Female Perspective - Friend Zone

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GrimTuesday

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May 21, 2009
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I find the concept of the friend zone laughable. To be so self deluded to convince yourself that you just took to long is up there with thinking that you're too good for the girl who just rejected you. Of course there are lots of people who can't handle the fact that they aren't gods gift to the opposite sex. Of course, I'm a sad lonely person who's never had the spine to ask a female out so its not like I really have any real experience in the matters of relationships.
 

AnkaraTheFallen

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Apr 11, 2011
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Owyn_Merrilin said:
Well, then, the "he was a scumbag" part applies in this case; a guy who will give that kind of trouble over being honestly and clearly rejected is going to be trouble no matter what. As for the time limit portion of the friend zone, that really does exist -- I know, because there are people who I can't personally think of in a romantic context because of that. The thing is, it's a matter of years of close friendship, not months or weeks like most people seem to think. About the only way for someone to get out of there is a fairly long period of little to no contact. Of course, when I talk about the friend zone, it has nothing directly to do with the time limit; more an area of limbo where two people are friends, but one wants more than that, and the other doesn't.
I agree with the end of that about what you mean by the friend zone... that's always how I thought of it. However if I'm attracted to someone, that doesn't just go away over time (even a long time), but that might just be me it seems, which is what I meant when I said I didn't agree with the time limit thing. And likewise, if I don't find someone attractive I never will.
 

Mcapplepie

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I find it really hard to let a guy down.
It's pretty damn crushing actually, because if he's plucked up the courage to actually say something about how he feels, that can be a really big deal for some people. It's a lame thing to have someone actually say to you "ohhh, no I'm not actually interested in you like that", but for me it's even worse to be the one saying it.
 

wulfy42

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The whole Alpha/Beta thing does not apply to humans at all. There are people with different personality types that are more "alpha" or "beta" as in wanting to be in charge, more confident etc but their other personality characteristics can vary greatly. I like to be in charge and have been throughout most of my life at work or school. At the same time I have always cared about others and have spent most of my life working to help other people in one way or another. Just because you are an Alpha personality does not mean you only think about yourself.

My wife also has an Alpha personality (She is an attorney and a litigator) and over the years that has caused us to argue or fight over things a few times but over all our love and respect for each other has enabled us to deal with the fact we both like to be in charge and be "right" when having a discussion etc.

I think the most important personality trait is how selfish a person is, not how Alpha they are. If a person is selfish and thinks only about themselves it really doesn't matter how confident they are etc, they are still going to hurt people around them.

I may like being in charge but I have certainly worked in groups where I was not in charge and I am able to follow someone else's lead and support them if needed. There is a difference between being Alpha and being a total selfish jerk.
 

muckman

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May 26, 2011
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Hmm the friend zone :p idk I've been friendzoned 2 times I guess and i do think it exists.
The first time was in high school, i was new in school cuz i transferred. And well I got a lot of female attention. There was one girl who really liked me. So she would come to talk to me and flirt with me a lot but I didn't like her. After a while we became friends and she still liked me, but after 2 years she had moved on and I started to like her.

She friendzoned me like i did with her cuz she didn't feel the same way as she used to. after another year it was the other way around again :p We've had many talks about this. What I'm saying is that people's feelings change. I admit i've changed alot over the past few years, but still it could happen. You could get out of the friendzone.
 
Jun 23, 2008
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Sentox6 said:
The 100 IQ club has quite a sizeable membership, you know.
Indeed, it does, as does the demographic of those who lack self awareness. I take you regard yourself a member?

All this really indicates is an adjustment to the rating systems based upon age (and perhaps IQ, by your assertion). It doesn't necessarily refute the core concept of the theory.
The rating systems assume that the sole interest men have for women is sexual (which is terribly misandrist as well). This presents a problem because women are, in fact, whole human beings, and when one sums up the activities of one's life, actual fucking is really a small portion of it. The idea that men exclusively think of women as penis-puppets is about as offensive as the idea that women think of men exclusively as cash-cows.[footnote]These stereotypes may sometimes reflect truth, but thankfully far less than otherwise. To be sure, men that really do only relate to women sexually tend to just not get laid at all, but they do illustrate the need for our complex courting rites, and those processes get extended with every failed date.[/footnote]

Uriel-238 said:
And the Ladder Theory doesn't explain athletes, artists and rockstars...
Sentox6 said:
Sure it does. They inherently come under the same category as the outlaw biker: men with novelty and/or power.
Danzaivar said:
Err, yes it does. There's variables for novelty, and money is synonymous with power. Athletes, artists and rockstars have unmatched power within their social groups...
Artistic ability is not the same as social power, such as the ability to command others, or to have someone honored or scorned by the community. Athletic ability simply takes health prerequisite for sexual eligibility up to eleven. But artistic ability has that attraction element of its own. Of course, if you redefine power to equate to whatever Mojo or je ne sais quoi you want, then you can adapt the ladder model to suit (or mean) anything.

