Embarrassing sex-related stories

[Ushiromiya Battler]

^^;; I assumed that he meant he knew where his mother (or other female person - sister, flatmate, etc) kept hers. Although they do use tampons for treating nose bleeds. I saw it on Sex and the City. Poor Steve.

I'd just like to mention that using tampons to treat nosebleeds surprisngly isn't that effective.
They just end up stuck in your nose and you are a tad bit closer to a trip to the doc...

Captcha: That's right
See the captcha even agrees

 

[Silverslith]

A awesome stories:

A friend of mine was having sex in her boyfriends truck, riding him, when she suddenly noticed there was blood down there. Thinking her period must have just started, she got off to find a towel to cover the seat so they could finish. However, when she got off, she noticed it was not her who was bleeding, but her boyfriends penis. She had ridden him so hard she essentially circumcised him. They couldn't have sex for a couple weeks while it healed.

Same friend, while drunk on vacation, was vomiting in the toilet while her boyfriend was helping her out. All we could hear in the next room was her vomiting and then telling him to do her from behind since she was horny... then vomiting again. Took 15 minutes for her to finally stop vomiting, and stop trying to get him to have sex with her, and then pass out.

Another friend of mine had a one night stand with a girl who loved anal and then crashed at my place afterwards. Well, I will never forget the look on his face when he came into my room freaking out about his penis burning like crazy. Took him to the walk-in clinic where the doctor proceeded to remove a jalapeno seed from inside his urethra. THAT my friends is why care should be taken when attempting anal; no one wants a seed up there.

Hmm, not so sure about story #1. The foreskin is pretty resilient and sex won't rip it off. Its like eating your gf out so hard you tear off her labia- it just isn't going to happen. He must have had a pre-existing condition or something.

Story #2 and 3 are awesome, haha! The worst anal sex story I heard was of a couple who went to a Bed & Breakfast and ended up having loud anal sex that night. Unfortunately, the woman wasn't very clean, so there was feces everywhere and all the sheets and towels were white. Also, the walls were very thin, and the old woman who owned the B&B was also quite conservative and clearly heard the entire thing. So, when the couple left the next morning the owner was left with a nasty pile of shit covered towels and bed linens to clean up.

 

[Psychedelic Spartan]

I've done things that some would call "nasty."
And you know what? I'm not ashamed of ANY of it! Of course, I'm not planning to share, because there may be conservatives reading.

please message me with some of these stories...
On the other hand, for me, just the classic locker room boner

 

[Psychedelic Spartan]

A awesome stories:

A friend of mine was having sex in her boyfriends truck, riding him, when she suddenly noticed there was blood down there. Thinking her period must have just started, she got off to find a towel to cover the seat so they could finish. However, when she got off, she noticed it was not her who was bleeding, but her boyfriends penis. She had ridden him so hard she essentially circumcised him. They couldn't have sex for a couple weeks while it healed.

Same friend, while drunk on vacation, was vomiting in the toilet while her boyfriend was helping her out. All we could hear in the next room was her vomiting and then telling him to do her from behind since she was horny... then vomiting again. Took 15 minutes for her to finally stop vomiting, and stop trying to get him to have sex with her, and then pass out.

Another friend of mine had a one night stand with a girl who loved anal and then crashed at my place afterwards. Well, I will never forget the look on his face when he came into my room freaking out about his penis burning like crazy. Took him to the walk-in clinic where the doctor proceeded to remove a jalapeno seed from inside his urethra. THAT my friends is why care should be taken when attempting anal; no one wants a seed up there.

Does anyone want anything up there?

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Whenever you can/want...

Okay, so being quiet stories. I actually have two - I'm not sure which I was thinking of earlier, but they're both kind of funny and (mildly) embarrassing so here goes.

1) So, I'd just started dating this girl. Like me, she was bi, but unlike me she was in the closet about it. Specifically, she didn't want her roommate to find out that she was dating a girl (also, it should be mentioned, that I was the first girl she'd ever been in a relationship with).

Anyway, when I came over to see her, she introduce me to her roommate as a friend, and said I was going to sleep over on the couch. She and I hung out with her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend for a while, watched some TV, had some take out for dinner. And then, the girl I was seeing suggested that we let her roommate be alone with her boyfriend by the two of us going to her room and watching a movie on her computer.

