Escape to the Movies: A Nightmare on Elm Street

[RTR]

Halo and Michael Bay would go together nicely.
What a shame that Hailey is caught in the middle of all this. I mean, his Rorschach was my favorite performance in a movie in 2009.

 

[RestamSalucard]

Eh, have him go make a Half-life movie before a Halo movie.

They already made that movie, it's called "The Arrival". [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JRwahO8eIc]

 

[King of the Sandbox]

All remakes have a 99.8% chance of sucking. This is no exception.

Please, stop raping my childhood memories Hollywood. PLEASE.

 

[Samoftherocks]

Bob, you strike me as odd. I've been reading SF Bay Area reviews my whole life and I don't think our personal Ebert has ever spoken to me the way you do. It's enthralling. Kind of epic. The kind of impartation of knowledge that someone who truly understands the things that I like can possibly get across without the ultra-geek, film dork that you are AND YET doesnt' let hinder their enjoyment of the big BOOM.

I say you're odd because NONE of the Micheal Bay (which for movies has become the next N-word) remakes have been anything but mindless recreatons of already mindless movies. Friday the 13th. Nightmare on Elm Street. These are movies that...honestly...were stumbled upon classics. Someone (actors, directors, producers) decided to say "F*$K it!" and run with a ridiculous premise WITHOUT KNOWING what they had.

I put John Carpenter at the top of the list, in a very close fight with Sam Raimi, over who has the BEST horror. Any ground given by one, immediately is gained by Barker and Craven. The point is THIS Freddy flick lacks for the same reason you put a well-deserved bubble around, who plays Freddy. Robert Englund played the best killer because THERE WAS NOTHING TO LOSE. He played the character that was closest to the Thing but needed, NEEDED to hold the human component the way the Thing, Jason, and Myers did. Big difference being: Freddy had f^&king style.

If Jackie Earle Haley had played the FIRST Freddy, HE would've been in "Jack Brooks, Monster Hunter", The Mangler, and all of the other straight-to-video flicks that only Englund could've POSSIBLY could've played in.

If a movie was made about shit (fecal matter), if Englund was the layer of that turd, I'd watch it 'cause you know someone is gonna die in a really cool, awesome, Lovecraftian way, and I'd be right!!!

Timing. Timing is what's missing here with these flicks. New horror has to contend with movies creating gore to the degree that actual serial killers are wonder what THEY did wrong. Friday the 13th sucked because son of Vanilla Ice was in it. Texas Chainsaw Massacre was good because it stayed close to the original content of gore AND added succesfully a human element (yeah it was thin, but they're ALL thin). This flick lacked a LOT of Freddy, and so, I agree withyour assessment of the movie overall.

BUT...

Despite Bay's massive suckage (I grew up with the Transformers and my tuchus will never be the same after THAT cinematic rape job)m it wasn't THAT bad. As long as there are douchebags who thing 'splosions are the s&*t, there will be a guy taking those folks for their money. And they deserve it.

 

[Samoftherocks]

Oh WAIT!!! The OTHER reason why I think you're odd!

Because you said, "GI Joe was the best BOND flick in the past (whatever many) years."

Dude...I still haven't seen it yet...but...dude...

 

[TheTygerfire]

This week MovieBob reviews A Nightmare on Elm Street...if he can stay awake long enough.

I just got back from seeing this movie, and Bob, you couldn't be more wrong in most of your points.

1. Yes Jackie is awesome, nothing more needs to be said.

2. You're first point was that they cop-out on the "Did he or didn't he" angle, which is false. A cop-out is
1. A failure to fulfill a commitment or responsibility or to face a difficulty squarely.
2. A person who fails to fulfill a commitment or responsibility.
3. An excuse for inaction or evasion.

and they don't cop out because they actually reveal the answer to the question later in the movie. I don't see how that qualifies as a cop-out.

3. You claimed that 4 people died the exact same way in the movie, which is also false...

Spoiler

Only 4 people died in the entire movie, and they all died differently. The first is a neck slice, the second is sliced down the stomach, the third is impaled with Freddy's arm, and the last is stabbed in the face.

