Ditching someone who friend zones you (Edited)

[Lightknight]

What.

You could just as well say that it's the fault of the person who wants to have a relationship when the other person doesn't.
Let's say I just want to have a friendship but the other person goes and developes romantic and/or sexual feelings towards me and complicates things. Their fault.

Or if we are trying to pin down whose 'fault' it is, why not the person whose feelings aren't returned? It's their fault for not being their type, right?

I'm trying to explain that it being someone's "fault" doesn't necessarily mean that they did something wrong. Why isn't the relationship becoming romantic? Because the person rejected their advances in lieu of a platonic relationship. It is their fault that the relationship isn't becoming romantic but that's not a bad thing since that person isn't interested.

Anyone who is at fault is merely responsible for what happened. The issue here is that people assume a negative connotation when someone is rejected. As if the person rejecting did something wrong other than simply following their own heart. That is an erroneous way to look at it. So what if a girl rejects a guy? If she/he didn't have feelings for them then what other scenario do we expect from the person? Is it their fault that the relationship doesn't advance to go? Absolutely. Do they have justifiable reasons for blocking the relationship? Absolutely. Did they do anything wrong in deciding that they don't want that kind of relationship? Nope.

It is their fault in as much as the heart wants what the heart wants. Why does a dish filled with cilantro not get eaten by me? Because I don't like cilantro. How is me not liking cilantro somehow bad or evil? It isn't. But I am responsible for deciding not to eat it and I'm ok with that fact.

You do realize you aren't helping, right?

Is it my job to help? Must have missed that memo. I am disagreeing with the general complaint here. That's all the help I'm aiming to give. That concerns over this term is largely unwarranted and unreasonable.

One of the big problems people have is that it's viewed as a gendered term, something a girl does to a boy.
Then you have some people saying it is not, and that it just describes a situation, but then you for example are defending it's use and defining it as something a girl does.

I'm not saying it isn't a gendered term. I couldn't give two fucks from Friday whether or not it's a gendered term. It is typically (but not always) guys who complain about friend zone issues ergo it is rightfully gendered from a colloquial view though it can just as easily be used by the women who are also rejected in the same way by men. I have friend zoned a girl. I accept and own that fact. I wasn't interested and I'm not about to lead her on or to enter into a romantic relationship I don't want. There is nothing wrong with friendzoning people. Nothing at all.

I'm saying the term is apropos. It correctly and succinctly describes a situation of rejection with the additional information that the rejector wishes to maintain a friendly relationship with the rejectee. It does what language is supposed to do and no amount of complaining about it is going to make it less so. I'm sorry that the term makes you feel "icky" but it is not inherently different in the "icky" department from using the word rejected except in the more refined definition it conveys.

 

[And Man]

The issue here is that people assume a negative connotation when someone is rejected. As if the person rejecting did something wrong other than simply following their own heart.

It's not the negative connotation of rejection, it's the negative connotation of "fault". Saying that someone is at fault implies that they did do something wrong.

 

[Lightknight]

Snip

Rejection is rejection, as I said, I don't like the term because of what it implies. If people want that term for that exact situation, be my guest, I'll keep not liking it.

Besides, I said it makes me cringe, I didn't say: "You cannot use it." I said: "I don't think it should even be a term." And I explained what I associate with it, and what I think of it. I was stating my opinion of the term, not trying to impose disuse.

Seriously, read someone's post before you accuse them of something.

If you'll take the time to look at the sum of quotes in my post you'll see that I've been responding to multiple people's issue with the term. For them to take "issue" with a term that was used is for them to complain that the term was used at all. My ending sentence was more a comment to the wealth of issue takers in this thread than you specifically. I apologize if you thought it was a direct comment towards you, however, if you read my post more carefully you'd see that I said, "people" and not you. So I would have hoped you'd have gleaned from that pronoun that I was talking about a large set of individuals. Sorry that I was mistaken.

 

[Lightknight]

The issue here is that people assume a negative connotation when someone is rejected. As if the person rejecting did something wrong other than simply following their own heart.

