Friend dating sister

[smithy1234]

He's an all round terrible friend if he's a total jerk to her but if he's nice to her I see no problem.

 

[Naheal]

stuff

You're overthinking it.

There are three people, A, B and C.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C doesn't like B much but that doesn't matter because the relationship is between A and B. C remains supportive of A because A and C are family.

End of story.

While you would be right in a typical situation, let me add one small bit to make this more applicable to the OP's situation:

There are four people, A, B, C and D.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C finds out that B is cheating on A with D.

This no longer becomes a concern as to things that his family are up to, but a concern where his family may become hurt by a friend. Wouldn't it be better for C to at least say something to A rather than let them run into the wall themselves?

 

[JemJar]

/snip

A few thoughts:

- She's older than you and can presumably look after herself.

- The fact your friend was so keen to hide it for two months and lie to you about it before actually means he does really value your friendship.

- As others have said you should talk to him about the other girl(s) he's made out with, which is advice I'd give to anyone I knew who saw someone the knew cheating on a partner.

 

[Seldon2639]

stuff

You're overthinking it.

There are three people, A, B and C.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C doesn't like B much but that doesn't matter because the relationship is between A and B. C remains supportive of A because A and C are family.

End of story.

You're oversimplifying it

You're making an implicit assumption to support your final conclusion, or at the very least ignoring part of the conclusion itself. I'm not sure how things work in your neck of the woods, but I usually find it difficult to avoid being in close contact with my friends' and siblings' boyfriends and girlfriends. Thus, to remain "supportive" of A, would require being at least civil with B.

That's what I blanch at. I blanch at the concept that C will have to bite his tongue, hold back his actual righteous indignation, and pretend like B is anything except a complete fuckwit. I don't accept that.

You ignore that C and B were friends before B dated A (who, remember, hid it). I'm fine saying "he has to still support his sister" as long as "support his sister" can also consist of "trying to harm B as much as possible"

 

[Altorin]

stuff

You're overthinking it.

There are three people, A, B and C.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C doesn't like B much but that doesn't matter because the relationship is between A and B. C remains supportive of A because A and C are family.

End of story.

brain hurts so much.

you could have been nice enough to use names instead of letters

even Amy Brad and Colin would have made it 10 times easier to understand... in fact..

Spoiler: fixed

You're overthinking it.

There are three people, Amy, Brad and Colin.

Amy and Brad have a relationship.

Amy and Colin are family.

Brad tells Colin about Amy and Brad.

Colin goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

Colin doesn't like Brad much but that doesn't matter because the relationship is between Amy and Brad. Colin remains supportive of Amy because Amy and Colin are family.

End of story.

 

[Valiance]

So, he's dating your sister.
And lied to you about it over the course of 2 months.
And apparently has been kissing other girls, possibly more. All you saw was them kissing, but he might be doing more, amirite?
Your friends have warned him about the social implications of his actions, and he doesn't seem to give a fuck.

A person dating my sister is fine.
A friend dating my sister is fine.
A scumbag dating my sister is not fine.

 

[Altorin]

A person dating my sister is fine.
A friend dating my sister is fine.
A scumbag dating my sister is not fine.

pretty much that.

and I'd like to add

A scumbag being my friend is not fine.

 

[crudus]

Well, odds are when you date a girl it is someone's sister. Better it be your friend than random douchebag A in my opinion.

 

[Chicago Ted]

I'd be pissed at the fact that he just didn't say something sooner. If he just said before hand, that he wanted to go out with her, fine, I wouldn't see a problem with that. But keeping it behind your back like that would make me justify a massive loss of trust in him. Also, check to see if he's cheating on your sister. If he is, I say open season on his ass.

 

[megapenguinx]

What?

So it was like

[http://s793.photobucket.com/albums/yy211/thoriscoolio/?action=view&current=lol-1.jpg]

I love that picture,
Funny things aside, just tell her that your friend has been cheating on her for the past 2 months. I can see where if your sister were younger than you you'd want to defend her, but in this case I think she can take care of herself.

 

[quiet_samurai]

Get yourself a lead pipe and hit him in the knee with it. Then tell him if he is going to date your sister he better be faithful, and if not... you won't be so gentle the next time.

Seriously though, he should have asked you if it was ok first. That's an actual rule in the man law book.

 

[Altorin]

Get yourself a lead pipe and hit him in the knee with it. Then tell him if he is going to date your sister he better be faithful, and if not... you won't be so gentle the next time.

Seriously though, he should have asked you if it was ok first. That's an actual rule in the man law book.

manlaw is stupid, and this is coming from a manly man

I mean, I could benchpress your mom.. or something else manly

YEAH!

