Do all women like jerks? No (a rant)

[chris89300]

God, can we just let it go, people? Haven't we already exhausted this topic?

Some women think that being a jerk equals being funny and that's really all they're looking for ... having fun.

OR, just as a woman friend of mine once told me, some women also get men for their looks and "wear them as purses", so they can look good to the other women, that have a not-as-hot partner.


If you want a serious relationship, just date someone else, preferably someone older, since most women that prefer jerks are too young (or too stupid/bored/whatever) to realize that what they're doing is worthless in the long run.


Women in their 30s/late 20s usually look for something more than just fucking with every moron that crosses their paths. I'm not saying you should date someone much older, just have fun while you're still a kid then get someone worthwhile.

Always complaining about this shit only alienates and angers worthwhile women, even a lot of the ones you're describing when you complain, since they think they're worthwhile too.

 

[Julianking93]

I see what you're saying here, but however, while not all girls like the "jerk" type, you can't deny that the sort of outward assertion and confidence that comes with being like that does, in a way attract more attention and that includes female attention.


No, that's not to say all girls like that. There are exceptions of course. It's like saying all guys like girls who have bleach blonde hair and big tits. There are generalizations about men too and there are exceptions to every supposed "rule" but a lot of the time, over self confidence seems to be connected with being a dick.


Of course though, not all people with self confidence is an asshole. Balance is required in most situations and relationships are a prime example of why it's required. However, many people have many different tastes in their partners from guys liking submissive girls to girls liking overly dominate guys and even the other way around.

The point though is that everyone has different tastes and have different thoughts on what attracts them to a partner. Some more common to find than others but to say all girls like jerks is ridiculous and I thank you for pointing that out and seeing as you're a woman, people actually might listen.

But what you have to understand is that the whole liking jerks thing... it does come from somewhere. There's a reason so many people believe that to be true.

 

[Outright Villainy]

Good God, we need more threads like this.

I just want to thank the Op. Really, the amount of guys here (and elsewhere) constantly asking "why do all women go for jerks?" as if they're some fucking collective really gets on my nerves. It's that ugly streak of misogyny that crops up again and again...

You win internetz my friend.

Many internetz.

 

[chris89300]

Good God, we need more threads like this.

I just want to thank the Op. Really, the amount of guys here (and elsewhere) constantly asking "why do all women go for jerks?" as if they're some fucking collective really gets on my nerves. It's that ugly streak of misogyny that crops up again and again...

You win internetz my friend.

Many internetz.

*We are the Woborg, lower your pants and prepare to be assimilated*

ROFL

 

[Uncreation]

*snip*

So, what do you guys think? Do women actually like jerks, do they hate jerks, do we need to move on from this whole stupid thing, are feminists ruining everything for everyone, do I need to get my butt back in the kitchen, are we actually all slaves to our biology and really just looking for the strongest potential mates, do I need a poll for this thread? I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks for reading.

*snip*

In order:

Yes, some of them actually like jerks. (Just my opinion though.)

Some hate jerks.

I don't know.

No, not the real feminists in my opinion.

*shrugs* I don't care. Whatever you want.

I think that sadly, we are still, for the most part, slaves to our biology. I hope it changes, but i don't think it will happen very soon.

I don't think a poll is necessary.

Although this type of thread is rarer than the "do girls like jerks" type, i think i have seen it here before. Also, like you said, there are answers like this one in those type of threads... like a sort of counter-rant.

While i do agree with that we can't generalize, and that, yes, not all women are like that, i also think that a portion certainly are. And believe me, it saddens me to no end. And you can yell and rant all you want, but you won't change that. Or my opinion for that matter.
Oh well. *shrug*

 

[theriddlen]

Shepard: "A lot of women like bad boys."
Kelly: "That's a dirty stereotype. In my case, it happens to be true, but still."

Quote from ME2. And true as hell.

Every single woman on this forum (both of them!) says exactly same thing.

 

[toue]

Jesus christ thank you so much. You are quite possibly the onlyy person on the internet who is willing to talk balance in gender relations (Christ I want to punch myself for typing that last bit) AND the only one to say anything about the gender flip of the stereotype you talk about.

Also, sexytimes is a glorious word.

 

[Hiraeth]

Thanks for the great responses everyone. I'd like to go through them more thoroughly and quote everyone I'm going to refer to but I'm too lazy so I'm just going to make a new post and hope people notice it. Things I want to add:

1. The cycle of confidence. Yes it's hard to remain confident when you're getting knocked back. I've been there, we've all been there, it sucks. As I see it, though it might sound a bit bleak, you have to be okay with being single. When you get rejected, you can be a bit disappointed sure, but why let it ruin your day? It's not like that's the last girl/guy you'll ever talk to. You have to be okay with moving on. That's my opinion at least.

