Favorite drunken quotes

[Hader]

They could be yours, but I assume more are what you have heard from others.

The one topping my list is "Man, I'm so horny I could fuck the paint off a car!" in the middle of a game of Halo PC.

Reason I bring this up is cause I saw this gem posted by someone else I know on another forum.
"I'm undecided as to whether I should wear my fake leopard skin blanket as a poncho or a toga on Sunday mornings. Keeping in mind I'm also going to be frying bacon so it needs to be practical. Does anybody know any practical methods of wearing a cheeky blanket practically?"

Don't drink and post children.

 

[TeeBs]

?'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.? - Winston Churchill.

Hard to top this one.

 

[Sacman]

"I swear to drunk, I'm not God..."
-Some show I saw once...

 

[BioHazardMan]

When in the face of your greatest fear, run like hell.

 

[googooplex]

im so hungry, i would eat the arse of an oul wan through a wicker chair.

it always makes me laugh.

 

[OneOfTheMichael's]

"nady-nihn bohttlse offf bear on da wal, nadyeda bottlls oof ber."

 

[TehCookie]

"Hold my beer and watch this!"

It never ends well, but is usually pretty damn funny.

 

[Anarchemitis]

"'Jus bought two tickets to the gunshow, and I'm not given' 'em to ya; I'm goin' with YOUR tickets (laughs, falls asleep.)"
-The Demoman

 

[SwimmingRock]

"I can feel my heartbeat in my ass." There's really nothing I can add to that.

 

[FalloutJack]

I believe this about covers the bases.

 

[dslatch]

*Jeff lights a smoke cracks his 16th beer of the night* "hey i think i have... I'm going to the balcony" he puked his guts out off the third floor balcony while smoking and drinking he later pissed out the window

 

[gostlyfantom]

"ya well your a *****!" -winston churchill(family guy)

 

[Mugen Weston]

*while leaving a bar*
"I'm not that drun-"
*trips down step out of bar*
"fuck"

Needless to say, i was hungover and at the end of a few jokes the following day at college

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

"'Jus bought two tickets to the gunshow, and I'm not given' 'em to ya; I'm goin' with YOUR tickets (laughs, falls asleep.)"
-The Demoman

"...gonna take down to the pain train station in train town" [http://tf2wiki.net/w/images/7/7c/Demoman_gibberish13.wav]

I think the Demoman is up there with some of the best drunken quotes.

 

[Johnnyallstar]

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
~Winston Churchill, the greatest drunkard ever.

 

[Xenomemphate]

The following gem is one of my personal best drunken antics.

"I bet you a beer it doesn't hurt if I run headfirst into the door"

*Bang!*

"See? Doesn't hurt. Wheres my next beer..."

Amazingly, I didn't have a hangover in the morning...

 

[Ladette]

"Hey sexxzzzzyyyy! Cane I touuuuuuuuuuuucchhhhhhhhh ya tits?"

Said by me to my best friend in college

 

[AmbitiousWorm]

hey buddy, can I pork your girlfriend?

 

[TwistedEllipses]

I'm a lover of the classic "I'm not drunk" followed by something only a drunk would do and of course there's the distinctive incoherent slurring of words...

I did have a friend who kept adding "and wank" at the end of every sentence, I think he's a lawyer now...