Favorite drunken quotes
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"HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM, I AM..."
Brawp!
"I BEEN MARRIED SEV'N TIMES B'FRORE!"
...I used to measure dunken distance by this yard stick.
Brawp!
"I BEEN MARRIED SEV'N TIMES B'FRORE!"
...I used to measure dunken distance by this yard stick.
Conversation between my buddies Logan and Sam. Logan was trying to outdrink another friend of ours. This was said about halfway through the evening.
Logan: I don't think I can do this. She's shaking my confidence.
Sam: Logan, you drink a bottle of 151 a day. Santa Claus can't even do that, and he delivers presents across the world in one fucking night.
To this day, I still can't not laugh at that.
Logan: I don't think I can do this. She's shaking my confidence.
Sam: Logan, you drink a bottle of 151 a day. Santa Claus can't even do that, and he delivers presents across the world in one fucking night.
To this day, I still can't not laugh at that.
Whilst at my boyfriends house, his dad brought this woman home who was pretty drunk. Apparently when they went to 'sleep', she asked him "So, what do you think the cats are doing now?"
She also reckoned the Queen was waiting at her house for her.
... Also, my boyfriend one time phoned me up after drinking going "He's a fat bastard! I pissed on his car... And they had No Banoffee pie!!"
She also reckoned the Queen was waiting at her house for her.
... Also, my boyfriend one time phoned me up after drinking going "He's a fat bastard! I pissed on his car... And they had No Banoffee pie!!"
"Tuna is the meat of beasts"
Quote one guy who logged into vent at 3AM probably eating a tuna sandwich. he then offered me a bunch of free stuff in the mail.
Quote one guy who logged into vent at 3AM probably eating a tuna sandwich. he then offered me a bunch of free stuff in the mail.
Sigh, really? Well, a mate and me were standing and taking a pee at a urinal. We were both really drunk, albeit he may have been more drunk than me, and I'm just standing there in my own thoughts, when I notice him looking at my schlong. Even though I start looking at him, he doesn't waver and after about 30 seconds he says;
"Dude, not that I'm gay or anything, but you've got a really nice-looking penis!"
Needless to say, I still pick on him for that, even though it was 5 years ago. And the amount of people I've told numbers in the hundreds.
"Dude, not that I'm gay or anything, but you've got a really nice-looking penis!"
Needless to say, I still pick on him for that, even though it was 5 years ago. And the amount of people I've told numbers in the hundreds.
*In a drunken voicemail, voicemail starts*
Dude, dude I swear to god I'm not gonna say anything stupid into the phone, I'm not that drunk, shut up a second! Hey! Just wanted to call and say you're GAYYYY!!!
*stiffled laughter as phone is forcefully hung up*
To this day my friend denies that happened, it was hilarious.
Dude, dude I swear to god I'm not gonna say anything stupid into the phone, I'm not that drunk, shut up a second! Hey! Just wanted to call and say you're GAYYYY!!!
*stiffled laughter as phone is forcefully hung up*
To this day my friend denies that happened, it was hilarious.
one of my friends was reaally drunk and i was like
"dude, i bet you cant streak into the shop and buy some gum"
needless to say he did ...
another time with some other people (one was stoned and didnt want to share)
"dude, im so stoned i could float on your roof"
i think my friends are lulz
"dude, i bet you cant streak into the shop and buy some gum"
needless to say he did ...
another time with some other people (one was stoned and didnt want to share)
"dude, im so stoned i could float on your roof"
i think my friends are lulz
My uncle was telling me a story of how he lost the use of his knee and then at the end he "And that's why you never drink laying down."
I was so confused as his story had nothing to do with drinking or laying down
I was so confused as his story had nothing to do with drinking or laying down
Instead of telling a girl that I did not want to see her again after a one night stand, I still being drunk decided to sing this while she was in the room http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZORoCaveCU it is ofcourse fair to say i received a slap.
"Guy 1:How come it´s called the F: drive on your computer?
Guy 2: I don't know. It just is.
Guy 3: It's cuz some ladybugs a yellow.
Guy 1+2: What?
Girl: No, it's true. Some ladybugs are yellow."
Ahhh...such a wonderful New Year that was.
And freind with her finger in her mouth.
"Hey guys. Feel this. I'm so drunk behind my teeth"
And just so I don't just point fingers at others. Here is a recent gem of mine.