It's not the negative connotation of rejection, it's the negative connotation of "fault". Saying that someone is at fault implies that they did do something wrong.

It can also have the connotation that they are in some way responsible for another person's suffering. You can do everything right and still be responsible for harm and suffering in multiple ways.

I certainly concede that fault typically does come across as wrong doing. However, I don't know how I could have made the context of the term any more clear since I did repeatedly state the person did nothing wrong despite their role in the person's rejection-fueled suffering.

I just get that some of the decisions we have aren't going to synch up with other people's and that causing pain is an inevitability of free will. Even the best intentioned person will always be incapable of avoiding this truth.

 

[DarkRawen]

If you'll take the time to look at the sum of quotes in my post you'll see that I've been responding to multiple people's issue with the term. For them to take "issue" with a term that was used is for them to complain that the term was used at all. My ending sentence was more a comment to the wealth of issue takers in this thread than you specifically. I apologize if you thought it was a direct comment towards you, however, if you read my post more carefully you'd see that I said, "people" and not you. So I would have hoped you'd have gleaned from that pronoun that I was talking about a large set of individuals. Sorry that I was mistaken.

Ehm, quote several people then? Like, the original posts. If you didn't intend for it to be a direct message to me, why quote me, then neglect to mention that parts of it is not aimed at me or me in particular? A vague; "people" doesn't imply that you're talking to people you've not even quoted, (quoting someone who has quoted someone else is not quoting the latter) nor that I'm not included in the accusation. And if I were... well, I've already addressed that.

Now, the last part is rather passive aggressive, but yes, you were mistaken, and it's good that you're sorry. Anyways, since this has nothing to do with the topic at this point, I suggest we end the conversation here.

 

[Hazy]

First off, before I tell you how to escape, we're going to look into why you got put in the friendzone.

Take a look at what this man is doing: he's balancing. Relationships are a lot like that. When you meet a girl, you're walking that razor's edge between friend and boyfriend material. How you present yourself, how you speak, how you communicate without words, all of that and more factor into what side you fall into. How do you carry yourself? Do you walk with your head held high? Where do you keep your drink at a party: is it in front of your chest, acting as a barrier, or is it down at your side? How do you sit? Do you sit hunched up and timid or stretched out and relaxed?

With that in mind, let's get into some steps for escaping shall we?

Step 1: Make your feelings perfectly clear. "I want you, I don't want to be your friend, I want something more." Be 100% direct, no bull, don't beat around the bush, put it all on the table. If you truly want her as a woman then do not settle for being "just friends."

Step 2: If she says no, or she's hesitant, DROP HER. Meet other women. You need to be willing to drop it at a moment's notice, no skin off your back. If she knows that you need her, she's free to take advantage of you and do whatever the hell she wants. This is bad news.

Step 3: In this "separation," meet other women! Get to know new people! Pick up a hobby and better yourself! I highly recommend studying up on body language in the meantime, as it will help your game in the long run, and if you're not familiar with it, practice being playful and seductive.

Step 4 (Optional): If you feel like you want to reconnect later on down the line, make plans to do something. Let her know that you're going to do it regardless, her coming along has no sway whatsoever.

I'll leave you with Coach Corey.

Good luck.

 

[Eleuthera]

[HEADING=3]Guys stop the bickering on whether or not friendzone is ok to use.[/HEADING]

This thread is doing fine as it is, focus on the OP's question, please.

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Personally, I believe the best relationships come from friendships. I can't stand the idea of walking up to someone and saying "I'm sexually attracted to you, wanna fuck?" (or something to that extent), it feels forced and paleolithic.

I second that. My girlfriend is my best friend. If you aren't best friends with your partner, why are you together?

I do understand why people go for the latter. I just don't do it myself.

 

[Lightknight]

EDIT: Sorry Eleuthera. Was posting when you posted. Consider the bickering dropped. Feel free to delete this post as desired.

Actually, I really don't see how this is different from most rejection in life. You will almost certainly be rejected more by the people close to you. It's part of life.

