Do all women like jerks? No (a rant)

[Adzma]

It's a good thing you acknowledged those of us males that don't react the way you are describing, otherwise you would've need many, many flameshields.

People generalise. It must be accepted.

That said though, I have seen my fair share of bimbos who date jerks. *Raises flameshield*

 

[badgersprite]

Heh. That is one thing that always bugs me about those threads; they talk about women as if they're one homogenous group.

Guys, you know why you can never understand women? Because they don't all have the same personality! There isn't some secret council of women that orders every single girl to think and act exactly the same. Seriously, anybody who has spoken to more than two women in their life should probably have noticed this little factoid.

 

[Omniscient Apathy]

This topic has inspired me to make an account. Psychologically speaking, men are after sex, and women are after money. Before you disagree, men want an attractive person because it means their offspring will be superior, and women want a man with money because it provides their children with the best chances for success in life.

As for jerks and women only liking them, it is only because that woman's nature/nurture has led her to see those kind of people as the most likely to succeed. This does not mean that the woman standing right next to her will be the same. The upbringing and genetics of men and women determine their preferred mate.

Hah, crude yet true. I always find those threads incomprehensable as well. Why would you even want to date a woman who likes being treated like crap?

Some people like their significant others to be masochistic? I agree with you though.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

That said though, I have seen my fair share of bimbos who date jerks. *Raises flameshield*

Yeah, but who gives a fuck who bimbos date? You're acting like they're real people.

 

[Max Goldfine]

I agree mostly, but~

I want a guy who has his own friends, life and interests outside of our relationship, and who doesn't constantly need me there to support him.

"Constantly need support" is pounds different to "need support".

I think I could say, with a fair bit of confidence, that a large number (I'm not saying all, or even a majority) of women are initially attracted to a bit of jerkiness. In my limited experience in this field, I think a dude who went up to a girl and recited poetry would would have much less chance than dude who walked up to a girl and said "Sup.. You're pretty hot" and then walked away. In clubs at least, which is where I'm basing all of this, so take this with as much salt as you want.

if you were at say a poetry reading and met a girl there, reciting a bit of original freestyle poetry would be a pretty cool thing to do.

or a hip hop concert perhaps

or anywhere else besides the clubs and sports bars.

 

[Gamblerjoe]

Not a lot of things can be summed up as black and white. a lot of women try to stress that with this issue. they deny that it is the case for them, while acknowledging that the misconception is based in reason (to seem more reasonable to the people reading.)

The fact of the matter is, almost every single guy who at least attempts to pick up women by being nice to them has been turned down in favor of a douche multiple times. There is a reason for this. some of the douches realize what they are doing, and some dont, but here is what is happening.

First, my exclaimer. i am not trying to suggest that all humans are slaves to our natural instincts. we have intelligence, culture, civilization, and all sorts of stuff going on, along with habits that are reflective of our position in the food chain and whatnot. what i will say though, is that without intelligence, decency and empathy, default human behavior is to pretty much just act like a cross between Eric Cartman and a dingo. As we all know, there are some stuid people out there, and there are some assholes out there.

What im getting at, is that asshole behavior is attractive on a subconscious level. It goes both ways. the survival of our offspring doesnt depend on a womans ability to breast feed, yet our brains are hard wired for males to be attracted to women with large breasts. likewise, women's brains are hardwired to be attracted to alpha-male-like behavior. this includes lording your status over other men, and checking them when challenged. it especially includes treating women like they are expendable and replaceable. it is YOU, the mighty alpha male that they should feel privileged to even be in the presence of. this is more effective than treating others like crap alone, because she is sure to notice this.

Now bear in mind, from my point of view, this is a situation repeatedly played out by a portion of the population that i consider to be idiotic, and beneath contempt. it is also the portion of the population that is usually in the spotlight, which is why their behavior is so often confused with being the standard. it only works so perfectly predictably because these individuals do not have the intelligence, willpower or gumption to think on a level higher than basic instinct will allow.

 

[Max Goldfine]

Heh. That is one thing that always bugs me about those threads; they talk about women as if they're one homogenous group.

Guys, you know why you can never understand women? Because they don't all have the same personality! There isn't some secret council of women that orders every single girl to think and act exactly the same. Seriously, anybody who has spoken to more than two women in their life should probably have noticed this little factoid.

Its true, i have never met two alike.

 

[Adzma]

That said though, I have seen my fair share of bimbos who date jerks. *Raises flameshield*

Yeah, but who gives a fuck who bimbos date? You're acting like they're real people.

Damn, I'll drink to that!

 

[Brad Shepard]

Ill admit it, I pamper my girlfirend when I can, she works hard at school, so if i can do anything for her when shes in town, you bet im going to do it.