4. Freddy isn't scary. Okay, fine, I agree, I wasn't scared through the whole movie even with it's abundant use of the jump scare. But do you think that's maybe because someone like you or me has seen enough horror movies to not find them scary. The ironic thing is that two of the only movies to ever legit scare me were in this franchise. Just because you don't think he's scary doesn't mean someone else won't.

5. Mortal Combat on the SNES has more blood?....now you're just flat out lying. This had plenty of blood, even without a redone "bed scene".

It's not like your opinion being untrustworthy ruins my life or anything, it's just that when a review has this many gross inaccuracies people will take at face value it's unsettling. I felt as though I needed to set the record straight.

I'm not saying you're wrong in thinking the movie sucked, that's your opinion, you're entitled to it and all of that, but at least give better reasons for why you didn't like it. If you ask me, was it good? Yes. Was it as good/better than the original? No, not completely. Some parts were better, some were slightly below par, but overall it ranks up there with the best in the series.

 

[Nomanslander]

snip

I think you need to check out the new South Park episode about the Catcher and the Rye, because you read way too deeply into stuff.

Truth is you can overthink anything, check out Bob's Overthinker show where he'll spend an entire episode explaining how playing a Mario game can unlock the secrets of life and proving to everyone how much of a nutsoid Mario fanboy he really is...lol

I'm sorry, but Halo has no depth except the shit you make up in your own head. Every time I've heard the argument brought up of how dumb Halo is someone always brings up how the books make up for it, and the problem with this picture here is this is suppose to excuse how dumb the games are.

You know if I wanted a smart version of Halo, I'd go with Mass Effect, all Halo has is a pretty above average FPS gameplay which should be expected considering the cost that goes into it.

Gears at leasts tries to have fun with itself even though having an angsty moment here and there. Halo on the other hand is full of itself and pretentious, a shooter that takes itself way too seriously when all you're doing is running around with fisher price toys for guns shooting pink death beams at retarded ewoks and Jar Jar Binks sounding aliens...0o

What really pisses me off about this series is how serious the fans are about it, every time someone brings up criticism the fans go nuts as if though the series is above it, and that's some pretension bull I want nothing to do with...>>

 

[MovieBob]

And get off of that high-horse you seem to be so happy about. Story can only take a game so far. One of the best games ever made is Super Mario Bros. 3. You know the story there? Save the princess.
Why? because. Who cares. just save her. Admit it, you didn't even care about the story because the game is fun to play.

Not to be "that guy," but... Technically, the STORY of Super Mario Bros. 3 was that Bowser has conquered seven kingdoms by turning each of their respective kings into animals and installing his kids as despots; and you have to liberate each kingdom and restore each king to their true form. Princess Peach is basically your Oracle/Otacon figure for most of the game, apparently "directing" the missions and sending you letters and gear at the end of each level. She only gets kidnapped as a surprise right before the last level.

People forget that this was technically only the SECOND time in the "continuity" that Peach had been kidnapped (Japanese SMB1 aka "Lost Levels" is usually framed more as a continuation or "hard mode" of SMB1 rather than an out-and-out sequel) so "she always gets kidnapped" hadn't yet become a running-gag.

 

[MaltesePigeon]

Here's the formula for ruining a perfectly good horror movie by remaking it:

First you need the plot of the original movie. In this case, a child murderer (Freddy) doesn't go to jail because of a technicality, so the parents of the children (not the parents of the dead children, problem there) vigilante his ass. Years later, he comes back in dreams to get the children. Freddy is a bad guy. Let the slashing commence.

Next you need to reinvent it. Reinventing the story always makes it more complex. In this case, Freddy is a supposed child molester(the change from murder doesn't mean much). Freddy might be the bad guy. Let the slashing commence?

Finally, produce and release the movie without thinking about plot holes or audience reaction to the changes. It'll make money anyway, so who cares?

I really don't tell you what happens here but my train of thought leads to a logical conclusion. Yes I said logical conclusion but slasher films used to never make you want to think logically.

