't care what you do at home. Neither does the guy inside. You just can't do it inside. It's against the law.
Him: It's a stupid fucking law anyway.
Me: Amazingly enough I'm not in charge of the laws. If you have an issue with the law how about you write to the Minister for Justice. You see he's in charge of the laws, and I'm here, in charge of the door.
Him Fuck you. I want to go inside.
Me: You can't.
Him I want to get my jacket.
Me: You're wearing a jacket.
Him: My bag so. I had a bag.
Me: You can't.
Him: Why?
Me: Isn't that the eternal question? Why? But I think we've covered this already. You broke the law. We could be calling the cops on you, but instead we just want to to go away.
Him: I want my bag.
Me: I want to live on a tropical island instead of this rainy shithole. Life is full of disappointments.
Girlfriend: I'll get the bag. [to me]Can I come in?
Me: No problem. You weren't smoking drugs on the premises.
[girlfriend, glaring at me, goes inside]
Girlfriend [Muttering to me] Asshole.
Him: She smokes it at home.
Me[wearily]: *sigh* Good for her and good for you. That is a fascinating window into your life together you must be very happy. Its important to have common interests.
Him: You're a dick.

He hangs by the door waiting for his Girl. Intermittently going between glaring and smirking at me while shaking his head like a mad horse. Now this is where Ronan (who was there all the time waiting patiently for me to finish so he could talk to me again.) comes up to me.

Ronan: Jeez yer man is unbelievable. I'd never say that to you. Can I come in?
Me: Ronan sorry I can't. To be honest my Manager is terrified of you after last month. Sure there was blood everywhere man. I was an hour mopping it up. That's pretty fucked up.
Ronan[Laughs]: Ha Ha ya that's fair enough I suppose. Sorry about that again. My shirt was destroyed. Fecking thing cost me 70 euro in River island! Are you sure you can't let me in?
Me: I'm sorry man it's more than my job is worth.
Ronan: No problem man no problem.

Now John the stoner comes up to me again. Now imagine every time he says something he steps towards me and I have to kinda push him away a little. He's not trying to hit me but he is pretty aggressive and definitely getting 'in my face'

Him: Let me in.
Me: No.
Him: Why.
Me Because.
Him: Ignorant wanker.
Ronan: Look man take it easy there is no need to be like that.
Him [ignoring him Ronan glaring at me]: Why are you being such a dickhead? Is it because you can't get a real job?
Ronan: Look man, just chill out there is no need for you to be so aggressive. Just live and let live man sure I'm out here too.
Him [ignoring Ronan again]: You're just being an aggressive dickhead now I wasn't hurting anybody man what's your fucking problem you're not a cop. You're a fucking wannabee cop. Tosser.
Ronan[Frowning at him]: You're ignoring me now and I don't like it.
Him[Still not even listening to Ronan still talking to me]: That's it isn't it? You failed the Cop exam and now you're down here being a **** to people.
Ronan[to him]: You're very rude. I don't like that.
Him: [Making a shooing gesture at Ronan]: Fuck off you scumbag.

Ronan very smoothly steps behind him and just sweeps the back of his knees right from under him. Both his legs go right up into the air. John the Stoner whacks the ground so hard and I hear all the air in his lungs come whooshing out from him.

Ronan: You're very rude.

John the stoner drunkenly picks himself up, an expression of utter shock and stunned horror on his face. He looks at me. I say nothing. Don't even crack a smile. He looks at Ronan , his eyes big and round in total astonishment.

Ronan: You should have listened to me man. I don't like being ignored. It's rude. People shouldn't be rude.

John, spokesperson and rights activist for Irish stoners everywhere; Takes a massive deep breath and points at me, eyes now practically protruding out of his head: 'YOU FUCKING DID THAT!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!'

And just runs towards me. Ronan steps up to his side as he runs past and hooks his arm around John the stoners neck, half-clotheslining him and getting him in a headlock. He starts walking John the Stoner backwards away from the bar door and around the corner.