Once we were in there, she put the movie on the computer as promised, and then joined me on her bed - were we had sex, for several hours, as quietly as possible. I know it was at least three hours because the movie was aprox 90 minutes and it looped twice before we were done. After some cuddling, she kissed me goodnight and set me up on the sofa in the living room.

The next morning, things were very quiet at breakfast. After that, we went out (all four of us) shopping. While we were out, the boyfriend approached me and said something like "so... you and her..." Since she'd asked me to not say anything, I was like "um...."

Very awkward day.

That evening they FINALLY told us they heard us having sex the night before... and that both of them were already aware she was bi. My girlfriend was clearly not as subtle as she thought she was. I was fairly amused by the whole thing, but she was mortified (particularly that they heard us). It was kind of impressive, actually - we really were being quiet. Mostly.

2) Okay, so I was visiting some friends at my undergrad college, the year after I graduated. Because I was broke, I decided to crash with various friends. One of those friends was an ex-girlfriend who I was still friend with. She was rooming with... another of my ex-girlfriends, one who didn't remember me quite so fondly. This isn't as strange of a coincidence as it sounds, since they actually met one another because of me. They weren't lovers (I asked), just friends. Also, one of them had some serious... issues... and I don't think she was interested - anyway, that is complicated and not part of the funny story.

So I show up there... with my boyfriend. All well and good - everyone is friendly. We hang out, watch some anime, etc. And, when bedtime rolls around, they give us a sleeping bag.

Now, to be clear, this was in a dorm. The only place to put the sleeping bag was between their beds. So, me and my boyfriend are on the floor, between my ex-girlfriends. He cuddles up and I start to go to sleep in his arms, all romantic like... about 30 minutes pass... and he starts to fondle me. Things progressed from there.

There was a lot of kissing - mostly because it was the only way I could think to avoid either of us moaning (or at least muffle it). Not the best sex ever, but it was sort of naughty fun.

Anyway, neither of my ex-es mentioned it the next morning (or ever)... of course, they might have just been being polite, I have no idea.

So, those are my "trying to have sex quietly" stories, as promised. ^^

Got any more interesting ones to tell?

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Reading this thread just cements for me that trying public intimate acts is not the wisest course of action. I can't fathom laughing about this in the future. I'd still die an emotional death every day I remembered.

For serious, this is all horrifying. Yet I can't look away.

Aww, come on, you know you love it. ^^

There's no shame in enjoying yourself - and if you get caught (assuming you weren't doing anything illegal) then just laugh it off. If not right then, later - everything is funnier in retrospect.

 

[bandman232]

Wow. Ain't got much to say. New escapsit member but been browsing the site for 3 years. Took long enough.

OT: I got a couple actually, both back in high school (3 years ago) Haven't had a GF or BF since. *forever alone*

Well, the first one was with my first serious gf. It was after prom and we were particularly, *erm* excited. We get to my place and start to just hang and watch TV for a while. Since she lived about an hour away, her mom wasn't going to pick her up anytime soon, so we decided to have a little fun. We started kissing and one thing led to another and we got freaky. Well seeing as we were at my house, my parents were actually home. We didn't care though and continued anyway (we were actually pretty quiet). Well, was almost there and she was riding me, and the lamp on my head board fell off and it me on the head right as I climaxed. It was painful,hilarious and satisfying at the same time. And, she had a wonderful time of it too. Good first time, and me and her still talk about it even after we broke up. It was pretty hilarious. My dad gets a good laugh and mentions it as much as he can. (he knew and didn't care).

The second one was with another girl. We were in doggy style, having a good time, when all of a sudden her brother(older) walked in on us, with him getting a full view of were the action was. I panicked, but he just said "Carry on." and left the room as if nothing happened. We both found he unfazed face completely hilarious.

Got a few more if you're interested.

 

[Jonluw]

Egads, no. Ick.

That is one Japanese fetish I have never understood. Really, what is the appeal?

I mean, I've watched porn of it (the internet is a terrible and yet wonderful thing) and I still don't understand how it's supposed to work. How could that possibly be pleasurable for... anyone involved? I just do not get it.

Didn't think it was an exlusively Japanese fetish... still, agree with the bemusement. Foot-job means nothing else can happen unless she's sitting on his face. If that's the case, then they've got some issues going on there...(!)

