Florida cops Taser naked burglar who pooped and masturbated when homeowner pulled a gun

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Furbyz

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Oct 12, 2009
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Deputies in Fort Meyers say they Tasered and then arrested a naked Florida man who broke into a home to steal a television but then masturbated and defecated after the homeowner pulled a gun.

Lee County Sheriff's deputies said they were called to a home in North Fort Myers on Monday after the resident heard noises on the roof of his home, according to WTSP. The victim went outside where 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni allegedly jumped from the roof and knocked him down.

"He dropped off my roof and run right in my house," the homeowner said in a 911 call obtained by WBBH.

The victims said that Bruni, who was naked, ran into the living room and broke a 72-inch television in the process of pulling it off of the wall. The suspect then spilled a the contents of a wet/dry vacuum onto the floor.

As Bruni was allegedly headed to where guns were stored in the son?s bedroom, the wife fired three shots from a .38 revolver, possibly as a warning.

An arrest report indicated that Bruni fell to the floor and began masturbating. He then ran to the son's room and rubbed his face with clothing.

"He's laying on my floor," the homeowner told 911 operators. "He run in my fucking house naked, hooting and hollering and tearing shit up."

The husband retrieved a 12-guage shotgun and held Bruni at gun point until police arrived, according to the arrest report.

"Lay down, ************, lay down," the husband could be heard shouting.

When deputies arrived, they said Bruni was flailing around on the floor and not making any sense. At one point, he sucked the water from the spilled vacuum into his mouth and spit it back out. Bruni was eventually shocked with a Taser after he tried to flee several times.

"Deputies later discovered Bruni defecated near the front door and in a hallway inside the residence," WTSP reported.

The suspect was taken to Lee Memorial Hospital, but doctors had not yet been able to determine "what Bruni was on." As of Tuesday, Bruni was still at the hospital. He was facing charges of two counts of Criminal Mischief, Battery, Occupied Burglary and resisting without violence.

Source: [link]http://s.tt/1yQK6[/link]
After finishing laughing hysterically at this article, the only thing I could think is that some cosmic force or coincidence allowed Yakety Sax to be playing the entire time. I can easily see the whole thing playing out like something from Benny Hill. I realize this was probably very unsettling for the people involved, and it probably could've turned out a lot more serious. This guy had to have been either on something or mentally disturbed.
 

Andy Shandy

Fucked if I know
Jun 7, 2010
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I feel this gif should rightfully return for this story.



I mean, I don't even know where to begin with this.

At first, I wondered if it was some sort of satire a la The Onion, but no, this is an actual, legitimate story.

I have no words for this.
 

Furbyz

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Andy Shandy said:
I feel this gif should rightfully retutn for this story.



I mean, I don't even know where to begin with this.

At first, I wondered if it was some sort of satire a la The Onion, but no, this is an actual, legitimate story.

I have no words for this.
Exactly! Halfway through posting this, I realized that it had to be fake. But then I actually looked at the site and it seemed legitimate. And they had the local news report.

Wonderful .gif for this situation.
 

shrekfan246

Not actually a Japanese pop star
May 26, 2011
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I wonder what's in the water down there aside from swamp scum.

There's gotta be something.

You don't hear crazy stories like this coming from Vermont. (I hope, at least.)
 

BathorysGraveland

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Dec 7, 2011
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I wonder if this is another case of that bath salts shit that was getting a lot of coverage not long ago. Sounds rather similar indeed. I feel somewhat sorry for the dude though, drugs really messes one up and how fucked must you be beforehand to actually take such shit?
 

Hero in a half shell

It's not easy being green
Dec 30, 2009
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Opened this thread thinking it was someone annoyed with all the recent gun threads making a point by posting an obviously satirical headline.

I was wrong.
 

Quaxar

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Sep 21, 2009
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So this isn't an Onion article! By His noodle appendages, this family must have had one hell of a night.
 

Frission

Until I get thrown out.
May 16, 2011
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Truth is stranger than fiction indeed.

Was the guy on bath salts or something?
 

Sixcess

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Furbyz said:
Gregory Matthew Bruni
Poor bastard. For the rest of his life this story is likely to the number one result for anyone googling his name.

I mean... how would you ever live that down?
 

thejarofdirt882

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May 2, 2012
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You couldn't make this stuff up could ya? Do they put something in the water down there or what?

Also that the most intriguing thread title I think I've ever seen OP. Makes us think it's gonna completely insane satire and instead it's even further out there real life.

Captcha: EVIL GENIUS

He could well be captcha couldn't he?
 

Furbyz

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thejarofdirt882 said:
You couldn't make this stuff up could ya? Do they put something in the water down there or what?

Also that the most intriguing thread title I think I've ever seen OP. Makes us think it's gonna completely insane satire and instead it's even further out there real life.

Captcha: EVIL GENIUS

He could well be captcha couldn't he?
I can take no credit for the title. It's just the headline of the article. No need to fix what isn't broken.
 

Erttheking

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Oct 5, 2011
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http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/25576320.jpg

I...I just...to quote Frezia from DBZ abridged "Huh...that happened."...that's really all I can say about the situation. I'm at a loss for words.
 

Fiz_The_Toaster

books, Books, BOOKS
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I know I chuckled half way through that article, I mean seriously, what the fuck?

I seriously thought it was a joke thread or something from The Onion, but apparently not. Those must be some really good drugs that he was on for him to act like something from a cartoon.

Oh Florida, you so crazy! :D
 

Doclector

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Aug 22, 2009
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Somebody call Nash, this shit just has to be in the next "What the fuck is wrong with you?" episode.
 

Berithil

Maintenence Man of the Universe
Mar 19, 2009
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Wow...

I don't even...

Wut?

I'm still laughing as I type this. I, like a lot of people, thought this was a satire article. What is wrong with people nowadays? I mean... Just...


What?!
 

Arcadian Legend

Blame your fate!
Jan 9, 2012
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What the- how do you even begin to respond to this? One thing it reminds me of is the bath salts fiasco from a while back, minus the face eating of course. Regardless, I'm in an erratic cycle of wut'ing and laughing here.