Rejection is part of life. Rejection with the expectation of an ongoing relationship with the person that rejected you is not necessarily part of life and paints a deeper picture of long suffering.

We have other terms for other kinds of rejection too. Being shot down, for example, elicits the image of you asking for a date and being quickly rejected. Interestingly enough, a vivid term like shooting something down isn't viewed negatively. You'd think this would be the term viewed negatively and friend zone would be a much more positive thing. You know, like, "Aww, she doesn't like him but still wants to be friends" rather than, "Dude... she said 'No, Hell no, aint no way'".

Either way, this is a type of rejection with its own term.

 

[happyninja42]

Having been in several friend zones myself, I can say it depends on the nature of the relationship. Some of the women who "friended" me, did it because they wanted to take advantage of my friendship and generosity to their own benefit. They would ask me out to go do something, and it would turn out that they needed a ride to go meet the guy they were interested in. Stuff like that. Others were just simply not interested in me as a romantic partner, but were cool to go hang out, do fun stuff for our mutual enjoyment, and basically just be a friend without a Y Chromosome.

If the situation in question is of the Former type scenario, dump her fast and save yourself the grief of being her doormat. If it's the Latter, then keep the relationship and enjoy having another friend. I had lots of interesting conversations with my girl-friends that was highly useful later in life when I hit the dating scene hard. TONS of late night conversations about things like "Why do guys do this?" or "Why do girls do this?" type stuff. They are a good resource for male-female interactions that you should take advantage of while you can. It will help you later in life.

If your sexual attraction for them is just too strong for you to dampen down and be in her presence without causing you undo stress...well, I don't really know what to say other than...well...actually I'm not really sure what to do, other than regular masturbation? *shrugs* That worked for me pretty well with my girl-friends that were just too damn hot to be around for long without driving me nuts.

 

[Lightknight]

First off, before I tell you how to escape, we're going to look into why you got put in the friendzone.

Take a look at what this man is doing: he's balancing. Relationships are a lot like that. When you meet a girl, you're walking that razor's edge between friend and boyfriend material. How you present yourself, how you speak, how you communicate without words, all of that and more factor into what side you fall into. How do you carry yourself? Do you walk with your head held high? Where do you keep your drink at a party: is it in front of your chest, acting as a barrier, or is it down at your side? How do you sit? Do you sit hunched up and timid or stretched out and relaxed?

With that in mind, let's get into some steps for escaping shall we?

Step 1: Make your feelings perfectly clear. "I want you, I don't want to be your friend, I want something more." Be 100% direct, no bull, don't beat around the bush, put it all on the table. If you truly want her as a woman then do not settle for being "just friends."

Step 2: If she says no, or she's hesitant, DROP HER. Meet other women. You need to be willing to drop it at a moment's notice, no skin off your back. If she knows that you need her, she's free to take advantage of you and do whatever the hell she wants. This is bad news.

Step 3: In this "separation," meet other women! Get to know new people! Pick up a hobby and better yourself! I highly recommend studying up on body language in the meantime, as it will help your game in the long run, and if you're not familiar with it, practice being playful and seductive.

Step 4 (Optional): If you feel like you want to reconnect later on down the line, make plans to do something. Let her know that you're going to do it regardless, her coming along has no sway whatsoever.

I'll leave you with Coach Corey.

Good luck.

Easily one of the best responses in this thread if not the best itself. Interesting video too. Thanks for taking the time to put the post together.

 

[kortin]

I'll leave you with Coach Corey.

Good luck.

"I don't want to be your friend, I want to be something more"

aka, I just want to have sex with you, I don't give a shit about you as a person.

"she's free to take advantage of you"

I don't even know what to say to this, other than that this is probably only twice as misogynistic as it sounds.

"Meet other women"

Ah, yes, the whole 'act like you're not interested' play, that only ends poorly all the time.

"Let her know that you're going to do it regardless, her coming along has no sway whatsoever"

This is probably the only decent thing you've said in this post. However that's only because you should actually go out to do something and invite her along.

