Dumbest Things Customers Have Said

[KingofallCosmos]

"Woah there, son, I don't hire designers with Macs. They're usually asses with wayfarers"

Graphic design is probably one of the worst, as people don't know what they're talking about...

 

[smearyllama]

A large number of people come into the shop and sit down at a table to eat. One lady orders a BLT with cheese.
Okay.
I'm on break, and my coworker has it handled.
(I work for my mom, by the way)
The lady is brought her BLT, and she explains that she ordered cheese on it.
Still, no problem. My coworker goes back to the kitchen and puts cheese on the sandwich.
She comes back out, and presents the sandwich.
Customer: "I don't see any cheese on this."
Coworker: "The Swiss is see-through when it gets melty. It's hard to see."
Customer: "Bring me the cheese."
Coworker: "Excuse me?"
Customer: "I'll just have to put it on myself."

The rest of the party was embarrassed by this, and the same woman gave us a $6 tip when they left.

Also, we have a small field behind the shop, and it has to stay mowed. There's also a low dirt mound going around some of the same field.
Two kids (I think their mom was inside) were rolling down the hill as I was mowing, not paying attention to the guy with the lawnmower mowing the mound that they're rolling down.
I had to politely inform them that they might not want to do this, as lawnmowers are fairly dangerous.
(These kids were about ten, so they could easily have come to this conclusion themselves)

 

[FarleShadow]

1 "We have two Lasagna's today: The three cheese Lasanga or the spinach lasanga"

2 "What's the difference?"

 

[smearyllama]

Snipped for epicness

Wow. That's pretty amazing.
Possibly better than anything else this thread has to offer.

 

[Dectomax]

I don't have any of my own to add, but I know a place that does.

http://notalwaysright.com/

They've collected THOUSANDS of customer service stories. Warning, that site can swallow days of your life, and you'll despair for the future of humanity, and probably laugh a LOT too.

Damn you! I've just spent over 2 hours reading through 27 pages of that stuff!

 

[FalloutJack]

Wait, I got this. How about...

"OH MY GOD, THE WORLD IS GONNA END THIS SATURDAY!!!"

That work?

 

[Mr Metzger]

"do you work here?"

This is when I am dressed in full uniform with large writing on the back saying STAFF and large writing on the front with the name of the shop.

 

[StellarViking]

OH CHRIST DO I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU GUYS.

I worked at a CVS and one day I had a lady come in and she said she wanted to use a gift card to pay for her purchase. She whips out a Starbucks gift card and I say "Oh, that doesn't have the barcode on it, let me grab another for you" and she responds "Oh no, I'm paying with this". The exchange goes as follows.

Me: That's a Starbucks gift card, you can't use that here.
Lady: Then why do you sell them?
Me: We sell a wide variety of gift cards. That one is for Starbucks and can only be used at a participating Starbucks.
Lady: You don't participate?
Me: We aren't Starbucks.

The lady turns the card over and points at the back and yells:

"IT SAYS IT'S GOOD AT ANY STORE."

I take a second to collect myself and repeat the same thing. After about two more minutes she finally uses a credit card. She then proceeds to say "I know what you're doing, the corporations are working with the credit card companies to steal taxpayer money." She gets her things and leaves and as she walks towards the door, looks back to me and shouts "I'M NOT STUPID, YOU KNOW."


Also, I had a lady that asked what the difference between the green 50% off and pink 75% off stickers are. When we said "One's 50% and the other's 75%", she said "How do I tell them apart?"

CVS was great.

 

[Hungry Donner]

Here's another one: "Please put all the cold stuff together"

It's idiotic, because that's what we're supposed to do. It's in our bloody orientation video. That's like asking a cashier to "please accept my payment of my valid cash" or something. >___>

I put all of my cold items on the belt together - I have to imagine it makes it easier for the cashier and it minimizes the chances of a screw up.

If he's seven, he probably doesnt know roman numerals.

My son learned them at five, but then his parents are both nerds.

 

[Zantos]

I sort out computer hardware issues for family and friends for beer money occasionally. My Dad did the classic one of when he got a new wireless router he tried to set it up, obviously without instructions. After several minutes of shouting and swearing he finally calls me in to do it, when it turns out he hadn't plugged it into the power because it was wireless so he thought it didn't need the power wire. We went to the pub and he bought me a few drinks while I explained to him how much of an idiot he was.