Ronan:[very quietly and calmly in John the stoner's ear while walking him backwards all the time]: That wasn't him. That was me. You're still ignoring me.
Me: Ronan for fucks sake you are on camera! you're also bound to the piece the Cops are on their way.(total lie on my part)
Ronan: No it's grand I'll be quick enough and then I'll head up town.

They dissappear around the corner just as the girlfriend come out from the bar.

Girlfriend: Where is He?
Me: He got into an argument and a guy took him around the corner over there.

[She goes around the corner literally a second later she comes pelting back to me screaming]

Girlfriend: 'HELP HIMTHEY ARE FIGHTING!'
Me: Am....No.
Girlfriend: 'WHY NOT IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB YOU'RE SECURITY!!!!
Me: No it's not. That's the Cops job out on the street. It's my job inside. Look at all those people in there. All perfectly safe. You call the cops if you want.
Girlfriend: 'HE'S GETTING THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF HIM!'
Me: That is...very sad.
Girlfriend: Well for fucks sake help him anyway though!!! Break it up and hold the guy until they come!!! He's killing him!!! Do SOMETHING!!!
Me; No, that would make me a vigilante. That's Batman's job. I'm not Batman.
Gilrfriend [Taking out her phone and looking at me with total and utter disgust]: You are fucking terrible at your job.

Me: Possibly. I may not be the Security that you boyfriend needs right now, but I feel I'm definitely the one he deserves.

[Guy who was working beside me starts laughing]

Girlfriend: Asshole.



About five minutes later we see Stoner John being supported by his girlfriend to a taxi. For some unknown reason he was holding his head. Possibly a headache. Who can tell?

End

You, sir, are AWESOME. If we ever meet, it would be my pleasure to buy you a drink

 

[Nyaliva]

-Snip-

I recently joined a gym and got a personal trainer and thought I'd have him for a while, get what information I could and then go it alone. I can tell you, I am not letting go of him! Every single session, I learn something new and my workouts are just so much better in every possible way when he's there. Being broke most of my life, I've often scrounged up what health and fitness information I could without shelling out large sums of money and it was just never enough. I now hold a great respect for personal trainers and the benefit they hold, in terms of information, assistance and pure motivation. I'm keeping mine as long as I can afford to!

Working in retail and hospitality, I've always been prepared for dumb customers with an inflated sense of what they're patronage is worth and I've had some gems, but mostly it's been okay. The one thing I dislike more than anything is the assumption that I don't care about people and am just there to make money. Now I know that might be true at the McDonalds down the road but at THIS restaurant (which, something else that pisses me off, is often regarded as fast food just because we do take away), we are here to provide a service, we would not be working here if we didn't want to. I mostly just hate people making assumptions about my character and that of the business because it's a franchise of a large restaurant chain and so everyone involved is just a vacuum cleaner trying to suck up all the money they can.

Then there's the quality phrases that customers blurt out when they think it'll get them what they want. "I'm never coming back here again" is one that still just baffles me as to why people think it holds any real threat anymore. Chances are if you're saying that, you're the type who'd only disrupt everyone elses evening whenever you came in.

I had my boss tickle me once.
It was the last day before we were all fired at Christmas, So I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

...Um what? No seriously, did that happen or was it just a really bad dream?

 

[Colin Bagley]

Sadly, not a dream.
I was Agency staff for a certain company that I probably can't name. At a warehouse, so thankfully very far away from the actual customers.
My job was to check the Online Orders made by customers however. And I felt sorry for loads of Kids. Plenty of parents would buy a particular gaming system (Nothing for anybody over the ages of 4, so nothing worth remembering.) With a selection of games for the particular gaming system 2.
There must have been loads of kids who got upset because their parents bought them the Metaphorical equal of PS2 Games for a PS1.

