Embarrassing sex-related stories

[Jonluw]

lol snip

Since you didn't specify, I thought... by herself?! And reading it again... by herself?!

Hm...
I'm assuming she wasn't by herself. I never asked her; although the story might've been more entertaining if I did.
I can't imagine anyone getting that much into it with an inanimate object though.
(Do toys count as inanimate if they vibrate?)

 

[Jonluw]

I'm turned on by... certain noises... she was making a lot of them!

This. I've found that one of the best ways to get a guy off is to be vocal with my pleasure.

+1 to this notion.
Sensual noises can be some of the most arounsing things there are. In fact, at times I can have a hard [sub]*snicker*[/sub] time enjoying porn if the actress doesn't make sounds like she's in pleasure. The more convincing, the better.
[sub]I really dislike the whole loud screaming and dirty talk stuff. Oh, and when the actresses start sounding like they're having an orgasm from the moment go and just keep going throughout the act. I need some sense of progression damn it.[/sub]
It's not just limited to pleasure noises though. Just the sounds related to the physical act can do a lot to make porn more engaging.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Egads, no. Ick.

That is one Japanese fetish I have never understood. Really, what is the appeal?

I mean, I've watched porn of it (the internet is a terrible and yet wonderful thing) and I still don't understand how it's supposed to work. How could that possibly be pleasurable for... anyone involved? I just do not get it.

Didn't think it was an exlusively Japanese fetish... still, agree with the bemusement. Foot-job means nothing else can happen unless she's sitting on his face. If that's the case, then they've got some issues going on there...(!)

I'm in the middle of something at the moment. Just had time for a quick check and reply.

Remind me later and I will. If I don't remember, it's the story about trying to have sex as quietly as possible because of where we were at the time.

Whenever you can/want... and, may as well:

In an effort to reproduce what happened the first time she gave me a handjob while on top of me, I was pleasuring her but when she started pumping away, she was already close to climaxing, and she... can't really control her body when she cums and alternately tenses up and flails. Just my luck, her hand tenses up and her other hand (or rather, the arm) flails. She has a strong grip... and I may have enjoyed that sensation more than I should have (insomuch as, I did), prior to getting her elbow in my face.

Hm...
I'm assuming she wasn't by herself. I never asked her; although the story might've been more entertaining if I did.
I can't imagine anyone getting that much into it with an inanimate object though.
(Do toys count as inanimate if they vibrate?)

I would've thought so... Still, maybe you should've gotten someone to masquerade as a paranormal detective and gotten them to 'investigate the disturbances'...(!)

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I'm not telling you anything too horrendously embarrassing (read as: any where I embarrass myself, only when I embarrass other people), I have some pride.

Anyway, a while back my then-girlfriend's parents weren't around and we'd had a small party with a few other friends. We were having a quiet morning shag, and, thinking we'd still be asleep, all of our friends decided to wake us up by running in and having a pile-on on top of us. If it wasn't bad enough, as things got driven in a bit from the added weight , she had to (rather unsuccessfully) hide an orgasm.

 

[Doclector]

I'm twenty one. I haven't had sex.

That, my friends, is embarassing.

 

[Palfreyfish]

I also would like to learn of the whereabouts of this kind of establishment... not to visit, but just because I have heard of them too! :S

Sounds like a Brighton, or Weston Super-Mare... or even somewhere like Scunthorpe, Watford, Grimsby or Bognor Regis... basically anywhere dire and not so nice to visit[footnote]To those who live in any of those places... I am sorry, but your home towns are pretty shit... but you know what... so is mine, so it is ok![/footnote]!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey Brighton's not that bad. I find that offensive actually pretty accurate, the clubs here are pretty grim.

On topic, I banged a straight guy. I'm pretty proud of that. Not embarrassing for me so much though I guess.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

On topic, I banged a straight guy. I'm pretty proud of that. Not embarrassing for me so much though I guess.

