Escape to the Movies: The Expendables

[savagecam]

Bob, you need to chill, dude. Smoke a bowl, have a drink, pwn some n00bs, whatever, just let off some steam. I get that you wish Scott Pilgrim (and Kick Ass) would be recognized as the cinematic landmarks that you and many others feel they should be, but it's not going to happen. We still live in a world where most people don't care about comic books. Sure, comic book movies are huge because people know Superman, Batman, X-men, etc., but I would think the majority of the adult population is still not actively reading comic books, and they don't care about niche graphic novels, no matter how good they (and their movies) are.


Now, I will admit that Expendables is NOT a good movie following the "movies as art" criteria. The fight cinematography is lousy, the story is generic and full of holes, and except for Mickey Rourke's one great scene, most of the acting is lousy. BUT THAT WAS TO BE EXPECTED.

I knew exactly what I was going to get when I saw this movie, and I had a great time. I'm not recommending it to friends and family, and I'm not going to go see it again, but as a bit of brainless summer escapism, it met expectations. It's a "C-."

P.S. Review was still hilarious though, loved the rant!

 

[EchetusXe]

While it is good of you to fill in the role of a shit-slinging primate I have to break it to you but the rest of us have matured past the point of going to zoo the for 'shits and giggles'. Seen as you are apparently 26 might I suggest that you also grow the fuck up?

OK dad.

I guess I should also confess to dropping spiders down the backs of girls' shirts, urinating in peoples' drinking water, and purposely watching old Adam Sandler movies.

Also telling people to grow up and boasting about being "mature" as if that's some kind of measurable accomplishment.

Old Adam Sandler movies? Son... I am disappoint.

 

[Luke5515]

Dammit, just dammit. I was hoping that it would at least be halfway decent. Well piss. Saw Scot Pilgrim and thought it was meh. Now I have no movies to look forward to. Looks like I'll have to look through the movie nerd bible and see which ones are at the video store.

 

[rossable]

has to do with relative interests. scott piligrim could win every award in the universe and i still wouldn't see it, just like how i will never watch avatar. it's not even on my scale of priorities to give it enough thought to say "meh... maybe if it were free".

 

[wolf_isthebest]

After watching this review I'm definitely going to see this movie. Because I know how to have fun with FRIENDS at the movies. I grew up with this actors and I thought Bob would know a thing or two about nostalgia... I wouldn't care if all the cast snorts cocaine for two hours; I would still enjoy this movie.

 

[Charisma]

Old Adam Sandler movies? Son... I am disappoint.

HE'S GONNA SHIT WHEN HE REALIZES IT'S SHIT

 

[Squigie]

What's with the people hating on moviebob for being an 'elitist critic who can't enjoy a good popcorn flick'? This is the guy who gave the thumbs up to GI Joe and the A-Team. The man can appreciate a mindless popcorn flick.

But just because a movie doesn't try to be anything more then a big, fun, dumb action movie doesn't excuse it when it fails to be fun, and doesn't even deliver well on the action, and ends up being nothing more then a big dumb movie. MB's certainly going overboard hating on those who liked it, but I can understand getting upset at a movie going public that pumps so much money into these movies.

This is what the "It's a popcorn flick!" crowd are not getting. There are other reasons to dislike a mindless action movie besides it not being incomprehensible and French, like it being a bad mindless action movie. Another thing to remember is just because you enjoyed a movie does not make it good.

Comparing Bob's review with Spoony and the Cinema Snob's, it seems like the Expendables is a pretty poor action movie that only gets a pass if you're jonesing for some Stalone. It's not Smash Bros. or Tatsunoko vs. Capcom, it's not even Warriors Orochi, but you might have a good time anyway.

 

[Nincompoop]

Well. I have lost almost every respect I had for you Bob. The action in this movie was absolutely great. I have numerous times agreed with you (never really on any action, as you rarely discuss it), but this was so f**king opposite of what I thought that it's absolutely f**king ridiculous. There were plenty of memorable kills in the movie.

How about how Stallone used a pistol as a f**king machine gun? (he seriously shot fast and reloaded fast. Absolutely a cool feature).