LOL
I can't believe you posted that douche here. Corey has no idea what the fuck he's talking about.

Wait no, you're probably right. Let's treat other people like shit, they'll definitely want you that way.

 

[L. Declis]

First off, before I tell you how to escape, we're going to look into why you got put in the friendzone.
With that in mind, let's get into some steps for escaping shall we?
Good luck.

Escaping the friendzone?

If someone isn't attracted to you, then the chances are he or she is not likely to change. Stop trying to force it, that's not dissimilar to wanting to inflict Stockholm Syndrome.

Someone somewhere is masturbating over you. Go find that person. Meet that person. Be friends. Make love. Bring them breakfast in the morning. Go to a museum later. And so on.

But you don't escape the friendzone 9/10, all you do is drive someone away.

Step 1: Make your feelings perfectly clear. "I want you, I don't want to be your friend, I want something more." Be 100% direct, no bull, don't beat around the bush, put it all on the table.

Correct. This isn't how you escape the friendzone, however. You should be approaching her like this. Not a sweaty, fevered, mouth-breathing "Hhhhgh, I waaaant you!" but a simple "I like you a lot, would you like to go on a date?".

If you'd rather be friends first, then use your words. "I like you a lot, and I would like to be friends to see if we get along. Would you like to have some coffee and see where things go?".

If you're friends with someone and THEN you develop feelings for them, don't act weird, just say "Hey, recently I've been having some feelings for you; would you like to come on a date with me?"

Being honest will get you much further. If she/he says no, however, don't be THAT GUY/GIRL. You know THAT GUY/GIRL. THE GUY/GIRL who bitches and moans and talks about him or her behind their back. They'll never like you if you do that, and you know what? No one fancies that guy or girl.

Step 2: If she says no, or she's hesitant, DROP HER. Meet other women. You need to be willing to drop it at a moment's notice, no skin off your back. If she knows that you need her, she's free to take advantage of you and do whatever the hell she wants. This is bad news.

Again, true, but again, this should be how to approach it. There are quite a few shitty people, man or woman, who exist, and they will string you along for as long as you'll let them.

If someone wants to date you, they'll make it work somehow. If they're busy, they'll suggest other dates. If someone goes wrong, they'll try to make new arrangements.

Now, my fellow daters, if someone stands you up, or cancels the last minute for no reason, or consistently doesn't show, or is a major pain to book for, stop trying to date them.

It's not a rom-com; they're not having random problems, it's not strange, they simply don't respect or regard you well enough to go to the effort for, and you deserve better. Drop them completely (even as friends; friends should respect each other) and find other people. Like I said, there is SOMEONE who DOES want you.

Step 3: In this "separation," meet other women! Get to know new people! Pick up a hobby and better yourself! I highly recommend studying up on body language in the meantime, as it will help your game in the long run, and if you're not familiar with it, practice being playful and seductive.

Studying body language can be useful. Being direct is more useful, and dating is like anything. Practise helps. The more you date, the better you get. That's why people tend to have either 2/3 boyfriends or 30 girlfriends.

I would alter this advice:
1) Are you attractive? No? Get attractive. Lose weight, look nice, dress well, shower, brush your teeth, etc. You can have a style, but "gross" is not a style.

2) Are you interesting? I suggest you have 3 types of hobby, and one of each. Something active, like a sport. Something creative, like painting or music. Something knowledgeable like some kind of language or history or something.

3) Would you date you? Are you kind? If not, why not? Sort that out.

4) Get some pride, get some confidence. You know who is unattractive? People who sit there and moan and don't take compliments.

Step 4 (Optional): If you feel like you want to reconnect later on down the line, make plans to do something. Let her know that you're going to do it regardless, her coming along has no sway whatsoever.

...This one is interesting, in that I don't quite agree.

My advice is after a while, just make plans together. Get some coffee or something, nothing with pressure or obligation. If they umm or ahh, just drop the issue and find someone who deserves your awesome company.

how 'bout you don't make friends just for the sake of sleeping with them? Is that the best quality they have? That they could potentially have sex with you? if so then you're a shitty friend and should probably cut ties to spare them your toxic attitude.

ps. you is general.

