Escape to the Movies: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

[Atmos Duality]

Well, at least you didn't torque off at the movie-going public (you know, the audience for your reviews) quite as overtly this year, MovieBob. Besides, it's hilarity incarnate to watch/read all the rage about these travesties-of-film year after year.

The biggest problem I have with these movies are still the human characters.
Hell, even ignoring the MOUNTAIN of festering not-funny comic relief characters we still have to contend with Shia of The Beef's appalling acting.
Seriously, I don't know if this is Bay's direction or if he just sucks that hard, but the kid CANNOT FUCKING ACT. It's rather difficult to tell based on Bay's previous movies: On one hand, Bay actually got some very good material out of Bruce Willis, Will Smith, and Martin Lawrence.
On the other hand...John Turturro. Though I'd like to think that is was Hasbro that did more damage to Turturro

In any case, The Beef has a whopping TWO emotional states in these movies: Bland expository protest, and whining like a scared little *****. Fuck, those were his only two states in Indiana Jones 4, too! Put simply, there is not a single fucking moment in these movies where Shia LaBeouf isn't an annoying ****.
Oh...wait, there is one in Transformers 2

Spoiler: Major Spoiler for a shitty movie

He gets killed. I was, for a fleeting moment, actually enjoying myself when that happened. But I knew that they wouldn't kill the protagonist. Not before he had to review Optimus Prime and save the franchise!

...but then they go ahead and ruin it immediately thereafter with Deus Ex Machina.

Did nimoy do something?

Yes, he associated Star Trek 2 with this juvenile shitfest blockbuster trilogy.
More specifically, Nimoy associates probably the most pivotal, classic line of The Wrath of Khan with Michael Bay's abomination.
I see it as nothing more than Bay trolling the fans of the 80s since Nimoy's character does nothing else of note in the movie besides that.

 

[Buizel91]

I thought the film was ALOT better than the other 2, although i did hate it when

Spoiler: SPOILER ALERT

Sentinal shot Ironhide and made him disintegrate into rust, i nearly cried, and i NEVER cry at films

And just so people know, Hasbro has confirmed more movies are in the works...but there is good news...Shia Lebeof is not returning and Michael Bay might not be.

If there is a 4th i wonder who will be in it in terms of Transformers.

 

[MB202]

He didn't end the video with his "See you next time!" He's done that one other time.

So I guess this is slightly better than the other Transformer movies in the same way Revenge of the Sith was better then the other Star Wars prequels.

 

[bombadilillo]

Although I'm not doubting how shitty this movie is, I said it before and I'll say it again:

STOP INSULTING THE AUDIENCE THAT LIKES IT.

It isn't funny. It isn't witty. It isn't some great statement on how "the people are at fault for bad movies". It does nothing but make you look like a dick.

Rip the movie to shreds. Call it every insult in the book. But STOP insulting those that do like it. Personal taste in movies does not have a direct correlation with intelligence.

He was actually attacking the audiance that defends the movie by labeling detracted as snobs. But whatever.

Grumpy Gus.

 

[Xyless]

I really want to know what Bob thinks about Shia LaBeouf's future in the industry. From what I've experienced in the growth of him as an actor (from Even Stevens to now), it feels like he really needs to find a role that kicks him out of his current sweep of...bland roles. He's kind of where Michael Cera was before Youth in Revolt/Scott Pilgrim shook him out of it. Except unlike Cera, he really doesn't have the face to pull off romance properly.

I wouldn't mind seeing him going back to comedy, but if he wants to continue down the path he seems to be making with action or drama or whatever, he really needs to learn a sense of subtlety or charm. I just never get a sense of those from him. I feel like he could be doing a lot better than he is...maybe not fiscally, but quality.

 

[Folio]

Did nimoy do something?

Nimoy had a cameo in it, saying something taken from a Star Trek movie.

About TF: "I just want to turn my brain off and see robots fight." Well, I can't say no to that. Sometimes people like the campy, stupid, bash brains in movie.

But did we get a lot of robots fighting eachother in this movie?

 

[Metalrocks]

Although I'm not doubting how shitty this movie is, I said it before and I'll say it again:

STOP INSULTING THE AUDIENCE THAT LIKES IT.

It isn't funny. It isn't witty. It isn't some great statement on how "the people are at fault for bad movies". It does nothing but make you look like a dick.

Rip the movie to shreds. Call it every insult in the book. But STOP insulting those that do like it. Personal taste in movies does not have a direct correlation with intelligence.

read it later after mine.

i agree with you. every one likes different things. my wife likes romance music, wile i like heavy metal.
i say my opinion and shes says hers. do we have a problem with that? no! no one forces each other to like their stuff.

 

[GeorgW]

Wow, I'm pretty pissed about that Star Trek thing, WHY BAY, WHY??
Will not be seeing this.

 

[geier]

Welcome to reality Movie Bob !

You listed every good reason, why i don`t go to the cinema since LoTR 1 and don`t have a TV since 2004, because there is only garbage on it !

 

[Angel Molina]

Wow... You really do sound quite tired.... here, Have some D'aawwwww:

OT:I watched the first and second one and too be honest, I could just barely tolerate it... Just barely... I guess there's really not much else I could say other than if the situation where to ever occur in which Michael Bay were to get struck by a lighting bolt filled with HIV, while a pink Piano falls on top of him as a pair of rabid hounds from hell devour his left both of his legs, I might just feel a little bit... content.

 

[Dan Shive]

You're not elitist because you don't like the Transformers movies. You're elitist because you characterize the people who do as frat boy morons.

 

[daxterx2005]

Best part about this film was the fact that this trilogy is over.

 

[gphjr14]

Had a feeling such a long movie would have mostly human scenes like the first one. Probably just rent it on netflix so I can skip through all the talking.

 

[Slappybob]

Other then your attempt to sound like Zero Punctuation your review was spot on.

After the 2nd movie raped my childhood I have written off this series. I wouldn't go this film if someone else bought the ticket, the snacks, dinner after and Jessica Alba was my date.

Although i disagree with your green lantern slam in this review. I actually liked that movie.

 

[Hristo Tzonkov]

Whose bright idea was it to give the franchise to Michael Bay...The entire Transformers series can be taken as a metaphor about how men are actually ants in giant mecha battles but they do their part and it's more important than the robots that actually fight...

 

[bombadilillo]

After the 2nd movie raped my childhood I have written off this series. I wouldn't go this film if someone else bought the ticket, the snacks, dinner after and Jessica Alba was my date.

Yeah you wooouuuuuuld.

 

[Still Life]

However, she does manage what I thought was impossible by having EVEN LESS PERSONALITY than Megan Fox.

That's quite the achievement. I also laugh at how they're both dolled up in immaculate makeup, even when things get dirty. Obviously doing a fashion showcase.....

 

[Plinglebob]

2nd best review of thifilm I've seen. 1st is here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/markkermode/2011/06/transformers_3_dark_of_the_moo.html

 

[Azaraxzealot]

This film was one step forward and two back.
For everything I liked there was so much more for me to moan and groan about.
But hey Shockwave looked like Shockwave.

Editum: Movie was still a rather big pile of arse make no mistake of my opinion, this franchise could be so much more if they gave to someone WHO CARED FOR THE FRANCHISE.

I.E. War for Cybertron, the game is average, run of the mill, functional but i don't care because they gave it so much character and little nods to the 80's series demonstrating the fact they cared even if the game wasn't all that great.

imagine:
"Kenneth Branaugh's 'Transformers'"

i think that would be epic!