End of my Rope...

[leviathanmisha]

So, I'm not used to doing this, but I'm seriously at my wit's end here, also it's 3 AM where I am and I just got done crying for the 3rd night in a row, so I apologize for how odd the following is about to sound.

So, about 4 days before Halloween, my boyfriends of 3 1/2 years decided to call it quits. It hurt me because instead of waiting to see me and tell me to my face, he just sends me a text. Well, I go back to masking my emotions and feelings and continue truck through school, waiting patiently for break so that I could actually talk to him in person and maybe work out what went wrong in our relationship. Well, that was the plan until a few weeks ago.

It was an average day, not much going on besides a new episode of Castle on ABC that evening when I just so happened to check what was going down on FB when I see something that rips any remaining shred of hope out of my chest. My "ex" had started a relationship with a girl who had PROMISED me that she harbored NO ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS MY EX WHAT-SO-EVER!!! Needless to say, I was a little more than furious...

I went through my week with my mask up until Friday comes, which was the day that I got head back home for Thanksgiving break. I was excited to see all my old friends until I remember that my "ex" was the one picking me up from the station. It also should be said that the hour long car ride that I endured to go back into town from the station was one of the most miserable things that I have ever done, and I've done some pretty miserable things.

Now we get into what's really bugging me. Ever since I returned home on Friday, all that I've gotten from my "ex" is a handful of texts that sound so suspiciously like the man I used to be dating, I'm seriously starting to wonder if he has MPD and one of the personalities just seems to hate my guts. It also doesn't help that the "thing" that he's currently "dating" has also managed to alienate most of his friends, so that he only has her to really hang out with these days and when she's around him, he avoids contact with me altogether, even if I send him an innocent text about something one of our friends did.

My question is this fellow Escapist: Should I bother trying to even get through to him, even if I know that the man I love is still hidden beneath of the rubbish that his current "thing" has heaped upon him, or should I just let this lie between us, with no answers given by either party?

*note: the things in quotation marks are things that could change in a moments notice, like he could go from being my ex back to being my boyfriend or he could dump the cow that he's currently latched onto.

**another note: during the entirety that we were together, he never once cheated on me, so I think that should be noted in the fact that he can be extremely faithful to whomever he is with at the time, what I'm basically saying is that I don't think he cheated and I would appreciate if that wasn't so callously flung around in response to this.

 

[RatRace123]

I think it'd be best if you tried to forget about it, considering the mental hell he put you through in a short time, I don't think he deserves anymore of your attention.

 

[Biosophilogical]

I think you need to find time to talk to him away from his "thing", but talk to him as his friend, not his ex (there is a massive difference). Because face it, if you still love him (meaning you care about his well-being) you want him to stop dating "thing" for his own benefit, not for your personal reasons. When you talk to him just be re-assuring, don't touch him beyond a pat on the shoulder or a friend-hug, but don't be reclusive as well, appear open and honest, not condescending or rude or jealous; remember, if you talk to him, it should be for him, not for you. (Then again, I'm 16, so my real-world experience may be entirely lacking, I'm just saying what I'd probably respond to in his place)

Oh, and also, never get angry or exasperated, when someone is in his position that last thing you want would be to be looked down at or treated negatively, if you are anything but kind and caring he'll probably just close up and become stubborn simply for the sake of being stubborn (I know I would).

 

[leviathanmisha]

I think it'd be best if you tried to forget about it, considering the mental hell he put you through in a short time, I don't think he deserves anymore of your attention.

That's been the opinion of a few people. I'm also trying to find a way to make this less awkward cause between me and him we have a very large group of shared friends and there is the fact that his sister looks up to me like an older sibling, seeing as she had no older sisters. I don't want to alienate our friends because we can't be around each other for more than five seconds without one of us losing our cool...

 

[Danzaivar]

My question is this fellow Escapist: Should I bother trying to even get through to him, even if I know that the man I love is still hidden beneath of the rubbish that his current "thing" has heaped upon him, or should I just let this lie between us, with no answers given by either party?

He made his bed, let him lie in it. Unless you want a reputation for being a total doormat.

 

[leviathanmisha]

My question is this fellow Escapist: Should I bother trying to even get through to him, even if I know that the man I love is still hidden beneath of the rubbish that his current "thing" has heaped upon him, or should I just let this lie between us, with no answers given by either party?

He made his bed, let him lie in it. Unless you want a reputation for being a total doormat.

It's more or less that I want answers as to what the fuck went wrong, cause not even two weeks before this started, he came to visit me at school and everything was JUST FINE!!!

 

[RatRace123]

I think it'd be best if you tried to forget about it, considering the mental hell he put you through in a short time, I don't think he deserves anymore of your attention.