But i do see what you mean. And I dont see why people say "Nice Guys Finish Last." Because Im in a relationship that im so happy with, Im with a amazing girl that I love with all my heart and soul, and she loves me just as much, and im a preety nice guy, so Nice guys finish last My ass (Yes, i did that for the tiny rhyme.)

 

[Omniscient Apathy]

Not a lot of things can be summed up as black and white. a lot of women try to stress that with this issue. they deny that it is the case for them, while acknowledging that the misconception is based in reason (to seem more reasonable to the people reading.)

The fact of the matter is, almost every single guy who at least attempts to pick up women by being nice to them has been turned down in favor of a douche multiple times. There is a reason for this. some of the douches realize what they are doing, and some dont, but here is what is happening.

First, my exclaimer. i am not trying to suggest that all humans are slaves to our natural instincts. we have intelligence, culture, civilization, and all sorts of stuff going on, along with habits that are reflective of our position in the food chain and whatnot. what i will say though, is that without intelligence, decency and empathy, default human behavior is to pretty much just act like a cross between Eric Cartman and a dingo. As we all know, there are some stuid people out there, and there are some assholes out there.

What im getting at, is that asshole behavior is attractive on a subconscious level. It goes both ways. the survival of our offspring doesnt depend on a womans ability to breast feed, yet our brains are hard wired for males to be attracted to women with large breasts. likewise, women's brains are hardwired to be attracted to alpha-male-like behavior. this includes lording your status over other men, and checking them when challenged. it especially includes treating women like they are expendable and replaceable. it is YOU, the mighty alpha male that they should feel privileged to even be in the presence of. this is more effective than treating others like crap alone, because she is sure to notice this.

Now bear in mind, from my point of view, this is a situation repeatedly played out by a portion of the population that i consider to be idiotic, and beneath contempt. it is also the portion of the population that is usually in the spotlight, which is why their behavior is so often confused with being the standard. it only works so perfectly predictably because these individuals do not have the intelligence, willpower or gumption to think on a level higher than basic instinct will allow.

Also true. Higher social position=Better mate, at least in the subconcious.

Many of the things that determine how attractive a person is to another is based off of evaluative processes in the subconcious mind.

And in the subconscious, large breasts=better breastfeeding. large hips=better chance of a successful birth. Basically, subconciously we are wired to ensure the survival and continuation of our species.

 

[aPod]

I'm a woman, I have arms

I'm calling shenanigans. Everyone know women don't have arms.

I;m quoting this because now i'm seriously questioning everything i've ever known about everything.

The fact of the matter is, almost every single guy who at least attempts to pick up women by being nice to them has been turned down in favor of a douche multiple times. There is a reason for this. some of the douches realize what they are doing, and some dont, but here is what is happening.

I resent that. Most nice guys who get turned down in favor of a douche mistake chivalry with not having the balls to be direct. You can be a nice guy, you just have to let her know you're interested and women, just like us fellows, have insecurities. They don't want to be rejected any more than you do and some prick who lays it out there not giving any doubts he is interested feels safer.

What im getting at, is that asshole behavior is attractive on a subconscious level. It goes both ways. the survival of our offspring doesnt depend on a womans ability to breast feed, yet our brains are hard wired for males to be attracted to women with large breasts. likewise, women's brains are hardwired to be attracted to alpha-male-like behavior. this includes lording your status over other men, and checking them when challenged. it especially includes treating women like they are expendable and replaceable. it is YOU, the mighty alpha male that they should feel privileged to even be in the presence of. this is more effective than treating others like crap alone, because she is sure to notice this.

Myths, just plain myths. Being an asshole does not = alpha male behavior. Why do people always confuse being an asshole with cockiness (confidence). I'm a nice guy, but i'm confident. I walk into a room large and confident. That's what a women notices. Just like if a girl walks into a room with grace and an air of confidence i'll notice that.

Not all guys care about large breast. I actually feel like it can take away from the beauty of a woman.

 

[gillebro]

OP, you're a legend. Nice work.

Of course, in my case it's all very well for me to say "Guys, be more confident in yourself" when I'm certainly not there yet. But you've definitely hit the nail on the head there. Well done.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Everyone stops at Vagenda.

They should make a giant fibreglass tourist trap for it - The Big Vagenda. Probably on the NSW north coast.

Sounds more like a suburb of Melbourne to me.

No, you're thinking of Dandenong. It's full of vagendas.

 

[Biosophilogical]

I'm a woman, have been for as long as I can remember.

I'll admit it, I laughed.

