Female escapists: Is shyness ever really attractive?

[RocksW]

I know its a wierdly personal question :L

Why im asking is theres a girl I like from work, and she'll be at this staff party thing next friday... Shes very attractive but doesnt really know me yet... You can probably see where im going with this!

Trouble is im shy and afraid of screwing it up... how do you think I should behave around her? Be myself? Or not? what do you think?


(I wont be able to reply till tommorrow, sorry about that)

 

[Stalk3rchief]

Totally not a chick, but I have to say yes. I'm a stupidly shy guy ,at least when it comes to meeting new chicks, and all of the ones I've been with have said that my shyness is 'cute.' I, of course, refuse to believe them, but it's becoming a reoccurring thing. Of course, some women are don't like the shyness either but prefer a direct approach, it all depends on the girl.

 

[Lilani]

Just be open and be yourself. I think shyness is only attractive when she's already attracted to you.

If you've got something against being yourself, let me put it this way: If you establish yourself on exaggerations and artificial walls, then there is no long term for the relationship. None. So be yourself, the worst she can do is say no

 

[Brawndo]

I'm not a girl, but I'll tell you how it goes from personal experience:

- If you're shy, quiet, and reserved, but attractive = mysterious, intriguing
- If you're shy, quiet, and reserved, but unattractive = loser, loner, nerd, creeper


Most girls associate shyness with a lack of confidence. Now girls on this site WILL disagree with me, but that's because they are not your typical girl for the most part. Take it from me - I used to be shy in high school, and I was pretty average looking, so I got no play. I broke out of my shell in college, and the pussy started flowing much easier.

 

[Alleged Despair]

I'm not a girl but I'm pretty shy and my gf likes that. She thinks its cute. You should just be yourself though. Shy and cute just happens to work me for me.

 

[Death-of-Penguins]

I am a girl. I think it's sweet, most of the time.

 

[Sightless Wisdom]

It's comical how many responses will be from guys as you're looking for exactly the opposite perspective. In any case, here with more advice you don't need: another guy!

My view: It depends what kind of girl you're going for, usually the ones that think shyness is attractive are not the ones you'd like to. Btu hey, that's coming from me: a guy who has been for most of his life very shy, and only just decided not to care about others views enough to defeat some of that shyness.

 

[fullbleed]

A girl once told me that she thought my stutter was cute. This was, however long after my chance with her was gone and she was now with a good friend of mine. I couldn't make out with her so I made out with her boyfriend instead. Fun night.

I think shyness can work, but don't be solely reliant on it.

 

[Melon Hunter]

There should be a running tally of how many posts in this thread are going to start with 'I'm not a girl' or some variant on that. So far, 3 out of 5 responses.

Well, I don't possess an even number of X chromosomes, but...

I think shyness can sometimes be a detriment, but there's a world of difference between being a little withdrawn and Michael Cera-level awkwardness. In your case, acting as yourself is going to work far better than being falsely extroverted. Just treat her as your equal, and make sure she knows you're interested in her, as mumbling and staring at your shoes or conversely, being overconfident, won't do you any favours.

 

[Frotality]

there are no women on the internet. this is proven fact. proven with science.

im afraid thats about as helpful as i can be; im naturally shy, but ive been everything from shy to outgoing to talkative to aloof to yahtzee-esque shpiels to absolutely unconcerned to pure ambivalence, and the result has always been the same...that is to say no result.

so id go with brawndo's response; shyness has a different effect dependent on other traits, and really isnt good or bad to any woman on its own, because she'll be mostly judging you on some other factor.

what that factor is...well thats the eternal question that i have since given up ever answering. so your best bet is to pretty much approach women like the lottery; all you can do is pick some random shit, and hope they add up to something good.

 

[Dags90]

It might be endearing to some people, but I haven't met anyone who got their rocks off on shyness. And I've met some people who are into some pretty weird stuff.

Edit: It seems some people do get their rocks off on shyness:

I'm a girl, and yes shyness can be attractive! It all depends on what she's into, but some girls really like the "mystery" that shy people can have; it's really very appealing. Never ever be anything other than yourself, because if your relationship does develop, she will eventually realise that you're not being true.

Good luck and remember, even if she's not into you in that way, don't be disheartened

 

[Minch]

I'm a girl, and yes shyness can be attractive! It all depends on what she's into, but some girls really like the "mystery" that shy people can have; it's really very appealing. Never ever be anything other than yourself, because if your relationship does develop, she will eventually realise that you're not being true.

Good luck and remember, even if she's not into you in that way, don't be disheartened

 

[The Seldom Seen Kid]

1 out of 4 so far seem to have liked my shyness. Normally I find that the girls who like shyness are the shy ones. (Shocking, right.)

Trouble is, I'm totally loud and vocal with everybody else, so it's a really stark contrast whenever I'm alone or having a conversation exclusively with my crush.

(Editorial note: I'm not dating her yet, but we have talked, if not briefly, about dating. I just have to ask, basically. But I'm too shy to do that. I know it's stupid, leave me alone.)

 

[Zombie_Fish]

Moved to Advice Forum.

--Zombie

 

[AmayaOnnaOtaku]

I am a girl. I think it's sweet, most of the time.

and cute. Start slow so she doesn't think you are pouncing on her like a hungry wolf on a t-bone. Ask her to coffee shop after work. Be careful of dating co workers, if things go bad then you are stuck looking at them for the rest of your career at that company.

 

[revolutionaification]

I'm not a girl but...

Oh wait. Yes I am

Personally, I really like shyness, it can be really, really sweet and reassuring to know I'm not the only one who's absolutely terrified with certain prospects.

If this girl is too then you're in luck, but the only way to find out if she likes 'em shy is to talk to her in the first place. Just try and keep it simple, make yourself talk more than you usually would so there aren't any awkward silences but at the same time remember to pause for breath. Oh, and if you find something she seems to like talking about then ask questions, just let her talk, she'll appreciate you listening and showing an interest and might find herself remembering later on how attentive you were.

Good luck!

 

[Custard_Angel]

Shyness can be cute, but it gets old REALLY fast.

Initial nervousness can be flattering, but if you don't get out of the shell quickly nothing will progress.

 

[burningdragoon]

Shyness can be cute, but it gets old REALLY fast.

Initial nervousness can be flattering, but if you don't get out of the shell quickly nothing will progress.

I think that is a good some up right there, and it came from a dude no less.

So yeah, it can work at the beginning, but probably not long once you are in anything with the lady.

(oh and I am not girl... for the tally >.>)