Personally, I believe the best relationships come from friendships. I can't stand the idea of walking up to someone and saying "I'm sexually attracted to you, wanna fuck?" (or something to that extent), it feels forced and paleolithic.

I second that. My girlfriend is my best friend. If you aren't best friends with your partner, why are you together?

I do understand why people go for the latter. I just don't do it myself.

Few people walk up to people and say "Me like you baby bits. Me want baby juice."

I am best friends with my girlfriend. After a year of dating and shared experience. However, I spent two hours talking to my to-be-girlfriend, and I asked her if she wanted dinner in two days. She said yes. We had a wonderful time, we kissed, I walked her back, and we started dating.

It's not forced, it's just not wasting anyone's time since I wasn't interested in friendship (as we had no common interests at the time). As we have dated, she picked up Civ 5, we both love movies, she takes me to see theatre and dancing stuff, and I bore her with Warhammer. But ultimately, we can talk and cuddle and just be happy with each other, and that's what makes up the best of friends.

The whole principle of the "friend zone" is silly to me.

Having a friend is better than having a girlfriend/boyfriend
If you just want to fuck someone then be strait with them. If you lead with asking for sex it will save you a lot of time and trouble.
if your intentions are to do the deed, and you lead by convincing them you want a relationship it's either going to go poorly for both of you or it's going to be a waste of efort

if you want to have a relationship with them friendship is a relationship (And in my opinion it's the better one)

If your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't more amazing than a mere friend, I would say that your relationship sucks.

Friends are good, but there is a reason we don't marry friends.

Of course, you're not discussing the friendzone, you're discussing one sided lust. I believe the friendzone is when you want to love someone mutually, yet the feelings are reciprocated.

I find it weird the way we can compartmentalise. This thread has people complaining that people have unfairly spun the concept of "the friend zone" to unfair places, while you have people complaining as though entitled and others who are assessing their relationships in terms of what the end result is "worth" to them.

In the end, I wonder if the women might be the ones better off if men moved on after "being friend zoned."

Oh, and, because I know it'll be an issue, I'll put a #notallmen hashtag here.

Why is it the women? I've had a recent engagement with a woman where she followed me about, offered me food and get asking to hang out with me. I wasn't attracted to her, and I didn't really want to spend time with her. However, I didn't want to be the arsehole, so I simply said that I was busy and I just wanted to be friends.

She later spent a while telling people what a horrible person I was because I didn't fancy her and I never had any intention of dating her.

To answer your question, yes, they would be better off if just leave. No one is happy with that kind of arrangement; the friendzoner doesn't need to deal with that crap and the friendzonee can just get on with finding someone who DOES want them.

And why shouldn't you consider whether a friend is worth it? A friend who is actively making your life sadder or worse is not a friend you are obligated to support. It isn't your job to care about every single person you come across, and there is this entitled attitude by people that since they knew you once in the past or you went out together you are obligated to put up with whatever crap they get into.

If you're my friend and you do drugs, or cheat on your significant other, or treat me or my loved ones poorly, you are not worth being friends with. If you are a positive part of my life, you make me happy or we help each other out, then you are a friend worth keeping.

Giving gifts to someone, or helping them, or being nice to them doesn't mean they are oblicated to have sex with you or become your boyfriend or a wife or even a friend.

I would say that if you're aware of how they feel towards you, and you don't feel the same back, then you should refuse the gifts. Taking gifts that are intended as a potential boyfriend gift and you know it, and then refusing to live up to the implied condition, is a bit dickish.

You know the girl I mentioned before? She gave me food and sweets and invited me to watch movies with her. I knew she fancied me, and yet I still took these gifts. Does this make a nice person? Looking back on it, no. But under your logic, I was in the right. I owed her nothing, and that's precisely what I offered her.

 

[Lieju]

Giving gifts to someone, or helping them, or being nice to them doesn't mean they are oblicated to have sex with you or become your boyfriend or a wife or even a friend.