OT: The stigma is probably a combination of social habits and who yells the loudest. Like someone pointed out on the first page, the 'jerks' are more likely to get the girls because they actually ask girls out a lot more often than nerds/geeks/people like me. So increasing your trials increases your chance of a successful result, pretty much basic probability. Secondly, who is more likely to be publiicly seen (and noticed) with a girlfriend? The louder, possibly (though not necessarily) more obnoxious 'jerk' men or the 'nice guys' who are more likely to privately enjoy the company (Not like that!) of their partner?

So yeah, the whole "Girls like jerks" thing doesn't have anything to do with girls actually liking jerks, just that jerks are more likely to be noticed getting girls.

 

[Doclector]

Personally I'm of the view that the vast majority of women, like the vast majority of men, don't like jerks.

They like attractive people.

Let's be honest, how many people do you know have fallen in love with someone who isn't the least bit attractive? I don't know any. Personally it wouldn't matter to me. For two reasons, one, I view an actual emotional connection to someone more than attractiveness, and I'm hideous myself, meaning me being shallow would be like a beggar giving beard-trimming advice.

Due to the fact that I am of this opinion suggests some others must be (or at least I hope so) but I'm not one of those disgustingly naive people that tells little jimmy with his deformed face that people will like him for whats on the inside on his first day of school shortly before he's grabbed, pulled into a bathroom and made the canvas for a unique brand of bruise art, I know damn well that people who aren't shallow, much like people, male or female, who aren't jerks, are an almost literally dying breed, so I don't hold out much hope.

 

[Hiikuro]

I've thought a bit about this in the past. But I am really not sure what to say, so I'll dig into my mind and see what I find.

First, minor background. I'm a male, and I've never had a girlfriend.

The closest I ever got to getting a girlfriend was pre-highschool. We got to the point where physical contact was an element (note: lying in bed close, without kissing nor other sexual activities). In the end, this never resulted in a full relationship. And for many reasons I'm very glad it didn't.

Interesting to note, however, is that I was generally ridiculously insecure at the time. That is easily the reason it never evolved into a full relationship, but she nevertheless showed me a lot of interest. In other words, she liked me (as far as I remember, she openly did tell me that). I think she was easily waiting for me to make a move, while I was not by far confident enough to be able to do so.

However, I'm extremely sure she was very insecure herself, and the type who "goes around". She have had (quite) a few relationships before I entered the picture. I remember she telling me something along the lines of "You may be thinking that I'm a <girl-who-goes-around>, because of this and that, but I assure you I'm not". Ironically, this gave me the impression that she worried about being such a girl (and she must have had reasons to say so in the first place), therefore she probably did go from guy to guy (From other conversations with her, this belief was strengthened).

This "case study" makes me think that for this 'type' of girl, it doesn't matter how insecure or awkward a guy is, nor whether the guy is a jerk. But, the key point is that a lack of confidence might shut the door.

Now, leaving the world of the needy type, which seems to be where 'nice guys' get the idea of the jerk-girl relationship in the first place (rethinking it, I'm not so sure about that assertion). I want to look at the problem of confidence.

The 'nice guy', which already is a very bad term to describe a lack of confidence, seems to view confidence as a bad thing (at least that is what I used to believe). In their eyes, it seems that confidence makes jerks. I don't agree with that, but I also believe that confidence is a misleading term. I really like the concept of assertiveness for this reason, which essentially is doing what I can to get what I want, without disrespecting anyone in the process.

When I think of the biological aspect of this, I can understand attraction to the alpha-male. The alpha-male is commonly the most dominant character. However, physical dominance (using force and power) is getting archaic in the present day, and social influence takes its place. In short, the jerk is using more primitive methods of attraction.

But I'll scrap the biology of things, as I can't really back it up too well. There may be patterns in what is attractive in the opposite gender, for both males and females, but the deviants outnumber the norm. However, I won't deny for a second that a lack of 'confidence' (ie. the ability to act) also limits results. It is quite obvious, without the ability to act, one can't expect results either.

So, leaving all that aside. I've met more than a few girls who are very far from liking jerks. In fact, I've never seen the girl-jerk relationship in real life. I almost believe it to be a myth.

 

[kingcom]

A quick note on confidence: Yes, confidence can be sexy, which is one explanation for why jerks get laid. I'm of the 'well if you're not confident and you don't love yourself, then how can you expect someone else to fall in love with you' camp. Get confidence in yourself, make your own friends, get involved in your own hobbies, take care of your appearance etc. and when you least expect it you'll probably meet someone who thinks you're awesome and wants to be a part of your life. Personally I think that's a pretty good strategy regardless of gender.

Its an interesting cycle. Gotta hate the snowball effect.