First Date, Gifts From The Guy

[Proverbial Jon]

As a man, I wouldn't expect to receive or give a gift on a first date. It seems a little premature when you're just getting to know each other. I'm not into materialistic relationships.

As for paying the bill I stick with the age old method of man pays, woman shuts the hell up and keeps her money in her purse. I get the whole new age idea of splitting it because "equality," I guess it's similar to the "is holding a door open for a lady considered sexist?" debate. But hey, lady, if you can't accept a simple gesture like that then there's no hope for romance!

That said, I also feel awkward when receiving gifts. It's just not me.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I wouldn't feel comfortable accepting gifts on a first date, even if I were a girl. If I decided it wasn't going to be then I'd feel very guilty keeping them, and a part of me would feel like they were trying to buy my affection. I would never buy a girl a gift on a first date, that said, I've never really had a 'first date', my relationships just sort of happen and then we go on dates later. They seem like a horribly awkward way to start a relationship.

 

[Foolery]

Gift on the first date? Nope. Sounds like this guy is trying way too hard. You should bring your personality and good hygiene. That's it. Also, split the bill.

 

[JayElleBee]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with being given gifts on dates. I wouldn't even feel comfortable about the guy paying for the date in it's entirety. I like to pay my own way, and if some asshat 'locked my purse in his car' in order to force me into a situation that would make me uncomfortable, he can go right to hell. It's not about equality or gender roles, it's about me as a person. I don't feel right taking someone else's money and if a guy is going to deliberately hurt my pride in order to protect his own, I want nothing to do with him.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

If it's something I know they want, and I purchase it, its because I want to give it to them. Not because I feel its an obligation. Just accept the gift. I don't mind a woman offering to pay either. I'm just going to insist to pay as well.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

So, men and a women, what are your views on giving gifts on a first date?
Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?
Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?

Ah, that old thing.

My answer depends a lot on what date it is. Your example of a guy buying you a video game on a first date - yeah, that's too much. That would be awkward as hell. I would be uncomfortable accepting a gift that expensive on a first date.

On a first date, I'd accept some flowers, or maybe a cupcake. The guy can pay for the dinner and movie (although I generally prefer to split bills 50/50 on a first date) though, that doesn't bother me.

Gifts aside from food or flowers are usually pretty weird until after a relationship is established. If I've been out with someone a few times, then gifts can be exchanged. And I don't just mean guy to me - gifts go both ways. I've bought gifts and been given gifts.

 

[Little Woodsman]

So I just got done with a first date with a nice young man, although in the end we both decided that it was probably for the best to remain friends. That being said, I have a curious questions for both the males and females of the forum.

During the date, the man in question decided to purchase me a video game which of course I was happy about (Psychonauts finally). However, I always feel awkward when receiving gifts, even during Christmas. When I attempted to refuse, he said that it was annoying when a girl refuses a mans gifts during a date. As the date continued he kept trying to give me more items, but I was able to refuse all of them.

So, men and a women, what are your views on giving gifts on a first date?

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Female: How do you feel about receiving gifts? Do you feel it's rude to refuse a gift? At one point is it taken too far?

A video game seems like too much. I've given things on "first" dates that were small
and inexpensive--less than $5 monetary value. That being said, I've also never gone
out with a girl who I didn't know at least slightly...friends for a while, met at a
convention & hung out for a good little while, met at a bookstore and talked for an
amazingly long time etc.. so on the occasions where I brought gifts to our "first"
date I always knew something she liked.

 

[DugMachine]

Can't see myself ever getting a gift on the first date. Seems too much like you're trying to get something in return. And the few times I've offered gifts after a month of dating and they refuse I don't get offended. I dislike presents as well because I never feel right about accepting them.

 

[soren7550]

On our first date, I gave Mr. Boyfriend a box of brownies because it was 4/20 and because it was a nice thing to do. Likewise, he got lunch for me because it was a nice thing to do, and later we saw a movie because he wanted to do something. I didn't (and still don't) think much of it other than he was being nice. [small]Ok, that's not entirely true, I do think much of it because it was my first ever date and I wuv him a big huggy bunch, but you (hopefully) know what I mean.[/small]

He gave me an old monitor of his prior to us dating, but I don't know if that'd count (it's how we met, so there's that).

I don't know, but I figure that something like lunch and a movie is kind of a first date standard or something, right? [small]I are no know people workings.[/small]

 

[Mossberg Shotty]

I never give gifts on the first date, that's just creepy. Once a relationship is actually established, its different. I've been on both sides, and I don't really find accepting gifts from mates awkward, if it's small. Like a wristband, those are great reminders of past relationships.

But if I'm feeling like a bigshot on the first date, I'll just pay for her cinema ticket or something.