"No no no....we only have to drink double half for this one"
Guy 2: I don't know. It just is.
Guy 3: It's cuz some ladybugs a yellow.
Guy 1+2: What?
Girl: No, it's true. Some ladybugs are yellow."
Ahhh...such a wonderful New Year that was.
And freind with her finger in her mouth.
"Hey guys. Feel this. I'm so drunk behind my teeth"
And just so I don't just point fingers at others. Here is a recent gem of mine.
"No no no....we only have to drink double half for this one"
I got drunk for the first time last week when I was staying at a B&B with three trusted friends, so I kind of didn't know what to expect of myself.
Earlier that night:
*suppresses the urge to laugh at the fact we're playing scrabble*
"I can feel it in my head, but I'm not doing anything weird yet."
*walks on the gutter to prove to myself I can walk straight as we go buy another bottle of midori, well, not that weird considering I do it when I'm sober anyway*
"This is an experiment in which I am my own test subject"
*pours water into the bottle to get last drops out*
"Am I walking straight? Just in case it's affecting my perception."
*friends affirm I am walking very straight, I leap across a pizza box on the floor and land with surprising force and clumsiness*
"This is like liquid gold. It's so expensive." *looks at half eaten birthday cake and junk everywhere* "This is gluttony! It's disgusting. We're gluttons."
*pours some more from second bottle*
"This is disgusting. It's like cough syrup. It's so sweet."
*drinks more*
"Drinking is an expensive pass-time. Oh well!"
*realises how dumb that sounded, surprised at the animated tone I'd said "oh well!" in*
"Well what I meant, is we're paying for an experience and we may as well see what it's like..."
Friend: *says something about me sounding smart* "what's the word for it?" "Articulate." "See! Now I can say you're an articulate."
Then I end up on the floor saying "this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home... what are the words again" as I pulled my friend's toes with my own toes.
Keep in mind, I can't really remember everything I said word for word, nor the order of everything, as that's the way it is when people recount things from memory alone.
While lying on the carpet with my face on a mug: "I'd still be doing this if I hadn't drank, I just feel sick. It's probably because of the lemonade, so much sugar, it's disgusting."Realitycrash said:
Earlier that night:
*suppresses the urge to laugh at the fact we're playing scrabble*
"I can feel it in my head, but I'm not doing anything weird yet."
*walks on the gutter to prove to myself I can walk straight as we go buy another bottle of midori, well, not that weird considering I do it when I'm sober anyway*
"This is an experiment in which I am my own test subject"
*pours water into the bottle to get last drops out*
"Am I walking straight? Just in case it's affecting my perception."
*friends affirm I am walking very straight, I leap across a pizza box on the floor and land with surprising force and clumsiness*
"This is like liquid gold. It's so expensive." *looks at half eaten birthday cake and junk everywhere* "This is gluttony! It's disgusting. We're gluttons."
*pours some more from second bottle*
"This is disgusting. It's like cough syrup. It's so sweet."
*drinks more*
"Drinking is an expensive pass-time. Oh well!"
*realises how dumb that sounded, surprised at the animated tone I'd said "oh well!" in*
"Well what I meant, is we're paying for an experience and we may as well see what it's like..."
Friend: *says something about me sounding smart* "what's the word for it?" "Articulate." "See! Now I can say you're an articulate."
Then I end up on the floor saying "this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home... what are the words again" as I pulled my friend's toes with my own toes.
Keep in mind, I can't really remember everything I said word for word, nor the order of everything, as that's the way it is when people recount things from memory alone.
This one is from my own drunken moment some years ago.
"Where's Nathan?"
" .... .... Where's Nathan?"
"Nathan... Where's Nathan?"
"..... Nathan"
"Nathan!?"
"Nathan...."
"I miss Nathan"
Nathan being just another friend of ours who sometimes shows up for a drink or two. For some reason I couldnt shut up about him after leaving the pub that night. A girlfriend recorded me on her phone for about 5 minutes just staggering around asking for Nathan.
"Where's Nathan?"
" .... .... Where's Nathan?"
"Nathan... Where's Nathan?"
"..... Nathan"
"Nathan!?"
"Nathan...."
"I miss Nathan"
Nathan being just another friend of ours who sometimes shows up for a drink or two. For some reason I couldnt shut up about him after leaving the pub that night. A girlfriend recorded me on her phone for about 5 minutes just staggering around asking for Nathan.