Friend zone sucks

[Iron Criterion]

I was in a similar situation myself recently. Me and my best friend has everything in common, to such an extent she might as well have been me, and of course I fell in love with her. In took a long time and a tremendous amount of courage for me to try to get out of the friend zone, and initially I did because we briefly dated. However it didn't work out and we went back to being friends, unfortunately we could no longer function and thus I have lost my closest friend.

 

[Seldon2639]

He's not asking how to be her friend. I don't think he really cares. He asked how to get out of the friend zone. The Bofus method of *re-reads the advice* honesty will likely get him out. I just said to tell her how he feels so I could sit back and watch as the hilarity unfolds so that he would have been true to himself, and truthful to her.

I may have missed something, but things like "You'll never want to talk to her again. Problem solved. You'll be in the ex-friend zone" do give an impression that your advice is basically "cut off your nose to spite your face".

My point, of lack of a better phrasing, is that if he's willing to destroy the friendship to get out of the "friend zone", he's not in the "friend zone". If he's capable of ruining an honest-to-goodness friendship for want of getting his horn polished, he's not her friend. The best he'd be in, in that case, would be the "unsuccessful manipulator zone"

 

[Delock]

Yeah... Don't. Seriously, if you're in the friend zone, you don't move forward. I happen to have had two friends who wound up in this situation (and the guy decided to make a move after a week of stressful events destroyed me and I had to spend the entire weekend being a therapist and a mediator in the ensuing fallout). Unfortunatly, she doesn't like you in that way. Trying to go forward will creep her out and your relationship won't be the same again. Accept that she's your friend and that's all she'll be and move on. Trust me, you don't want to then have an awkward relationship from then on.

 

[Stryc9]

she hasnt told me no (yet) but she doesnt wanna lose me as a friend,

Yes she has, right there, she just said it. Trust me I know.

so i dunno well be friends either way and if she does say no then thats that im not gonna press the matter.

You can continue to be friends if you're both willing to make it happen, again trust me I know from personal experience.

 

[Bofus Teefus]

He's not asking how to be her friend. I don't think he really cares. He asked how to get out of the friend zone. The Bofus method of *re-reads the advice* honesty will likely get him out. I just said to tell her how he feels so I could sit back and watch as the hilarity unfolds so that he would have been true to himself, and truthful to her.

I may have missed something, but things like "You'll never want to talk to her again. Problem solved. You'll be in the ex-friend zone" do give an impression that your advice is basically "cut off your nose to spite your face".

My point, of lack of a better phrasing, is that if he's willing to destroy the friendship to get out of the "friend zone", he's not in the "friend zone". If he's capable of ruining an honest-to-goodness friendship for want of getting his horn polished, he's not her friend. The best he'd be in, in that case, would be the "unsuccessful manipulator zone"

No, you really didn't miss anything. If anything, you're just taking me too seriously (which has a tendancy to drive people to drink.) The difference is that you seem concerned with him maintaining the friendship and being a decent human being about the whole thing (which I'd be concerned with as well if it was me), and I'm not. Had he asked how to get into the dating zone while maintaining a spot in the friend zone should the dating zone prove to be off limits, I'd have given a different response.

 

[Nifty]

Ask her out like you've got a pair. It's pretty simple, really.

 

[Paksenarrion]

You know what's worse than the "friend zone" and "brother zone" (both the "you're like a brother to me" and "you're my brother!" zones)?

The "this has all been a publicity stunt for Dante's Inferno" zone.

 

[Seldon2639]

No, you really didn't miss anything. If anything, you're just taking me too seriously (which has a tendancy to drive people to drink.) The difference is that you seem concerned with him maintaining the friendship and being a decent human being about the whole thing (which I'd be concerned with as well if it was me), and I'm not. Had he asked how to get into the dating zone while maintaining a spot in the friend zone should the dating zone prove to be off limits, I'd have given a different response.

Well, I do also tend to get a bit hot under the collar with regards to the "friend zone". Everyone I've ever heard complaining about it always boils down to "friendship isn't worth it if I can't get her to ride me like a rodeo bull", which means the guy was never being "friends" he was just trying to connive her into letting him into her pants.

If we were honest with ourselves, we could say "hmm... She doesn't like me, which means she probably was never interested in me romantically". Instead we blame friendship for making her not like me. That's just dishonest to ourselves.

If a girl likes me as a friend, but doesn't want a relationship, she doesn't find me physically attractive, or finds something else about me unappealing. Hell, it could just be "she thinks I'm socially awkward, and people would make fun of her for dating me". Whatever the reason, the proper explanation is 'something about me is unappealing to her romantically'

Instead we shift the locus of control away from ourselves, and our own failings. It's the girl's fault that she can't see how great I am. Or it's that women never like their friends. It's always something other than "I don't appeal to her". And that makes us (at best) unable to see what's really going on, and usually just creates resentment.

