Florida cops Taser naked burglar who pooped and masturbated when homeowner pulled a gun

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Frezzato

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Oct 17, 2012
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blacorebea said:
I wonder if this is another case of that bath salts shit that was getting a lot of coverage not long ago.
I live in Miami and I can tell you that no, this probably isn't another case of bath salts. It sounds like Florida being Florida.

The Ft. Myers/Cape Coral area is kind of notorious for being filled with a lot of, err, "fringe" people you could say. A lot of those true-life murder mystery shows cover cases that are mostly from Florida, either the west coast area (Tampa, and a little further south) or the east coast, usually a city with the word 'Palm' or 'Beach' in the name.

Also, meth has become a real problem in the Tampa area from what I've read/heard/seen.

Mind you, I'm not saying that Miami isn't full of stupid crap. We mostly have stupidly aggressive drivers here or retards who think they're starring in The Fast and the Furious.

/rant
 

Darren716

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Jul 7, 2011
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As much insanity that comes out of Florida I'm glad it exists because I tend to laugh my ass off when the really insane shit happens.
 

Kopikatsu

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May 27, 2010
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I just want to say, I've spent the majority of my life in Florida and still live there. It's really not that bad, although most people REALLY need to put on some pants.

Not entirely relevant; in Florida, it's illegal to live with someone and have sex with them if you aren't married, and everything except for missionary position is illegal. Both are second-degree misdomeaners, punishable by up to two months in jail and/or a $1,000 fine.

Also, it's illegal to have sex with porcupines. No, I don't mean as part of a bestiality statue, porcupines explicitly. And people still have trouble following even that one. [http://rt.com/usa/news/porcupine-takes-revenge-on-tourists-breaking-sex-law/]
 

White Lightning

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Feb 9, 2012
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What a champion, truly a king among men. Most people would cry or scream when a gun is pulled on them. This guy? Fuck that, danger like that only serves to get him off.
 

Ryotknife

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Oct 15, 2011
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(shakes head)

Florida, enough said. First a legimate zombie attack, and now this. There is something about that state that makes people go crazy. Actually any state that is mostly a swamp seems to have a high level of crazies.
 

RJ 17

The Sound of Silence
Nov 27, 2011
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Sixcess said:
Furbyz said:
Gregory Matthew Bruni
Poor bastard. For the rest of his life this story is likely to the number one result for anyone googling his name.

I mean... how would you ever live that down?
You ssy that as though you expect he'd actually care. I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure that when you're to the point when you're running around naked on someone's roof only to pounce them when they come out to investigate, run inside, poop by the front door, smash a TV, empty a wet-vac, poop again in the hallway, then masturbate at gunpoint, you're loooooooooong past the point of caring about what others think about where your life is going.

He's either blissfully insane or blissfully drugged up. Not a care in the world.
 

Black Reaper

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Aug 19, 2011
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This will make for some pretty awkward conversations
"Hey man whats up,how you doing"
"not so good,a guy broke into my house,shit on my front yard,broke my tv and got itchy in his GIGANTIC TAGER while the police were laughing their asses off on the phone"
Captcha:Cream and sugar
 

godofallu

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Jun 8, 2010
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If I was the Husband the entire time I would just be thinking about how badly I wanted to shoot the guy. Stupid society protecting people like that.
 

CommanderL

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May 12, 2011
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this is brilliant I cant stop laughing its just crazy it would make for intresting talk though
 

Dracthor

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Jan 10, 2013
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I realy hope that everything works out well for the family, even if it is all covered it's still a pain to clean and replace all that stuff.
 

Zanderinfal

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Nov 21, 2009
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Well, fuck. I am left without words. I wonder, what the hell was going through that guy's mind.
"LOL IMMA BREK IN TOO GAIZ HOUSE N JAK OFF N FRONT OF HOME OWNER LOOLLLLLL!!!1!!one!!eleven!!@#$"

I just don't know what to say.
 

DanielBrown

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Dec 3, 2010
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Might be missing the point, but 72" TV?
Damn! Why would anybody need such a huge TV? Can't be good for your eyes.
 

King of Asgaard

Vae Victis, Woe to the Conquered
Oct 31, 2011
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Doclector said:
Somebody call Nash, this shit just has to be in the next "What the fuck is wrong with you?" episode.
Was about to say this very thing, I will be very disappointed if the next couple of WTFIWWY episodes don't feature it.
 

barbzilla

He who speaks words from mouth!
Dec 6, 2010
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In before the "'Murica" crap starts...

As for Florida, I don't know what is going on. All three people in my house right now were born and raised in Florida. We all have IQs above 140 (with my friend at a whopping 183), on the other hand, I am sure the cumulative IQ in my neighbors house (also 3 people) is lower than just my friend's IQ. It seems that we have a large number of extreme intelligence cases in Florida (one way or the other) with few in between.

To everyone calling out bath salts for the cause, I highly doubt it. I have three main reasons this one isn't likely to be caused by it (same thing with all the previous cases where they cited bath salts as the cause).

-Bath salts work in the same way that drugs like cocaine work. They are stimulants that are likely to make you hyper active, lose the desire to eat, lose the desire to sleep, and you have a strong desire to re-dose (because of the euphoria related to stimulants). Bath salts have not shown any proof of strong hallucinations other than anecdotal evidence of hallucinations caused by lack of sleep.

-Bath salts are not currently able to be tested for as there is no official bath salts recipe. There are multiple chemicals that they use to produce different types of "bath salts" that all produce similar effects. The patients who where given drug tests at the hospitals use the typical 7 drug screening that the police do. It tests for the 7 commonly abused drugs and that is it. Without knowing what to look for in the blood we can't find it.

-Bath salts have a very short half life. All of the reports of crazy stuff happening linked to bath salts are extremely gone on something that has a very long half life (8+ hours from reports). (half life being the amount of time that you feel the effects of the drug in your system, not the amount of time that the physical drug is in your system. For example pot has a half life of 4-6 hours, but stays in your urine for up to a month [usually less] and in your blood for up to 3 months.)

That isn't to say these people weren't taking bath salts. I believe they were actually taking them, as they admitted to taking them. I have a feeling it is from a drug interaction with something already in their systems. Perhaps a prescription they were all on or a disease they had. The media however doesn't want to report all the facts. The media in America likes to only tell us the parts that they can sensationalize and make money off of, and that is the real problem in America right now. More so than the people.

OT: I would love to have heard the police dispatcher trying to tell the deputy what he was in for.

Dispatcher: Okay we have a 211 with a possible... um... whats the code for fetal position masturbation and uh.... I think he took a crap on the carpet.

Deputy: Um... I am supposed to be putting down a dog or stopping a robbery?

Dispatcher: I'm not sure, maybe both?
 

Not Matt

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Nov 3, 2011
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This is one of those headlines journalists dream of writing atleast once in their carrier