Fifty Shades of Grey 999 call spike expected by London Fire Brigade

[Parasondox]

Common Sense? What the fuck is that?!

To my morning surprise, I woke up to this strange news;

Firefighters have said they are anticipating an increase in call-outs with the release of Fifty Shades of Grey at the cinema.

London Fire Brigade (LFB) said it was "concerned" the 13 February release could lead to a "spike" in people being stuck or trapped in handcuffs or rings.

Since April it has attended 393 such incidents.

LFB said people should use "common sense" but always call 999 in a genuine emergency.

The film, based on the novel by EL James, has been described as a "mummy-porn romance" and follows an affair between student Anastasia Steele and billionaire Christian Grey.

Dave Brown from LFB said: "The Fifty Shades effect seems to spike handcuff incidents so we hope film-goers will use common sense and avoid leaving themselves red-faced.

Since April 2013 the capital's fire crews have:
Attended 28 incidents involving people being trapped in handcuffs
Removed 293 rings, including seven from male genitalia
Attended other incidents, including releasing men's genitals from toasters or vacuum cleaners

Source: BBC News - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-31428072

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS ANYMORE!! A toaster? A toaster? You put your, sorry let me get back on point.

Firstly, I know many of us want to kink up our sex lives and if your sex life is already kinky, enjoy it but no one should be getting their inspiration from a Twilight fan fiction.

Secondly, do people not use common sense any more or is that just too "old fashioned".

Thirdly, good luck to the LFB for dealing with idiots. I know half the time they just want to smack some sense into people for stupid shit but they have to get through it.

Fourthly, A toaster? What was your excuse? "ehh I was cleaning, then I slipped and my penis got caught in there and broke my fall. Yep, that's what happened".

So tell us what you think and just go for it.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

I think that people who end up in these situations really should be put in some sort of yearly book of shame. That would probably cut down on all of these idiotic incidents.

It's not a lack of common sense it seems to be more the problem with a certain percentage of people just copying what they see on the cinema or television screen.

All that said I'm sure the US has just as many 911 calls about the same things. But a toaster!? What a way to give your tallywacker a tan!

 

[Zhukov]

The real question is, was the toaster turned on when he stuck his tackle in it?

 

[Thaluikhain]

Eh, lots of people get things stuck in their backsides and have to go to hospital. Seriously, flared bases so they can't go the whole way in are their for a reason.

In any case, common sense isn't common, and anyway tends to mean "what I think".

Now, if 50 Shades featured a scene where the people get stuck in handcuffs and its really embarrassing and have to get rescued, maybe people might take it more seriously.

 

[Parasondox]

The real question is, was the toaster turned on when he stuck his tackle in it?

Turned on electrically or sexually?

 

[Zhukov]

The real question is, was the toaster turned on when he stuck his tackle in it?

Turned on electrically or sexually?

Both, ideally.

Toasters deserve to be love too, you know.

 

[Parasondox]

The real question is, was the toaster turned on when he stuck his tackle in it?

Turned on electrically or sexually?

Both, ideally.

Toasters deserve to be love too, you know.

Hey, if it floats their boat and the toaster consents then go for it. I have seen and heard stranger fetishes.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Secondly, do people not use common sense any more or is that just too "old fashioned".

Dunno about the whole toaster bit (Although I recall people being arrested for shoving their dicks in holes in park benches, and having to go to the hospital after giving the food disposal a whirl; while some woman thought it would be a good idea to stick a dildo on a powersaw...), but a lot of people don't seem to understand that BDSM requires a lot of forethought and preparation. You can't just go, 'Hey, I kind of feel like tying you up! Won't that be fun?' You have to practice tying the knots, and you have to treat the rope so that it won't damage the skin, and you have to be very careful about just how tightly you pull it so that it doesn't cut off blood flow. For some examples.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Wait, all of this happened BEFORE the film is released???

Yesh I guess there should be a disclaimer on the book "do not try this at home"!

 

[Queen Michael]

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS ANYMORE!!

I know you didn't mean to, but you just called Fifty Shades a "nice thing," mate. (Or maybe you were talking about toasters? Yeah, now that I think of it that seems more plausible.)

 

[Thaluikhain]

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS ANYMORE!!

I know you didn't mean to, but you just called Fifty Shades a "nice thing," mate. (Or maybe you were talking about toasters? Yeah, now that I think of it that seems more plausible.)

Alternatively, a fire brigade that isn't wasting time with this sort of thing?

 

[Queen Michael]

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS ANYMORE!!

I know you didn't mean to, but you just called Fifty Shades a "nice thing," mate. (Or maybe you were talking about toasters? Yeah, now that I think of it that seems more plausible.)

Alternatively, a fire brigade that isn't wasting time with this sort of thing?

Hey, someone's gotta take care of the toasters that are stuck to idiots.

 

[Baron von Blitztank]

Anyone else think they should start applying the disclaimer from Jackass to the beginning of this movie?

Spoiler

 

[Teoes]

A toaster?! *shudders* Call me crazy but I am getting massive NOPEs off the thought of having heated metal elements clamped around my Brighton Rock. I've seen what that shit does to bread and crumpets; I'll keep the old chap uncooked, thankyouverymuch.

Shame about the upcoming spike in idiots putting themselves and others peril.

 

[sanquin]

Common sense isn't nearly as common as people might think it is. As your common sense is based on what you have learned over your life. But having basic logical reasoning skills should be expected of everyone. "This is a toaster. It has a -lot- of electricity turned into heat running through it. Could this harm my dick if I put it in there?" If your answer to that question is "no" or "I'll take the risk", then you lack basic human reasoning skills. And I will call such people retards.

 

[Gospelnut]

The real question is, was the toaster turned on when he stuck his tackle in it?

Turned on electrically or sexually?

Both, ideally.

Toasters deserve to be love too, you know.

Hey, if it floats their boat and the toaster consents then go for it. I have seen and heard stranger fetishes.

Or floats their toast as the case may be...

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I think the disturbing this is, it's freeing "Men from toasters"

Not only has it happened more than once, but it's more than one guy sticking his penis in a toaster. My God, why would anyone do that? What sexual gratification could be derived from a toaster?????

 

[Qizx]

The real question is, was the toaster turned on when he stuck his tackle in it?

Turned on electrically or sexually?

Both, ideally.

Toasters deserve to be love too, you know.

I immediately thought about this guy
http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Toaster_%28character%29

Also found here with his beautiful speeches

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6kp4zBF-Rc


EDIT: This quote is disturbingly apt for FSG

"You want some weapon schematics? I can show you some fucking weapon schematics! You want a superheated Saturnite Power Fist? I can hook that shit up!"

 

[Thaluikhain]

I think the disturbing this is, it's freeing "Men from toasters"

Not only has it happened more than once, but it's more than one guy sticking his penis in a toaster. My God, why would anyone do that? What sexual gratification could be derived from a toaster?????

Eh, you keep asking that question, people will give it a go to see why people are giving it a go.

 

[TheVampwizimp_v1legacy]

My God, why would anyone do that? What sexual gratification could be derived from a toaster?????

Clearly, you haven't watched Battlestar Galactica. Lots of hot toaster boning to be had.