Favourite simpsons quotes

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mintsauce

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Aug 18, 2008
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From the Lemon Tree episode:

Homer2: [chuckles] Don't you get it, Springfield? It's over. You lose!
Now if you'll excuse me, all this talk has made me hungry.
[bites into a lemon; his face contorts at the bitterness]

And from Burns Baby Burns:

Ned: Ho ho ho, suckin' down the cider, uh? Hey, word to the wise --
[shows Homer a card] season pass! It pays for itself after the
sixteenth visit. You know, most people don't know the difference
between apple cider and apple juice, but I do. Now here's a
little trick to help you remember. If it's clear and yella',
you've got juice there, fella! If it's tangy and brown, you're
in cider town. Now, there's two exceptions and it gets kinda
tricky here...
[Homer's brain gets bored]
Brain: [moans] You can stay, but I'm leaving.
[brain floats away; Homer is now staring blankly]
Ned: ... can be yellow, if they're using late season apples. And, of
course, in Canada, the whole thing's flip-flopped.
[Homer collapses]
Ned: Oh, my! I'd better get you some cider.
 

anNIALLator

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Jul 24, 2008
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SAVE ME JEBUS!!
'But Dad, if you're the police, who's going to police the police? I don't know.. the coastguard?'
'Comic Book Guy, have you seen our Mom?' 'A list of things i have and have not seen is on my blog, including a Star Wars film that was any good since the first 3'
The Flanders' house gets blown down in a tornado, and the sign at the church reads 'God welcomes his victims'
The episode where the power plant is bought by Germans, Homer imagines a world made out of chocolate. after running around taking bites out of lamposts and dogs, he presses up against a shop window and says, 'Mmmmmm, chocolates, half price!'
Reverend Lovejoy, about the bible, 'Have you ever actually read this thing, Marge? Technically, we can't go to the bathroom'
 

Ionami

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Aug 21, 2008
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For some reason Homer decides to go to a different bar other than Moe's. He opens the door and the bartender whips out a shotgun and points it at him.

Bartender: WHADDYA WANT?!

Homer: Umm... a beer?

Bartender: *grumbling*

The bartender lowers the shotgun and Homer sits down. The bartender then picks up a grimy glass and pours beer into it and slams it on the counter in front of Homer.

Homer: Uhh... could I please get a clean glass?

Bartender: Yaarrrrrrgh!

The bartender grabs the glass and starts to clean it, he pours more beer into it and slams it on the counter again.

Bartender: *Super sarcastic* There you go, your majesty!
 

Llasnad

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Aug 6, 2008
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Duff Man: Hey Duff lovers! Does anyone in this bar loooove Duff?
Carl: Hey, it's Duff Man!
Lenny: Newsweek said you died of liver failure.
Duff Man: Duff Man can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!
 

Starnerf

The X makes it sound cool
Jun 26, 2008
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Bartender: "What'll ya have?"
Homer: "Gimme one of those giant beers I've heard so much about."
(Bartender lifts a keg-sized can of Fosters onto the bar counter)
Bartender: "Somefin' wrong yank?"
Homer(looking disappointed): "Yeah, it's pretty big..."
Marge: "I'll just have coffee."
Bartender: "Beer, it is."
Marge: "No, no, coffee."
Bartender (wary): "Beer?"
Marge: "Cof-fee."
Bartender: "Bee-eer?"
Marge: "C-O-"
Bartender: "B-E-"

I love the Australia episode.
 

brabz

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Jan 3, 2008
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"Duff Man can't breathe, oh no!" -Duff Man

"Kids, you did your best, and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try." -Homer

"Remember what Vince Lombary said, 'if you lose, you're out of the family" -Homer

- That's not a knife, this is a knife. (Australian)
- That's a spoon. (Marge)
- I see you've played knifie-spoonie before. (Australian)
 

kbag08

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Aug 12, 2008
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A few more:::
Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
 

Zak Frost

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May 29, 2008
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The Simpsons is has some of the best singular quotes, but if I have to pick one:

"I'm not a thief, I'm a scavenger, Like the majestic vulture, the heroic tapeworm and America's sweetheart: the maggot." ~Homer Simpson.
Or from the same episode:
"It's not stealing if you take it fast."~ Moe Syzlak
 

ZahariasX

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Jun 25, 2008
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brabz post=18.69127.652415 said:
- That's not a knife, this is a knife. (Australian)
- That's a spoon. (Marge)
- I see you've played knifie-spoonie before. (Australian)
- That's a spoon. (Marge)
It's actually Bart that says this line...
"That's not a knife, that's a spoon." (Bart)
 

cainbrain

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Aug 6, 2008
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Cheif: "Thanks to you McGanicle Billy is DEAD! Slit 'is throat from ear to ear."

McGarnicle: "Hey, I'm trying to have my lunch here."

Priceless.
 

kbag08

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Aug 12, 2008
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One more:
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
 

TheGhostOfSin

Terrible, Terrible Damage.
May 21, 2008
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Homer to the Queen: Our Beatles beat your precious Rolling stones

Homer: I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb

Bart: After trying 4 times to explain it to Homer, I explained it to Mom and we were on our way!
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Ralph Wiggum : My knob tastes funny.

(Brits will laugh at that, but it wasn't lewd.)

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: Shiva H. Vishnu!

God : Okely Dokely!

*whistle*
Yabba Dabba Doo
Simpson, Homer Simpson
He's the greatest man in history
From the...town of Springfield
He's about to hit a Chestnut Tree.....AAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGH!
 
Dec 1, 2007
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Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.
 

Space Spoons

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Aug 21, 2008
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I have two:

Jasper: Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a padddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

Homer: There once was a rapping tomato. That's right, I said rapping tomato. He rapped all day, from April to May... And also, guess what? It was me.
 

v3n0mat3

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Jul 30, 2008
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So long Dental Plan! (You knew that was coming!)

(From what I could immediately remember of this conversation)

Lisa:This conversation is OVER!
Homer:This conversation is UNDER!
Lisa:Grr! GOOD-BYE!
Homer:BAD-BYE!