Friend dating sister

[Pegghead]

What a shit. I can relate because I too have a sister, sure most of the time we're at each others throats, but we're mates at heart. Luckily for me she doesn't date (Despite being in year 12) and every time I hear about some boy she knows I begin to get really defensive.

 

[cheese_wizington]

What?

So it was like

[http://s793.photobucket.com/albums/yy211/thoriscoolio/?action=view&current=lol-1.jpg]

Haha, did you whip that up just for this thread? You have too much time on your hands my friend. Nice job nonetheless!

I dunno about you but I am protective over my sister, she is older than me but I don't want some jerk fucking around with her. Just keep an eye on the guy and tell your sister if you don't trust him, maybe she will listen to you.

Yeah I did, I do a lot of random pictures for threads.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

The guy seems like a bit of a dick, but your sister is 2 years older than you/he are/is. She can probably take care of herself.

If it still goes badly, kick his arse, family comes before friendship in cases like this.

 

[BonsaiK]

Is this something you support?

The reason i am asking, is because I just today found out that my friend had been dating my sister... for 2 months. The way I found out, was when my "friend" came up to me and said: "Hey, I'm dating your sister and we've been together for 2 months" and then he left immediatly afterwards.
But I can't say I'm surprised. They've been spending more and more time together the last couple of months.
The worst part is that me AND my friends have confronted him with his closeness with my sis, but he would just deny that he felt ANYTHING for her. My friends have also told him that he's on thin ice and could lose a friend permanently, but that was np for him apparently. He's just a filthy, filthy liar -.-
Guess there's no need to tell that I'm full of rage and I want to kick his ass atm, but that'll not solve anything...
Oh and even worse! In the last 2 months I've seen him drunk at parties making out with a girl in my class. Which make me wanna kick his ass even more!

So, long story short: He went behind my back and started going out with my sister, without talking to me about.
So am i in my right mind to be mad at him, or am i overeacting?

Btw, he is 17 (like me) and my sister is 19

(Sorry if my writing is a little messed up, I'm really pissed and wrote this very quick)

This is none of your business. It's between your friend and your sister. Talk to your sister about what you saw if you want, but don't be a macho dickhead and try to intervene. either physically or in any other way. Let your sister make her own decisions about who she wants to see, it's her choice at the end of the day.

How would you like it if you started dating some awesome girl and then her brother kicked your ass for no reason other than he didn't approve of you? It'd be completely stupid, and none of his fucking business, right? RIGHT.

 

[Shapsters]

What?

So it was like

[http://s793.photobucket.com/albums/yy211/thoriscoolio/?action=view&current=lol-1.jpg]

Haha, did you whip that up just for this thread? You have too much time on your hands my friend. Nice job nonetheless!

I dunno about you but I am protective over my sister, she is older than me but I don't want some jerk fucking around with her. Just keep an eye on the guy and tell your sister if you don't trust him, maybe she will listen to you.

Yeah I did, I do a lot of random pictures for threads.

Well I tip my cap to you then good sir. And I quite like your avatar as well, hilarious movie.

 

[cheese_wizington]

What?

So it was like

[http://s793.photobucket.com/albums/yy211/thoriscoolio/?action=view&current=lol-1.jpg]

Haha, did you whip that up just for this thread? You have too much time on your hands my friend. Nice job nonetheless!

I dunno about you but I am protective over my sister, she is older than me but I don't want some jerk fucking around with her. Just keep an eye on the guy and tell your sister if you don't trust him, maybe she will listen to you.

Yeah I did, I do a lot of random pictures for threads.

Well I tip my cap to you then good sir. And I quite like your avatar as well, hilarious movie.

Thank you!

 

[Aesir23]

Meh leave them be. She's old enough to be able to take care of herself.

Wait... in the time he's been dating your sister he's made out with a girl in your class while drunk at parties?

Hurt him. Murder if you must, I'll help you dispose of the body.

 

[Aedrial]

He disobeyed the Bro Code and did not ask you. Kick his back stabbing ass.
I do not care if he cheats on your sister with every slapper in your school. But disobeying the Bro Code is just unacceptable.