Most of the action was well executed as well. I would really like to sit down with you and watch it and point out some awesome scenes.

F**k this. I feel so disappointed. Sh*t...

I will not stop watching your reviews as they are always worth watching, but God f**king damn I have never disagreed so much with you before, and I get the sense that you have absolutely no feel whatsoever for action.

How was it great? Every cliché was boringly predictable; Ex team mate turns on them, check. Female informant is daughter of corrupt leader, check. And what the hell is with punching Steve Austin WHILE HE'S ON FIRE? Talk about redundant. It has no story, no plot, no reason to get involved or care. All this film had was a cast filled with testosterone fuelled alpha males, and that doesn't make a movie "great". All that did was make the fight scenes confusing to follow as you're watching kung-fu, wrestling, knife fighting, and military hand-to-hand all at the same time.
"The Expendables" was banking on its cast to cash in, and f**k it did because of individuals like you who probably get bored if they go five minutes without gunshots. Go back to shooting squirrels, you redneck.

Listen, nancy boy, when you reply someone and 'think' you are debunking whatever they said, it's a good rule to not talk about something else.
..
Are you f**king blind? I only commented on the action, and you attack me by saying it's a bad movie because of plot issues and predictability. How about the action? Do you have any comment on that? Well? No? Well geez, why tha f**k did you reply my comment then? You absolute f**king moron...

And don't say the fight scenes were bad because you're too f**king slow to follow it.

 

[jackanderson]

I've never read the entireity of a video's comments before this one. This thread is quite fun to read.

But I'd like to be the voice of reason now, please stop arguing with each other. We have our own opinions. Fair enough. I'd just like us to stop insulting each other before we create some sort of apocolypse by our war. If we're going to respond, please respond kindly and with constructed opinons.

Thanks.

And just so that I don't look like some high and mighty fun spoiling prick douchebag, I'd like to point out that this chat...

Well, nobody saw THAT coming. snip

snip

snip

snip

snip

DO YOU UNDERSTAND LAAAHHFF??

No, but do you know what is love?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pQV76g2SOU&feature=related
Sorry I know its not about The Room but you left yourself right open for that.

...is the best thing I've seen on the internet all day. I so need to see The Room! Anybody got a copy they could send my way?
snip

 

[Axolotl]

Assuming most of the people in this thread watched The Expendables and not Scott Pilgrim because of the BS is trailers. You all had the reason to watch Scott Pilgrim but you watched this crap. Don't believe me? http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.225951-Scott-Pilgrim-gets-dominated?page=1 Almost half of the first page said they saw The Expendables and not Pilgrim. Thanks Escapist, ya Hippocrates.

I watched the Expendables and not Scott Pilgrim because the Expendables actually deigned itself to be shown in my country while Scott Pilgrim still hasn't. Expendables certainly wins out because I can actually watch it. Also how does that make anybody a hipocrit?

 

[-Samurai-]

I figured the movie wouldn't be good. Hell, I counted on it not being good. Sometimes I just want to see over-the-top action stars blowing shit up just because they can. I don't always want to watch a mind numbing, original piece of super duper art. Sometimes, I just wanna see people get killed.

Bad movies are sometimes more entertaining than good movies. Isn't entertainment the reason we watch them?

Also, "good" is subjective. So, how about you all stop bitching about each others personal taste in movies and accept the fact that people like different things than you?

 

[OmegaXIII]

You know, sometimes mindless violence is fun to watch.

This person speaketh the truth, but that's if we're allowed to in this day and age. I mean what if we become desensitised to it and such?

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

He said that anyone who likes the idea of a film going to the roots of 80s action films is the worst kind of person. That is what the Expendables is.

I seem to recall him saying that if you believe that movies were ruined by modernization and that we should've stuck with hyper-masculine bullet-fests forever, you're the worst kind of person. Y'know, like the kind of people that get indignant over the idea of a female protagonist in an action movie, and are literally perplexed by any added layers of depth or complexity. They sound kinda dickish to me, but I guess I'd be an elitist in saying so.

And even if you are right, his behavior is still not acceptable. Remember, this is the guy who claims that we all need to stop being elitist nerds looking down on others that don't share our interests, and now he's insulting people over not liking a film he liked?