 

[Saulkar]

I work in the produce department at Loblaws Superstore and more than once I have encountered some pretty dense customers. The most glaring one is where I just start my shift after being away from work for 4 days and a customer comes up to me and asks me about 3+ sales going on that day that I was not aware of. I tried to explain that I had not been at work for the better part of the week and did not know anything about them and she responded that I should not be so lazy and work more. I told her that I was still in school and used that time for my animation club and homework. She kind of glazed over before saying, "one or the other not both, given how stupid you are I don't think you work out for either." I had to laugh after that. What a round about comment. Her comment on my lack of intelligence was dependent upon her comment of my laziness being the reason I was not at work enough and was ignorant of current events, the moment I disproved one the moment they all lost credibility. Dumb shoppers. Gotta love em.

 

[Saulkar]

I sort out computer hardware issues for family and friends for beer money occasionally. My Dad did the classic one of when he got a new wireless router he tried to set it up, obviously without instructions. After several minutes of shouting and swearing he finally calls me in to do it, when it turns out he hadn't plugged it into the power because it was wireless so he thought it didn't need the power wire. We went to the pub and he bought me a few drinks while I explained to him how much of an idiot he was.

I think this is pretty valid to your statement.

 

[Chris Sandford]

I don't have any of my own to add, but I know a place that does.

http://notalwaysright.com/

They've collected THOUSANDS of customer service stories. Warning, that site can swallow days of your life, and you'll despair for the future of humanity, and probably laugh a LOT too.

curse you for that link. im on page 9. should have paid attention to the warning.

 

[Saint of M]

Wente Scout Scout Reservation

Sunday and Monday, the question we ask all new campers at the Kitchen: Are there any food you can't eat due to alegies, religion, your a vegatarian or vegan?

Friday (Pizza day).

Camper: Does the pizza have tomato sauce;
Me: Yes.
Camper: I'm deathly alergic to tomatos.
Me: Did you tell us you were allergic?
Camper: No
Why?

Camper's scout master (same questions)
Me, and then the head cook: He should have said something earlier, It takes us a good hour to make these things

 

[Hungry Donner]

Not dumb per se, but I think it fits the theme of the thread.

I used to work at a university library and if a book was checked out you could request a recall - whoever had it needed to return the book in two weeks or they'd receive a fine. Well I remember one year, right before graduation, this guy came up who was about to get his PhD. He had a mountain of books, easily fifty or sixty (not uncommon for graduates), and every single one was over due and many had been recalled earlier in the year - he had wracked up several hundred dollars worth of fines. He also couldn't graduate without paying them.

However he had just been made an adjunct professor and professors are exempt from all late fees. His entire fine was negated and he remarked that he had been promised this position earlier in the year so he specifically waited until he got it to return the books.

 

[Ice Car]

I don't have any of my own to add, but I know a place that does.

http://notalwaysright.com/

They've collected THOUSANDS of customer service stories. Warning, that site can swallow days of your life, and you'll despair for the future of humanity, and probably laugh a LOT too.

Damn you! I've just spent over 2 hours reading through 27 pages of that stuff!

I SPENT 2 HOURS READING THIS AT SCHOOL WHICH HAS THIS SITE BLOCKED AND HAVE READ IT FOR 2 HOURS AT HOME! WITHOUT USING PROXIES, HAH!

Oh wait, that's not anything I should brag about, I wasted 4 hours of my life just now although it was enjoyable.

I laughed a little when I read this one. Short and simple, but still funny.

Spoiler

(A client walks into clinic as the floors are being mopped. She notices the ?wet floor? sign, and immediately starts flailing around as if she?s slipping.)

Me: "I haven't mopped that part of the lobby yet."

(The client immediately stops her dramatics.)

Client: ?Oh, okay.?

And now after I started reading again I found this:

http://notalwaysright.com/surely-knot-elastic/11187

I lol'd.

 

[Worgen]

Shell Gas Station


People aren't allowed to jam the nozzle trigger and talk on a cell phone or do something else while the fuel is pumping. It's against the law.

Unfortunately, regardless of how hard i try to tell people, i just get scoffed at and asked how old i am (19). I clearly tell them that if the nozzle were to break, gas would spill everywhere and could be ignited by almost anything in the lot which would result in a giant explosion most likely killing several people.

