Do you answer why you turn someone down?

[Tharwen]

How about "I'm just not interested in you, in the same way that you have no interest in the guy who sold you a coffee this morning or the people you work with. I simply have no desire to be with you".

You're just one of the billions of people that those girls aren't interested in a relationship with.

EDIT: This is going to be an opinion that I'll look back on and hate myself for thinking in a few years...

Dear future me: sorry our opinions differ but I don't know any better yet.

 

[Realitycrash]

Here's a question for you, though: Do you want someone to want you for who you are, or are you prepared to change parts of you in order to get someone you want?
Take your time and think before you answer.

That doesn't really have a black 'n white answer, does it?
I believe in compromise, I'm willing to change some habits and be considerate towards her, but I'm not changing my interests or personality in order to make it work, because then she wouldn't actually like me.
Like, ME me.
I wouldn't dare to demand such a thing from anyone, really.

Well, would you change your appearance in order to get someone you like? (or is it someone specific? Your post didn't seem to point to that, but I could be wrong). Appearance counts for a lot (more than it should, but that's why I asked if you were prepared to give something up), and after the physical attraction is done, people tend to start noticing the person behind it. Rarely is it the other way around.

 

[CleverCover]

I tell people that I'm focusing on getting into Med School because that is generally more important than anything else.

Also, it's easier than saying I'm not all that into you and would rather be friends.

It's a mixture of both answers, actually.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

Well, would you change your appearance in order to get someone you like? (or is it someone specific? Your post didn't seem to point to that, but I could be wrong). Appearance counts for a lot (more than it should, but that's why I asked if you were prepared to give something up), and after the physical attraction is done, people tend to start noticing the person behind it. Rarely is it the other way around.

well, I'm not going after anyone specific, not anymore anyway, and personally I think I look decent.
then again, being a straight man I'd make a poor judge of that.
I'm in decent shape being 1.82m tall and weighing 67.2 Kg (haven't checked that since...forever), I've been riding my bike anywhere I go since I was nine (I live 16 Km away from the civilised world) so my physique can't really be the issue, can it?
although I think you may have a point:

I am born with a blind eye, and it looks derpy as hell, so I wear an eye-patch to cover it up.
when I smile I look like an idiot, and all in all my face is not a great marvel to behold, honestly.
I grow my hair long too, but I like it that way.

 

[(sic) humor]

I feel you're obligated to give a polite answer, even if it isn't your "true" reason.

"You're just not my type."

"I'm just not looking for a relationship now."

"I have a boy/girlfriend."

"I'm interested in someone else."

These are all totally legitimate reasons, but they're also good fall-backs if you don't want to give the person you're turning down a complete explanation. Doubly so if you want to spare their feelings.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

None of your business. If someone says no to someone else there's no right or entitlement to know why you got shot down. Welcome to the real world.
Now, if they don't want to give you the time of day enough to tell you, why the fuck do you even care? They aren't worth whatever effort you just put out to say something to them.

 

[faspxina]

This.

I simply can't imagine being romantically interested in someone that I can not count among my friends first.

Must be connected to this

the only thing that all the girls I've dated will unanimously agree on is that I am a "good friend"

 

[NoOne852]

I usually reply with the answer as to why I do not want to be with them. However, when I ask someone out, I do not expect to receive an explination if I am turned down.

 

[Marcus Kehoe]

When I was younger I turned a few girls down, then everyone thought I was gay, which i'm not. But when I turned them down I had no idea how to explain why, and usually made myself look like an idiot by either avoiding them or trying to explain in as short as time as possible. I would never date the girls that asked me out but I did not want to hurt them.

