Friend dating sister

[G-Dragon]

well, it would be a little weird if my friend dated my sister, but thats because my sister is super annoying and i cant see my friend wanting to spend time with her. as for the morality behind your friend dating your sister, there is nothing wrong with it, better to be someone you know and trust than someone else, but the part about him making out with people and the fact that he was hiding it for so long negates the trust. all in all a friend dating a sibling is fine, but not the way he did it.

 

[Sejs Cube]

Assuming your friend is a good person, and frankly why the hell are you friends with them if they're not, then it's fine.

Really it's none of your fucking business. Why the hell would it make you so mad? ... Unless you're harboring some hidden desire to date your sister yourself, in which case get some counseling.

 

[Zolrak 22]

In my opinion, he doesnt appears to be a trustworthy guy, just the fact that he kept it hidden for you must have been for a reason and the whole cheating is something you shouldnt stand iddly by watching. If I were you I would tell your sister about it and openly discuss with her what he is like(I happen to have a sister 2 years older too, so I can see where it might seem wrong to give advice to someone who's older, but that shouldnt stop you).Just dont go on a rampage hitting stuff for in the long run that wont help much.

 

[MercurySteam]

You do realise this is The Escapist forums? Things like this should be discussed on a website that has already been condemned to hell. Like 4chan.

However, if I was in your position then I'd probably kick his teeth in.

 

[Seldon2639]

Imagine if you had a relationship with someone going and you loved that person, and a sibling interfered and without even consulting you to ask you how you felt put your lover in the hospital because it was "in your best interest, because I saw her cheat". How would you feel? At the very least you would have probably liked your sibling to sit down and have a calm, rational chat with you about the situation before taking action.

Again, you're focused solely on the question of whether the OP should harm his former friend because of the cheating. I'm saying I agree with you on that count. The OP should not intervene "for" his sister. But he can certainly put the guy in the hospital for his breach of friendship and honor. You're focused solely on the "sister-boyfriend" relationship, ignoring that the "OP-friend" relationship came first.

I completely agree with you that there should be a segregation between the relationships. The OP-friend relationship shouldn't influence nor be influenced by the sister-friend relationship. But, if you accept that, stop trying to conflate them. The OP can beat the unholy hell out of his former-friend, and for reasons entirely divorced from the sister-friend relationship.

If my brother beat the crap out of a girl for cheating on me, I might object a bit. If he beat the crap out of a girl because the girl mistreated him I would have no cause to object (as you've stated)

It's still wrong. Anyone who beats someone up over "friendship/honour" is a tossbag.

*shrugs*. Perhaps putting someone in the hospital would be an overreaction. But shunning him, and calling him a raging douchebag at every opportunity doesn't seem very out of line.

 

[BonsaiK]

Imagine if you had a relationship with someone going and you loved that person, and a sibling interfered and without even consulting you to ask you how you felt put your lover in the hospital because it was "in your best interest, because I saw her cheat". How would you feel? At the very least you would have probably liked your sibling to sit down and have a calm, rational chat with you about the situation before taking action.

Again, you're focused solely on the question of whether the OP should harm his former friend because of the cheating. I'm saying I agree with you on that count. The OP should not intervene "for" his sister. But he can certainly put the guy in the hospital for his breach of friendship and honor. You're focused solely on the "sister-boyfriend" relationship, ignoring that the "OP-friend" relationship came first.

I completely agree with you that there should be a segregation between the relationships. The OP-friend relationship shouldn't influence nor be influenced by the sister-friend relationship. But, if you accept that, stop trying to conflate them. The OP can beat the unholy hell out of his former-friend, and for reasons entirely divorced from the sister-friend relationship.

If my brother beat the crap out of a girl for cheating on me, I might object a bit. If he beat the crap out of a girl because the girl mistreated him I would have no cause to object (as you've stated)

It's still wrong. Anyone who beats someone up over "friendship/honour" is a tossbag.

*shrugs*. Perhaps putting someone in the hospital would be an overreaction. But shunning him, and calling him a raging douchebag at every opportunity doesn't seem very out of line.

Just seems like a wasted opportunity to behave like an adult if you ask me. Why not talk to the guy and sort things out properly. Shunning someone, calling them an idiot or beating them up sorts out nothing and just makes things worse because it just gives them a justification for lame revenge/retribution stuff later on. Act like an adult instead, it's better for everyone in the long run.