Exactly! =P

 

[Sneaky Paladin]

Think of it like this. Your a friend of the guy your sisters going out with.Not your friends going out with your sister

 

[Instant K4rma]

Sounds like he needs himself an ass beating. I say you confront hi mabout it, and if he blows you off, wind up a haymaker and clean his clock. Im not a very violent person, but when it comes to people like this, sometimes force is all that gets through to them.

 

[Krythe]

http://agencybs.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/lolcats-finish-him.jpg

 

[Dusquad]

Just wait. Bide your time until he does something really stupid and makes a total ass of himself and when he requires your assistance on getting him out of a jam and the you say "remember when you went behind my back and dated my sister, yeah now I am gonna get revenge right now and not (blank)" replace the blank with one of these phrases. "bail you outta jail", "watch your back while that big burly man kicks your ass for sleeping with his wife" etc...

 

[Seldon2639]

It sounds like you're a bit of an overprotective cockbend, so he was probably trying to avoid telling you that he was boning your sister so he wouldn't get his ass kicked.
Honestly, it's okay if he's doing your sister. Be okay with it.
Yeah, he kissed some girl, we all make mistakes.
Also, the "Bro Code" does not apply to sisters. It applies to potential sex that your mate steals from under your nose. THAT is an ass-kick-worthy situation, not this.
Leave them to it, it's not really your place to poke and probe. Your sis is old enough to know what she's doing.

Clearly you've never read the bro code. You don't date, much less have sex with, one of your bros siblings. There's too much potential drama, and it's especially something you don't do without getting permission. Yeah, I know, the sister gets to do whatever she wants, but sisters go (for me) in the same category as exes: possibly, but only with the blessing of the friend.

OP: If you find your friend's behavior abhorrent for any reason, you have the right to call him on it. You get to tell him what continuing to be friends requires, and you get to set limits for behavior. People will tell you it's not of your business, but that's crap.

This is none of your business. It's between your friend and your sister. Talk to your sister about what you saw if you want, but don't be a macho dickhead and try to intervene. either physically or in any other way. Let your sister make her own decisions about who she wants to see, it's her choice at the end of the day.

How would you like it if you started dating some awesome girl and then her brother kicked your ass for no reason other than he didn't approve of you? It'd be completely stupid, and none of his fucking business, right? RIGHT.

Bonsai, you know how much I respect your work on relationship drama threads, and that I have all due respect for your qualifications to give advice. Thus, it is with only respect, that I tell you that you're completely full of crap on this particular issue.

Yes, it's the sister's choice of who she dates, and it's the OP's choice of who he wants to remain friends with. From my reading, the two parts of this are:

(1) his friend hid his interested in the OP's sister from the OP and his friends, while dating the sister on the sly
(2) the friend cheated on OP's sister.

To the first: OP has every right in the world to say "that shit ain't right" both to his friends and to the violator of that most sacred of codes: the bro code. While you're correct the friend and sister get to decide who they date, the OP also gets to decide who counts as a friend... And someone banging my sister is unlikely to fit that bill.
To the second: I accept in general that bravado isn't going to win the day, but as per the first point, there's nothing binding the OP to remain friends (or even civil) with a person whose actions have been distasteful.

 

[Dys]

I'm sure your sister's a big girl and can look after herself, outside of maybe telling her about his cheating I can't imagine why you'd bother getting onvolved...

 

[BonsaiK]

It sounds like you're a bit of an overprotective cockbend, so he was probably trying to avoid telling you that he was boning your sister so he wouldn't get his ass kicked.
Honestly, it's okay if he's doing your sister. Be okay with it.
Yeah, he kissed some girl, we all make mistakes.
Also, the "Bro Code" does not apply to sisters. It applies to potential sex that your mate steals from under your nose. THAT is an ass-kick-worthy situation, not this.
Leave them to it, it's not really your place to poke and probe. Your sis is old enough to know what she's doing.

Clearly you've never read the bro code. You don't date, much less have sex with, one of your bros siblings. There's too much potential drama, and it's especially something you don't do without getting permission. Yeah, I know, the sister gets to do whatever she wants, but sisters go (for me) in the same category as exes: possibly, but only with the blessing of the friend.

