End of my Rope...

[AcacianLeaves]

I just want to know if at any point did I say something that pushed him away, cause I'll be the first to admit that I don't exactly think about the words that come spewing out of my mouth.

And in all honesty, my ex is a damn decent guy. He stuck by me when I was dealing with shit that would chase any other guy away, and when I started to second guess myself when it came to college, he convinced me that I needed to go somewhere that wasn't the local community college. So he is a really great guy, I'm just afraid that I inadvertently pushed him away without meaning to.

Like they say, 'it takes two to tango'. A break-up is never one person's 'fault' even if one person dumps someone out of the blue. In all likelihood if he's anything like I was at 18-19 years old he just isn't taking his relationships as seriously as you are and just wants to date other people simply for the sake of seeing what its like. Don't read too much into it and certainly don't blame yourself.

It sounds like he's a good friend to have around, so I think you have to decide for yourself if you can accept him being with another girl and just be his friend. Whatever you may think of her it was his decision to end up with her. Again, it takes two to tango.

 

[Julianking93]

Would be easier to surround myself with people if I didn't live 250 miles away for most of the year...and at school I'm kinda a loner, which most of my friends think is weird.

Ah, okay, I see. Well, you and I are in the same boat. My closest friend lives on the other side of the county >>

But, even still, it doesn't have to be through a direct contact. Even just talking to your friends at school over the phone or through the internet can help greatly. Hell, if you'd like, you could talk to me through PMs here about it Things are always a lot easier when you don't have to go through them alone.

 

[Naheal]

This is a waste of time and effort. Let him go and move on with your life.

 

[captaincabbage]

I reckon it'd be best to just forget about it and move on with your life.
If you're still ion school, then it's pretty damn safe to say that you've got a reeeeeeaaaallly large amount of time to find another person that you like and who won't dump you via txt.

For me, that raised a big red flag as I read your post. Anyone who dumps someone via txt is pathetically cowardly and just doesn't want to face up to full life concequences.

Some arsehole that my little sister used to date dumped her via txt and refused to talk to her for a few weeks, so me and my brother drove her around to his place to try and get some closure for her, only to have our sister insulted relentlessly, so naturally we beat the shit out of him. Sorry, I dunno where I was going with that.

ANYWAY, my advice for you is not to dwell on these emotions. It's a big world out there, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Talk to your friends as well. Maybe some late night movie marathons will ease the pain.
Me and my girlfriend had a two day movie marathon after she got dumped by her ex, and now we're partners and best friends going on two years now. Besides, he probably made a rash decision that he's going to regret, so fuck him.

 

[MattRooney06]

you need to ask yourself

a) do you Love him, or are your feelings just very strong
b) is there any chance that this will happen again

Sorry to put it so bluntley but people (especially men) are Cunts, youl get fucked over soooo many times if you clutch at straws

 

[gallaetha_matt]

Actually, I do want to know, because after being lied to by people I trusted on several occasions, I don't want to let this rest because I was forced to do that with someone else (my father, but that's another chunk of my painful past).

And I'm Sicilian, we use cooking utensils, not whiskey bottles!!!!

If he lied once. Who's to say he won't do it again? He might lie again to protect your feelings, or protect himself from a beating.

I can understand wanting to question him about why your relationship ended. Because that sort of thing does eat at you. I speak from experience (real this time, unfortunately). But finding out the truth about my personal relationship horror story made me angrier than not knowing.

And even if he does agree to tell you why he broke things off and he's 100% honest, you'll still have that niggling doubt in your mind that it might be more bullshit.

Of course not every person is as treacherous as my ex(s) and you might find some measure of peace by finding out. I'm not a doctor (despite what my medical license says, but don't tell any of my patients). Just be prepared to feel infinately worse than you do now and be ready to cope with it properly. Like by channeling it into your future children like I'm planning to do. I swear they are going to dig SO many ditches - the joke is, I don't even have a garden!