Okay, this is clearly jumping out in front of a bullet that wasn't specifically meant for you. In previous reviews, MovieBob made his case that creative films are on the decline because the economy sucks, and they can't afford to take risks, so they go with what's safe: an incredibly generic formula that does next to nothing new. He's not mad because people have the gall to have differing tastes, he's mad because the skyrocketing sales of bland, "safe" movies (like this one) encourage investors to squelch creative offerings in favor of funding boring, stale movies that are guaranteed to bring in a profit because they appeal to the lowest common denominator. Meanwhile, the few creative movies that do get released are absolutely crushed in the box office by the "safe" movies, and that's a slap on the wrist of everyone who took a chance on something new and exciting; specifically, one that screams "HEY DUMBASS, NEXT TIME PUT YOUR MONEY WITH THE SURE WINNER AND NEVER DO THIS AGAIN." I doubt he has anything against people that watched, or even against people who enjoyed the movie.

Rather, his frustration seems to stem from the fact that films like this have a virtual stranglehold on the market because success is determined by sales figures, and those sales have to come from somewhere. It's like calling gamers sheep if they all went and spent money on nothing but Halo, ensuring that it would have a million sequels and funding for all other games that don't focus on a floating gun of doom on a ring world would be effectively revoked entirely so that developers could dump their money on the Halo bonfire. The market would go stagnant, and the few gems that do pop up here and there would be relatively ignored. You wouldn't be mad at people because they don't happen to like the few gems that you do, you'd be mad at the fact that they're enabling such stagnation. I wouldn't advise taking that so personally.

Granted, he didn't make any of that terribly clear in this particular review, but I think he'd assumed that the talking points he'd made in his previous ones would carry over.

 

[Axolotl]

This is what the "It's a popcorn flick!" crowd are not getting. There are other reasons to dislike a mindless action movie besides it not being incomprehensible and French, like it being a bad mindless action movie. Another thing to remember is just because you enjoyed a movie does not make it good.

But the thing is this isn't a bad mindless action movie. It isn't a great action movie and it has its flaws. But it is good, the dialog is surprisingly good at times and never really drops to truly awful levels. And the action scenes are good mainly, Jet Li's big fight sucks but the finale is brilliant.

Comparing Bob's review with Spoony and the Cinema Snob's, it seems like the Expendables is a pretty poor action movie that only gets a pass if you're jonesing for some Stalone. It's not Smash Bros. or Tatsunoko vs. Capcom, it's not even Warriors Orochi, but you might have a good time anyway.

Spoony didn't know what the hell he was talking about in that review and while the Snob was probably blinded somewaht by nostalgia he did get the movie.

 

[VargRaev]

ahh the butthurt in this thread, greatest. lulz. ever.

 

[cheese_wizington]

I think it'd be awesome if Yahtzee reviewed a movie and MovieBob reviewed a game one week.

Also, yeah, great review.

 

[cefm]

Going to see this movie is kind of like screwing a hooker. Yeah, you know it's wrong and that if anyone you know found out it'd be really embarassing. But dammit if you just HAVE to, and you won't be able to sleep at night if you don't go ahead and satisfy your curiosity and undeniable urges, and you want to throw your money down the drain - go ahead. Just don't tell me I'm a prick for making fun of you.

 

[Whytewulf]

So ya.. um..

I like being a sheep.

Guess what I also like Nickleback!!

 

[Swiftous]

I saw both opening weekend. Yes while, Scott Pilgrim was great, the Expendables was good in its own right. And while it was sad to learn that Scott Pilgrim did bomb, it comes with the realization that it was never a movie for the masses. Not too many people want or will get the video game references in the movie and to say that the public is stupid for not wanting that is in itself very stupid. While Bob gets angry over Halo fanboys or fanboys of the macho persuasion for liking their stuff, when something he likes doesn't do well, instead of looking for why it didn't do well he slams the opponent. This does not make one a good critic or reviewer. Shame on you Bob. And generally, I like and agree with some of the stuff you say, but on this one I think you were just angry your pick didn't win at the box office.