OP: If you find your friend's behavior abhorrent for any reason, you have the right to call him on it. You get to tell him what continuing to be friends requires, and you get to set limits for behavior. People will tell you it's not of your business, but that's crap.

This is none of your business. It's between your friend and your sister. Talk to your sister about what you saw if you want, but don't be a macho dickhead and try to intervene. either physically or in any other way. Let your sister make her own decisions about who she wants to see, it's her choice at the end of the day.

How would you like it if you started dating some awesome girl and then her brother kicked your ass for no reason other than he didn't approve of you? It'd be completely stupid, and none of his fucking business, right? RIGHT.

Bonsai, you know how much I respect your work on relationship drama threads, and that I have all due respect for your qualifications to give advice. Thus, it is with only respect, that I tell you that you're completely full of crap on this particular issue.

Yes, it's the sister's choice of who she dates, and it's the OP's choice of who he wants to remain friends with. From my reading, the two parts of this are:

(1) his friend hid his interested in the OP's sister from the OP and his friends, while dating the sister on the sly
(2) the friend cheated on OP's sister.

To the first: OP has every right in the world to say "that shit ain't right" both to his friends and to the violator of that most sacred of codes: the bro code. While you're correct the friend and sister get to decide who they date, the OP also gets to decide who counts as a friend... And someone banging my sister is unlikely to fit that bill.
To the second: I accept in general that bravado isn't going to win the day, but as per the first point, there's nothing binding the OP to remain friends (or even civil) with a person whose actions have been distasteful.

The proper behaviour, that grown adults exhibit, is to be supportive of their sibling's relationships. Absolute fucking fullstop.

If you don't approve of the guy you can sit down and have a sensible, non-heated, mature conversation about it with your sibling and say "I don't like the guy you're seeing because of [insert reasons here]". Then you can sit there and file your macho bullshit "bro code" sexist crap away and ACTUALLY LISTEN to your sibling as she thanks you for your concern and your input and advises you that she'll take it on board, and also informs you that she's 19 years old, it's her life and she's ultimately going to conduct it how she wants.

If you then go and beat up the guy, you are an A-class dickhead who deserves nothing less than explulsion from the family unit. Why? Because you're putting YOUR opinions about the guy over your sister's opinions, when it's not your relationship. Your sister is a big girl, if she ASKS for your intervention, that's a different story, but if you just suddenly decide to intervene because you're a guy with fists... sorry but that's macho dickhead territory, back off with that.

Of course, not being friends with the guy is perfectly reasonable option, although once again a bit petty as you're probably making a decision without all the information at hand, just what you THINK you know based on what you've observed. At least talk to your sister first because there are things you might discover. Maybe the guy has gone through a change lately. Or maybe he cheated on her because she cheated on him? Maybe nobody in this situation is an angel? Maybe they have an "open" arrangement? Or maybe - just maybe - it's none of your business? Wow - who would've thought.

 

[Seldon2639]

The proper behaviour, that grown adults exhibit, is to be supportive of their sibling's relationships. Absolute fucking fullstop.

Perhaps. I'm not sure I buy into the concept of "proper" behavior in cases where individuals and relationships are involved, though I suppose the fact that I accept the existence of definitive improper behavior implies there must be proper behavior, structuralism and all.

If you don't approve of the guy you can sit down and have a sensible, non-heated, mature conversation about it with your sibling and say "I don't like the guy you're seeing because of [insert reasons here]". Then you can sit there and file your macho bullshit "bro code" sexist crap away and ACTUALLY LISTEN to your sibling as she thanks you for your concern and your input and advises you that she'll take it on board, and also informs you that she's 19 years old, it's her life and she's ultimately going to conduct it how she wants.

Perhaps we read different OPs, but I have a bit less concern for the sister qua sister than the sister as an indication of the health of the friendship between the OP and the jackass. If the brother's sole concern was "I don't think this guy is right for my sister", I would completely agree with you, but the part of his question I saw was "is it reasonable to think he's a dick, and respond to that?" And I believe it is. It's not his treatment of OP's sister herself, it's the hiding of a relationship with one of his friend's sisters, it's the cheating, ect.