Otherwise your ex may find himself on the business end of a cooking utensil attack. Way more severe than a plan old whiskey bottle thrashing. Cooking utensils are probably more effective in a revenge stabbing incident, or a revenge bludgeoning, or a revenge cayenne-pepper-in-the-eye-and-ball-forking. Everything in the kitchen is a deadly break up based weapon which should only be used in the hands of proffesional chefs, parents home from the late-shift and 10 year old McCauley Culkin (who has the hardest name to spell in the universe).

 

[superbatranger]

Just move on with your life. It might seem hard at first, but it will happen. Perhaps one day you will look back on this as nothing but a sad page in one of the many chapters that marked your life. But, if you want to know why he did what he did, go ahead. You will have to be careful, though. The answer you might get could be something you'd be better off not knowing.

 

[Spacelord]

Drop him like a bad habit.

I've had a similar (but not the same) experience with a friend of mine who would completely disappear off the face of the earth when he was dating someone. He meant a lot to me and I felt quite hurt when this would happen, but whenever he broke up our circle of friends acted like nothing at all happened. Let me tell you: you don't feel better about yourself after you let yourself get treated like that a couple of times.

Not the first thing something like that happened either. One of my exes used to treat me poorly as well. Like you, I was curious about what'd make her do such a thing. All I got was more emotional blows to the proverbial sack for my trouble.

The way you describe your situation resonates quite a lot with my own experience, and from my own experience I recommend that you just give up on him in every way. You can't win this, all you can do is damage control before he hurts you even more. Get the hell away from him.

 

[Vryyk]

Distance yourself from him, sever all communication, and wait for it to stop hurting. Even if it takes a while that's the fastest way. Dragging a bad relationship out even further is only going to hurt you more in the end.

 

[Mordwyl]

This is the very same situation that happened with my ex this Summer. In my defense, she was kind of a ***** all the time but not to the point you completely shut me off for no reason. Nobody should get that treatment.

You deserve better, honestly. If your love can't go past the faults or try to see them through then why bother?

 

[Kouen]

Well no matter how I look at it I come to the same conclusion Just walk away.

If this 3rd party "*****" is the cause then he has been manipulated and who's to say it wont happen again putting you again through the same thing

If its him then well its his loss

and if it was something you said and he did this then he hasn't got the balls to talk to you about it then fuck him xD

 

[Rickyvantof]

Girl problems...

This is not my domain of expertise.
I appologize.

 

[zombiesinc]

**another note: during the entirety that we were together, he never once cheated on me, so I think that should be noted in the fact that he can be extremely faithful to whomever he is with at the time, what I'm basically saying is that I don't think he cheated and I would appreciate if that wasn't so callously flung around in response to this.

I would say that perhaps this is exactly why he's allowing his current girlfriend to dictate whether or not he talks to you. Although your friend claimed she had no romantic feelings towards him, it's not something that I would recommend holding against her. Feelings towards someone is something that cannot be helped. Though, that's not to say that perhaps she was insensitive when it came to dating your ex so soon after you two broke up, or at all.

Unfortunately, if you wish to remain friends, but he's choosing to avoid communication with you, there isn't so much you can do. In the end, it seems up to him, 'cause you've put yourself out there, and tried to remain friends. Though possibly down the road he'll realize that he's being unfair, or that what he's doing is something he doesn't truly want, and he'll change his mind. Until then, I would say the best thing you could do is remain civil with both your ex, and his current, and try to be 'the bigger (wo)man'.

Ultimately, I would suggest that you give yourself some space, and deal with the fact that you two are no longer dating. Eventually, it won't hurt as much, and you'll be in a better mindset to openly ask him anything that's worrying you, or that's on your mind, if you so choose.

Though the fact that he broke up with you via text after three years of dating is a really inconsiderate choice, and something I would hold against him. Is this someone you really would want to get back together with, or even be friends with? Yes, everyone makes bad choices from time to time, but this was a really low blow, and incredibly immature.