**checks profile - notes that you are male**

So, how did that happen? You really didn't share the story so much as the result. And, if the guy let you have sex with him, doesn't that at least make him bi (or closeted bi or something)?

 

[ElPatron]

back in highschool bunch of freinds asked if I had "hooked up with a guy yet"....

...I had not...

Achievement unlocked! You would be much more preferable than a girl with several "miles" in the odometer.

I kind of get what your saying...but I dont like the Idea that "virginity" is some big special "asset" girls have....kind of goes back to the days where women were property

By that I didn't mean "unscratched". I'm not the kind of person who would outright refuse to date someone like a porn star.

It's just that during highschool... If someone is ~17 then it's normal, but it's not unheard of people who never even kissed anyone by that point - and honestly I am much more inclined to like that kind of people.

 

[SpAc3man]

On topic, I banged a straight guy. I'm pretty proud of that. Not embarrassing for me so much though I guess.

How did you manage that?

OT: I have some friends who decided to head to bed in the spare room in my house at a party. On the slightly creaky bed. They were drunk and had misjudged exactly where the room was in relation to the downstairs area. Directly above where everyone was sitting around drinking. Fun times.

The same couple again.. This time at his flat. She can be noisy and one night I sent them each txt messages of encouragement while they were going at it. Several minutes later there was a burst of laughter from upstairs.

 

[ED-Tw0 ZeRo N9nE]

I got raped in a bathroom once, I was completely smashed and couldn't have prevented it if I had tried...

Now that I've given your minds time to wander, it wasn't what you're probably thinking. While I was in NO position to resist whatsoever even if I had wanted to, I was still coherent enough to know what was going on. Being that coherent, I had no intentions to stop anything at all.

You're probably thinking I'm some kind of sexual deviant now, maybe I am to an extent, I DID enjoy every second of it. Alright, I suppose I should stop toying with whoever reads this. This didn't happen at some bus station or anything like that, it happened within the safety of my own home. You're probably imagining the rapist as some shadowy figure, this is also not the case, I knew this person (which might be worse in some of your minds). No, the rapist happened to be my girlfriend at the time, and me being a man, got one hell of a thrill out of the experience. She totally took advantage of my drunken ass there on the bathroom floor. So, I wasn't violated by any means, but since this might be a letdown for a few of you, I guess I should mention one additional piece of info in order to perk the story back up a bit. I'd totally just gotten through puking my guts out beforehand. I was freshly back from Iraq and my tolerance was at an all time low. I can't imagine her kissing me tasted good whatsoever, but she didn't say anything about it the next day.

I've got more stories, if anyone is interested.

 

[Scoffy89]

This didn't happen to me but a guy I know was in his flat having sex with his girlfriend at the time in the middle of the day and after they were finished they decided to get something to eat in the kitchen. Since none of his flatmates were home at the time they thought that it was pointless to get dressed and walked out naked and started rummaging around the kitchen. For some reason neither of them realised for about 5 minutes that one of their walls was almost completely glass and that the curtains were not closed. When he noticed he realised that there were two girls looking over at them in horror and instead of doing the usual "Oh I'm so embarrassed, I must cover myself and run" he decided to smile and wave.

They moved out a few days later. The two girls I mean.

I still don't know why he told us this story. I'm assuming he thought we would all laugh with him and whatnot but we all just though he was an idiot.

 

[Vault101]

snip.

well I didnt do the "tounge dance" untill I was at least 18....(at the time I was like "so this is it huh"....what the big deal?)

I never saw the big deal with "making out" with guys..its not sex, I mean the opertunity doesnt come along for some people..that doesnt make you a nun or social cripple

 

[Chanel Tompkins]

There was a two-foot long piece of two-by-four on the ground.

Surely the 2 in 2 by 4 would indicate it is 2 feet long thus negating the need to say it was 2 feet long?

