Explain teenage mothers to me
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Interesting, I can't say I've encountered many girls my age (I'm 18, by the way) who actually want kids right now. I know my mother had me when she was 18, but that was accidental, and a former girlfriend of mine now has a baby boy, but that too wasn't on purpose, although I don't think either of them would change what happened for the world. Yet I've never encountered anybody my age who wants kids so young.
I mean, biologically speaking, late teens and early twenties are the prime time for women to have children, and so I can understand how that would be a time when some girls may turn their attention towards having a baby of their own. It's a perfectly natural desire. My girlfriend, who's 19, recently confided in me that she's been having such feelings lately, although we both agree that it's better to wait until we can provide a stable environment for any kids to grow up in (that, and the fact my own mother has threatened to castrate me if I dare make her a grandmother before she's at least 45). Of course, in today's society, we've been conditioned to consider teenage pregnancies as this big, bad, scary thing that should be avoided at all costs. We have messages of safe sex and birth control pounded into us 24/7. Society tells us that no teenager can possibly bring up a child in this world, and that to try otherwise is irresponsible and could hurt the child. These messages aren't necessarily bad, in fact, the first two do serve very positive functions. Many teenagers underestimate the risks of STIs and teenage pregnancies, or do stupid stuff without the proper precautions (because, let's face it, horny people are not reasonable people). Many of these teens aren't prepared for the challenges and stress a child would bring. By constantly reinforcing these messages, unwanted pregnancies and various other issues are reduced. But the cost of this constant reinforcement is that when we do see teenage mothers, even those who deliberately made the choice to have a child, we automatically see them as something dirty, or something to be pitied, which is a tragedy.
Do I think teenage pregnancies are a good idea? In most cases, no. Even if you are financially secure, which is a rare thing for your average teen, a child is a huge commitment, and one that binds you to your partner, so if things don't work out, the child may suffer greatly. And while I believe that a bad mother will always be a bad mother, no matter the age, most people need to experience more of life themselves before try to teach a child about it. Do I think teenage pregnancies, particularly planned ones, are particularly bad? Again, no. As someone who was raised by a teenage mother, and who has a close friend who is one, I can say that teenage mothers are not always bad mothers. Those I have known would lay down their life for their children if necessary, and possess a maturity beyond what you would expect from another their age. That, and the fact that having a mum who would happily play me and my mates at Tekken while I was growing up was, well, pretty damn awesome.
I mean, biologically speaking, late teens and early twenties are the prime time for women to have children, and so I can understand how that would be a time when some girls may turn their attention towards having a baby of their own. It's a perfectly natural desire. My girlfriend, who's 19, recently confided in me that she's been having such feelings lately, although we both agree that it's better to wait until we can provide a stable environment for any kids to grow up in (that, and the fact my own mother has threatened to castrate me if I dare make her a grandmother before she's at least 45). Of course, in today's society, we've been conditioned to consider teenage pregnancies as this big, bad, scary thing that should be avoided at all costs. We have messages of safe sex and birth control pounded into us 24/7. Society tells us that no teenager can possibly bring up a child in this world, and that to try otherwise is irresponsible and could hurt the child. These messages aren't necessarily bad, in fact, the first two do serve very positive functions. Many teenagers underestimate the risks of STIs and teenage pregnancies, or do stupid stuff without the proper precautions (because, let's face it, horny people are not reasonable people). Many of these teens aren't prepared for the challenges and stress a child would bring. By constantly reinforcing these messages, unwanted pregnancies and various other issues are reduced. But the cost of this constant reinforcement is that when we do see teenage mothers, even those who deliberately made the choice to have a child, we automatically see them as something dirty, or something to be pitied, which is a tragedy.
Do I think teenage pregnancies are a good idea? In most cases, no. Even if you are financially secure, which is a rare thing for your average teen, a child is a huge commitment, and one that binds you to your partner, so if things don't work out, the child may suffer greatly. And while I believe that a bad mother will always be a bad mother, no matter the age, most people need to experience more of life themselves before try to teach a child about it. Do I think teenage pregnancies, particularly planned ones, are particularly bad? Again, no. As someone who was raised by a teenage mother, and who has a close friend who is one, I can say that teenage mothers are not always bad mothers. Those I have known would lay down their life for their children if necessary, and possess a maturity beyond what you would expect from another their age. That, and the fact that having a mum who would happily play me and my mates at Tekken while I was growing up was, well, pretty damn awesome.