Which do you think is more reasonable:

1. This friend of mine, who I have so much in common with, doesn't like me because something about me isn't attractive in her eyes, or because I've not shown myself to be boyfriend material aside from in the "usually a nice guy" way.
2. This friend of mine, with whom I have so much in common, doesn't like me because I'm too nice. She would have screwed me like a socket wrench if I hadn't been her friend, but being her friend made her not like me.

 

[Dahni]

As a female, I can honestly say, you're pretty much stuck there.
There's nothing I can think of off the top of my head that could get you out of there.

except, maybe, suddenly becoming REALLY hot.

Thing is, are you SURE you're in the friend zone?

 

[Iron Criterion]

There's nothing I can think of off the top of my head that could get you out of there.

except, maybe, suddenly becoming REALLY hot.

Trust me fire never solves anything! xD

 

[-Orgasmatron-]

You must find the clitoris.

 

[Vladamir69]

in the words of sir john suckling

"WHY so pale and wan, fond lover ?
Prithee, why so pale ?
Will, when looking well can't move her,
Looking ill prevail ?
Prithee, why so pale ?

Why so dull and mute, young sinner ?
Prithee, why so mute ?
Will, when speaking well can't win her,
Saying nothing do 't ?
Prithee, why so mute ?

Quit, quit, for shame, this will not move :
This cannot take her.
If of herself she will not love,
Nothing can make her :
The devil take her !"

so pretty much get over her theres more than one fish in the sea

 

[Guttural Engagement]

Ok i have a friend she is very pretty and amazing and a great friend but im stuck in the friend zone, how do you get out of the friend zone T-T

Just ask her out - that's how. If she isn't interested in you, then she'll decline and you'll remain friends.

Other than that, until you ask her out - your ALWAYS in the friend zone. Dur!

 

[PrototypeExKrow]

Everyone your replies have been humorous and fun to read, and i thank you for your advice, but me and her have decided to stay friends no harm no foul lol, its all good lol

 

[CouchCommando]

Friend zone eh, well about 70% of attraction is physical to begin with, maybe your just not their type, do your self a favor ,get out there and socialise some more, I managed to get out of friend zone all those many years ago, but it came with me having a good long hard look at myself and realising I wasn't really that much of a catch (despite what my mum said), so 6 months after hitting the gym and quitting smoking we hooked up. Still together too but that was some seriously almost creepy focused behavior on my part.
This should not give you false hope though I've seen some guys doomed to friend zone no matter how awesome they are. In that case you just have to face the facts some people are just messed up, no matter how much you like them.

 

[Bofus Teefus]

Which do you think is more reasonable:

1. This friend of mine, who I have so much in common with, doesn't like me because something about me isn't attractive in her eyes, or because I've not shown myself to be boyfriend material aside from in the "usually a nice guy" way.
2. This friend of mine, with whom I have so much in common, doesn't like me because I'm too nice. She would have screwed me like a socket wrench if I hadn't been her friend, but being her friend made her not like me.

Keep in mind, I pretty much see eye-to-eye with you. It's my online personality that doesn't. So...

Spoiler: (censored), the man behind Bofus says...

Of course #1 sounds more reasonable! I hang out every day with an example of this every day. I love this chick to pieces, but we'll absolutely never date (for the reasons in #1), and I'm ok with this. I wouldn't trade anything (even a rodeobaloneyponywhatever ride) for our friendship.

Spoiler: But Bofus says...

Of course chicks don't go for nice guys. That's why OP needs to quit being a putz and either hook up with that girl, or cut her off to free up some time for someone who won't waste his.

 

[Seldon2639]

Keep in mind, I pretty much see eye-to-eye with you. It's my online personality that doesn't. So...

Spoiler: (censored), the man behind Bofus says...

Of course #1 sounds more reasonable! I hang out every day with an example of this every day. I love this chick to pieces, but we'll absolutely never date (for the reasons in #1), and I'm ok with this. I wouldn't trade anything (even a rodeobaloneyponywhatever ride) for our friendship.

Spoiler: But Bofus says...

Of course chicks don't go for nice guys. That's why OP needs to quit being a putz and either hook up with that girl, or cut her off to free up some time for someone who won't waste his.

The fact that you distinguish between your actual personality and your on-line handle concerns me a bit, truth be told.

 

[Orcus The Ultimate]

Ok i have a friend she is very pretty and amazing and a great friend but im stuck in the friend zone, how do you get out of the friend zone T-T

with this title i thought you were talking about Playstation Home... or the Comunity side of the 360.... -_-'

to get out of the friend zone, you must be bold, agressive, and kiss her hard!

whatever the answer will be, it will determine that you're no longer in the "zone"

 

[Robyrt]

It IS possible to exit the friend zone. I had a nice, platonic friendship for 5 years and we are now dating. How did this happen?

1. Both of you should be looking for a relationship.
2. Make sure you are her type. Are you inherently desirable?
3. Have a good answer for "Will this hurt our friendship?"
4. Go for it! The worst she can say is no.

 

[uncle-ellis]

Ok i have a friend she is very pretty and amazing and a great friend but im stuck in the friend zone, how do you get out of the friend zone T-T

Heres a crazy idea.

BE HER FRIEND.