 

[bluepilot]

Sorry sweetie, this must be really hard for you especially since you went for such a long time, but the best thing is to let go.

I had the same thing happen to me about 18 months ago and I was so angry and intent on revenge that my behavior landed me in therapy.

It was a dark time but now I have a great boyfriend and I made some really honest friends. I can really advise you just to ignore the pair of them and live your life to the full. For example, write a list of all the new things you want to do or learn next year.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Either someone has taken control of this guy's cell and FB, or you just need to start tearing things up with some newly acquired psychokinetic powers. The anguish is rolling off you in waves. You need to channel it, but you don't know who to target. I'd suggest the girl. Then, get a good explanation from the boy. If it's not a good explanation...there's your second target.

 

[Marathax]

It's tough going through a breakup. If he's moved on so fast, then that's his loss. I'm happy that someone has the courage to talk about this so openly. If he just keeps listening to his girlfreind and doesn't hang out or even attempt to talk to you though, is he really worth having as a friend?
Sorry if i come across as harsh here..

 

[6unn3r]

Honestly? Move on you deserve better.

Everyone will tell you that it gets easiser as time goes on and its true it really does get better. Time heals all wounds as they say. I was in a similar situation not long ago, only i had the extra complication that she got pregnant 6 weeks later and there was the unknown factor of whose baby it was. Fortunatly it's not mine but at the time i was crushed beyond belief (actually went out and did somthing involving a brick and a car window) but now, i feel much better, my real friends helped me to move on by distracting me with various things, taking me to pubs and clubs and the like and last week i bought a puppy. She gives me endless joy and i know she will be far more loyal than the last ***** (pun intended). Plus theres a cute lass at the park i go to everyday who loves to come and pet my dog so its a way to meet new people.

Chin up

 

[Stasisesque]

I may be interpreting your post completely wrong here, and this is going to sound incredibly harsh - but it's something that, with the information given, needs to be said: He doesn't want you.

The hardest thing to do after a break up, if it was not a mutual one, is move on - and it is ten times harder if you harbour any small hope that your ex does truly love you and want you back. In this case, it does not sound at all like he does. The messages you're getting from him now are just regular messages - you were together for three and a half years, he has no idea how else to treat you - it's going to be either love or indifference driving his emotional connection to you now.

And for your sake, stay out of his new relationship. She might be the worst possible person for him, or she might be the best - but it isn't your concern. No matter how much you care for him and want him to be happy, you're much too invested to make an objective observation and it is unlikely he would listen to you anyway. Much too easily misread as jealousy.

Edited to add: I would not see his new girl as a rebound relationship. Honestly, it sounds more like he'd moved on to her while he was with you. Personally I wouldn't class this as cheating, but simply moving on.

 

[Imp Poster]

I can understand the wanting to know why for closure. I was like that too. But somewhere in my late twenties I gave that up. I knew who I was and just accepted that what you see is what you get. I can't understand why people don't like me but I accept the fact that everyone is not going to like me once they get to know me. They aren't wrong or right, I am not right or wrong either. Good or bad, whatever. People are going to go with their feelings/thoughts whether or not there was a right, wrong, good, bad, etc. Doesn't make you a bad person or their a bad person. People just do good things or bad things. This of coarse is if the relationship ends for no reason. This isn't if it ended because of lying, cheating, abuse, etc.

The problem that I have with closure is that sometimes saying what is obvious leads to accepting something that someone says about you that is bad/turn-off for that person. I have had alot of closures that led me to be someone else that I am not. I have changed my hair style, my whole wardrobe, act differently, etc. after a break-up. In the end, I have had to course correct to who I am or what I was comfortable with. It's unfortunate that things end but it is what it is. It is important that what stays intact is the love you have for yourself and why. No one should take that away from yourself especially influence you to doubt yourself into being bad/not worthy.