SO WHY THE *#)@_&*#%_)*#&@%_)!#*&)*#$&(*&#@%^(*@#^*&!^%#*!%^$*#@&$%(@#&*$^(@#*&^$@#(*&^@%(*&#^%)@#&*)^%@#&%)@#*%&@)#*%&@)#(*&% CAN'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT!?!!?!?!?

there was a myth busters about that and really the cause of fires at the pump cant really be a cell phone, really its caused by static electricity, like by getting out of your car set and not touching the metal of the car, or getting back in your car after you start pumping the gas without touching the metal but building a charge on the seat

 

[Mr.SunShine]

Shell Gas Station


People aren't allowed to jam the nozzle trigger and talk on a cell phone or do something else while the fuel is pumping. It's against the law.

Unfortunately, regardless of how hard i try to tell people, i just get scoffed at and asked how old i am (19). I clearly tell them that if the nozzle were to break, gas would spill everywhere and could be ignited by almost anything in the lot which would result in a giant explosion most likely killing several people.

SO WHY THE *#)@_&*#%_)*#&@%_)!#*&)*#$&(*&#@%^(*@#^*&!^%#*!%^$*#@&$%(@#&*$^(@#*&^$@#(*&^@%(*&#^%)@#&*)^%@#&%)@#*%&@)#*%&@)#(*&% CAN'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT!?!!?!?!?

there was a myth busters about that and really the cause of fires at the pump cant really be a cell phone, really its caused by static electricity, like by getting out of your car set and not touching the metal of the car, or getting back in your car after you start pumping the gas without touching the metal but building a charge on the seat

Yeah, but that doesn't negate THE LAW.

Thank god for Oregon, where we have people pump our gas for us

 

[Worgen]

Shell Gas Station


People aren't allowed to jam the nozzle trigger and talk on a cell phone or do something else while the fuel is pumping. It's against the law.

Unfortunately, regardless of how hard i try to tell people, i just get scoffed at and asked how old i am (19). I clearly tell them that if the nozzle were to break, gas would spill everywhere and could be ignited by almost anything in the lot which would result in a giant explosion most likely killing several people.

SO WHY THE *#)@_&*#%_)*#&@%_)!#*&)*#$&(*&#@%^(*@#^*&!^%#*!%^$*#@&$%(@#&*$^(@#*&^$@#(*&^@%(*&#^%)@#&*)^%@#&%)@#*%&@)#*%&@)#(*&% CAN'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT!?!!?!?!?

there was a myth busters about that and really the cause of fires at the pump cant really be a cell phone, really its caused by static electricity, like by getting out of your car set and not touching the metal of the car, or getting back in your car after you start pumping the gas without touching the metal but building a charge on the seat

Yeah, but that doesn't negate THE LAW.

Thank god for Oregon, where we have people pump our gas for us

ehh, who knows if its a law law or one that is just on the books and not enforced like the law down here that says you cant carry wire cutters in your pocket

 

[The Youth Counselor]

I feel your pain sir, I feel your pain, I work as a bagger myself, and I've had similar responses.

My favorite are the people who ask for plastic bags INSIDE the paper bags. Or the idiots who can't let the food touch the conveyor belt but have to pass the items directly to the cashier.

I used to work as a baggger myself (We were called courtesy clerks over here.) and I don't see why putting a plastic bag within a paper one is too much of an imposition. At Albertson's the policy to always put meat, poultry, and any leakable items within plastic bags, and if the customer asked for paper, or brought their own bags, we put plastic bag within that. Here in San Francisco plastic bags have been banned in grocers except for use with meat, poultry, and leakables.

I don't really have too many difficult customer stories during my time as a bagger besides obviously underaged people asking for alcohol, teenagers riding around in carts, and a woman with trackmarks on her arm forgetting where her car was and having to spend 10 minutes going around looking for it. I do however have many horror stories relating to management, co-workers, and things we found in the bathroom.

Only odd question that comes to mind was when an elderly man approached me in the parking lot and asked, "Excuse me, do you have the electric chair here?"

"What?" I replied.

"Do you have the electric chair here."

I thought long and hard and was about to reply "You can get to San Quentin by taking the 101 South, but they use lethal injection there."

I then realized he was talking about the motorized shopping carts. (Most people who used them weren't disabled but just too lazy to walk.)