 

[Seldon2639]

Just seems like a wasted opportunity to behave like an adult if you ask me. Why not talk to the guy and sort things out properly. Shunning someone, calling them an idiot or beating them up sorts out nothing and just makes things worse because it just gives them a justification for lame revenge/retribution stuff later on. Act like an adult instead, it's better for everyone in the long run.

Wouldn't the better time for people to act like adults and sort things out properly have been when the friend was considering going behind the OP's back and dating/ostensibly cheating on his sister?

I understand your point in general, but I can't imagine there's a way to sort this out like "adults" which would satisfy the OP, and to which the friend would agree. The OP wants some recompense for having been lied to, and having his friend act poorly toward him. The friend (likely) wants recognition of his autonomy, and wants there to be as little fallout as possible. The OP isn't going to agree that the friend did nothing wrong, and the friend isn't going to capitulate.

In my posts, I've been skipping over the almost inevitably useless mediation stage. At the end of the day, the chips will be on the table, and the OP has to decide whether to play his righteous indignation to the hilt or not.

 

[Elburzito]

I wouldnt hurt him in anyway because that will turn out horribly(trust me).

Kick your sisters ass for dating him.

Or buy a chastity belt and put it on her at night.

 

[aarontg]

Frends eyes quickly replaced with salt lined ice picks.

 

[Therumancer]

It's disrespectful not to ask a friend before dating a family member seriously as problems with that relationship can put strain on the friendship (and vice versa). It's common decency. The OP's friend did indeed disrespect him IMO.

Now granted, under many circumstances it might be appropriate to enter into the relationship without the OP's approval. But since the two of them knew each other well enough to be friends to begin with this is a courtasy that should have been extended, and the OP does indeed have a right in the overall relationship to have an opinion.

Honestly, if you want my opinion you should do what you can to subtly frakk up their relationship. If ever questioned about this after the fact or while it's going on, make the above point. Then stop if you get a real apology.

Trust me, simply by being there your going to wind up as the middle man at some point for messages or whatever. You don't even have to be active about this. A simple "ooops I forgot" or "accidently" messing up a message or two just a little can go a long way. Don't be an absolute demon about it or anything, your making a point, not trying to incite a homicidal rage (unless you disapprove of the relationship on grounds other than being slighted and taken for granted).

 

[James Cassidy]

It's your sisters choice and she has the right to choose who she wants to be with. Regardless, you cannot make those choices and you should support your sister as much as you can. Whether he is a jerk or not, she has to learn that on her own. If you try to push her, she will push back.

People make mistakes. But before you jump the gun, make sure you find out the whole truth. If he does love your sister truthfully, then tell him that the other things he does is not acceptable.

People make mistakes, and they should have the chance to try and fix them. Problem is, no one wants to tell others these mistakes instead they rather just beat them up or punish them.

 

[Wibble]

and about the "i must ask my friend to date his sister" i dont understand it in the slightest why people think that. I mean my brother doesn't give a shit who i date.

That's because your brother is cool and understands you are your own person. My friend is very protective of his sister (you wouldn't think so from all the pieces of shit she has dated), and I'd rather keep a friend of 20 years than gain a relationship that may or may not work out in the long run. I mean, I think she is hot, but me and her have gotten into it to the point where we haven't spoken for a few months as well, and it was over something petty. It was fairly recent too, like last month. We've kind of gotten past it and now I'm helping her with her computer homework, but still. It's a very storied thing between the three of us.

Also, another guy my friend hung out with tried to hook up with her and now my friend doesn't talk to him anymore. Albeit, he wasn't very close to the guy, but it's a situation I'd just rather avoid altogether.

Fair enough, and for the record my brother is not cool, he is a poser christian loser fag. The only reason he doesn't give a shit is because he doesn't have the balls to stand up for me. having said that he also doesn't respect i am my own person cuz he intends to turn me into another braindead clone known as the average teenage girl. But it was nice of you to give him a chance.

 

[wwjdftw]

wow, some ass should be beat... >.>

when i was 14 i dated a 17 year old girl, her brother was pissed, i told him off, and i learned a few things, very very naughty things... >

 

[WorldCritic]

Sorry to hear that, hereally should have said something sooner, hope things turn out ok.