For fans of The Zombie Survival Guide

[Escapefromwhatever]

There's an armory at my school for students to store their guns so I'd probably so there first to see what I could steal. Then to the closest grocery store for food and then to one of the dorms for shelter since students would probably try and leave so I could get food from their rooms if need be. I'd like to stay in my apartment, but it would be a terrible place to hide.

You'd go to a grocery store during a zombie apocolypse? Are you crazy? Its full of people, has close corners, and very limited entrances and exits. You'd be one of the first to be zombified. However, the school idea is good, although a high school would be better. High schools have: Auto-locks, security cameras, buzzers for survivors to identify themselves, auto-closing fire-doors, some barred entrances and exits, food and water, chemicals that can be weaponized, and education (though it may not be quality education) for posterity. In a realistic situation, I'd gather my survivors and head to the local high school first, and then I'd plan out my next moves with my crew.

 

[ExaltedK9]

I'd grab a crowbar, a rifle, a handgun, combat knife, ammo, seeds, soil, camping and climbing gear, compass, a few gallons of water, a filter, laptop, my cat, and load them all up in my car and drive north to middle-of-nowhere, US/Canada.

Get into an apartment complex, destroy the stairs leading up, build a rope ladder, plant crops up there, and wait it out for the handful of years it would take for the zombies to die again.

This. Except I would be sure to bring at least 2 cats...just to be safe.

I'd like to ask, why cats? and why 2 of them?

Why in case something happens to the first one of course! But I don't even really like cat's at all, I'm allergic.

See, that's a good reason. Die from your allergies, not teeth in your throat.

...You do know what allergy induced asthma attacks do don't you? It's pretty hellish, if I had the choice I would rather take the zombie death. But i would probably take the cats to use as throwing projectiles, those things can tear stuff up.

Oh, I know man, I'm asmathic, and suffer from ludacris allergies, like grass...I mowed the lawn once, and wound up in the hospital...anyways, personally, my feeling is, if I die cuz of something I'm allergic too, (grass, in my case) I won't reanimate as grass. That'd be my preference

I had not considered that. Wait...cats can contract the T-virus can't they? or whatever the virus is? They are mammals. And I do have a cat (that im allergic to) and it is pregnant (with more cats that I will be allergic to). And I cringe at the thought of being turned by a cat...More cannon fodder I guess.

Dude, if you got turned by a cat, everyone in (enter the name of 'heaven' or its equivalent in accordance with your religion, or lack thereof, respectivly) would make fun of you for eternity. Imagine: "Oh you got hit by a truck? That ain't so bad. Exalted got turned into a Zombie...by a kitten."

I hadn't considered that either. K9 is my nickname in real life too. Oh the irony!

Hey, brother, no disrespect, but this whole convo has had me laughing so hard, I'm hoping I die soon, cuz nothing will ever be this funny again.

Well if the zombapocalypse comes as soon as I think it will (three to four weeks I'm hoping) we will have plenty to laugh at. Or well be dead like I realistically predict.

Shit, bro, I ain't scared of a few Zombies...Now alot of zombies, yeah, that scares me, but not a few...

Zombie apocalypse=more than a few.

 

[angryscotsman93]

Personally, I wouldn't worry a bit. The zombie-creation mechanism outlined in the Zombie Survival Guide is anatomically infeasible. A human body can't function on electricity alone. In order to make muscles move, you need oxygen, which must be delivered by a functioning circulatory system, and fuel in the form of sugars, which requires a digestive system. Basically, if you want a human body to move, it needs to be alive. No offense to Mr. Brooks, but logic has completely averted the zombie apocalypse.

'Tis true, but two points need to be made:

1. The zombies inside the ZSG (you know, the guide) DO have lungs and do breathe: it's just that they state that the zombies don't need to do so. Obviously, some changes need to be made, but it could POSSIBLY work, with some adjustments.

2. You have to remember that this is a parody book that Mr. Brooks made to mock survival guides; not a word of this is meant to be taken seriously. I know that you probably know this, I just think it bears repeating.

 

[Paulrus_Keaton]

It depends when I notice the undead.

If I'm among the first, i'll ransack Walmart for supplies and hide out in a village town north of here.

Next step, i'll probably end up with some good old boys and do this. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F83GtW-FVC8]

 

[JWAN]

Just get my shotgun ready, I've dreamed of this moment

remember, a shotgun is also a club lol

Ah yes this is true, but exploding heads are soooooooooo cool...I'll use the .22 as a club that things pretty much useless

REMEMBER the .22LR is used by most hit men because the bullets go in but dont come out i.e skull shot

 

[RagnorakTres]

First, I steal a truck from the truckyard outside my town. Second, I drive around the area, picking up whatever friends and family I can, especially my best friend who is a weapon nut. Third, we raid Wal-Mart, Meijer, Kroger, Cabella's, and Bass Pro Shop for food and supplies (ammo, survival gear, et cetera). Finally, Yukon, here we come.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

In March and April of this year, there has been an epidemic of Swine Flu spread from Mexico to the U.S., but lets say its Solanum....and they're coming. What will you do the second you read this message or hear from a friend or family that there's mass cannibalism happening or there's hordes of shuffling bodies moving and attacking people? Where will you go?

Me? I'm headin' north where its cold, got all my supplies ready. I'm not nuts but I do get paranoid easy, not sure why.

This. I also would always keep two knives and a katana on me at all times, and I'd try to bring along everyone that I know.