But you, know, my point was that human beings are a bit more complex than is represented by the ladder theory, or the idea of the friend-zone, and regarding those you consider mating potential as people first, and armpieces second might get you farther along towards partnering up.

Or, not. And not.

Addendum: Just because the forum has formatting codes doesn't mean you have to use them quite so gratuitously. Less is more.
I assume you're referring to my commentary footnotes? I so like to go off on tangents, I just can't help myself and this keeps it out of my maintext. Still, the fact that you had to comment on (criticize?) my signature seems to indicate you were, at this point, looking for nits to pick, rather than focusing on that with which you don't agree, and why.

238U.
 

Z(ombie)fan

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Mar 12, 2010
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Flailing Escapist said:
"HEY!...... Where are the breasts?" <- Only line worth mentioning
as the one and only bit of info I have on you, that line right there is the single most confuusing thing Ive read in my life, and considering I tend read my own short stories, thats saying something.
 

AnkaraTheFallen

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Apr 11, 2011
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AzrealMaximillion said:
It's not just a defence mechanism for guys who get rejected. You don't even have to ask out the girl to be put in the friend zone. For example you're they guy she goes to when her boyfriend hurts her. The guy she shares her feelings with. She breaks up with her boyfriend and cries on your shoulder. Then goes back to the disrespectful ex. You can't say that all girls are so naive that they can't tell when someone has feelings for them.
I'm sorry, but there is a very likely chance if a girl does that, it's because she thinks of you as a friend... that's what friends do, they support each other when they are in pain. We don't have some psychic powers to know that guys are interested in us without them saying.

And everything I've heard about being 'friend zoned' in the sense that the OP is meaning, is just a defence mechanism for when a guy asks a girl out and she isn't interested... they seem to think if they said sooner she would have been. This just doesn't happen, they either are interested in you are aren't.
 

Fidelias

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artanis_neravar said:
Calcium said:
I havn't heard the expression 'Friend Zone' before, but I'm best friends with a girl and so I'd have to say that claiming to be friends with a girl is not ficticious. Not saying that this is your view - I get the impression I'm not fully understading the thread.

Other people I know go straight to dating, then end up awkward friends.
The friend zone is when a guy waits to long to ask a girl out and she, from that point on, will only see him as a friend or brotherly figure
Dammit, that explains a lot in my life...

Um... I can't comment too much besides saying that I have a few girls who happen to be friends, and I doubt anything will happen to change that. I don't really think there's a problem with just being friends.
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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May 22, 2010
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AnkaraTheFallen said:
AzrealMaximillion said:
It's not just a defence mechanism for guys who get rejected. You don't even have to ask out the girl to be put in the friend zone. For example you're they guy she goes to when her boyfriend hurts her. The guy she shares her feelings with. She breaks up with her boyfriend and cries on your shoulder. Then goes back to the disrespectful ex. You can't say that all girls are so naive that they can't tell when someone has feelings for them.
I'm sorry, but there is a very likely chance if a girl does that, it's because she thinks of you as a friend... that's what friends do, they support each other when they are in pain. We don't have some psychic powers to know that guys are interested in us without them saying.

And everything I've heard about being 'friend zoned' in the sense that the OP is meaning, is just a defence mechanism for when a guy asks a girl out and she isn't interested... they seem to think if they said sooner she would have been. This just doesn't happen, they either are interested in you are aren't.
The thing is, guys really don't relate to one another like that, and they generally don't relate to women like that either, unless they're A, family, or B, their mate. If a guy is sharing feelings, letting the girl cry on his shoulder, and basically being there through every little problem, chances are that he sees her as more than a friend well, he could also be gay.... I'm not saying that male friends won't be there for their female friends when a problem comes up, but it's going to be for major problems, not for every little bit of he-said-she-said.
 

aba1

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Mar 18, 2010
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me and my girlfriend were friends for a year before we started dating and its been 5 years since so the friend zone doesn't really exist either the girl never was into you that way or she is worried if you broke up it spoil the friendship but there is not zone in which the girl suddenly loses attraction and will never get it back
 

AnkaraTheFallen

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Apr 11, 2011
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Owyn_Merrilin said:
AnkaraTheFallen said:
I'm sorry, but there is a very likely chance if a girl does that, it's because she thinks of you as a friend... that's what friends do, they support each other when they are in pain. We don't have some psychic powers to know that guys are interested in us without them saying.