I would say that if you're aware of how they feel towards you, and you don't feel the same back, then you should refuse the gifts. Taking gifts that are intended as a potential boyfriend gift and you know it, and then refusing to live up to the implied condition, is a bit dickish.

You know the girl I mentioned before? She gave me food and sweets and invited me to watch movies with her. I knew she fancied me, and yet I still took these gifts. Does this make a nice person? Looking back on it, no. But under your logic, I was in the right. I owed her nothing, and that's precisely what I offered her.

Gifts are tricky, since that kind of stuff is pretty cultural. In some places it's very rude to turn down a gift, and it's sometimes (I'd say usually) pretty difficult to know what kind of idea there is behind it. Especially if we aren't talking about material gifts, but favours and something like offering to take someone to a movie because they happen to have an extra ticket or something.

But I don't think it's wrong to take a gift from someone as long as you make your intentions clear. They are choosing to give those things to you. And you definitely aren't obligated to have sex or marry them!
Although gifts in general make me uncomfortable, so if that happened to me, I'd try to stop it, even if they weren't trying to have a relationship.

I know a couple that give a lot of gifts, and it makes me uncomfortable since they have money troubles, and it feels like they're trying to buy my friendship.

 

[lacktheknack]

"I never particularly liked you, I just wanted to have sex."

Alternatively, "I'm incapable of being friendly with women who have rejected my attempts to have sex with them."

How bad at interaction and intention are you if you can't maintain friendships because the friend in question didn't allow you to pork them? :/

 

[Skratt]

If you don't want to just be friends, it's okay to sever contact. Granted, this makes you seem shallow, but not every instance of cutting contact is due to only wanting to fuck someone, tho most people assume that to be the case. Sometimes it's just to painful to be just friends. You can't always put the genie back in the bottle, so to speak.

Not all failed relationships can continue as friendships and not all friendships can become relationships. So, don't be friends with someone just because it's what they want. Being friends is about two people being friends together, and takes just as much work as any worthwhile relationship. If one or both people can't handle being just friends, let each other go.

 

[IceStar100]

First off, before I tell you how to escape, we're going to look into why you got put in the friendzone.

Take a look at what this man is doing: he's balancing. Relationships are a lot like that. When you meet a girl, you're walking that razor's edge between friend and boyfriend material. How you present yourself, how you speak, how you communicate without words, all of that and more factor into what side you fall into. How do you carry yourself? Do you walk with your head held high? Where do you keep your drink at a party: is it in front of your chest, acting as a barrier, or is it down at your side? How do you sit? Do you sit hunched up and timid or stretched out and relaxed?

With that in mind, let's get into some steps for escaping shall we?

Step 1: Make your feelings perfectly clear. "I want you, I don't want to be your friend, I want something more." Be 100% direct, no bull, don't beat around the bush, put it all on the table. If you truly want her as a woman then do not settle for being "just friends."

Step 2: If she says no, or she's hesitant, DROP HER. Meet other women. You need to be willing to drop it at a moment's notice, no skin off your back. If she knows that you need her, she's free to take advantage of you and do whatever the hell she wants. This is bad news.

Step 3: In this "separation," meet other women! Get to know new people! Pick up a hobby and better yourself! I highly recommend studying up on body language in the meantime, as it will help your game in the long run, and if you're not familiar with it, practice being playful and seductive.

Step 4 (Optional): If you feel like you want to reconnect later on down the line, make plans to do something. Let her know that you're going to do it regardless, her coming along has no sway whatsoever.

I'll leave you with Coach Corey.

Good luck.

Easily one of the best responses in this thread if not the best itself. Interesting video too. Thanks for taking the time to put the post together.

That was intresting to say the least.

 

[Hazy]

I'll leave you with Coach Corey.

Good luck.

"I don't want to be your friend, I want to be something more"

aka, I just want to have sex with you, I don't give a shit about you as a person.

aka "I don't want to see you dating guys while I need to watch from the sidelines."