 

[LetalisK]

Of course I get a girl a gift on the first date. I'm the gift, duh.

On a serious note, about this paying for dates, wtf is this "men have to pay" vs "women can take care of their own" false dichotomy? Whoever asked should be paying. If a woman tried to even go 50/50 on a date I asked her out on I'd politely refuse because I am the one who invited her to whatever, this isn't a happy coincidence we're at the same place at the same time doing the same thing next to each other. It's my treat. I can't say my manner would be as polite if she asked me out and expected me to pay for it, though. How my wife dealt with such deadbeat pukes is beyond me.

Also, OP, glad to hear people still date. I heard it was a dying art in favor of "hanging out". That would drive me bonkers if I were single.

 

[Imper1um]

I find that gifts should be given by the general time spent thus far. First date? A single trimmed rose is a nice, romantic gesture. Its not difficult to hold, it has a fragrance that can be enjoyed in the morning for a smile, and its not too daunting; its not expensive or flashy. The important thing is to note that you shouldn't give a gift every time, since if you are consistently giving gifts, the one time you don't give a gift, its a disappointment.

Btw, if you are consistently giving gifts every date, and then one time you stop and she gets mad, you probably should find someone else...she is just using you for your gifts.

 

[Chris Tian]

Women psychology called. You not paying for things whilst getting to know her is a great way to ruin your chances.

No one cares if it's a fair or well-grounded tradition. It's there. You'll have to deal with it.
It's about you taking the reins and (almost) any woman will appreciate that and find that attractive.

Instead of making it another "gender issue" (and essentially doing the same thing feminists are doing), roll with it and use it to your advantage and as an opportunity to attract her.

By sticking to thoughts like "I won't do X because gender roles" you're only going to be shooting yourself in the foot.

Thats just nonesense, taking the reins does not mean you have to pay her for being with you, and thats always the undertone I get when I hear "Men have to pay for everything". I am doing fine dating wise so it seems your point "men have to pay if they want to have a chance at a women" doesn't really hold water.


OT: I hardly ever pay for anything on a first date, maybe small stuff like a drink or the like. For me that always gives off a "paying her for being eith you" vibe, a first date is about getting to know each other, and she wants to get to know me as much as I want to get to know her, so why should I have to pay for that.

On the other hand I never do cliche dates like movies or dinner, for me those activitys are really inappropriate for a first date.

 

[GonzoGamer]

Have you ever actually had a girl run away screaming? They should at least try and be polite.

Not a girl, no, but I have run into some pretty arachnophobic people. Not just 'eek, spiders are cross!', but legitimate phobias.

I'm not sure but I think arachnophobia is actually THE single most common phobia. But I wonder how many people translate "eek, that's gross" into "I have a phobia."

 

[Muspelheim]

Not on the first date, no. Would feel a bit awkward. I'd have no idea what the Gentledy would like, first of all.

As for the bill, I'd offer to pick it up, but with a tactful amount of room to offer another arrangement without it becoming an awkward discussion over the bill.

Oh, and LetalisK just saved my evening. Go you, Sir!

 

[Vale]

I am the kind of crazy that hates getting things from others for free because then I feel like a failure who can't even get shit they want for themselves.

... other than that, I have yet to impress another person in any meaningful way aside from abject horror and I have yet to pick up on society's expectations so I have no idea what I should think about giving gifts on a first date.

 

[Karlaxx]

I would cover food expenses, potentially, but I wouldn't go in with a gift I planned to give because regardless of whether or not the woman would perceive me as trying to buy their affection, I would feel that way myself and that's not what I want.

 

[search_rip]

as a male I can say that gifts are ok but NOT in the first date, however I do feel is a man's obligation to pay for the expenses of such first date (let's say movie and dinner) and not 50/50

 

[OtherSideofSky]

If someone wants me to give them gifts to 'impress' them, then they aren't worth dating. Honestly, a dating culture of expected, one-sided gift-giving is just less honest prostitution.

I will sometimes get gifts for longtime friends or someone I'm in a serious relationship with, even if there's no special occasion to motivate it, and sometimes others will do the same for me, but that's a celebration of a relationship we already have, not a bribe to get one started. I don't think that kind of immediate gift-giving is ever healthy, outside of certain cultural practices (bringing a gift when you first visit someone's home is expected in some places, etc).

 

[EeveeElectro]

He shouldn't have made you feel bad about refusing gifts. Pushing things on you when you're clearly uncomfortable is a dick move.
I wouldn't do it on a first date and I'd hate to be bought things from him too. I don't deal very well with receiving gifts anyway. If he wants to wait a few weeks into the relationship that's fine. I usually pay for myself and refuse them to pay for me unless I'm seriously on my arse, money wise.