To put it a different way: if one of my friends dated one of my exes, I wouldn't care about the ex in and of herself. I agree with you there. I would care that my friend had done something he knew I would object to, hid it, then to add insult to injury acted like a jackass on top of it. I've been in that situation, and I didn't give a damn about the girl, I only cared about what my friend's actions meant for our friendship. The OP may not have call to "stop" his sister, but he certainly has call to tell his now-former-friend that he's a jackass for how he acted toward the OP

If you then go and beat up the guy, you are an A-class dickhead who deserves nothing less than explulsion from the family unit. Why? Because you're putting YOUR opinions about the guy over your sister's opinions, when it's not your relationship. Your sister is a big girl, if she ASKS for your intervention, that's a different story, but if you just suddenly decide to intervene because you're a guy with fists... sorry but that's macho dickhead territory, back off with that.

Again, it's not "not your relationship", it's two different relationships with two different actors. The fact that you may not be able to interfere in the relationship between your sister and friend doesn't stop you from acting in terms of your relationship between you and your friend. Bear in mind, he was friends with the OP before he was the sister's boyfriend. And, not for nothing, but any guy who puts getting his horn polished ahead of his friendships deserves a significant smack to the back of the head, period. Full stop.

His poor treatment of his friend is what earns the OP admonition and arguably justifiable violence.

Of course, not being friends with the guy is perfectly reasonable option, although once again a bit petty as you're probably making a decision without all the information at hand, just what you THINK you know based on what you've observed. At least talk to your sister first because there are things you might discover. Maybe the guy has gone through a change lately. Or maybe he cheated on her because she cheated on him? Maybe nobody in this situation is an angel? Maybe they have an "open" arrangement? Or maybe - just maybe - it's none of your business? Wow - who would've thought.

Um... You're kind of being hypocritical here. The sister is an independent actor, and the OP has no call to in any way attempt to influence her relationship with the boyfriend. If we accept this, then the OP (under no logically consistent set of circumstances) should have any reason to talk to his sister about it.

Either the friendship between OP and the boyfriend and the relationship between the sister and the boyfriend are discrete relationships, and thus should not cross-influence, or they're intermingled. If they're completely distinct, the "reality" of the sister's relationship doesn't matter in terms of the OP's relationship (the mere fact that the "friend" is dating his sister is friendship ending material, the fact that he's a cheating bastard is the same thing, sister completely notwithstanding). If they're not, then the OP has every right to "interfere".

Bonsai, I usually agree with you so much, but I just can't back the play you're calling. If I think a friend of mine has done me wrong, I get to call him out. To try to contextualize that repudiates all of your points about non-interference

 

[NuclearPenguin]

Sounds like this guy is a Pimp

Give him my card, tell'em we should have brunch

The Dr. Pepper guy would be proud.

Anyway, if you see him make out with another girl, kick his ass.
If he doesnt, just let them be together. Maybe he didnt want to tell you because he didnt want to lose you as a friend. Maybe it was your sister that got him to tell you and he really didnt want to.

 

[geldonyetich]

Now, now, you should be very happy for your future brother-in-law.



Seriously, at 17 and 19 I'd be surprised if their relationship goes anywhere. Just be honest with yourself and them and let things shake out on their own.

And by "be honest" I mean don't be keeping secrets from your sister about your friend's behavior. He should know, dating your sister obviously means you're her ear (unless maybe he thinks you and your sister are on really bad terms), and if he gets pissy about that, "dude, she's my sister, duh." Don't be making up stuff about your friend which isn't true, either. If your sister's okay with what your friend's been up to, they're not even going steady, the relationship may well practically be over already anyway.

 

[BonsaiK]

stuff

You're overthinking it.

There are three people, A, B and C.

A and B have a relationship.

A and C are family.

B tells C about A and B.

C goes "oh, okay then", files it away in "things my family are up to" and gets on with his life.

C doesn't like B much but that doesn't matter because the relationship is between A and B. C remains supportive of A because A and C are family.

End of story.