That's been the opinion of a few people. I'm also trying to find a way to make this less awkward cause between me and him we have a very large group of shared friends and there is the fact that his sister looks up to me like an older sibling, seeing as she had no older sisters. I don't want to alienate our friends because we can't be around each other for more than five seconds without one of us losing our cool...

Yeah, I've seen this happen. I don't really have an answer here, I guess just try to keep in contact with your friends. And just because you're no longer a couple doesn't mean one of you has to give up your friends.
The main thing is to not make friends pick sides.
Beyond that, I'm not really knowledgable in this department, sorry.

 

[leviathanmisha]

I think it'd be best if you tried to forget about it, considering the mental hell he put you through in a short time, I don't think he deserves anymore of your attention.

That's been the opinion of a few people. I'm also trying to find a way to make this less awkward cause between me and him we have a very large group of shared friends and there is the fact that his sister looks up to me like an older sibling, seeing as she had no older sisters. I don't want to alienate our friends because we can't be around each other for more than five seconds without one of us losing our cool...

Yeah, I've seen this happen. I don't really have an answer here, I guess just try to keep in contact with your friends. And just because you're no longer a couple doesn't mean one of you has to give up your friends.
The main thing is to not make friends pick sides.
Beyond that, I'm not really knowledgable in this department, sorry.

It's ok, I'm just going slowly off the proverbially deep end, which has been a long time coming if I do say so myself...

And we haven't asked our friends to pick sides, they just kind of have...which makes things even worse...

 

[AcacianLeaves]

Let me tell you right now: he's not worth it.

I know that I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I can tell you right now that any guy that would willingly cause you any pain or misery is not worth your time. Even if he is unwillingly hurting you, he has to know that his actions are hurtful. It may be that for some reason his new beau has gotten under his skin and he may one day realize that she's a 'thing' and not good for him, but you shouldn't have to wait for that.

It boggles my mind how often great girls stay stuck on bad guys when I guarantee you there are several guys who would love the chance to make you happy.

Let me ask you this: If you were to confront him and try to get 'answers', what would you ask him? What kind of answers are you looking for?

 

[An Alt Account]

I suggest trying to forget about him and moving on with your life. You were together for a long time and you love him, but he dumped you over text message. That's a bad sign straight up. Next up, immediately after leaving you, he started dating another girl, that's another bad sign. And the worst thing of all, now that he's got this girl and you're back, he's causing you more pain with the messages he's sending you.

These all add up to a very, very messy situation and, quite honestly, he doesn't deserve another chance. If he does leave this girl and you end up getting back together, what's to stop him from leaving you via text message again when you're away for a while and another girl comes along?

*sigh*
There always has to be a complication. Right then:

That's been the opinion of a few people. I'm also trying to find a way to make this less awkward cause between me and him we have a very large group of shared friends and there is the fact that his sister looks up to me like an older sibling, seeing as she had no older sisters. I don't want to alienate our friends because we can't be around each other for more than five seconds without one of us losing our cool...

Whilst what I said above still applies, this is evidently a situation that you can't just move on and never see him again. The thing to do here is try and avoid contact with him for the moment until you can sort yourself out and start the healing process until you can be around him without getting angry or suffering. The number one thing you don't want to do here, and I can't stress this enough, YOU DON'T WANT TO TURN THIS INTO A SITUATION WHERE YOUR FRIENDS ARE FORCED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. It isn't fair to expect that of your friends, and will end badly for both you and your ex. Forcing friends to choose one over the other creates conflict and hostility, and right now you are very unprepared to deal with more drama.

So take some time for yourself, and if you're going to hang out with some friends, make it a small occasion where your ex won't be invited along. After you feel you are ready to be around him without feeling like you want to yell and scream, move on from there. These things take time. You can't rush them as that will just cause more harm then good.

 

[gallaetha_matt]

My question is this fellow Escapist: Should I bother trying to even get through to him, even if I know that the man I love is still hidden beneath of the rubbish that his current "thing" has heaped upon him, or should I just let this lie between us, with no answers given by either party?

Don't even talk to the guy. Do what the addicts call going 'cold turkey.' You might think you want to know why he ended it. Do you really? Because you might feel all the worse for finding out. At best you may attack him with a whiskey bottle. At best.

A friendship with this guy will only hurt both of you. You from unrequited love, him from various whiskey bottle wounds.

Even if you're nowhere near a bar or a liqour store. Trust me on this. A whiskey bottle will find you. I speak from (comedic) experience.

 

[Embright]

Repeat after me, "I will let this go because he is gone."

