Do you answer why you turn someone down?
- Thread starter Combustion Kevin
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With the few young ladies that I've rejected I've never answered why. Saying straight up "I have zero interest in you" or "You are too ugly" is just mean. I stick with the old "I'm just sorta flying solo right now."
Hasn't failed me yet.
And a word of advice: NEVER ask why. It makes you come off as needy or insecure. Just shrug it off and you'll come out of it better.
Hasn't failed me yet.
And a word of advice: NEVER ask why. It makes you come off as needy or insecure. Just shrug it off and you'll come out of it better.
Split up with a girl recently. She did text a few times and ask why. We got on well together so I thought I owed her an explanation. It wasn't anything major, told her I just didn't see it going long term and thought it best to part ways.
I think if someone works up the courage to ask someone out, they at least deserve a reason why if they get rejected, even if it is the apparently much hated "just a friend" reason.
But for breaking up with someone, sometimes its nothing in particular, you may just find that you dont like your partner the same way that you used to and that you're unhappy
But for breaking up with someone, sometimes its nothing in particular, you may just find that you dont like your partner the same way that you used to and that you're unhappy
There's not always an answer. If you ask a girl out, and there's no attraction, then there's no attraction. Sure, everything can be rationalized. Doesn't mean it's true.
Actually, if you have reasoned arguments why you are (no longer) friends or lovers, you've never been friends or lovers in the first place.
Actually, if you have reasoned arguments why you are (no longer) friends or lovers, you've never been friends or lovers in the first place.
Umm... kinda sorta. Most of the time I lie, because it's easier than saying "You're completely insane and carrying on a relationship into the future would make the inevitable break up even more hazardous to my mental well being than it is now. I'm honestly scared that I'd end up the victim of a crime of passion"
And girls don't really like being called a rebound.
And in reality, movies will trick you into thinking being persistent is charming and attractive. But if a girl says no and doesn't give you a reason, you don't want to know the reason. Taking the hint actually gives you a better chance in the future.
And girls don't really like being called a rebound.
And in reality, movies will trick you into thinking being persistent is charming and attractive. But if a girl says no and doesn't give you a reason, you don't want to know the reason. Taking the hint actually gives you a better chance in the future.
Even when I give a reason to turn someone down it's usually a lie, because I really don't want to hurt their feelings (more than dumping them obviously does.)
I get where you're coming from though, OP, it's infuriating when someone just up and ends something for no apparent reason; especially if things have been going well.
I get where you're coming from though, OP, it's infuriating when someone just up and ends something for no apparent reason; especially if things have been going well.
Generally no not really. Most of the time if it's someone you don't really know asking you then it's kind of uncomfortable to have to explain why base don first impressions you don't want to go out with them. Most people are pretty pissed when you say well I'm just not that interested in you like that.
I would point out that knowing why is probably not all that helpful. The generally accepted wisdom is that you should try for relationships where you can be yourself. If the other person isn't interested in that, then I'm not sure knowing what precise part of you they aren't interested in is useful.
why not?Spinozaad said:
I can think of several reasons about why I'm friends with someone, or feel attracted to someone else, all it requires is introspection, emotions and attachments are not illogical.
people tend to be rational beings, unless hormones or other drugs are involved.
but I'm pretty sure even that can be put to debate. <.<
I'm not the sort of person people ask why; I don't get into superfluous relationships (this includes friendships), and thus anyone close to me knows what's wrong and what isn't. There's no reason not to tell them.
It can. ;-)Combustion Kevin said:
I am of the opinion that people are rarely rational, but that's a different discussion.
I believe you can rationalize why you like (or do not like) someone, but that this is a posteriori rationalization.
When you are attracted to someone there is more at play than just a collection of positive qualities (which may, or may not be true. 'Cause that's another problem). She might have a beautiful smile, an amazing body and pretty eyes, but there are a thousand other girls with the same qualities. And you're not as attracted to them as you are to this "special" girl.
The same with friends. Sure, there are reasons why you don't hate them, but why do you like them? The reasons you do not dislike them, are not the same as why you like them.
That's the difference. Hatred is always better defined than friendship or love.
I am a magnet for gay men, I don't get why, I have a girlfriend, I dress normally, I don't give out a gay vibe (at least I don't think so), but every time I go out into the city, I have to tell some gay dude that I am not his type. Freaking weird.
So my answer to your question would be: I am not gay.
So my answer to your question would be: I am not gay.
I see no reason for not giving a reason, but sometimes, it's better to give a white lie as a reason than the truth, for most often, a white lie is more constructive. It's also how you phrase it. Saying "You're ugly and boring" is a nono, but "I simply don't find you attractive, I guess. personal chemistry is like that" is most of the time acceptable.Combustion Kevin said:
Here's a question for you, though: Do you want someone to want you for who you are, or are you prepared to change parts of you in order to get someone you want?
Take your time and think before you answer.
Not really. When girls got too clingy I used to come with bad excuses or just break all contact.
I wasn't the most mature guy when I was younger.
I wasn't the most mature guy when I was younger.