The story is too long, but it has an educational tip for guys. Guys, never go on a "workout" date (or at least be in shape if you do.) Summer after my freshman year of college I reconnect with a girl I dumped in high school (because the crazy.) I changed and matured a lot over that year and I figured she deserved another chance. Plus, her dad was loaded, like 7 figure salary 3 story house on a golf course loaded.
Yeah, I can give her another chance.
Anyway she has a membership at some high dollar "executive" country club gym, and she asks me to go work out with her. Now other than a semester in my college's marching band and a weekly game of racquet ball I had adopted an almost physical activity free lifestyle. The last time I had even been in a gym was high school where I had been in football and track. I was a big, stocky muscular guy back then (lineman, and shot put) and while I had gotten totally out of shape freshman year, I still had quite a bit of muscle. The guys at the "rich" gym were a bunch of skinny nerdly and business types, making me look pretty badass (by comparison only) lifting weights. And I was being verrrrry stupid and showing off to make an impression. After the workout I showered while she spoke with a friend. She said she could shower at home, and so we went to her place. She told me to relax in her room while she showered. I picked up a book from her bookcase (Arthur C. Clarke, she did have great taste in books) and sat back in the little recliner in her room. About the time she came out of the bathroom (in a towel far to small) I was making a distressing discovery.
I could not move.
As I had relaxed in her chair every muscle in my body that I had seriously overtaxed after a year and more of inactivity started to tighten up. When she took off the towel and sat in my lap, that turned into a series of muscle cramps running up and down both legs and across the now-flabby abs. And no matter how much you want it to, certain parts of the male anatomy don't work properly when you are in so much pain you vision starts to white-out. I went from looking "pretty badass" to "pathetic whimpering" in a shockingly abrupt amount of time. I did manage to wrangle the mess into some Florence Nightingale effect sympathy from her. "Aww, you did this to yourself to impress me. Let me take care of you." That unfortunately was after a couple of very awkward and embarrassingly unsuccessful attempts by her to "Let me do all the work, you just lay back."
I've been MORE stupid at times. But it never led to me looking quite as pathetic as I did that day.
"Who built this f*@%!#g police station." - Leon Kennedy
