Favorite Simpson Quotes

[NeoAC]

"Brothers and Sisters are natural enemies.
Like Englishmen and Scots.
Or Welshman and Scots.
Or Japanese and Scots!
OR SCOTS AND OTHER SCOTS!!
Damn Scots! The ruined Scotland!"
"You Scots sure are a contentious people."
"YOU JUST MADE AN ENEMY FOR LIFE!!"

-Groundskeeper Willy on Siblings.

Damn you for beating me to the punch on the Willy quote!

"Ooh look at me! I'm Milhouse! I tuck my shirt into me underwear!"

*laughter*

"I've got no friends, so I confide everything in Willie!"

 

[Asturiel]

Any quote from that episode fits this topic
Scorpio: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the Doomsday Device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you'll face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this. [presses a button causing a bridge to blow up in the background of the screen the gentlemen are visible in]
UN Man 1: [all the men look at the explosion] Oh My God, the Fifty-Ninth Street Bridge!
UN Man 2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
UN Man 1: We can't take that chance.
UN Man 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance!
Scorpio: [scoffs] Collapsed on its own--you sh...You have seventy-two hours. See ya.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Homer has just walked in on Scorpio, who is tuning a giant death ray.
Scorpio: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country, Italy or France?
Homer: France.
Scorpio: [laughs] Nobody ever says Italy

Scorpio was awesome, why isn't he in more simpsons episodes?

"DENTAL PLAN"

Lisa needs braces.

OT: Heres two, the others seemed to have disappeared from my noggin.

Homer: Let the bears pay the bear tax! I pay the Homer tax!"
Lisa: That's the home owner tax.

Homer: *making the circus out of potatos*
THATS IT I'M GOING TO CLOWN COLLEGE!

 

[Ldude893]

There's too many, I can't actually pick a favorite. Although there are several ones:

Homer: "English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

Grampa: "The Swedish are coming, THE SWEDISH ARE COMING."

 

[Ldude893]

{DOUBLE POST}

 

[Ldude893]

{TRIPLE POST}

 

[Rylot]

Abraham Simpson: "They told me she died of a burst ventricle, but I know that I she really died of a broken heart."

From the one where Grandpa Simpson falls in love with the lady from the retirement home and get her inheritance.

 

[XAdrianX]

"...can charge for meat
for meat
and milk
and milk from ninety sixty foooooouuur"

Apu and Mary Poppins.
cause it remembers me of stores over her in my part of the continent.

 

[chef-boyR-D]

Bart: Dad you killed the zombie Flanders.
Homer: He was a zombie?

Can't quite remember this one
Homer: God what's the meaning of life?
God: I'll tell you when you die.
Homer: Ohh I can't wait that long!
God: You can't wait a week?

"Ontop of... Beneath...Ontop of...Beneath"


I think this was from the episode with the wooden plane that catches fire?
Mr Burns: we flew it for a distance of 4ft at an altitude of 3ft.

Marine/Army Guy: Now drop and give me 20!
Homer: Well okay but I won't have much left for lunch money.


from Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
Mr. Banner: You're out there somewhere beer baron and I'll find you.
Beer Baron: No you won't.
Banner: Yes. I will.
Baron: Doh!

I think I've spent enough time trying to remember these now.

I almost forgot the MOST important one! (facepalm)

EDIT
TO ALCOHOL! The cause of and, solution to all of life's problems

 

[Luftwaffles]

My username lol.

and Me fail English? That's unpossible.

also Save me, Jebus

Marge: I hate being late!
Homer: Well I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my death bed.
Marge: Homer, they can hear you inside!
Homer: Relax! Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phoney-baloney God!
*enters church*
Homer: How ya doin'? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.

[copypasta'd from imdb]

 

[Con Carne]

My bologna has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R, my bologna has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R

 

[Miumaru]

CRACK /shudder
CRACK /shudder
CRACH /shudder etc

Sideshow Bob of course!

There's just something about rakes hitting a man in the face & that shuddering noise he made that had me in stitches.

Oh wow, THAT was what I was gonna say. I swear, for such a simple joke, I laugh like no one's buisness!

 

[Miumaru]

A Murder Marge...a group of crows is called a murder...
To Marge while he has a well...murder with him in their bed.

 

[Chamale]

From "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"

Homer Simpson: You know what you could do, Apu?
Apu: Yeah, shut up.
Homer Simpson: You could fake your own death.
Apu: Oh, would you shut up?
Homer Simpson: All you need is a car bomb and...
Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!

 

[Blueruler182]

Bonjour you cheese eating surrender monkeys! -- Willy.

Vendetta! Vendetta! Vendetta! Forfalla! Forfalla vendetta! -- Bob's kid.

 

[Verbal Samurai]

Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

-Moe Syzlak

 

[TheDustyBanana]

the scene where Bart offers like ten bucks to Homer if he eats the decades old baking soda in the back of the fridge.

Homer: "So many flavors..." *baking soda fizzes in his mouth*

 

[muckinscavitch]

Paddling the school canoes, that's a paddling.

Episode where teachers go on strike, tis the old guy who take over lisa's class.

 

[quake52]

Bleeding Gums Murphy talking to lisa on his death bed
"I don't really have a family, all I had was a little brother who grew up to become a doctor. He used to laugh at the most inappropriate times." Hibbert then laughs inappropriately and says "Hey I've got an older brother that I'll never see. He's a jazz musician or some such. Oh well, bye, bye

 

[zohmbee]

"And the machine I have built, which I call the DeFrinkulatron, will tell us the secret ingredient in the Flaming Moe. According to the machine, the secret is... LOVE?! Okay, who's been messing with the machine?!"

<3