I Worked as a christmas elf the previous christmas, so I seem to have made all my wages so far, on handling gifts for children.

 

[Johnny Impact]

You'd be surprised at how many people under 30 aren't computer literate in the least. This guy I've worked for in the past has two kids who were constantly not only fucking up their own computers, but then after theirs were well and good screwed up going on to fuck his up too. Both of them are around 18-25 and they're both blooming idiots when it comes to computers. They constantly go around the internet downloading every single "Free movies and TV" toolbar and every other malware scam on the internet. They continuously fall for this shit, clicking on the "win a free iPad" banners and all and then not understanding why the computer doesn't work right any more.

I'm in the unfortunate position of not being educated or certified in PC tech support while still knowing more than most of the people around me. As a result I am constantly asked to diagnose/fix their computers. A typical question goes like this: "My computer has gotten really slow. Can you tell me what's wrong?"
1) Not without looking at it

Which is immediately followed by accusations that you either don't know what you're taking about or are just trying to squeeze money out of them right?

2) It could be any combination of a dozen different things
3) No, I cannot give you an answer in 25 words or less which will be a snap for you to remember and do yourself, if that were the case you would already have fixed the problem. I can give you a list of fixes to try, but the fact that you asked that question in the first place means you won't be able to use it.
4) No, I won't come to your house and spend hours trying to fix it for free!

Never fix computers for family and expect to get paid for it. It doesn't end well and they just spend all their time criticizing your knowledge.

I fix my parents' computers for free because I visit them often and their problems are usually simple. Teaching my mother how to use the rubber stamp brush in Photoshop is easy enough.

I would never actually charge anyone money to fix a computer. I don't have to. I just mention money and they say forget it. Works every time.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I would never actually charge anyone money to fix a computer. I don't have to. I just mention money and they say forget it. Works every time.

This sort of thing ticks me off.

Why do people always want you to do extra work for them for nothing? I tell people not to say what I do for a living, because no matter what, people are always hitting me up for advice.

I used to be nice, but people try to invite themselves along with my personal work outs for their own benefit. I eventually got sick of it and made a 'joke' answer of "First question is free, and the rest will cost 5 bucks"

One person got snippy that I wouldn't tell her how to get everything she wanted and asked "How do I get into Bikini Shape?"

I responded with "Change your life."

 

[Blow_Pop]

This one doesn't apply to me anymore as I don't work at Disneyland anymore but......

You are looking at the goddamned restroom/lockers/attraction/store sign. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME WHERE IT IS?

This was particularly rage inducing with the lockers sign on Main Street. I used to work the fruit cart which is quite literally right in front of the HUGE sign that says lockers. Guest asked where the lockers were one day when I was working. I looked at them. Looked back at the sign. Looked back at them. Walked backstage and told my lead I can't deal with stupidity anymore and went to the bathroom to splash water on my face and calm down.(This was also after a day of 50 billion stupid questions half of which were where are the lockers?)

I work seasonally at Halloween Haunt as a Haunt monster. I have a character that I play that changes year to year depending on where I am. This is a culmination of the last two years.

Spoiler

2 years ago dressed as a pumpkin headed scarecrow: Yes I am a girl stop fucking grabbing my boobs to determine if I am real. And stop cup checking all the guys to see if they are real.

No I won't stop scaring your friend/significant other/child/parent/etc. You getting mad over that means nothing. I am doing a job I am getting paid for. If they don't want to be scared you shouldn't have brought them. Likewise if you can't deal with it you shouldn't have brought them.

Last year dressed as a gentleman: Yes I am fucking real stop kicking me in the head.

No I'm not going to talk for you because you're not going to understand shit I'm saying due to the stupid mask I'm wearing.

You're not being funny by screaming in my mask/using flash photography when it is strictly prohibited. You are creating safety hazards.

How on earth did you miss the HUGE orange sign at the entrance to our maze that is at the entrance to every maze that says do not harass the talent.

