Deciding not to have children (socially unacceptable?)

[E-mantheseeker]

This leads to quite a conundrum. On one hand if you are intelligent enough to rationally decide whether or not children are a good idea and weigh both sides of that argument in order to come up with a worthwhile decision, many people in the world who are dumb as bricks don't and have (many) children anyways.

So while I'm assuming you are intelligent because it seems you are thinking, without children you are merely helping the global statistical average of human intelligence slide left.

That is perhaps the most logical result of not having children I have heard, other than the usual "But you must!" or "You'll end up lonely and miserable!"

 

[Leftnt Sharpe]

All the men on my Dad's side of the family make terrible Fathers and I suspect that I would be the same. My own father would be the first to admit that he is an average Dad at best and I just don't feel that I could do any better than he did. Saying that, you never know how your situation might change in the future and how you might change as a person.

 

[henrebotha]

I have made the decision that I wouldn't ever want children. I think it's a pretty reasonable decision seeing as how I'm not generally interested in starting a family or have any real desire reasons to have children. I'm not the model "Family man" while I love them, I have grown tired of living with my mother and sister, and the parallel between "Mother and Sibling" and "Wife and Children" are close enough for me to know that it would be a mistake for me to start a family knowing I would regret it later on, and live miserably.

However, I do not think starting a family in general is a mistake. I don't look down on anyone who does, but whenever the subject is brought up and I mention that I wouldn't ever want kids, the reaction is usually surprise and unbelief, as if it's absurd or immature to make such a decision, as if it's expected and necessary for every single human to start a family.

It's not as if there's an immediate problem with the world population being too low, so I must ask, why does the notion of never having children seem so unacceptable to the general public?

I think the answer is that the people you discuss this with are witless apes. Choosing not to have children is a very sensible decision - as sensible and mature as choosing to have children.

I would like to have one child (I'm a musician/sound engineer so I know I won't make enough money to support more, and I like the idea of spoiling a kid a bit), but my (future) wife is uncomfortable with the idea as she suffers from a range of physical and psychological conditions that she doesn't want to pass on, so we'll have to wait and see.

 

[E-mantheseeker]

I'm going to have to ask how old you are, as you didn't state.

Generally with friends and family, a desire to start a family of their own doesn't come up until late 20's or into their 30's.

I'm a little less than 3 months away from turning 20. I'm not saying that the possibility of changing my mind isn't there, I just think it's highly unlikely. Whenever it's said to me, "You'll want them when you're older" I think to myself that while it is possible that some biological impulse will activate making me desire children in the future, I am too much of a logical thinker to simply go with an "impulse of nature".

 

[-Orgasmatron-]

I don't even wanna get married.

 

[wewontdie11]

If you don't want them don't have them. That's all I can say on the matter really. More gene pool for the rest of us.

 

[Internet Kraken]

I HATE CHILDREN.

But there's a gap between being a child and getting to the stage where you feel you might some of your own when kids are just an annoying irrelevance. That's just the way it goes.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. I have a grudge against children. I have bad childhood memories, and everytime I see a child of elementary school age my gut wrenches a little.

Your holding a grudge against small children?

 

[BoxCutter]

But then, my family is made up of extremely religious, conservative Republican psychopaths [the homophobic, intolerant ones that make other Republicans look bad]--so in their eyes, I haven't accomplished anything until I get married and start having brats.

sickburn

Anyways I think having children is something that every individual should really think about at least once in their lifetime. Not because having kids is so magical, or because it makes you a better person. But because deciding whether or not you really want to have them is a very mature decision to make. And whether you are 13 or 30 that is something that everyone should commend. I have decided to not have kids because I honestly don't think I'd be a good father figure, and therefor do not want to harm children by bringing them into this world and not giving them everything they deserve. Whether you want kids or you think its a terrible idea to have them, having made a real commitment to yourself to sit down and seriously think about why you as a person don't want them is something that I think is very important.

If you decide you don't want them, anyone else would be stupid to try and force it upon you. There isn't anything worse than a parent that doesn't want their child.

 

[historybuff]

But then, my family is made up of extremely religious, conservative Republican psychopaths [the homophobic, intolerant ones that make other Republicans look bad]--so in their eyes, I haven't accomplished anything until I get married and start having brats.

sickburn

Anyways I think having children is something that every individual should really think about at least once in their lifetime. Not because having kids is so magical, or because it makes you a better person. But because deciding whether or not you really want to have them is a very mature decision to make. And whether you are 13 or 30 that is something that everyone should commend. I have decided to not have kids because I honestly don't think I'd be a good father figure, and therefor do not want to harm children by bringing them into this world and not giving them everything they deserve. Whether you want kids or you think its a terrible idea to have them, having made a real commitment to yourself to sit down and seriously think about why you as a person don't want them is something that I think is very important.

If you decide you don't want them, anyone else would be stupid to try and force it upon you. There isn't anything worse than a parent that doesn't want their child.

Exactly. Could not have said it better. *high-five*

 

[Tears of Blood]

Your holding a grudge against small children?

?`?????????????????D

Err, umm. Absolutely.

 

[Pink_Pirate]

Hmn.. interesting thread, I never though I'd want kinds. But now I do, I want to have two girls. I hate kids tho, never liked the drooling, smelly, ugly things. Doesn't have anything to do with why i want kids tho, for me it about wanting to experience the unique relationship you can share with someone in a parent/child relationship. On the other hand I'm only 21 (and a dude if you must know) so by the time i feel "old enough" to have kids my opinions might have drastically changed. In the end i suppose it'd be about finding the right person to have kids with. NOT that i want to get married, i just don't see the point in the meaningless social ritual. I don't need to put a ring on somebody to spend my life with them, but that's a different discussion.