"Like, omigawd, it would be so cool to like, have a baby"
"Yah I know"
"I'mma go have sex with this meatbag, then I can have a baby, and it'll be, like, so cute"
"Omigawd like, totally"
Yeah. Basically that. Or it's some kind of deeper thing when they have a particularly tough childhood, but hey, that's an explanation for almost every stupid thing kids do.
"Yah I know"
"I'mma go have sex with this meatbag, then I can have a baby, and it'll be, like, so cute"
"Omigawd like, totally"
Yeah. Basically that. Or it's some kind of deeper thing when they have a particularly tough childhood, but hey, that's an explanation for almost every stupid thing kids do.
I may get some flak for this, but here goes...
When we hit puberty, our bodies are entering the stage we can breed, and I can only assume that these girls are acting on that instinct with intention to have a child. My grandmother was 13 when she had her first baby. She had 12 more after that over the years, 3 of which didn't survive. That was 75+ years ago, and as a lot of people point out, it was a different time and our culture was different then.
It doesn't change the fact that people were having children at an age that some consider to be a child these days. All through history people have been married and having children before any of what are now legal age of consent.
Our culture now says that it's inappropriate to have children that young because our bodies and/or minds are not mature enough to handle it.
When we hit puberty, our bodies are entering the stage we can breed, and I can only assume that these girls are acting on that instinct with intention to have a child. My grandmother was 13 when she had her first baby. She had 12 more after that over the years, 3 of which didn't survive. That was 75+ years ago, and as a lot of people point out, it was a different time and our culture was different then.
It doesn't change the fact that people were having children at an age that some consider to be a child these days. All through history people have been married and having children before any of what are now legal age of consent.
Our culture now says that it's inappropriate to have children that young because our bodies and/or minds are not mature enough to handle it.
A lot of times it's also that they want to feel like they're needed. The child depends on them.ravensheart18 said:
And sometimes it's to entrap someone into a relationship. "THIS IS OUR MISTAKE YOU HAVE TO MARRY ME".
And sometimes it's the confusion of a young girl thinking that it's what she has to do.
Then again, this is all just guess work. I never dealt with that. When I get pregnant, it'll be because I'm in a good, healthy relationship.
... I'll also inherit Disney, because I'm a guy.
Well the way I see it looking back we are having kids FAR older than we, historically, did. So it's sort of natural. A lot of people want to be parents. I do, but sometimes the reality doesn't work out as well.
Maybe some girls see getting pregnant as a "way out" of their lives, or a way of growing up. There is nothing wrong with women wanting to have children it is the most natural instinct in the world next to feeling hungry, and has been with us for BILLIONS of years. I don't think a couple hundred years of society will change that.
Maybe some girls see getting pregnant as a "way out" of their lives, or a way of growing up. There is nothing wrong with women wanting to have children it is the most natural instinct in the world next to feeling hungry, and has been with us for BILLIONS of years. I don't think a couple hundred years of society will change that.
Some things seem a bit... off, with your post.michiehoward said:
Firstly: "Its girls who will not for whatever reason do what life dictates."
Right, that's what you said and I first thing I notice, it ain't what "life" dictates, it's what society dictates.
Second thing I notice, good for them! Now, I'm talking as a radical communist revolutionary here, but fuck society! Don't tie yourself down to what society expects of you!
My point is, you say that line as if it's a bad thing, which seems strange to me. And if these mothers can get away with living this life as you say, then why should we stop them? It's perfectly legal and maybe having loads of sprogs is how they want to live! What right do we have to stop them?
Secondly: Babies are a lot of work man, financially you gotta feed them, clothe them, house them, care for them, send them to school, possibly university. That's a lot of money there, these mothers will hardly be living the easy life.
And babies are a lot of hard work in other ways to, especially since a baby for the first few years is effectively a potato that screams at you and attempts to plug it's fingers into sockets and as they get older they don't get any less screamy or accidentally suicidal, they simply get better at getting into bad situations. These mothers aren't going to be living the slacker lifestyle.