ROCKNROLL!

BRINGONTHEPAIN!

 

[Brickcups]

He disobeyed the Bro Code and did not ask you. Kick his back stabbing ass.
I do not care if he cheats on your sister with every slapper in your school. But disobeying the Bro Code is just unacceptable.

Technically it's acceptable if A) They're a step sister/mom and B) Leopard print was involved. if this isn't the case... yes he broke the holiest of codes.

 

[Caligulove]

well, Im kind of surprised that shes dating a younger guy.
Have you talked to your sister about it and see what she thinks about it? because, really... thats what matters here with their relationship.

as to the making out with another girl... then thats something to tell her about.
But if to say that your sister was OK with it... (excluding all the other stuff about him at the party) then theres no big deal and youre just going to have to get over it- you usually dont like the guys your sister dates (at least I dont for my sister)

 

[mindclockwork]

only thing that can be done and should be done is to say to yer sis that what you have seen.

other than that, if they're happy, be happy for them

 

[BonsaiK]

stuff

You're overthinking it.

There are three people, A, B and C.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C doesn't like B much but that doesn't matter because the relationship is between A and B. C remains supportive of A because A and C are family.

End of story.

While you would be right in a typical situation, let me add one small bit to make this more applicable to the OP's situation:

There are four people, A, B, C and D.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C finds out that B is cheating on A with D.

This no longer becomes a concern as to things that his family are up to, but a concern where his family may become hurt by a friend. Wouldn't it be better for C to at least say something to A rather than let them run into the wall themselves?

Say something to A, in a polite, respectful manner, with her best interests in mind, absolutely.

Act like a macho jerkoff and go around cruising for a bruising with B, no.

 

[BonsaiK]

stuff

You're overthinking it.

There are three people, A, B and C.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C doesn't like B much but that doesn't matter because the relationship is between A and B. C remains supportive of A because A and C are family.

End of story.

You're oversimplifying it

You're making an implicit assumption to support your final conclusion, or at the very least ignoring part of the conclusion itself. I'm not sure how things work in your neck of the woods, but I usually find it difficult to avoid being in close contact with my friends' and siblings' boyfriends and girlfriends. Thus, to remain "supportive" of A, would require being at least civil with B.

That's what I blanch at. I blanch at the concept that C will have to bite his tongue, hold back his actual righteous indignation, and pretend like B is anything except a complete fuckwit. I don't accept that.

You ignore that C and B were friends before B dated A (who, remember, hid it). I'm fine saying "he has to still support his sister" as long as "support his sister" can also consist of "trying to harm B as much as possible"

Imagine if you had a relationship with someone going and you loved that person, and a sibling interfered and without even consulting you to ask you how you felt put your lover in the hospital because it was "in your best interest, because I saw her cheat". How would you feel? At the very least you would have probably liked your sibling to sit down and have a calm, rational chat with you about the situation before taking action.

 

[rossatdi]

Is this something you support?

The reason i am asking, is because I just today found out that my friend had been dating my sister... for 2 months. The way I found out, was when my "friend" came up to me and said: "Hey, I'm dating your sister and we've been together for 2 months" and then he left immediatly afterwards.
But I can't say I'm surprised. They've been spending more and more time together the last couple of months.
The worst part is that me AND my friends have confronted him with his closeness with my sis, but he would just deny that he felt ANYTHING for her. My friends have also told him that he's on thin ice and could lose a friend permanently, but that was np for him apparently. He's just a filthy, filthy liar -.-
Guess there's no need to tell that I'm full of rage and I want to kick his ass atm, but that'll not solve anything...
Oh and even worse! In the last 2 months I've seen him drunk at parties making out with a girl in my class. Which make me wanna kick his ass even more!

So, long story short: He went behind my back and started going out with my sister, without talking to me about.
So am i in my right mind to be mad at him, or am i overeacting?

Btw, he is 17 (like me) and my sister is 19

(Sorry if my writing is a little messed up, I'm really pissed and wrote this very quick)

Except for the fact that the guy you regularly get a drink with/play games with/hang out with is probably sticking his unmentionables/fingers/tongue in your sisters "holiest of holies" (think about that next time you go for a high-five) then I can't see a problem. She's older than him and probably knows what she's doing.

Plus my friend's situation (he's Youngest Son):
Eldest Son - 29
Youngest Son - 24
Daughter - 19

Best friend of Elders Son is nailing Daughter. And yes the age difference is 10 years. And yes Youngest Son has had his bedroom "used".

 

[HentMas]

Its your sister´s choice, i am sorry but you have no say on the matter.

but be a good brother and tell her about him cheating.