2. People who 'justifiably' think all women date jerks. Okay the way I see it there are a couple of ways you can look at this. Sure there are people in the thread who have pointed out that they personally have not met a girl who breaks this stereotype for whatever reason, whether it's the place they live, or the places they meet women. Okay, I see where you're coming from guys, but I don't think you're looking at this the right way. I and other people of the female persuasion who have posted in this thread have told you, outright that we don't like to date jerks and have explained who we do like. If you're not finding women like us, then maybe the woman you've been choosing aren't the right ones, or you're looking in the wrong places. It's like, if you want a cup of tea, do you go to a bar?

The other kind of guy is the one who has been so horribly hurt by one or more women that he just cannot accept that women are genuine people and not heart-eating ***** monsters. If there's anyone out there who feels like this, I'm sorry that you've experienced that, but I take no responsibility for it, because I wasn't the person who hurt you. We have all been dumped or rejected horribly, and yes it does like crap, but rather than blaming all women for the actions of one, why not blame her for just generally being a horrible person.

3. Yes, the reverse stereotypes exist, all men like sluts, all men are pigs, all men want is sex etc. etc. Funnily enough those seem to crop up less on this site. I suspect that it's because there's a larger male population than a female one, and thus Escapists are exposed to a more diverse group of men than women. I know I've read a heap of relationship threads where guys on here have stated specifically that they're waiting for marriage or they're asexual or in some other way defy these stereotypes. Because the demographic here is predominantly male, there's less of a 'men are awful, we hate them' slant, than there is 'women are bitches, they only date jerks'.

4. I also understand that there's a difference between people who genuinely think this way about women and people who are just mad or upset. Yes, I have heard recently dumped girls crying about how 'men are pigs'. We get upset, it happens. When you get dumped it feels like the entire world is against you, all your relationships end in failure and men/women are just out to destroy you in any way possible. I am not trying to tell you not to say whatever the hell you want about whomever when you're miserable. It's the people who feel this way all the time who cause me concern and whom this thread is directed at.

5. If you've come into this thread looking for me to give you relationship advice, you have almost definitely come to the wrong place. The man to talk to is BonsaiK, he has a thread floating around here somewhere, and he's a freaking genius. So if you have dating questions it's probably a good idea to go find it because he can answer your questions better than I can.

I can offer a few tips I guess. Firstly, if you want to get more confident talking to people you don't know then practice. I like to talk to shop assistants because they're usually being paid to be friendly and they can't follow you out of the store if it gets totally awkward and you need to escape. Secondly, take care of your appearance - cut your hair, shave or prune your beard, take regular showers, maybe even go to the gym. If you look good, you'll feel good, and you'll give off better vibes as a result. I personally can only think of one person in my life that I've met who has been genuinely unattractive, and with her it was a combination of her personality, her looks, and how she took care of herself that had caused it.

6. To reiterate - yes, some women like jerks. I do not, and most women I know do not. I think it's fairly interesting that all the ladies and a decent proportion of the men who have posted in this thread agree with me, while those who disagree are all male (unless I missed anyone).

Goddam it I wrote another essay. Sorry everyone!

snip

Good post but can I ask a few something? (Going to anyway)
What do you think about this:

Being shy on Mr Awesome, I run into the above a lot meaning girls are very abrasive with me as they think I am only talking to them for sex when I'm just being friendly. I also run into the same in relationships ("Oh you're too good for me etc"). So how can I get around this insecurity that so many women have? And also what the hell causes it?

Honestly my first thought was 'man I really enjoyed season 1 of Cougar Town. Maybe I should go watch season 2...'

Basically what I got from that was - women are afraid of getting hurt. Lisa Kudrow's character dates Bobby because she feels superior to him. Laurie nearly doesn't date Smith because she's scared she's not good enough because he's really smart and rich. Jules is scared to admit to her boyfriend (and herself) that she's not as smart or as educated as she wishes she was. How does this relate to the real world, well people of both genders can be afraid of getting hurt. We hide things from people because we're ashamed, and we want people to think the best of us.

As far as women thinking you're looking for sex, can I ask where you're talking to them? Because if you're talking about women in clubs and bars, well yeah, probably most of the guys that hit on them there are trying to get in their pants, so it stands to reason that they think you are too. If you talk to a girl in your class, or at the supermarket, she's probably less likely to think you're just looking for an easy lay. Also, some women may just be in a really terrible mood. It can happen.

Let's talk about what causes women's insecurities. I can't answer that question for every woman, just like you can't answer it for every man. There could be any number of reasons why a woman would be insecure. How can you get around it? Well that depends really on what's causing it. Is she afraid of intimacy because she's worried she'll get hurt? Show her that you're in this for the long run and that yes you may get hurt but you're willing to take that risk because you want to be with her. This is sort of a really general question, and I'm not really sure if I'm being helpful...

If you are truly honest about what you say you are (i.e. looking for a guy with confidence who isn't a tool) then you'll definitely find your guy. You might have to look a little, but if you act the way you do and find that guy who makes you happy, then the heavens will open and all candy and goodness will come forth from Babylon and Zion and all will enjoy the happiness and wonder of true love; and really, it's your combined happiness that should matter most, not our idiotic assumptions about that pesky other gender.