Spoiler

So in this movie we have doubt about Freddy's guilt and a magical memory macguffin to protect that doubt. But the biggest flaw in this is that if he wasn't a bad guy how is he one now? If he was wrongfully accused (lol Leslie Nielson)and back for revenge I say go for it! I felt that way throughout My Bloody Valentine. So this is one outcome of the "is Freddy bad" reinventing, he wasn't bad and shouldn't be considered bad now.
But if he's back for revenge, why would he go after the kids that he didn't molest and actually cared about? He wants revenge because they lied and said he molested them. He wants revenge on children he cared about for telling their parents that he molested them instead of the actual person who molested them (the movie shows that they were at least abused) or the parents. That's the second possibility, he wasn't bad but now he is.
Or he was just a child molester, innocence is just a fake out, and he wants to kill the kids, punishing them and the parents at the same time.

 

[RatRace123]

Shame this movie isn't any better, I was actually a little interested in it.

For some reason I laughed my ass off whenever I glimpsed at the Haley bubble.

 

[Sacman]

If he does a Halo movie it would be the same as his Transformers movies extremely over rated and poorly directed crum buckets that will make an insane amount of money because the primary audience can't distinguish between abominations and art...

 

[Fortesque]

Oh yeah.. Iron Man 2 isnt out in America yet.

Owned, cos it was AWESOME! And I saw the new Tron: Legacy trailer.
A day of pure Nerdgasm

 

[Vrex360]

I think you need to check out the new South Park episode about the Catcher and the Rye, because you read way too deeply into stuff.

Perhaps I do. But hey, I am a fan. A fan's duty is to get at least somewhat involved with whatever he or she is a fan of, do you not agree.
Perhaps also, you simply read too little into stuff.

Truth is you can overthink anything, check out Bob's Overthinker show where he'll spend an entire episode explaining how playing a Mario game can unlock the secrets of life and proving to everyone how much of a nutsoid Mario fanboy he really is...lol

Overthinking has nothing to do with it. Fact is, maybe Bob saw something in Mario that the rest didn't. Maybe it was just his own interpretation of the game and that's his right. He isn't 'wrong' nore 'right' and you are not 'right' nor 'wrong' to refute his opinions. You have the right to disagree but that's about it.

I'm sorry, but Halo has no depth except the shit you make up in your own head.

So, I guess I just imagined that Halo 2 featured the Arbiter in an attempt to humanise the Covenant, something few other Sci Fi FPS's do with their alien enemies. I guess I also imagined that the music was perfectly fitting for all the various themes presented. I guess the book detailing the tragic childhoods of all the Spartans was ALSO my imagination.
Whether or not you liked said story, the seeds for an interesting plot were certainly present and it was clear wherever you looked, it was my interpretation of it, further more I was not the only one who saw it that way. Plenty of others did and they are not 'wrong' to percieve it like that.

Every time I've heard the argument brought up of how dumb Halo is

Something that comes up WAY too often for the people making said argument to still claim that they are the mature party, just saying.

...someone always brings up how the books make up for it, and the problem with this picture here is this is suppose to excuse how dumb the games are.

Yes, the games themselves are the weakest entry in the canon. I don't deny this, but then it's an ACTION game. Hence it can't dwell on story for two long or else people get fed up, it had to find the right balance which if you ask me it achieved.
It's worth remembering however that the books are STILL PART OF THE CANON and any Halo movie would not be about the game itself but ABOUT THE CANON OF THE UNIVERSE IN QUESTION. Which reflects that the universe itself is not 'dumb' and is well and truly worthy of attention.

You know if I wanted a smart version of Halo, I'd go with Mass Effect, all Halo has is a pretty above average FPS gameplay which should be expected considering the cost that goes into it.

Apart from them both being science fiction I really see little connection. Also, Halo is given lavishly huge budgets per each game's release.

