Favourite NPC line?

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Zach Steadman

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May 17, 2010
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STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!!!!!!!! - Oblivion Guard

SPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! - Space AI, Portal 2

*Cave Johnson's Lemon Rant* - Cave Johnson, Portal 2

You eat BABIES!!! - John Marston, Red Dead: Undead Nightmare

"Makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine" - Pinkerton, Fallout 3

"Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, so get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters." - GLaDOS, Portal
 

Biosophilogical

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TheDarkEricDraven said:
L3m0n_L1m3 said:
TheDarkEricDraven said:
L3m0n_L1m3 said:
"Hello, this is the part where I kill you!"
"This is the part where he kills us."

Chapter 9: The Part Where He Kills You

Achievement Unlocked: The Part Where He Kills You (This is it)
That was literally the greatest moment in a game. Ever.
I'm going to have to counter that claim with "When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"
Burning people! He's saying what we're all thinking!
 

Andy Shandy

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Jun 7, 2010
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Many of my other favourites have already been said, however my favourite one for just now (considering I've been playing Borderlands a lot at the moment) is nice and simple

"Heyooo!" - Steve from Borderlands

either that or

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSS!" from Fable 3
 

LFC Scouser

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Portl 2 Pit boss Wheatley "Wow I didn't think you would come back lets see could you jump into that pit for me
 

VincentR

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from an officer whose men have been overrun by aliens, while the AI controlling parts of the ship continuously fucks them over, and who has decided he will not be taken prisoner..

"...My final wish is that someone kill that damn computer... now where is my last bullet.. ah, there it is..." ... " That Goddamn computer. It took him seven years just to let me use a terminal. All of his messages came stamped onto my food packets. My protein bars told me told me, for an entire year, "You need time to calm down." He keeps saying that I should be thankful he saved me. For the record, I want to say again that computer is NOT sane."

More like a section of a short novel than a line, but.. eh.

For an actual line:

"Don't sweat the details, little monkey, just eliminate his troopers. Leave the strategizing to those of us with planet-sized brains."
 

Knife

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Mar 20, 2011
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Orcus The Ultimate said:
yup! Truth comes out of your mouth!


BG2 quotes:

Joneleth Irenicus -"I cannot be caged! I cannot be controlled! Understand this as you die, ever pathetic, ever fools!"

Tiax -"Ya lil' monkey-spanker."

KOTOR:

HK 47 -"Observation: I am a droid, master, with programming. Even if I did not enjoy killing, I would have no choice. Thankfully, I enjoy it very much."
Littlee300 said:
Yep, We are all heroes: You and Boo and I. Hamsters and rangers everywhere! Rejoice!

I must have aid soon... Boo is too young to have to avenge me...

And from KOTOR:

HK 47 - "Answer: Simply that the distinction between 'killer' and 'killee' be a clear one. I cannot kill of my own volition, naturally."
Revan - "I don't think 'killee' is a word."
HK 47 - "Expletive: Damn it, master, I am an assassination droid... not a dictionary!"
 

Aetera

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Jan 19, 2011
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How has no one mentioned the World of Warcraft quest, "Welcome to the Machine," where you temporarily become a quest-giver and give quests to three different NPCs?

___

A level 19 undead named Dumass walks in, saying everything in capital letters.
Dumass says: HI! HI! HELP!

Dumass says: HI! HI! HELP!

Dumass says: HI! I'M NEW! BIG WHITE LIGHT CREATURE WITH WINGS MADE ME ALIVE! I SERVE THE BANSHEE QUEEN! YAY! HELP! HI!

You: Maybe you should go take a nap or something. I don't know if I have any work for you.

Dumass says: OK! THANKS! I'LL JUST WAIT HERE WITH YOU! THANKS! OK!

You: Wait a minute. It looks like something just came up. Yes, right here on this sheet of paper. You need to head southeast to to the Azurelode Mine and report to Captain Keyton. Southeast is that way. *you point southeast*

Dumass says: NORTH! GOT IT! THANKS! BYE! THANKS!

The level 80 Kingslayer Orkus of the guild flies in on his frost wyrm mount, fully equipped with tier 10 gear.