(Ok, apologies for that last bit, both for the weird bit and the assumption that you are single and haven't already had your candy and goodness)

I was going to respond at length about this, then I realized that all I needed to say was - don't worry about me, this is one stereotype that I don't think I've ever bought into. I could give you examples of great guys who aren't jerks that I've dated but I'm sure no one really cares. Also, a question, if the girls you've talked to maintain that they don't date jerks, yet you perceive them to be dating jerks, could the problem perhaps be with your perception, and not the girls? Maybe you're only seeing part of the bigger picture. Not saying this is the case, just asking. As far as finding the right guy, if it happens, it happens, to get married and have babies is far from the be all and end all of my life.

 

[Gekkeiju]

Reading this made me happy
I am very, very fed up of whiny guys who go on and on at me about how theyre a nice guy so no-one loves them. It reaaally rattles my cage. When looking for a prospective partner I dont go out thinking 'now, where's the biggest dickhead, I really feel like having my heart broken today' and the fact people think i do makes me so cross D:

I always find the whiny 'no-one loves me because im nice' ones tend to be the ones who also have some huge undesirable quality. Like a shrine to you in their bedroom. Or they like -everything- that you do on facebook or something. eek.

 

[TitanAtlas]

MAke this a poll and youll get your answer.....

Women say they want that gentle man, honest and heartfull..... off course they say it just for saying....

Women want men with style, good looking or that they are total assholes/ deuches...... if your at least one of those youre guaranteed.... if not, start working in at least one of the 3....

 

[TheDarkestDerp]

Nice. It can be pretty frustrating, finding a man who doesn't either look to "save you" from something, or is looking for a replacement for the mother figure. Finding that right balance in a partner of confidence, not arrogance, supporting you yet also letting you be your own person, this is a worthy pursuit, but not an easy target, regardless of sex or gender you seek.

Seems too often I've either encountered the "nice guy", "the shoulder" the "just a friend" or "The ass" when involved with a male partner, but these archetypes also translate into the females I've been involved with. Sadly, I will admit that probably the best "guy" I've ever fallen for I kept in the friend zone out of concern over his motivations. I still regret that one to this second... *sighs heavily* Finding, forging and building upon a connection of mutual trust and respect, real love, between two people can be pretty tricky...

 

[Slash Dementia]

That's a very good rant--I like it. It's very truthful, too, and I have to agree with it completely. I have always thought of my relationship with my girlfriend as a partnership, and I tell her that. We support each other in the things we want to do and in every other aspect. I wouldn't take away her friends, just like she wouldn't take away mine; though, I do get jealous sometimes, and she knows because I apologize for it--she gets jealous, too. I'm there whenever she needs me to listen and she is when I do. Some days, I'll treat her like a princess because I think she deserves it, and she does the same (not princess, though). I'll write her poems because I love to write, and what better subject to write about than of her? I know I don't have to, but I love that smile on her face and in her voice, and I love expressing the way I feel in that manner. We're equal to each other, and even since we were friends we have been.

I don't want a girl who thinks she needs to impress me. I've told my girlfriend, and it's still true from since we've been together: "I love you for who you are."

I hope many people reflect from your rant.

 

[Terramax]

Can we stop generalizing now please?

We will do the same day women stop generalizing men.

I admire your attempt at explaining women's personal feelings, but everything you've written is widely known by nearly all men.

I'm one of the many who ask 'why do women like jerks' but it's generally asked as a rhetoric/ sarcastic question to level the playing field against women who ask 'why do men only think about sex', when they really ought to grow up and come to terms with the fact that it isn't.

I admire your attempt at explaining women, but I'd appreciate it more if you went back to your friends and explained the truth about men the next time your sharing wine in your knitting circles.

 

[CoL0sS]

Well I've had a couple of friends that mistreated their girlfriends, but it wasn't my place to judge them or talk behind their back, even though it pained me to see those girls hurt. I've also had a friend that purposely tried acting like a jerk and it blew up in his face. So yeah, as you said it depends on the type. But to be honest I believe jerks have more fun
You also mentioned feminists. Now don't get me wrong I like strong,successful, emancipated women who aren't afraid to speak their mind, but let's be honest some of those women are just man-haters who are only independent and self reliant when it suits them. Guys can be like that too, only we're too stubborn to admit we need help with something. To answer your question, no they are not ruining it, not for me at least, though it does annoy me. This probably sounds like cheap pop psychology, but again I'm speaking from personal experiences, and being young I still have lot of those coming my way.

On a different note: As I'm writing this "Dead Like Me" is showing on some random channel and I caught this one line "This is real world, where assholes get treated like kings" or something like that - funny how this happens

 

[Dimensional Vortex]

I don't think women exactly like jerks. I think they like men with a lot of confidence and/or men who are excellent at sports and other athletic things, it's just coincidental that both those aforementioned styles of men often fall under the category of jerk. Although I didn't read the whole post sorry, I was a bit tired and I just wanted to give my two cents.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

An ex of mine told me she wanted to be treated like a princess... So I locked her up away from the rest of the world until I could marry her off for political advantage and yet somehow she paints me as the arsehole of the piece.