Nope, with wood the measurements stand for the 3D dimensions height and width. So a 2 X 4 would by 2 inches high and 4 inches wide, while it can be any length.
God, I'm getting off topic now...

 

[KimiJay]

I got spotted having sex with my boyfriend in the local beer garden late one night last summer by the mother of the pub owner (who just so happened to be my grandma's best friend- eeek!) News travelled like wild fire around my little village and we are still reminded of it. My mum found out and found it funny but decided to tell my grandma before anyone else could.. Luckily she found it hilarious and just told me to be a bit more careful next time..

 

[2xDouble]

Blow jobs are hard work.

To quote Lewis Black:

"Oral sex should be an Olympic sport. Why? because it's harder than Curling ever has been, and if you're any good at it, you deserve a medal."

OT: I have one, it's not about sex per se [sub](damn "forever alone" club...)[/sub] but it is sex-related, so... meh. Whatever, I think it's funny.

So, way back in high school, my then-girlfriend and I went on a college-scouting trip with our mothers. On the way back, we had to check in a motel. It was the only lodging in the area, and when we arrived, all four of us noted how seedy the place looked. On the way to our rooms, we noticed the door nearest to the main office had two pairs of shoes on a mat in front. Being horny teenagers, my girlfriend and I immediately picked up on the... "sounds" coming from inside, and started cracking jokes about the shoes. My mother, lovely comedian that she is, suggested that room might be rented "by the hour". We laughed, because we all had figured out what was probably going on... except my girlfriend's mother.

She asked several times what "rented by the hour" meant, to the point of wanting to knock on the door and ask the occupants. The three of us had to physically hold her back to prevent her from a) knocking on the door, and b) peeking in through the window to watch. We finally wrestled her back to our rooms, and spent the next hour or so trying to explain to the woman why the joke was funny and why she would have regretted investigating further. (Keeping in mind, this was my girlfriend's mother...)

...talk about awkward.

 

[game-lover]

Reading this thread just cements for me that trying public intimate acts is not the wisest course of action. I can't fathom laughing about this in the future. I'd still die an emotional death every day I remembered.

For serious, this is all horrifying. Yet I can't look away.

 

[razer17]

This one is pretty embarrasing, and I am not proud of it, but I can see why it's quite funny.

So I was in a club, and I was fairly drunk. I hit on this girl, and eventually went back to hers. I was part way through doing the deed when I felt like I was going to throw up, from being drunk. I ran downstairs, through her living room and into the bathroom. Problem was that in her living room, three of her mates were sat watching TV, as I sprinted past, still with a condom on, giving them a full view of everything. Then I threw up, and picked up a towel to cover myself so I could walk past the girls again.

One of the girls even said "Is that my towel" and when I apologised, she said don't worry, just keep it. The worst part is that despite throwing up I went upstairs and carried on to completion. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason I avoid drunken sex nowadays.

 

[muckinscavitch]

A awesome stories:

A friend of mine was having sex in her boyfriends truck, riding him, when she suddenly noticed there was blood down there. Thinking her period must have just started, she got off to find a towel to cover the seat so they could finish. However, when she got off, she noticed it was not her who was bleeding, but her boyfriends penis. She had ridden him so hard she essentially circumcised him. They couldn't have sex for a couple weeks while it healed.

Same friend, while drunk on vacation, was vomiting in the toilet while her boyfriend was helping her out. All we could hear in the next room was her vomiting and then telling him to do her from behind since she was horny... then vomiting again. Took 15 minutes for her to finally stop vomiting, and stop trying to get him to have sex with her, and then pass out.

Another friend of mine had a one night stand with a girl who loved anal and then crashed at my place afterwards. Well, I will never forget the look on his face when he came into my room freaking out about his penis burning like crazy. Took him to the walk-in clinic where the doctor proceeded to remove a jalapeno seed from inside his urethra. THAT my friends is why care should be taken when attempting anal; no one wants a seed up there.