Kingslayer Orkus yells: CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE LOK'TAR IS COOKIN'?

Kingslayer Orkus says: HAH! Looks like you're running out of idiots to put atop this horse, Darthalia. This is the puniest one yet.

Kingslayer Orkus says: What have you got for me today, weakling? Point me to where the Alliance hide and I shall DOMINATE THEM!

Kingslayer Orkus says: I have seen the fall of the Lich King. Creations of the titans have fallen before my mighty axe. When called upon, I alone spearheaded a victory for the Argent Crusade against the beasts of Northrend. Now, I come for the ultimate challenge. What does Hillsbrad Foothills have to offer Kingslayer Orkus?

You: Um... Apparently there are bloodthirsty worgen running rampant in the south. Maybe you could help with them?

Kingslayer Orkus says: Bloodthirsty you say? Is there any risk of death or dismemberment to me?

You: None.

Kingslayer Orkus says: Then Orkus WILL DO IT! YES!

You: Right, thanks. Just go ahead and head south. Far south. Probably off the coast.

Kingslayer Orkus says: Yes, cowardly quest giver, sit atop your pale horse while Orkus brings glory to the Horde! I shall return with a thousand skulls!

Johnny Awesome, a level 20 blood elf, of the guild rides in on a Celestial Steed and fully equipped with heirlooms.

Johnny Awesome says: Johnny Awesome has arrived, philistine. Present me with your menial tasks so that I may complete them with only mild enthusiasm and most likely a complete disregard for any directions that you provide that are more complicated than what my map is able to display.

Johnny Awesome says: Look at me, peasant. Heirlooms cover my body from head to toe, gifted to me by the greatest heroes Azeroth has ever known.

Now look at yourself.

Quickly, look back at me.

Yes, this IS horse made of STARS.

What pointless series of tasks befitting a mentally deficient orc have you prepared for me?

You: Well, we are having some problems at the Sludge Fields, located northeast of here. Warden Stillwater could use your help.

Johnny Awesome says: Fine, fine, what else?

You: That's all.

Johnny Awesome says: That's all? One quest? Surely you jest. Are there not bear asses to collect? Perhaps a rare flower that I could pick from which you will make some mildly hallucinogenic tonic which you will then drink, resulting in visions of a great apocalypse? Perhaps the local populace of mildly annoying, ill-tempered gophers are acting up and need to be brought to justice? No? Nothing?

You: THAT'S ALL, JOHNNY AWESOME. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!

Johnny Awesome says: I will do this ONE thing that you ask of me, quest giver. Pray I find more menial tasks to accomplish or you will be hearing from me again and I assure you that my commentary on forums of public opinion will be most unkind.

BEST. QUEST. EVER. Just... this entire quest is my favorite quote. All of it.
 

Joshica Huracane

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Feb 21, 2011
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Not sure if Varric from DA2 counts... cause you CAN control him. Anyway...

Varric Tethras: "...so I said, it's a kingdom, so he's the King. But it's also a country..."

OH! And "My name... is Bolo Santosi."
It's all in the delivery. Thank you Just Cause 2.
 

Kimarous

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"As amusing as your savage dances are, once again I have proven the superiority of putting your nose to the grindstone and not mucking about." - Sir Roderick Ponce von Fontlebottom the Magnificent Bastard (Jade Empire)
 

Lazy Kitty

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May 1, 2009
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"Cheese for everyone! Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one. That can be just as much of a celebration, if you don't like cheese, true?"
 

McPulse

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Mar 23, 2011
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AssCreed 2:

"He will destroy the evil ones / and then take out the guards!" -Minstrels
 

Ekonk

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Apr 21, 2009
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Portal 2.

"Heyyy buddy!! I'm speakin' in an accent, dat is beyond her range of hearing."
"Um, metal ball? I can hear you."
"Run! I don't have to do the voice, RUUNN!!!"

Epic escape ensues.
 

farq1414

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Jan 26, 2011
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i have been watch a Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal play and the rival (chedr) as some of the best lines in the game. i mean he gos from monaters to talking about how trashy you are then to how much he loves you it is so funny.