And everything I've heard about being 'friend zoned' in the sense that the OP is meaning, is just a defence mechanism for when a guy asks a girl out and she isn't interested... they seem to think if they said sooner she would have been. This just doesn't happen, they either are interested in you are aren't.
The thing is, guys really don't relate to one another like that, and they generally don't relate to women like that either, unless they're A, family, or B, their mate. If a guy is sharing feelings, letting the girl cry on his shoulder, and basically being there through every little problem, chances are that he sees her as more than a friend well, he could also be gay.... I'm not saying that male friends won't be there for their female friends when a problem comes up, but it's going to be for major problems, not for every little bit of he-said-she-said.
Well, I can't talk for any guys, but if someone is there for me when I'm upset or having problems, I don't think it's because they are interested in me. Girls are just like guys when it comes to these things, if you are interested in them you need to say, they wont just realise from you being, what they would consider, a good friend. So from this idea (no offence) but it seems guys 'friend zone' themselves, in this case, in the sense that was meant here. (there are so many different versions of friend zoning that I have no idea what one is 'correct', if any.)

And if the girl is interested in you then, having been there as a friend to help her in the past wont change that when/if you do tell her.
 

NomNom The World

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Feb 14, 2011
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ITT/ People who don't get laid.

Once you get friend zone your chances of hitting that drop drastically, move on to the next chick. Continually chasing someone will NOT get you laid in short order, believe that. Keep female friends, sure, when you rock up to social events with a few female 'friends' you will find that women talk to you a bit easier from assumed association (that you just get 'it' with women and not just a loner or 'bro')

On 'friend zone' dude she either 1. Isn't attracted to your personality (i slap people who say looks dictate attraction) 2. You are giving her something that you wouldn't as a partner (I.e emotional support) 3. Nobody wants a wuss, stop being a wuss and front that woman as soon as you figure you like her.

I could write a frikin book on this stuff man, not that there aren't like 20 on it already. Seriously tho if your FZ than find another woman, your going to get laid faster hitting on another 10 chicks than chasing someone who isn't into you son.

Stop your bitching and man up :)

NomNomTheWorld N*****s
 

classygangster

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Dec 16, 2010
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Calcium said:
I havn't heard the expression 'Friend Zone' before, but I'm best friends with a girl and so I'd have to say that claiming to be friends with a girl is not ficticious. Not saying that this is your view - I get the impression I'm not fully understading the thread.

Other people I know go straight to dating, then end up awkward friends.
I'm not trying to be a creeper, but uhm who old are? Your response makes you seem really young...
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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May 22, 2010
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AnkaraTheFallen said:
Owyn_Merrilin said:
AnkaraTheFallen said:
I'm sorry, but there is a very likely chance if a girl does that, it's because she thinks of you as a friend... that's what friends do, they support each other when they are in pain. We don't have some psychic powers to know that guys are interested in us without them saying.

And everything I've heard about being 'friend zoned' in the sense that the OP is meaning, is just a defence mechanism for when a guy asks a girl out and she isn't interested... they seem to think if they said sooner she would have been. This just doesn't happen, they either are interested in you are aren't.
The thing is, guys really don't relate to one another like that, and they generally don't relate to women like that either, unless they're A, family, or B, their mate. If a guy is sharing feelings, letting the girl cry on his shoulder, and basically being there through every little problem, chances are that he sees her as more than a friend well, he could also be gay.... I'm not saying that male friends won't be there for their female friends when a problem comes up, but it's going to be for major problems, not for every little bit of he-said-she-said.
Well, I can't talk for any guys, but if someone is there for me when I'm upset or having problems, I don't think it's because they are interested in me. Girls are just like guys when it comes to these things, if you are interested in them you need to say, they wont just realise from you being, what they would consider, a good friend. So from this idea (no offence) but it seems guys 'friend zone' themselves, in this case, in the sense that was meant here. (there are so many different versions of friend zoning that I have no idea what one is 'correct', if any.)