 

[E-mantheseeker]

But then, my family is made up of extremely religious, conservative Republican psychopaths [the homophobic, intolerant ones that make other Republicans look bad]--so in their eyes, I haven't accomplished anything until I get married and start having brats.

sickburn

Anyways I think having children is something that every individual should really think about at least once in their lifetime. Not because having kids is so magical, or because it makes you a better person. But because deciding whether or not you really want to have them is a very mature decision to make. And whether you are 13 or 30 that is something that everyone should commend. I have decided to not have kids because I honestly don't think I'd be a good father figure, and therefor do not want to harm children by bringing them into this world and not giving them everything they deserve. Whether you want kids or you think its a terrible idea to have them, having made a real commitment to yourself to sit down and seriously think about why you as a person don't want them is something that I think is very important.

If you decide you don't want them, anyone else would be stupid to try and force it upon you. There isn't anything worse than a parent that doesn't want their child.

Exactly. Could not have said it better. *high-five*

High fives all around, I feel the exact same way, deciding seriously whether or not you want children is a sign of maturity, if the decision comes from serious reasoning. This is a decision concerning Life, the decision to have or not have kids isn't something that should be taken lightly.

 

[Private Custard]

When I'm 21 I want to be sterilized... that doesn't go down too well

Probably better than people take it when I tell them I'm visiting Dignitas to be Euthanised as soon as I retire. I haven't thought of anything better to do with my retirement in the 20 years I've been thinking about it!!

Oh and no, I don't want kids ever........they'd fuck up my plans for self termination!

 

[Fallingwater]

OP, I can relate to you; I've taken the same decision, though for slightly different reasons: I don't want the responsibility and the expense, I don't like children and I don't think I could ever be a good parent.

However, I do not think starting a family in general is a mistake. I don't look down on anyone who does, but whenever the subject is brought up and I mention that I wouldn't ever want kids, the reaction is usually surprise and unbelief, as if it's absurd or immature to make such a decision, as if it's expected and necessary for every single human to start a family.

Around here, people are a bit more tolerant about unusual lifestyle choices. They usually raise an eyebrow when I tell them I don't want children, ever, but only the deeply religious are very surprised.
People do tend to freak out when I tell them I'm about to get a vasectomy though. If I had a penny for every time I heard the words "but you're too young!"... well, I'd only have a few bucks, but you get the idea.
Ironically, the one who DIDN'T freak out was my mom. She knew how I thought about the whole thing, so she just accepted my decision.
Now to find ?1000 or so of disposable money to pay for it...

It's not as if there's an immediate problem with the world population being too low, so I must ask, why does the notion of never having children seem so unacceptable to the general public?

Religious indoctrination plays a big part. Other than that, I guess it's just that most people are incapable of putting rationality above their evolution-given instincts.

This leads to quite a conundrum. On one hand if you are intelligent enough to rationally decide whether or not children are a good idea and weigh both sides of that argument in order to come up with a worthwhile decision, many people in the world who are dumb as bricks don't and have (many) children anyways.

Whenever someone brings this up, I always think of a world where breeding is artificial. And yeah, that's a scary, brave-new-world-type thought that entails a whole lot of change into what we think as acceptable; on the other hand, would it really be so bad to drastically increase the percentage of smart people? Would humanity as a whole not prosper from such a change?
More importantly, would we be able to retain the good things of such a system, while not succumbing to the temptation of eliminating, through genetic selection, all the bad things about humanity?
Nobody appreciates good things if there aren't bad things to contrast them. Would humanity thrive if ugliness, stupidity and such were to be removed, or drastically reduced? Or would we just become a race of aesthetically perfect, smart, but extremely bored and apathetic beings?

I have watched Gattaca too many times. *sigh*

So while I'm assuming you are intelligent because it seems you are thinking, without children you are merely helping the global statistical average of human intelligence slide left.

I'm aware of that, but frankly, MY needs have a much bigger priority to me than the needs of the world, especially considering the incredibly small scale on which I'd contribute by having one or more children.

 

[G1eet]

Hey, it's your genetic material. Do what you will with it.

 

[Some bullets]

Some people say that if you don't want to have kids they see it as hating kids. Which is not the case people well argue to make their point seem better. It all comes down to it is your choice and no-one elses to have kids or not. Who care if its publicly unacceptable.

 

[Blackadder51]

Most people have children hence why many think its unacceptable..i however agree with you...

 

[ssgt splatter]

I don't think it has to do with having kids, I think it has something to do with the sentence, "You wouldn't have sex?"

 

[Kiutu]

I am for either. I think I would be a good parent, mostly from watching the mistakes of my own family. However, if the person I am with does not want them, then we won't.

 

[Insanum]

I have made the decision that I wouldn't ever want children.

ooo, Interesting...

Well - Im the same age as you (im only like... 5 months older) and i share your opinion (i dont want children, but im not ruling out the possibility in the future), However saying that you completely dont want kids, In my opinion is a tad naive, If you all of a sudden meet the girl of your dreams & you win the lottery, I think babies may come more to mind a little bit...

I see the meaning of life is because your parents got a bit...giggity...and we are all here to do that too.

If you dont choose to have kids...you'll be envied by some and mocked by others.