 

[zumbledum]

[quote="Combustion Kevin"

EDIT: When I ask someone out I've already known them for several months, I simply can't imagine being romantically interested in someone that I can not count among my friends first.
[/quote]

Well thats your problem and why they dont have a good answer. Now ladies speak up if im being unfair here but a man basically has the first 10 seconds to make an impression then about half an hour to follow up on that any longer and hes going to get friend zoned if liked or avoided if not.


reason? who cares its not going to help anyone the answer is simply a case of compatibility or perceived compatibility and its neither a fault nor anything you can fix so just forget it

 

[gazumped]

When things had been going wrong with my first boyfriend for several months, I told him the truth about the last straw: That I had fallen for his friend who'd shown far more desire to be with me and take care of me than he had.
Then I was painted the ***** because when asked why we broke up, he'd say I dumped him for his mate. No "I've been telling her I haven't been happy with her for months", no "I called her boring and that I couldn't stand the idea of being together forever", no "she's been going home crying every time she's come to visit me for the past few weeks because I make her feel like shit".
So, yehknow, it's all very well being honest about why you wanted to end it but be careful that your ex isn't going to conveniently forget their own contributions to the breakup.

As for rejecting people who ask me out, I haven't been single a lot so I can usually very honestly say I have a boyfriend. Often I'm not believed, and guys feel the need to 'test' me by barraging me with a load of questions about my partner.

But yes, it's not any girl's responsibility to explain herself for not wanting to date you, it's probably that they simply don't fancy you. It's hard to get someone romantically interested in you when you're simply not their type, and they really can't give much more of a reason for not going out with you than "... I just don't wanna".
But good news! Girls have more varied tastes than guys do, so while 90% of them might be turning you down, there will be girls to whom you are exactly what they're looking for! http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-06/wfu-ra062609.php

 

[manaman]

EDIT: When I ask someone out I've already known them for several months, I simply can't imagine being romantically interested in someone that I can not count among my friends first.

so, when asked, do you say why?

Now why would you go confuse the issue by trying to wedge your way in with "friendship" first? Now don't get me wrong I couldn't stay with a woman for long that I couldn't have been friends with. I also find I cannot really be friends with a woman I like that does not reciprocate my feelings, not when I want something more, and why would someone expect different? What you won't find me doing is "testing" out a relationship by befriending someone first, then trying to escalate the relationship later once a friendship is established. It doesn't take long to recognize potential, so let them know, ask them out, make it clear you don't just want to be friends.

 

[gazumped]

Well thats your problem and why they dont have a good answer. Now ladies speak up if im being unfair here but a man basically has the first 10 seconds to make an impression then about half an hour to follow up on that any longer and hes going to get friend zoned if liked or avoided if not.


reason? who cares its not going to help anyone the answer is simply a case of compatibility or perceived compatibility and its neither a fault nor anything you can fix so just forget it

Nuoooo... I know I just said the thing about you're probably either her type or not, but some girls won't REALISE you're their type until they've hung out with you enough, especially if things they're looking for is that you're smart, have similar tastes to her or share the same kind of morals/ethics. Personally I won't even consider dating someone that I've not known for a few months and am reasonably close friends with.

 

[Broady Brio]

I've turned down a person once during her party. I simply told her wasn't interested in dating.

 

[Combustion Kevin]

This.

I simply can't imagine being romantically interested in someone that I can not count among my friends first.

Must be connected to this

the only thing that all the girls I've dated will unanimously agree on is that I am a "good friend"

Well thats your problem and why they dont have a good answer. Now ladies speak up if im being unfair here but a man basically has the first 10 seconds to make an impression then about half an hour to follow up on that any longer and hes going to get friend zoned if liked or avoided if not.


reason? who cares its not going to help anyone the answer is simply a case of compatibility or perceived compatibility and its neither a fault nor anything you can fix so just forget it

ah yes, because because getting to know someone before asking them out is a crime these days, ain't it?
how is that supposed to work?

how am I supposed to instantly decide wether I want to persue a relationship with someone the first moments I meet them, that is ridiculously shallow and insulting to both parties involved.

But good news! Girls have more varied tastes than guys do, so while 90% of them might be turning you down, there will be girls to whom you are exactly what they're looking for! http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-06/wfu-ra062609.php

thank you, I wasn't planning on giving up.

 

[quiet_samurai]

It really depends, sometimes it really requires no explanation because it could be mutual. However if it is really one sided I will if they ask me, and I know they could handle it. The have been a few instances where I actualy was really disinterested or came to be disinterested over time due to some glaring issue or flaw, and when they asked I just made something up to spare their feelings. I think it all just really depends on why.