And if the girl is interested in you then, having been there as a friend to help her in the past wont change that when/if you do tell her.
Hey, I'm not saying the guys who are doing that are smart, just that that's what happens. It's no different than the person who said if a girl says "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" it's code for "I'm not interested in you;" drop the code, it's not helping either of you.
 

artanis_neravar

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Apr 18, 2011
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Owyn_Merrilin said:
AnkaraTheFallen said:
AzrealMaximillion said:
It's not just a defence mechanism for guys who get rejected. You don't even have to ask out the girl to be put in the friend zone. For example you're they guy she goes to when her boyfriend hurts her. The guy she shares her feelings with. She breaks up with her boyfriend and cries on your shoulder. Then goes back to the disrespectful ex. You can't say that all girls are so naive that they can't tell when someone has feelings for them.
I'm sorry, but there is a very likely chance if a girl does that, it's because she thinks of you as a friend... that's what friends do, they support each other when they are in pain. We don't have some psychic powers to know that guys are interested in us without them saying.

And everything I've heard about being 'friend zoned' in the sense that the OP is meaning, is just a defence mechanism for when a guy asks a girl out and she isn't interested... they seem to think if they said sooner she would have been. This just doesn't happen, they either are interested in you are aren't.
The thing is, guys really don't relate to one another like that, and they generally don't relate to women like that either, unless they're A, family, or B, their mate. If a guy is sharing feelings, letting the girl cry on his shoulder, and basically being there through every little problem, chances are that he sees her as more than a friend well, he could also be gay.... I'm not saying that male friends won't be there for their female friends when a problem comes up, but it's going to be for major problems, not for every little bit of he-said-she-said.
I'm always there for all my female friends if they need to talk about any problem, and I have no interest in any of them. I do it because I care about my friends, and know they would return the favor if I need it, and many of them have.
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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May 22, 2010
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classygangster said:
Calcium said:
I havn't heard the expression 'Friend Zone' before, but I'm best friends with a girl and so I'd have to say that claiming to be friends with a girl is not ficticious. Not saying that this is your view - I get the impression I'm not fully understading the thread.

Other people I know go straight to dating, then end up awkward friends.
I'm not trying to be a creeper, but uhm who old are? Your response makes you seem really young...
Protip: The age is often available on a person's profile. He's apparently either 20 or very close to it.

Edit: Derp, he's 19, but will be 20 in July. And here I'm the one who said to check the profile...
 

Owyn_Merrilin

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May 22, 2010
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artanis_neravar said:
Owyn_Merrilin said:
AnkaraTheFallen said:
AzrealMaximillion said:
It's not just a defence mechanism for guys who get rejected. You don't even have to ask out the girl to be put in the friend zone. For example you're they guy she goes to when her boyfriend hurts her. The guy she shares her feelings with. She breaks up with her boyfriend and cries on your shoulder. Then goes back to the disrespectful ex. You can't say that all girls are so naive that they can't tell when someone has feelings for them.
I'm sorry, but there is a very likely chance if a girl does that, it's because she thinks of you as a friend... that's what friends do, they support each other when they are in pain. We don't have some psychic powers to know that guys are interested in us without them saying.

And everything I've heard about being 'friend zoned' in the sense that the OP is meaning, is just a defence mechanism for when a guy asks a girl out and she isn't interested... they seem to think if they said sooner she would have been. This just doesn't happen, they either are interested in you are aren't.
The thing is, guys really don't relate to one another like that, and they generally don't relate to women like that either, unless they're A, family, or B, their mate. If a guy is sharing feelings, letting the girl cry on his shoulder, and basically being there through every little problem, chances are that he sees her as more than a friend well, he could also be gay.... I'm not saying that male friends won't be there for their female friends when a problem comes up, but it's going to be for major problems, not for every little bit of he-said-she-said.
I'm always there for all my female friends if they need to talk about any problem, and I have no interest in any of them. I do it because I care about my friends, and know they would return the favor if I need it, and many of them have.
Being there for your female friends is one thing; making yourself completely available, listening to every single little thing, and taking every chance you get to hug them is something else.

Edit: It's the difference between paying attention to a girl, and showering it on her.