Also, bikes are better than cars. Cars are noisy, noise attracts zombies.

 

[Indeed]

All I need is my machete, a few beers, and a lawn chair. Sit, sip, slash. The triple S never fails.

 

[IxionIndustries]

No. Fuck this shit. We have had enough of the "what would you do in a zombie apocalypse" threads. No fucking more you unoriginal bastards!

I must concur my dear sir! (Hehe, rhyming is fun.)
*Pulls out a shotgun* I was going to save this for the zombies, but the OP deserves it far more!

 

[Panzer_God]

Go to my friend's house and take his crowbar, buy a .22 bolt-action rifle, stock up on supplies, and start driving north. Canada, here I come.

 

[9NineBreaker9]

-THE SNIPS-.

well im just sayin for the sake of IF ya know?

Didn't mean to rain on your parade there, but somebody needed to say it. Stipulating, then an alternate reality where this could actually occur, I still wouldn't worry. I live in northern Idaho. In addition to being not the warmest place in the country, I'm surrounded by natural barriers: the Rockies on three sides and a really big lake on the other. And if that's not enough, my region is probably in the top five most heavily armed geographical regions in the US, if not the world. I don't personally know of more than ten households in the county that don't have any guns in them, and most have several. So the zombie scourge stands twice-defeated. Boo-ya!

Exactly why I'm unafraid of this idea - I'm in Idaho, too, and have three guns hanging above my seat. I can just tear one down and go up to survive an hour away.

It's kind of like camping, only, instead of shooting random animals, you're shooting reanimated corpses... either way, a headshot is a beautiful thing.

 

[Cuniculus]

I'm on a military base, and have plenty of guns and ammo. Bunker down and ride it out. Besides, an Air Force base is where you want to be if some shit like that happens. Planes can fly directly in, and out. Bring supplies from other areas. The only reason bases go down so hard in the movies is because no one knows about the bite transference... I DO. So if you're bitten, you're out of luck.

 

[dalek sec]

No. Fuck this shit. We have had enough of the "what would you do in a zombie apocalypse" threads. No fucking more you unoriginal bastards!

I'm sorry but I have to agree, this is getting way the hell out of hand.

 

[Shaoken]

My friends and I would head to an oil platform with some supplies, including a salt water purifier, fishing gear, and weaponry (just in case).

A sturdy fortress in the middle of nowhere with fuel, food (fish), various salvagable materials, water (if you purify it), and entrances that are virtually unreachable by zombies (or at least easily defended from zombies)- can you say epic survival solution? Also works in the event of nuclear war. Alternatively, if I could get a relatively large yacht or, even better, a military ship, that would also work.

You do realise of course that the salt water will eventually render the Oil Rig inhospitital after a few years? And that one good storm will screw you over and destroy the rig?

The ZSG is right, the Oil Rig is only a temporary solution; eventually you'll have to go back to land and navigate the zombie wasteland to survive.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

You know what? The best thing to do would be to hole up in a prison. Clean the place out if there are any zombies, secure it, fortify it, plant lots of vegetables inside a defensible perimeter with multiple gates if possible. Put up a big sign that says "DEFENSIBLE FORTRESS, NO ZOMBIES! LADIES GET IN FREE!*" and you're set for life. You might not even have to kill any zombies. You'd have to beware of bandits though, and you'd need a decent amount of weapons (both melee and ranged). And if there's a generator, you might even have electricity.


* = Yet another in my series of bad jokes.

 

[SplattererRoss]

I would gather a group of hardy survivors from diverse backgrounds that use their wits to outsmart the zombies and find a complicated (obvious) cure.

But seriously, I would whip out my trusty set of knives, get my spiked shoes, and gather light food and painkillers. I would probably use the double garbage bag technique for water from the nuclear survival guide. I would grab my dad's sword and head out to the cutlery shop. After that I'd gather more of my smaller friends (conserving food and water!), gather maps, and head to an NRA gathering.

 

[aussiesniper]

Just get my shotgun ready, I've dreamed of this moment

remember, a shotgun is also a club lol

Ah yes this is true, but exploding heads are soooooooooo cool...I'll use the .22 as a club that things pretty much useless

.22 is certainly not useless. A successful headshot would most likely ricochet around inside the skull maximizing damage to the brain. Besides, the ammo is light, so you can carry more.

That isn't true. A .22 will simply stop when it hits the back of the head due to the tiny, blunt bullet being slowed by the brain and initial layer of bone. It will also not penetrate the skull past 200 metres.

In short, the .22 is useless, and if you want a light-caliber rifle for zombie hunting, you'd best get a 5.56x45 rifle.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

Just get my shotgun ready, I've dreamed of this moment

remember, a shotgun is also a club lol

Ah yes this is true, but exploding heads are soooooooooo cool...I'll use the .22 as a club that things pretty much useless

.22 is certainly not useless. A successful headshot would most likely ricochet around inside the skull maximizing damage to the brain. Besides, the ammo is light, so you can carry more.

That isn't true. A .22 will simply stop when it hits the back of the head due to the tiny, blunt bullet being slowed by the brain and initial layer of bone. It will also not penetrate the skull past 200 metres.

In short, the .22 is useless, and if you want a light-caliber rifle for zombie hunting, you'd best get a 5.56x45 rifle.

What you need is a bullet and gun with enough power to destroy the brain but not cause too much mess, as too much mess can spread infection.

But lots of mess is better than having to shoot twice.