No I can't touch you and likewise you are not suppose to touch me.

Yes you are safer from the monsters in the maze than the other guests. They're more likely to hurt you than I am as they apparently can't follow the rules and have to touch everything and be general jackasses.

No that is not a bong. This is a goddamned opium den which is why there is "drug paraphernalia"

Of course we all have accents. We are supposed to be in London in the late 1800s. This is a Jack the Ripper maze. What the fuck do you expect?

 

[solemnwar]

I like the people coming in going "WELL IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT GET ANOTHER JOB."

Yeah because jobs that don't deal with the idiotic populace are so easy to get. They're not. Trust me, if I could get a job where I didn't have to deal with people, I'd take it in a heartbeat. But I can't. Most of those, you need a goddamn degree, and those are expensive. And even with a degree, you are not guaranteed a job, you need to somehow get a network going so people can give you a heads up on shit going on, or refer you to people, etc.

The only reason we have these jobs is because we have this really expensive hobby called LIFE.

So fuck the hell right off and let these people vent for fucks sake Jesus Christ. It's not like they're throwing balls into people's faces when they get annoyed, it's why they're venting HERE, to get that pent-up annoyance off their chest.

 

[SilkySkyKitten]

Dear dollar store customers,

Yes. Almost everything is a dollar here. If an item is not a dollar, it's less than a dollar. No, there is no catch. Nor does anything cost more than a dollar. This place is called a "Dollar Store" for a reason.

Quit asking me the obvious.

Sincerely,
Skywolf09

 

[TheBanMan_v1legacy]

On a somewhat related note I hate ordering from fast food chains because they ask too many questions about your order. Can anyone that works in Maccie Ds tell me if there's like a script you have to follow. I feel dead awkward when I'm dead specific and say "Can I just have a double cheeseburger please, thank you" and then get asked whether I want a drink or the new Mc Chicken Shit Artery Clogger 3000(it's never that specific, that's just for comedic effect). How am I meant to order? Should I be as vague as possible and just say "food please". I'm not attacking anyone that works in the food biz for this, I imagine employees are meant to push you into buying extras and all that. I don't work in customer service(or work at all) but I admire those that do because you've got to take a load of shit for just doing your job, good work you're a credit to our awful species. I'm sure it won't be long before I have to feel your pain but I do have quite a high patience so maybe it won't be that bad. Also all these IT related posts are making me chuckle.

Having done my time earlier in my life at the house that Ronald built I guess I can answer this. It's not an exact script, per se, but there is constant pressure to "upsell" customers. You are ALWAYS to ask the customer if they would like fries with that, something to drink, an apple pie for dessert... and on, and on.

I remember getting a little annoyed with my manager lecturing me on not doing this as, like yourself, a customer had made it clear they wanted only what they ordered. I didn't want to insult them, or seem like I wasn't actually listening. Such is life, I suppose.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

2. The girls who work in the back assisting the doctors are NOT nurses! They can't prescribe you anything, they can't give you samples without your doctor's permission, they can't diagnose you or even tell you what they think about your recent exams, diagnostic imaging, ect. An no, they will not bend the rules of our scheduling system so you can see the doctor earlier even though he's busy.

May I ask what are their official title if they are not nurses? What is there actual job and how is it different from being a licensed medical practitioner?

 

[Petromir]

Bloody hell, the only fish that's sold over here is cod in batter so there's no need to go into specifics when ordering. I'm sure the fancier chip shops sell more kinds of fish but most chip shops I've been in only have one option.

Ironically I think cod is the one fish we don't sell here [Unless there's another name for it and I'm just stupid or something].
All the fish and Chips shops I've worked for have sold Flake, Blue Grenadier, Barramundi, Flounder, King George Whiting, Barracuda, Hake and one of them sold snapper as well. Flake is the most ordered, and what's considered the default fish [Or shark, or whatever actually goes into our lot of flake], but Blue Grenadier is fairly popular too. Greek owned fish and chip shops seem to love having a variety of fish. Probably are a few around that just sell Flake, but they're usually milk bars that just conveniently sell fish and chips too.
On a related note: just survived the Good Friday shift. Thank god I was on counters rather than the fryers.