What kind of issues?

Hm...
I'm assuming she wasn't by herself. I never asked her; although the story might've been more entertaining if I did.
I can't imagine anyone getting that much into it with an inanimate object though.
(Do toys count as inanimate if they vibrate?)

I would've thought so... Still, maybe you should've gotten someone to masquerade as a paranormal detective and gotten them to 'investigate the disturbances'...(!)

Heh. Well, she didn't moan in the ghost-sense really.
It was more vigorous than that. I can't really decide whether to call her a moaner or a screamer.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

I was with my first really serious girlfriend at her house, couple weeks into starting college, and her parents are out of town. So we're doing it, and since we were both the goofy types, as she's cresting towards something wonderful, I decide to put up a really goofy pose, superman in flight style. Right as I do, I realize that her ceiling fan is suddenly a lot closer--stick my hand right into it. THWACK. She doesn't even know what's going on, just thought I was being ridiculous, having just brought her about and cheering, and here's me wondering if I could be any dumber. At least it was on low speed, and I didn't break my hand. On the bright side, sympathy sex immediately thereafter!

And, while it didn't happen to me, I did instigate an embarrassing moment for someone else. I got invited to this party after meeting some people out watching an eclipse one time, and this really adorable couple had snuck back inside to do it for the first time while everyone was outside. Someone was wise enough to tell me about it, so I proceeded to lead everyone over to the door outside their room, and lead them in a round of "For he's got a jolly big fellow", followed by chanting his name as if he was a champion. When they came out later, she thanked us, because apparently he'd started laughing and doubled his energy.

Inb4 I get banned for posting that lmao, but its true :/ AIN'T GOT NO SHAME

I'm not sure why I'm asking, but it's that time of night where I'm curious. How was it?

 

[game-lover]

*reads the thread properly now*

What is it with these friends wanting to pounce people in their beds to wake them up?? This is why people lock their doors, eh?

 

[JoesshittyOs]

On a field trip, people started thinking that I had masturbated when I had just got finished doing push ups (a week straight without any exercise was bothering me).

That was fun.

But what, real sex? I'll tell you when that finally happens.

 

[Palfreyfish]

On topic, I banged a straight guy. I'm pretty proud of that. Not embarrassing for me so much though I guess.

**checks profile - notes that you are male**

So, how did that happen? You really didn't share the story so much as the result. And, if the guy let you have sex with him, doesn't that at least make him bi (or closeted bi or something)?

We were completely sober, and I was at his crashing after a night out, and it sort of happened. I initiated things, and it went from there. He still claims to be straight, but he's never said he didn't enjoy it, so I'm pretty pleased with the outcome.

Oh, and for the record, I don't exclusively like men, jus sayin.

 

[Vault101]

oh...I actually have one (not related ot actual sex though)

my family were on holiday in this nice little costal place (imediate family with aunts/uncles and cousins)....

we stayed in thease little shallays (or shacks) or whatever which were actually really nice, they had one room with a double bd and one room with two bunk beds....me and my brother shared a room..which was fine

except one night...I swear to god I thourght he was..well "you know"...and I was thinking "oh shit...is he doing what i think he's doing? christ man I CAN HEAR YOU gaaaahh..."

it was incredibly awkward for me...I imagine he thourght I was asleep

 

[DugMachine]

I'm not sure why I'm asking, but it's that time of night where I'm curious. How was it?

From what I remember it felt pretty good. The sad stuff I do when I don't score

 

[SckizoBoy]

Got any more interesting ones to tell?

Erm...

Reading this thread just cements for me that trying public intimate acts is not the wisest course of action. I can't fathom laughing about this in the future. I'd still die an emotional death every day I remembered.

For serious, this is all horrifying. Yet I can't look away.

Oh yeah... public sex... Hyde Park, when I was still an undergrad. We lived in Holland Park and did a run onto campus, even during the summer hols both for studying and to suck up to our future supervisors, but different departments. Soooooooooo... we went a-runnin' (this was in August when no other undergrads were around) at about six in the morning going around the western half of the park. She made a point of 'no-one's around', we found a suitable location and went at it. However, there was something niggling at me that I was forgetting something.