Gears at leasts tries to have fun with itself even though having an angsty moment here and there. Halo on the other hand is full of itself and pretentious, a shooter that takes itself way too seriously when all you're doing is running around with fisher price toys for guns shooting pink death beams at retarded ewoks and Jar Jar Binks sounding aliens...0o

Actually I never said that Halo didn't take the piss out of itself a few times, the Grunts are an example of the series having a light hearted tone. It's not always serious but it's not satire either, it's self aware and I like that. What's more the visuals are bright and colorful which stands out against gunmetal grey.
Plus, as I said before, in Halo 2 you play AS the aliens, namely the elites, which do not sound like Jar Jar Binks.
By the way, say what you will about the design of the guns, but
A. an alien gun should look different to the human guns and if it has to be bright and colourful, so be it.
B. Halo: Reach is coming and so are hyper detailed and much more weapon looking weapons to add to the fray.

What really pisses me off about this series is how serious the fans are about it,

Like Halo is the only series in modern history where the fans have gotten serious about it. People like stuff, they like it a lot. Let them, for god's sake, let them.

every time someone brings up criticism

Is that what they call 'trolling' these days? Seriously every time I've heard someone calmly say they don't like Halo and give a reason why, Halo fans let it go. But people just have to be pricks about it and hence the Halo fans get pissed off.

the fans go nuts as if though the series is above it

The series is most certainly NOT above criticism, Halo 1 had some serious repetition problems, Halo 2 had poorly rendered cinematics and an anticlimactic ending and Halo 3's campaign was very short.
I acknowledge that the series has faults, as do all fans. That doesn't bother me, however because I still like the games, as a whole.

, and that's some pretension bull I want nothing to do with...>>

If you want nothing to do with it, a very simple solution is to just not mention that you hate it every opportunity you get. If you don't want fans to get in your face, stop saying stuff that'll offend them. Like say... when a trailer for the Reach Beta comes up, don't make a thread devoted to bashing it, because then you get negative feedback.
Also, as a general rule of thumb, aggressive ragging on of stuff people like makes them mad and once again Halo is not alone in this regard.

Okay, that went a little too far. Sorry, didn't mean to bring that up. In any case, despite how I may have sounded, I do not actually have problems with you disliking Halo. Plenty of my closest friends don't like Halo, hell one of them is a crazed Sony lover so you better believe he hates Halo. But I don't let it bother me because they don't get into my face about it. However when someone makes a smart ass comment like you made, naturally I reply.

So, look I don't want to do this anymore. I doubt I've convinced you of anything, but I now realise I probably wasn't intending to. Just to explain my position in this whole whing and why I personally see things a different way.
You obviously see things another way and by all means, you aren't wrong, just as I am not wrong. Neither of us can be wrong because this is a battle of opinions.
So yeah, I apologise if any of this seemed obnoxious, truth be told I can get a little carried away with these sometimes so hopefully we can move on let this argument end here with a simple:

'Agree to disagree'.

 

[Parallel Streaks]

They should've got Wes Craven in to supervise, like they did with Last House On The Left, that was a remake I personally enjoyed because of the touch of Craven.

Also, STOP FUCKING ARGUING ABOUT HALO, enjoyment is subjective, some people liked Halo, some people didn't, can't we leave each other alone!?

 

[addeB]

Instead of ruining the halo movie, why can't michael bay come up with some thing original? You know come up with a story of he's own to ruin?

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

Tch, although I had no intention of watching this movie anyway, I'd at least held some hope (purely out of academic interest) that it might be decent when I heard about the casting of Jackie Earl Hayley as Freddie and the new angle on the character. But I hadn't heard of Platinum Dunes at the time, which would have tipped me off if I'd known, so this really isn't surprising.

I don't see why people are obsessing over Bob's shot at Michael Bay and Halo. Come on, the Halo thing was just a gag for the end of the video, no need to get hung up on it!

 

[Ben Legend]

Well before seeing this review I wasn't going to watch it, and now.... I'm still not. Horror movies aren't my thing but I will watch them. Remakes of horror movies are, in my opinion, a waste of time.

 

[Swarmcrow]

NOOOoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE HALO MOVIE!!!! I know you don't like halo, but why do I have to suffer such a travesty?

 

[Dan Shive]

Michael Bay and Halo? ...That might actually not suck.