Thirdly: I know you're all excited about your teen mother/child benefits conspiracy thing, but stop to consider why we have child benefits. No, nevermind, I'll tell you, because the child shouldn't have to suffer if the parent can't get money. Now, that's something pretty damn fundamental that I don't think we'll argue with, and it isn't worth snipping the possible exploits of child benefits, because you risk compormising it's central reason for existence. Geez.
Edit: Fourthly, the fact that just having kids is finanicially sustainable (a rather dubious "fact") isn't proof that *all* teen mothers are doing it for the cash.
Me and my girlfriend mulled the idea over once, decided it was an awful idea. We were young and stupid. Not sure about her, but I had my personal reasons.
The problem is they're at an age where reason isn't the first tool they use to tackle problems or emotions. So when they see everybody around them having sex and the few "oopsie" babies around the school and they see all the attention and free stuff (grants, showers, etc.) these accidental mothers are getting, they begin to think it's not such a big deal and that the attention looks rather nice.
They aren't thinking "Oh that seems nice, but I'm too young to handle that and there are other things I want to do for the next 18 years other than raise a child." They're thinking "Omg, that baby is so cute! And sex is so fun! And I might even get married if I get pregnant! I want all of that!" They don't see their entire lifetime being dedicated to something else, with countless numbers of sleepless nights, financial troubles, and restricted freedoms. They see a cute little baby they get to cuddle and love on.
They aren't thinking "Oh that seems nice, but I'm too young to handle that and there are other things I want to do for the next 18 years other than raise a child." They're thinking "Omg, that baby is so cute! And sex is so fun! And I might even get married if I get pregnant! I want all of that!" They don't see their entire lifetime being dedicated to something else, with countless numbers of sleepless nights, financial troubles, and restricted freedoms. They see a cute little baby they get to cuddle and love on.
This makes sense, but only if you do consider humans as non-thinking and non-sentient beings, which seems to be something that you're hinting at in your last paragraph. The thing is, we're not. I'd like to hope that we've gained enough self control to not have to give in to those 'primitive' urges at any point they surface. I love a good shag, just like everyone else, but I weigh up the pros of having one against other things that I need to do, say, if I have somewhere to be in the next five minutes. In that case, I'd probably choose to go do the other thing, and save my more squelchy urges for later. As another example, kids HAVE seemed like a tempting idea at times, but I weigh that up against the fact that I have no secure job, house or anything, being a student.Wushu Panda said:
But from the girls that I've asked this particular question to, when they've professed that they really want kids, they've often replied that they just want someone to unconditionally love them. And that seems to be a biggy. It might not be for everyone - I'm sure a few will pop up in this thread, should I remember to read the replies after this - but that seems to be one of the reasons.
I think a lot of it has to do with the lack of education surrounding birth control - abstinence-only programs have been proven to not work - as well as most parents not discussing alternative options when their children get pregnant. Furthermore, no one ever seems to explain to those people just how hard parenting truly is, along with the fact that not everyone is suited for it. People think of having children as a fairytale when in reality, it's a lot of work. It's a shame, and it's sad that most of these young women have their lives ruined by such an event.
Personally, I think it's because people assosiate having kids with success. Which is stupid. I haven't got anything against people doing that, but it does seem like a stupid time to do it. Wait until you are older, wiser, and sucure in life after secondry school.
I don't really care when someone gets a baby, but you owe it to your future child to be able to support it, both emotionally and financially, and teen mothers are in most cases just not capable of this. There are enough cases where the life of a child is predetermined to go badly because of a lack of proper parents.
Of course, accidents can happen, but there is no excuse, in our society, to have a baby if you can't care for it.
Of course, accidents can happen, but there is no excuse, in our society, to have a baby if you can't care for it.
I like that you claim to not claim to be right and then immediatly after say that all my arguments about the situation of the general population of teenagers are invalid because your situation was a certain way.FamoFunk said:
And also that you say I'm only three years younger than you, and then call me a little girl.
Mmm, yeah, suck that illusion of cleverness harder.