Favorite Comeback
- Thread starter KittywifaMohawk
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Only if you respond quickly, very very quickly.
"Excuse me? I couldn't hear you around that cock in your mouth."
It pisses off tough guys to no end. Oh, I forgot, Be in a car that is in motion and yelling this out the window at the time. Or you will probably be pummelled.
"Excuse me? I couldn't hear you around that cock in your mouth."
It pisses off tough guys to no end. Oh, I forgot, Be in a car that is in motion and yelling this out the window at the time. Or you will probably be pummelled.
Probably won't sound funny written, but the good ol' "******" muttered under my breath (at friends/people I know obviously not people that are going to get all anti-homophobic on my ass) is quite effective. Although its more the tone than the phrase that makes it funny.
Eg.
Friend: "dude you should really buy a civic, then you can get a nice bodykit"
me: "******" (passive agressively and looks away)
#note: It is particualrly funny when used against girls. Don't question it, it just is.
Eg.
Friend: "dude you should really buy a civic, then you can get a nice bodykit"
me: "******" (passive agressively and looks away)
#note: It is particualrly funny when used against girls. Don't question it, it just is.
During Free-For-All on Halo 3:
Jerk-I-was-beating: "Your mom was great last night, PUSSY!"
Me: "Your dad was even better."
Same jerk: "..."
Everyone else in the game instantly started cracking up.
Jerk-I-was-beating: "Your mom was great last night, PUSSY!"
Me: "Your dad was even better."
Same jerk: "..."
Everyone else in the game instantly started cracking up.
heres mine:
I am rubber, you are a ******* ***** ****** sucker ***** son of a ****** - ***** with ***** ******** parrot in a hat ****** **** ***** ******* *****! Whatever you say bounces off me and ***** you.
I am rubber, you are a ******* ***** ****** sucker ***** son of a ****** - ***** with ***** ******** parrot in a hat ****** **** ***** ******* *****! Whatever you say bounces off me and ***** you.
From Madd TV:
"I'll rip out your eye sockets and put em in your pockets"
Scrubs:
"congratulations I didn't think it was possible but YOU did it! Do we have any trophies or ribbons? Oh sorry we are all out but how about I give you a life time supply of MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS!"
From Scrubs but I improvised some of it since I couldn't remember exactly how it went
"Someone says - Nothing at this company ever works everything sucks!?"
"reply - Well that explains why your still here."
One's I use often:
"You would say that"
"Don't be that guy"
"I'll rip out your eye sockets and put em in your pockets"
Scrubs:
"congratulations I didn't think it was possible but YOU did it! Do we have any trophies or ribbons? Oh sorry we are all out but how about I give you a life time supply of MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS!"
From Scrubs but I improvised some of it since I couldn't remember exactly how it went
"Someone says - Nothing at this company ever works everything sucks!?"
"reply - Well that explains why your still here."
One's I use often:
"You would say that"
"Don't be that guy"
Insulter: *insult*
Me: *reading intellectual-sounding book* ...
Insulter: *another insult*
Me: ...
Insulter: *more desperate insult*
Me: ...
Insulter: *even more desperate attention ploy*
Me: ...
((Etc., until insulter either leaves or is practically screaming/physically touching me))
Insulter: *frantic and violent outburst*
Me: *marking page in book, adjusting glasses, and calmly looking up* Oh, I'm sorry. Did you need something?
---
What if they take my book? I reach into my bag, pull out another, and continue as if nothing ever happened.
EDIT: I forgot that I also have the ability to give people THE LOOK. You know, the one perfect expression that makes people stop mid-sentence and slowly back away.
Me: *reading intellectual-sounding book* ...
Insulter: *another insult*
Me: ...
Insulter: *more desperate insult*
Me: ...
Insulter: *even more desperate attention ploy*
Me: ...
((Etc., until insulter either leaves or is practically screaming/physically touching me))
Insulter: *frantic and violent outburst*
Me: *marking page in book, adjusting glasses, and calmly looking up* Oh, I'm sorry. Did you need something?
---
What if they take my book? I reach into my bag, pull out another, and continue as if nothing ever happened.
EDIT: I forgot that I also have the ability to give people THE LOOK. You know, the one perfect expression that makes people stop mid-sentence and slowly back away.
The best comeback I've heard was with my friend and a fat guy at a firdepartment event one day.
fat guy: "Wow you got a big nose."
my friend: "And you got big titties."
fat guy: "How bout you go swim back to your country(my friend is dominican)."
my friend: "Why swim when I could use you as a raft?"
fat guy: "Wow you got a big nose."
my friend: "And you got big titties."
fat guy: "How bout you go swim back to your country(my friend is dominican)."
my friend: "Why swim when I could use you as a raft?"
Eh, I'm a simple man. A knee to the face followed by two middle-fingers is enough to get my point across. If they're being a big enough prick, then reverse the order. Just to let them know who's really in charge.
My fav is two awful ones:
You should have been a blowjob, and the ever classic:
Best part of you dribbled down your mom's arse.
You should have been a blowjob, and the ever classic:
Best part of you dribbled down your mom's arse.
My comeback to a comeback is: I can hurt you.
It always works.
Though "Fuck You, that's why" is absolutely beautiful.
It always works.
Though "Fuck You, that's why" is absolutely beautiful.