Anyway, we do the act and I just finish when I get scared shitless by a bark. Yeah, I forgot about the droves of dogwalkers. Thankfully, the dog in question just barked a few times and left, but my reaction had the gf laughing her head off. And being ever-British, the walkers just continued on their way...

The one... and only... time I've had sex in a public place.

 

[BringBackBuck]

There was a two-foot long piece of two-by-four on the ground.

Surely the 2 in 2 by 4 would indicate it is 2 feet long thus negating the need to say it was 2 feet long?

Nope, with wood the measurements stand for the 3D dimensions height and width. So a 2 X 4 would by 2 inches high and 4 inches wide, while it can be any length.
God, I'm getting off topic now...

Thanks for correcting me on that.

Holy shit. Memo to anyone who did as I did and read the first few pages of this thread then skipped to the last page to post their own amusing anecdote, at which point noticed the above chat about a 2 foot long piece of 2x4 with no context surrounding it and thought WTF!!!! What horrific act is someone doing with such a large (and splintery) piece of lumber?

Don't worry about it. I have read back through the thread and can assure you it's just a tale about a malfunctioning bed

 

[winginson]

Hmmm living alone really puts a damper on interesting stories doesn't it? (Also being on a very long dryspell).

1)The first place I shared was with this girl (an old friend, not a GF and the best of my ex) and it was shaped a bit like a T, with the living room and bedrooms being one actual room, with the beds in the arms and the livingroom in the stem. The bathroom and kitchen were under the arms. Anyway my ex and I started having sex, quietly and with the lights out. Then my room mate came in with her boyfriend, assumed I was asleep and went at it themselves. She was riding him with her eyes closed, I was doing doggy and my ex had a very loud orgasm. She (the old friend) opened her eyes to see her best friends orgasm face, and also found her boyfriend was asleep. After that we coordinated things.

2)Having sex in a sleeping bag at a party at a friends house thinking everyone had gone (No central heating, even sex can't compete with a cold british winter). Turns out they just wanted to get beer and fireworks. They came back and switched on the lights to see us in a heap on the floor, undies everywhere having fallen over trying to hide the edvidence. Turns out escaping from a sleeping bag quickly is impossible.

3)I was visiting a mate at uni and we went to a metal gig with his girlfriend and her friend. Me and her got on well and as we were both visiting we stayed up late and chatted in the common room. My mate and his GF went to his room, and we figured they would be gone some time so we started some fun of our own, although we decided to keep out clothes (mostly) on. Then my mates GF came back in to see some upskirt doggy style. I stopped and she said "Do you have any condoms?", I said "I'm...kinda...using...them". She then just looked at me "Huh so you are" and left.

4)Another ex had a room with a very slanted roof. She was riding me when she got a bit too energetic and smashed her head on it then headbutting me, knocking us both out. Her older sister found us spark out with me still inside her.

5)Same ex had a trampoline and we decided to give it a go. Her sister was going out with next-doors daughter and looked up from pleasuring her in their garden to see the top half of her sisters body bouncing up and down.

6)Was having a summer camping with loads of people and was having sex with the girl from 3) in a tent at night. We didn't realise the lamp was silhouetting us against the side of the tent, giving everyone who walked by a black shadowy show.

 

[Fappy]

Freshmen year of college my then-girlfriend was giving me the good ol' bj in my room. My friends were in the living room playing Halo and decided it would be a good idea to duct tape my door shut while we were in the act. When it was all over we realized our access to the bathroom had been cut off. Poor girl didn't have a glass to spit in and wasn't the swallowing type

 

[Shinigami214]

didn't happen to me but involves me xD

there was this party once in highschool. everyone was fairly drunk, and my boyfriend thought he'd pick me up and go into one of the rooms in the house.
he gets busy undressing me and his thoughts go something like: "huh, strange. her belly button piercing has a blue gem in it. could have sworn it was yellow..and..wait. she's scratchy..but today in the morning she was smooth..OH SHIT!"
as it turns out, he picked up my twin sister and dragged her into one of the rooms, and she was so blitzed she didn't realize what was going on and didn't protest xD
good thing he left the lights on^^
he told me about it right away and it was an honest mistake (even our own mother has only an about 50% hit rate in telling us appart :-/ ), so i wasn't mad at him. quite the opposite actually, he could have proceeded and i'd probably never have known about it, but he chose to confess it to me instead^^

Man in a million right there.