Multiple fishes in UK fish shops isn't unusual but a fish and chips order will get you the shops standard, generally a portion of chips and some battered cod. 8/10 it will be cod (or at least a cod substitute). There is variation in whether the larger size is considered the standard or the smaller size.

 

[BrassButtons]

Dear dollar store customers,

Yes. Almost everything is a dollar here. If an item is not a dollar, it's less than a dollar. No, there is no catch. Nor does anything cost more than a dollar. This place is called a "Dollar Store" for a reason.

Quit asking me the obvious.

Sincerely,
Skywolf09

I can kind of understand this one, as there are "dollar stores" where things cost more than a dollar (and that's without adding sales tax). Though prices tend to be clearly labeled, so it's still a bit silly to ask rather than just looking around.

 

[miketehmage]

I remember at my job we were training this new guy and I had to leave him unsupervised for a couple of minutes. I came back to this woman shouting all sorts of abuse at him, so I promptly asked him what was going on and he said something like "I told her the price was X, that's right yeah?" He was right. So I said to the woman (please keep in mind she was using a very aggressive tone.)

"Yeah, that's the price."
"Well I think it's ridiculous."
"Cool, but that's the price, so it's up to you."
"Fine I'll pay it this time but we'll never be back."

In what world does she think I could give a flying shit as to whether or not she comes back? You madam, are a **** of the highest order and I certainly would not miss your patronage. So fucking pay me and get out my face.

 

[flying_whimsy]

May I ask what are their official title if they are not nurses? What is there actual job and how is it different from being a licensed medical practitioner?

There are several different grades of nurse with different limits as to what sort of duties they can perform; where I live Nurse Aids are at the bottom and are not allowed to do anything with medication and can only check basic vitals (they usually function as the grunts that do heavy labor and handle messes), then there's Licensed Practical Nurses that can hand out medications and do more thorough vital checks, and then there's Registered Nurses that can give injections, perform basic medical evaluations, operate IVs, and so on. The duties vary based on region and licensing requirements as well as place of work.

Back on topic: I generally try very hard to avoid work that involves a lot of customer interaction. I briefly worked for a large video rental chain and having to deal with people trying to talk their ways out of late fees or lie to try and use other accounts pushed a lot of my buttons.

 

[Thedutchjelle]

I don't work with customers as I work in a greenhouse/plant nursery where non-employees are not allowed. So most of the idiotic things we get are from new co-workers.

"Oh it's so warm" No it's not. It's a sunny day in December. If you think this is warm, I wonder what you'll think when it's August and we hit 35 C with high humidity and no wind.

"I don't want to wear these boots as I'll look stupid". Our greenhouse back then was a muddy, watery place, so our boss provided us with watertight work boots that we could use throughout the day. The new kid wore expensive clothing and shoes and was more concerned with his image than his work. When the girl that was training him noticed he couldn't avoid the waterpools properly, she suggested that he could pick up the boots from our boss. But no, he thought that would look too dumb. He then proceeded to be an ass to the girl training him the entire day - putting in headphones when she wants to give instructions, trying to make her lose balance so she'd fall in the mud, etc.

Then there was the half-stoner who, along a wide variety of other things, decided not to come with me (I was his "trainer" for that day) but walk a good 300 meters to the other side of our greenhouse to smoke - smoking in a greenhouse full with plants and sulfur as antimycotica.

Sigh. You'd think that people knew that greenhouses aren't exactly sterile, room-temperature work environments. Yet, far to often we still get new people complaining about the heat or the dirt and thorns.