There is nothing you can do, stop trying to control other people. If he didn't end up liking you, better off now than down the road where children can be affected. All this "he will change" mentality sickens me because it is both heartfelt and untrue. I'm a guy and I'm once we stop liking someone, we stop liking them no matter what they do. Then again, I could possibly remove "guy" in that last sentence and put "girl" in and it might still hold just as much weight.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

Okay, SHE didn't break up with you. He did.
Maybe she is a total *****. Maybe you and your friends just see her as that because she "stole your man". But he was the one who ended it with you. Not her.

Move on. This isn't worth your time or energy.

Ah, and for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Don't rush to the next guy to fill whatever void you think he has left.
Take this as a chance to grow and concentrate on other, more important things. Last thing you want is to become dependent.

 

[leviathanmisha]

Let me tell you right now: he's not worth it.

I know that I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I can tell you right now that any guy that would willingly cause you any pain or misery is not worth your time. Even if he is unwillingly hurting you, he has to know that his actions are hurtful. It may be that for some reason his new beau has gotten under his skin and he may one day realize that she's a 'thing' and not good for him, but you shouldn't have to wait for that.

It boggles my mind how often great girls stay stuck on bad guys when I guarantee you there are several guys who would love the chance to make you happy.

Let me ask you this: If you were to confront him and try to get 'answers', what would you ask him? What kind of answers are you looking for?

I just want to know if at any point did I say something that pushed him away, cause I'll be the first to admit that I don't exactly think about the words that come spewing out of my mouth.

And in all honesty, my ex is a damn decent guy. He stuck by me when I was dealing with shit that would chase any other guy away, and when I started to second guess myself when it came to college, he convinced me that I needed to go somewhere that wasn't the local community college. So he is a really great guy, I'm just afraid that I inadvertently pushed him away without meaning to.

 

[fullbleed]

How were things before the break up? It probably wasn't all hunkydory if he broke up with you out of the blue. I'd say for the time being just cut off contact, stop thinking about him and avoid him if you can. Get friends to help you, make sure you don't try and call him or text him. Hopefully he will eventually try and amke contact with you again and then you can try and talk about what went wrong.
But for now just try not to think about him, and don't try texting or calling him because that could just make it worse and all you'll be doing is worrying yourself more.
And deffinately don't blame yourself for any of this. Everyone here will agree he is in the wrong.

Also... nice avatar

 

[leviathanmisha]

My question is this fellow Escapist: Should I bother trying to even get through to him, even if I know that the man I love is still hidden beneath of the rubbish that his current "thing" has heaped upon him, or should I just let this lie between us, with no answers given by either party?

Don't even talk to the guy. Do what the addicts call going 'cold turkey.' You might think you want to know why he ended it. Do you really? Because you might feel all the worse for finding out. At best you may attack him with a whiskey bottle. At best.

A friendship with this guy will only hurt both of you. You from unrequited love, him from various whiskey bottle wounds.

Even if you're nowhere near a bar or a liqour store. Trust me on this. A whiskey bottle will find you. I speak from (comedic) experience.

Actually, I do want to know, because after being lied to by people I trusted on several occasions, I don't want to let this rest because I was forced to do that with someone else (my father, but that's another chunk of my painful past).

And I'm Sicilian, we use cooking utensils, not whiskey bottles!!!!

How were things before the break up? It probably wasn't all hunkydory if he broke up with you out of the blue. I'd say for the time being just cut off contact, stop thinking about him and avoid him if you can. Get friends to help you, make sure you don't try and call him or text him. Hopefully he will eventually try and amke contact with you again and then you can try and talk about what went wrong.
But for now just try not to think about him, and don't try texting or calling him because that could just make it worse and all you'll be doing is worrying yourself more.
And deffinately don't blame yourself for any of this. Everyone here will agree he is in the wrong.

Also... nice avatar

Actually, this pre-break up were just fine, which leads me to wonder if I said something without realizing it, which I'm infamous for doing. And it's hard to avoid him when you live across the street from where he works...I see him almost everyday, whether I want to or not.

And thanks! Can I invade your "vital regions"??

 

[Julianking93]

I'd just drop them from my life.

Essentially, this.

If someone were to treat me that poorly and with that little consideration, it's best to just completely forget about them.

It may be difficult to do in the long run, but it's something that will end up being for the better. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you who will help you with this and everything will be okay in the end.

 

[leviathanmisha]

I'd just drop them from my life.

Essentially, this.

If someone were to treat me that poorly and with that little consideration, it's best to just completely forget about them.

It may be difficult to do in the long run, but it's something that will end up being for the better. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you who will help you with this and everything will be okay in the end.

Would be easier to surround myself with people if I didn't live 250 miles away for most of the year...and at school I'm kinda a loner, which most of my friends think is weird.