It's not fair to you and it's not fair to her. Being intimate is a part of any healthy relationship, but if you think that was the focal point of my post, to just get it in, then you are sorely mistaken.

"she's free to take advantage of you"

I don't even know what to say to this, other than that this is probably only twice as misogynistic as it sounds.

Right, because people NEVER EVER EVER take advantage of something when it's ALWAYS THERE, in a quantifiable amount. Yes, how silly of me.

If you knew your water could run out at any minute, you bet your ass that you'd savor it.

"Meet other women"

Ah, yes, the whole 'act like you're not interested' play, that only ends poorly all the time.

Or you could try not obsessing over her 24/7, which is what that post said. Making her the center of your attention is always going to end poorly.

Wait no, you're probably right. Let's treat other people like shit, they'll definitely want you that way.

You're confusing "treating people like shit" with "treating people like normal human beings." Just because I don't pamper a woman's ass doesn't mean I treat them like shit: I pay for meals, I kiss them goodnight, I compliment them. But they're not the most important person in my life by a long shot.

 

[Lightknight]

"I don't want to be your friend, I want to be something more"

aka, I just want to have sex with you, I don't give a shit about you as a person.

Not really. Wanting a committed romantic relationship doesn't mean it's just about sex. I couldn't just be friends with a person I was attracted to who didn't like me back. It's because I'd always want more out of the relationship than I could expect from a person who doesn't like me in that way. That being said, I'm a happily married man so I can't say that for sure but I couldn't imagine it being easy and I've counseled several young men on the matter who struggled bitterly in this situation. They weren't sad because they weren't getting ass. They wanted to love and be loved. To hold hands and experience life together as a couple. To reduce the desire to be loved and not merely liked to little more than wanting a good screw is to commit a far worse misandry than the misogyny you claim below.

Could you really be friends with someone you're googly eyed over who would never love you back? Most men just aren't wired that way. It has been posited that this is a difference of genders. That women can far more easily outlive unrequited love than males can.

"she's free to take advantage of you"

I don't even know what to say to this, other than that this is probably only twice as misogynistic as it sounds.

This is actually a common occurrence in the friend zone scenario. The rejected person is constantly trying to win the individual over and so will bend over backwards to meet their needs and desires. So the other person has all the power in the relationship whether they know it or not. They say, "Hey, let's go shoe shopping" then the guy's going to jump no matter how soul crushing that is to him because we (humans in general) are but fools at love.

When there is a power disparity in any relationship, regardless of gender, one party can take advantage of the other. I'm not sure why you'd assume misogyny for someone to believe that a woman would take advantage of a lovelorn fool as long as we equally agree that a male would take advantage of females given the same disparity of control. It's just that this is typically a situation men find themselves in and not the reverse. We have literally millennia of this (rejected love, that is, not friend zone) being a common theme and that's not so common a thing to say about most topics.

"Meet other women"

Ah, yes, the whole 'act like you're not interested' play, that only ends poorly all the time.

Actually, that's just meet other women. Not act like you're not interested. It's literally the "there's other fish in the sea" comment. Don't keep aiming for a fish that doesn't like your bait when so many other fish are biting.

A great way to get over a breakup or to get over rejection is to realize that there are other people out there that may be absolutely perfect for you. The goal here is to meet one of those people and not to make the person jealous.

 

[EvilRoy]

"I never particularly liked you, I just wanted to have sex."

Alternatively, "I'm incapable of being friendly with women who have rejected my attempts to have sex with them."

How bad at interaction and intention are you if you can't maintain friendships because the friend in question didn't allow you to pork them? :/

That's not exactly fair. I've been in positions where I've tried to date women and "lets just be friends" has actually meant "I want to be your friend, instead" rather than "nope, move along" after the first couple dates, and it's kind of a bullshit situation.

If I wanted a new friend then I would have looked for a new friend rather than a romantic/carnal relationship. It seems like a kind of bizarre runners-up prize, where I kind of have to take it to not look like a prick, but its just not what I wanted at all and I would rather just move on.