 

[mrseriousguy]

If you tell me you have backed up all of your data, I am going to assume you have backed up all your data when I wipe your computer to upgrade it. Don't cry to me when you are missing data.

This. So much this. Especially when these people should know where all their files are stored and know how to copy them to somewhere else.

I'm sure the IT guys on this forum have plenty to say, so I'll keep my complaints short.
5) Being under 30 and claiming to be "computer illiterate". Well, perhaps I'm being unreasonable here. It's not like these things were around when you were growing up. Oh...wait.

You'd be surprised at how many people under 30 aren't computer literate in the least. This guy I've worked for in the past has two kids who were constantly not only fucking up their own computers, but then after theirs were well and good screwed up going on to fuck his up too. Both of them are around 18-25 and they're both blooming idiots when it comes to computers. They constantly go around the internet downloading every single "Free movies and TV" toolbar and every other malware scam on the internet. They continuously fall for this shit, clicking on the "win a free iPad" banners and all and then not understanding why the computer doesn't work right any more.

Preaching to the Choir!

 

[TakeyB0y2]

May I ask what are their official title if they are not nurses? What is there actual job and how is it different from being a licensed medical practitioner?

They're just medical office assistants, which is what I am too. They just work more closely with the doctors. I went to school for just 6 months to become one, and all you get is a certificate. Essentially it's just administration work, only you have to help prep exam rooms and do urine dipstick analysis (which is easy; little squares on the stick change color, a paper tells you what each color means for each row of squares, then you record it).

 

[SilkySkyKitten]

Dear dollar store customers,

Yes. Almost everything is a dollar here. If an item is not a dollar, it's less than a dollar. No, there is no catch. Nor does anything cost more than a dollar. This place is called a "Dollar Store" for a reason.

Quit asking me the obvious.

Sincerely,
Skywolf09

I can kind of understand this one, as there are "dollar stores" where things cost more than a dollar (and that's without adding sales tax). Though prices tend to be clearly labeled, so it's still a bit silly to ask rather than just looking around.

Technically, those are not dollar stores at all. A dollar store is a store where everything is a dollar or less, not just a store with "dollar" in the name like the kinds of stores you mentioned.

Plus, where I work, we have big signs all over the place that clearly say "Everything's 1 Dollar". So customers truly have no excuse to have to ask the price of things in the shop.

 

[Anti Nudist Cupcake]

I have to work. Which sadly means I have to deal with people. Currently I'm a personal trainer, and I deal with a lot of... 'ideas' that I'd love to voice to the clientele, but of course I can not. Luckily I now work with people who are a little more knowledgeable about what a trainer actually does, but it wasn't always the case. The spoilered thing below is just some of the questions or statements I always wanted to respond to before I quit.

Spoiler

1.)

I don't see why I need a trainer. If I just do the machines I'll be fine

If this were indeed the case, it would be great. However, next time you go to the gym, take a look around. Think about when you first started the gym. Are the same people doing the same machines? Ok. Have they made that much of a change?

Now, you'll get the people who are of course the exception to the rule. And if you just start the gym, of course doing some resistance training will obliviously give you more benefits than not. But by and large, I see people who come to my personal work out gym (opposed to my Work gym) who were the same weight I first saw them in back in 2011 when I joined it.

And honestly, people have so many body wants and desires (one wants to look like Beyonce, and one wants the physique of a professional soccer [football] player) and they somehow think that doing whatever machines they see will magically sculpt their body into that form. Pretty much not. If you want your body to look a certain way, you have to train it in that manner. You will look like a bodybuilder just doing the machines, as they are usually built for spot specification. Meaning your muscles will just get tighter... that is if you do it right.

2.)

Ok, so why don't you just write me up a program and I'll follow that?

This would be nice but in America, we live in a sue happy society. There have been many times I've explained an exercise to someone who gets it in the moment and forgets it later. People I trained with for months. Only when they show me they understand the exercise and where it is working out and how to do it with control do I eventually step back. That's my job. I teach people how to use their bodies to get their desired results. Why am I saying this?

Because if people get a program from me, get hurt, they'll say "well, I was just following what Obsidian gave me..." and they can sue. Strike that. They WILL sue. Especially if you live in New York. And they'll have a case. A case that many people have won and cost the gym a lot of money. If that plan has my name on it and you decide to do it and you get hurt... even if you sue and you promise you aren't going to come after me... it's going to get back to me. I will lose my job and others might also. That's why giving out work out programs are usually against reputable gym's policies.

3.)

That's bull. You just make money from training people and you don't want to give anything out for free.

Well, I have to congratulate you for getting it half right. Yes, I do make money from training people. That's very True. But I will also take this time to congratulate you for another thing. Having the sheer balls to actually try to shame someone into giving you something for free when you know full and well that I do make my living doing this.

What I have is a specific knowledge base that people find valuable. You yourself admit this by trying to tap into it. Our whole economy is based on that: specialists with skills we prize but don't have the time to learn ourselves. You wouldn't go to an Architect and say 'Oh, just draw the plans for me. I'll get it built'. You wouldn't go to college and say to the professor 'This is a scam job. There are tons of books out there that I can read and probably learn the same thing'. So why is it when it has to deal with the body, people short change the importance?

Well, that's where the last thing that gets on my nerves.

People do not have any respect of how little they know about their body. Especially the functioning.

There's so much to get into that last topic that I really don't even know where to begin. You'd be surprised how many people are shocked to find out that they a.) have been walking wrong their entire life and b.) might be the reason why their bodies ache or have constant breathing and/or fatigue problems. Yeah, we can work our bodies, but it's like a sword. Any idiot can swing around a sword and kill someone. But have you ever seen a true swordsperson work? It's frightening what he or she can do with the same instrument that other people so crudely wield. That comes from knowing their body. That comes from hard work. And a lot of the time, it comes from instruction.

Ok, I can go on for hours, but I'll stop here. So, in your vocation, what are some of the things you'd love to tell the clientele that they just don't seem to get?

I don't have anything to vent about but I just wanted to say that you sound like an awesome trainer. I recently hired a biokineticist to help me get one of those "toned" builds. He's nice, he made a workout program for me but he went through all the exercises with me.

I just have one complaint; that thing you mentioned about people only getting the exercise right "in the moment" and doing it wrong after? That's what I'm worried might be happening to me. Isn't he supposed to schedule another appointment or something to make sure I remembered the exercises correctly?

I'd hire you if I could.

 

[Black-Toof]

3. DO NOT HASSLE US OVER TAKING A BIT OF INFO. We use a computer ordering system. It requires certain pieces of information, in a certain sequence, before it will allow an order to be entered. If you do not give us this information, you will not be ordering. If you blurt out your order right away, expect to repeat it after we take your info. We do not control the program. We are not doing this to give you a hard time so don't give us one. JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION.



4. DO NOT MODIFY EVERYTHING AT THE VERY END. If you say "Smith" at the beginning and then at the end say "Mary will pick that up" you better make sure Mary knows the order is placed under Smith because the name can't be changed at the end. Do not say, after placing a very long order, "and I need all of these to have fill-in-the-blank." Doesn't work that way. Often we will have to re-enter the entire order so it will price correctly -- and yes, we are going to make you wait while we do this. If you have a request that applies to the whole order, TELL US AT THE BEGINNING, we can incorporate it as we go.

Hey there,
I don't really order food but it sounds like your ordering system could use a bit of an update.
The ability to add a, I don't know, large coke? to each order should probably just be as simple as clicking an extra button.

I'm not trying to question those rules, I agree with them completely.
And I also know your not in charge of what programs you are made to use or protocol/procedures you have to follow.
But you'll get idiots, especially if a portion of people ordering are drunks. (I'm being quite presumptuous here.)

Anyway, I still agree.